Keep Holding On
by mcdreamer100
Summary: Sequel to Out of the Darkness! Meredith and Derek get a second chance at love, but will their love be strong enough to hold them together through whatever obstacles life throw at them? Full of deceit, lies, love, and even a dangerous stranger.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Yay! Here it finally is. The sequal to Out of the Darkness. Thank you for all your paitence while I planned this one out. I'm starting with bit of 'fluff' before we hit the drama. And let me tell you, there will be drama, because nothing is ever easy for poor Meredith and Derek. But at least I promise I won't throw Mer in any more oceans and have her memory erased. Promise. So read and review and sit back for the ride!**

* * *

You're not alone; Together we stand  
I'll be by your side, you know I'll take your hand  
When it gets cold; And it feels like the end  
There's no place to go; You know I won't give in  
No I won't give in

Keep holding on  
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through  
Just stay strong  
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you  
There's nothing you could say  
Nothing you could do  
There's no other way when it comes to the truth  
So keep holding on  
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

**Keep Holding on, Avril Lavigne**

* * *

Derek parked the car and hurried over to the passenger side to open the door for his beautiful date. He smiled down as Meredith carefully stepped out. It still took his breath away at how stunning she was. That night she had chose tight dark jeans and a silk maroon top that accentuated her curves provocatively. Derek grabbed her small hand in his as they slowly walked up the few stairs to her front porch.

"I had a great time tonight Derek. Thank you for dinner." Meredith stopped and turned towards him at her door, leaning in for a kiss.

Derek mumbled something unintelligible as his lips met hers hungrily. He didn't stop when she tried to pull away, instead tightening his hold he had around her waist.

Meredith giggled and kissed him back, finally opening her mouth slightly to allow his determined tongue entrance.

The kiss deepened as Derek backed Meredith up against the solid brick wall, pressing his needy body against her soft one. He moved his lips down her neck to the spot he knew she couldn't resist. Her hands gripped the back of his navy blue sweater and Derek could feel her breathing quicken and her heart beat rapidly in her chest.

"Derek…we're …. taking things… slow….remember?" Meredith was barely able to utter between gasps.

"I can move slower if you'd like." Derek answered seductively, moving his hands to the bottom of her sweater, teasing the bare skin of her stomach with his warm finger tips.

Meredith didn't make any attempt to stop him or move away. "I meant slower than that…." Her voice trailed away as his mouth found hers again, her tongue obliging with his in a rhythmic dance of passion.

"Um, excuse me. Sorry to interrupt, but Hanna said she won't go to bed until either her mommy or daddy tucks her in, and she seems to be very determined. She's been sitting at the top of the stairs for over an hour now waiting for you to get back. Sorry."

Both Derek and Meredith had been so caught up in each other, neither one had heard the front door open and hadn't been aware of their audience until Izzie had spoke.

Meredith blushed and Derek sighed as Izzie stood with her arms folded across her chest, an amused look on her face.

"Okay, I'm sorry Izzie, I'll go tuck her in." Meredith pushed Derek off of her and quickly entered the house, Derek and Izzie right behind her.

"Hold on Mer, let me." Derek grabbed one of Meredith's arms and stopped her as she turned to head up the stairs.

"Daddy!" Hanna came bounding down the stairs full speed, her dark curls bouncing softly around her face. Her yellow My Little Ponies jammies covering her tiny body.

Derek swept her up in his arms and planted a big wet kiss on one of her cheeks. Hanna giggled full of energy, as Derek tossed her in the air a few times before bringing her to rest in his arms on his side. "You see? She wants me to tuck her in, right Hanna?"

Hanna clapped her hands excitedly and bounced in Derek's arms. Meredith could only roll her eyes. "Be my guest Derek. Now that you've got her all riled up, I don't think I could get her to sleep if I wanted to."

Derek laughed and placed Hanna on the ground. "Tell you what Princess. Why don't you go on up and pick out a story and I'll be there in a minute." Hanna nodded delighted, and ran up the long stair case as fast as her short legs would carry her.

"Well I see my work here is done. I'm off to bed, I have to go in early tomorrow." Izzie smiled and followed Hanna quickly up the stairs.

"Thanks for babysitting Iz, I'm sorry she wouldn't go to bed for you." Meredith called up after her dear friend, but Izzie just smiled and waved it off. Hanna was too cute for anyone to be angry with.

Once Derek heard Izzie's door click shut, he turned and grabbed Meredith, causing her to gasp in surprise.

He wrapped his arms around her small body and leaned in close to her ear. "Now where were we?" He started nibbling on her soft skin, causing her to shudder a little in his embrace.

"You, sir, were about to tuck in our daughter, remember?" She laughed at the pout he tried to give her.

"Hey it was your idea!" Meredith leaned in closer and whispered seductively in his ear. "If you can get her to sleep, then you can spend the night, and _not_ on the couch this time."

Derek leaned back and looked at her with surprised, hopeful eyes. "Really? You're not sending me home to my empty trailer or making me sleep on that lumpy couch again? Are you sure Mer?" He laughed. "I mean as much as I've seriously been _dying_ to get in your bed, I want to make sure you're ready, that you're okay with this." Derek searched her face, concern in his eyes.

"You have been a very patient man Doctor Shepherd. And I appreciate it. You've waited two long torturous months. I am definitely ready. Now hurry up and tuck her in so we can get started!" Meredith winked and patted him on his back side, causing his eyes to widen in surprise.

"Bossy! I like it." He stole a quick kiss before turning and hurrying up the stares, eager to get his hyper four year old asleep, so he could join Meredith in her bedroom, finally.

* * *

Meredith checked her reflection in the mirror for what must have been the hundredth time. She checked the flickering candles for the sixth time and smoothed the wrinkles on the red sheets that covered her queen-size bed.

Meredith reapplied her lip gloss and fluffed her hair again, just to be sure. She didn't know why she was so nervous. She'd been with lots of men in her life, _too many_ to be exact. But things were so different with Derek. She loved Derek. It was a new and exciting feeling to actually be with someone you loved. Sex was on a whole different level. It wasn't just a mind blowing, toe curling, physical experience. When she had been with Derek, all those years ago, it had been a soul touching, heart sharing, whole body connection. Something she had never encountered with any other human being. And Meredith was looking forward to exactly that happening tonight.

She looked at the clock. It had been over forty five minutes. She wondered what could be taking him so long. Had he changed his mind and snuck out without her hearing? Did he not think she was serious and taken the couch for sleep instead?

Feeling a little frustrated, Meredith grabbed her ivory terry robe and threw it over her silky black night gown. She quietly tiptoed through the hall, not wanting to wake Izzie, and gently opened the door to Hanna's room.

Her heart melted when her eyes settled on the scene before her. Derek laid sprawled on the tiny bed that was decorated with pink and purple flowered blankets and pillows. A dozen books had been tossed to his side, and Hanna slept contently on his chest. Their bodies moved up and down in a slow, steady rhythm.

Meredith smiled, her love for this man growing even more, though she hadn't thought that possible. She gently removed Derek's brown dress shoes and sat them quietly on the floor. She reached in Hanna's closet and removed a large, thick quilt, and carefully covered it over the two sleeping forms. She placed a quick kiss on each of their cheeks, then tiptoed out, turning the soft light off behind her.

Meredith giggled, knowing Derek would be angry in the morning that she hadn't woke him, but thought it best he spent the night with his daughter. Hanna would be more disappointed if she woke and found her daddy had left.

Meredith entered her room and blew out the candles. She mindlessly tossed the robe over a chair and crawled into her empty bed. She fell asleep with a smile on her face, thinking how lucky she and Hanna were to have Derek in their lives.

* * *

**A/N: In case you didn't catch it, this picks up about 2 months from where the last one left off. Stay tuned!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I just have to throw this out there since _Jumper-Lover191_ brought it up. When Meredith fell in the water (on the show) and they played the Snow Patrol song about "...save me from this _darkness.." _I jumped up and screamed they better not make her have amnesia!! And then, something you guys didn't know, but when I first wrote the chapter of Meredith deciding if she was going to stay in the darkness or live and be with Derek, I first wrote it that Dylan (the bomb guy) was there and talked her into living. But it was just weird so I deleted it and wrote it different. How ironic is _that_? I laughed so hard when I saw Dylan and Denny at the end of last weeks episode, (Well after the sobs stopped, then I laughed.) Okay I feel better now that I got that out. READ AND ENJOY!**

* * *

Meredith glanced down at the small silver watch that hugged her tiny wrist. _Crap, _she thought. If she didn't hurry and change, she risked being late. She'd been back as an intern at Seattle Grace for only a little over a month and had made the terrible mistake of being late only once before. The resident she had been assigned to for the four remaining months of her internship, was worse than the Nazi, Meredith's first resident, almost five years ago.

Meredith hadn't been given any special treatment with her unusual circumstances, and she had been grateful for that. Everything about her past and her relationship with the other doctors at the hospital had been kept a secret, and the fresh new group of interns that Meredith joined, didn't have a clue. There were lots of whispers and speculation as to why she was so much older than the other's, but Meredith kept to herself and did her job, feeling as though she had so much to prove.

She quickly slammed her locker shut, ignoring the continuous curious stares from the young doctors around her. She gave her best attempt at a smile before turning and hurrying out the door, eager to find her resident first.

Meredith debated in her head if a tall mochiata cappacino would be seen as bribery or not, as she walked quickly down the empty hallway. As she rounded the corner, a strong hand grabbed hers from behind and pulled her abruptly into an isolated supply closet.

Meredith didn't have time to react before the door was closed behind her, wrapping her and the assaulter in blinding darkness. Meredith opened her mouth to protest but was instantly met with a pair of demanding, needy lips on hers. The familiar sent of after shave and deodorant met her nostrils and she softened her body against the comfortable hard one.

She let herself get lost in Derek's passionate kiss before pulling away and whispering, "Alex, I told you we need to quit meeting like this."

Even in the dark she could see Derek's jaw drop and she laughed out loud as she flipped on the light.

"Very funny Dr. Grey." Derek tried to give her a reprimanding look but it quickly softened as he laughed along with his girlfriend, pulling her in for another kiss.

"You didn't wake me up." Derek spoke into Meredith's mouth, not wanting to break contact from her soft lips.

"I'm sorry." Was all Meredith spoke back, not wanting to pull away from the kiss either.

"When I woke this morning… you were gone." The kiss was becoming more heated and Derek gasped for breath between his words.

"Sorry again… I was running late… and thought Hanna would enjoy…. you getting her ready… and dropping her off at daycare… for once." Months of sexual tension had built up inside Meredith and it was all starting to leak out in the small closet. "You didn't have any problems did you?"

Derek had Meredith backed against a shelf and had started lifting her shirt when he stopped and pulled back, amusement in his eyes. "No I didn't have any problems. I don't see where there was any room for me to _have a problem_, seeing as you left a detailed _essay _of step by step instructions."

Meredith's jaw fell open in offense. "It was _not_ an essay. I merely left a few suggestions that I thought might make the morning go smoothly."

Derek laughed and shook his head. "_Suggestions_?" He unwrapped one of his arms from around Meredith and reached in his pocket to retrieve a folded up piece of paper. He cleared his throat as he unfolded the paper and began reading it, his voice full of humor. "_Do not_ feed Hanna anything with sugar for breakfast. _Do not _let her watch cartoons before she is dressed…"

Meredith's face turned red and she grabbed for the paper. Derek was too fast and turned his back to her, holding the paper out of her reach as he continued.

"_Do not_ let her wear her jammies to preschool. _Do not_…"

"Derek! I can't believe you kept that!" Meredith shrieked as she desperately reached for the paper.

Derek hooted with laughter as he held the paper just out of Meredith's reach. "I told you you were bossy. This only proves it." Derek grinned and tilted his head to the side, admiring how adorable she was when she became embarrassed.

"Derek! This isn't funny! Give me the paper!" Meredith put her hands on both of her hips and tried to glare, doing her best to pretend she was mad.

"If you want it you'll have to come and get it Dr. Grey." Derek lowered his voice and looked her up and down suggestively.

Meredith lost her inner battle and a large grin spread across her face. "You are just plain naughty Derek." She shook her head. "As much as I'd love to sneak around with you in this closet all morning, I can't." Meredith glanced at her watch again. "Shit! Now I'm definitely late. I'm going to get in so much trouble."

Derek laughed again, still plainly amused. "Oh please Mer. What is she going to do?" Derek stuffed the forgotten note back into his pocket, and grabbed Meredith and pulled her close again. His lips found the soft skin on Meredith's neck and he started trailing quick kisses up to her jaw line, obviously not taking the threat of Meredith's new boss seriously.

"She's worse than Bailey Derek. She gets some kind of kick out of bossing me around, seriously." Meredith tried to push Derek off of her but quickly gave in. She opened her mouth and met Derek's tongue with her own, letting all talk of being late, pushed out of her mind.

"Worse than Bailey hu?" Derek laughed as he felt Meredith's small hands find the ties on his scrub pants, struggling to undo the knot.

He was relieved to know Meredith wanted him just as bad as he wanted her, and backed her up against the wall once more. Their lips remained locked in a fiery kiss as his hands went to the knot of her own pants. He had just about untied it when the closet door flew open, causing the sneaky lovers to jump apart.

"Seriously? The supply closet? Seriously, what are you guys… like 12?"

Meredith blushed and Derek tried to remind himself that he was her superior, and stood up straight.

"Do you have a problem with me kissing my girlfriend Yang?" Derek crossed his arms in front of his chest in an intimidating fashion.

"I do when_ your_ girlfriend just happens to be _my_ intern." Cristina crossed her arms, mimicking Derek and raised her eyebrows to challenge him.

Meredith quickly stepped in, knowing Derek didn't stand a chance against her feisty best friend. "I'm sorry Cristina, I didn't mean to be late, it's just that we were um… talking about Hanna… and then…"

"And then decided to do the mcnasty in a supply closet?" Cristina filled in helpfully.

"No!" Meredith turned and shot Derek an evil look as he started to laugh, causing him to quickly turn it into a fake cough.

Cristina shook her head. "Mer, you know I hate to do this…Well that's not entirely true, I kind of enjoy it…but everyone knows you were late so you get suture and rectal duty."

"Oh, no! Come on Cristina. Anything but that!" Meredith pleaded, it was a fate worse than death to any surgical intern to have to spend the day out of the OR, performing rectals and repeating tedious sutures.

"Unless you'd like me to explain to your fellow interns that the reason you were late is because you were making out with McDreamy in a closet." Cristina grinned, getting a small amount of pleasure from making her person squirm.

"Fine Cristina." Meredith muttered defeated, slowly walking out of the closet and passing her friend. She turned around and gave them both dirty looks. "If anyone needs me I'll be downstairs with my finger up an ass." Meredith smirked and hurried off, leaving Derek and Cristina chuckling.

* * *

Meredith let out a tired sigh as she waited in the long line at the hospital's cafeteria. She wasn't at all hungry, fifteen rectal exams had a way of taking away a person's appetite, but she was thirsty and the pop machine on the first floor was empty. She tapped her foot impatiently, willing the line to move faster. Her break wasn't very long, but if she hurried, she knew she'd get at least ten minutes with Hanna, which was better than nothing.

Meredith wasn't paying much attention as a familiar from in dark blue scrubs stood next to her in line.

"Good afternoon Dr. Grey."

Meredith didn't have to turn to know who it was. She kept her eyes straight ahead, deciding it was Derek's fault she had been late that morning, and therefore his fault that she had been stuck doing rectals and sutures.

"Aw, you're ignoring me." Derek grinned, casually looking around to see if anyone was listening. When Derek saw Meredith still wasn't going to answer, he went on. "You shouldn't ignore me. I'm someone you need to get to know to love."

Meredith finally turned to acknowledge Derek. "Nice try. It was a _terrible_ line the first time, what makes you think it's going to work now?"

"Terrible line?! It convinced you to bring me home with you, remember?" Derek winked quickly, keeping his body language professional, so that anyone watching the two would think they were merely co-workers discussing a case.

"Uh, _no_. That was the tequila. You were just lucky I was already drunk enough to let you believe your corny pick up line actually worked." Meredith offered a quick, victorious grin, before returning her stare straight ahead.

"Corny?!" Derek scoffed. "Definitely not. I was charming. I do remember that much. Debonair, if I do say so myself."

Meredith turned to offer her rebuke, but rolled her eyes instead. The line moved forward and when it was her turn, Derek quickly stepped in front of her. "Let me get this for you. What'll it be?"

Meredith crossed her arms, unwilling to be charmed by the handsome doctor, and asked the waiting cashier for a Diet Coke. Derek ordered his usual, salad and bottled water, and paid the total. Meredith quickly unscrewed the plastic cap before taking a long drink.

"Diet Coke? That's not a very good lunch." Derek furrowed his brows as he often did towards her eating habits.

Meredith turned towards him and glared. "Well maybe if I hadn't been doing…what I've been doing… all morning… _because of you_, I'd have an appetite. But at the present time I do not have an appetite. So if I happen to pass out because of malnutrition, you can be happy to know it was _your_ fault. Have a good day Dr. Shepherd!" With that Meredith turned on her heel and hurried angrily away.

Derek tried his hardest not to laugh. But it was pointless. He found her completely irresistible when she was worked up about something. He knew though, that if he wanted to finish what they'd started in the supply closet that morning, he had a lot of groveling to do. A _whole_ lot.

* * *

Meredith turned her wrists and stretched her fingers. They were starting to numb and her feet were starting to ache from being on them all day. Meredith trudged back over to the nurses station to retrieve the next chart from her immense pile. She paused in confusion when her eyes fell upon the empty tray. She looked around puzzled, trying to figure out where her charts had disappeared to.

"Excuse me, Nurse? Do you know where the charts that I was assigned to went?" Meredith furrowed her brows perplexed.

"Ya, that doctor over there's been working on 'em." The nurse motioned with her pen to a curtained off exam room.

"Which doctor?" Meredith asked slowly.

The nurse didn't look up. "You know, dark hair, handsome, leans on things. I've heard some of the nurses call him McDreamy."

A slow smile spread across Meredith's face as she walked carefully to the exam room the nurse had pointed out. She peaked in quietly and watched on as Derek skillfully finished stitching up a small gash in a young boy's knee. Her heart softened, and any anger she had held from earlier quickly disappeared, as she watched him tenderly interact with the patient. He finished wrapping some gauze around the boy's wound and spoke something unintelligible by Meredith to the boy's parents and they smiled and stood, shaking Derek's hand.

Meredith quickly ducked out of the curtain and hid on the other side as they thanked Derek again and turned and left. Meredith watched Derek unnoticed, as he opened the last stolen chart, and headed to the next curtained off room.

Meredith followed, keeping out of Derek's sight, and stood outside the curtain as she listened to Derek introduce himself.

"Good evening Mr. Adam's. I'm Dr. Shepherd. I'll be doing your rectal exam today."

Meredith bit her bottom lip to keep from laughing. This was priceless. The chief of Neurology was doing rectal exams. _The published, award winning, world renowned, chief of neurology_, she repeated in her head. She shook her head, why did he have to be so amazing?

Meredith waited for Derek to finish, and when he emerged from the curtained off area, it was her turn to sneak up behind him and pull him into an empty room.

Derek grinned when he saw it was Meredith. "Well isn't this a change for once? You're trying to take advantage of me."

Meredith laughed. "I am _not_ trying to take advantage. It's just…I, um wanted to say…I'm sorry for snapping at you at lunch. I was just as much to blame for being late this morning, I shouldn't have blamed it all on you."

Derek grinned and pulled her close for a hug. "I'm the one who should be apologizing. I forgot how hard it is being an intern. If I never do a rectal again, it would be too soon."

Meredith giggled and reached up on her tip toes to kiss Derek softly on his lips. He kissed her back gently then pulled away to speak, "So what do you say we go pick up Hanna and put her to bed early, so we can _finally_ have a little alone time?"

Meredith nodded in complete agreement. "That sounds perfect doctor Shepherd."

Derek leaned in and kissed her once more passionately. Before he pulled away, the curtain was thrown open, and Cristina met their surprised looks with an incredulous one.

"You know, if you really want to keep your relationship secret for the next 4 months until Meredith's a resident, you're going to have to try a little harder to keep your hands off of each other." Cristina rolled her eyes as Meredith took a few steps away from Derek.

"Anyways, I came down to tell you you didn't have to finish up all the charts, but the nurse just said you already did?" Cristina asked unbelieving.

"Oh, ya, uh…" Meredith stuttered. "Well, I had a little help."

Cristina looked at them wide eyed as she quickly figured who had helped her. "You got a brain surgeon to do your rectals?!" Cristina nodded proudly. "Nice."

Derek opened his mouth in defense and Meredith and Cristina erupted in laughter. When they regained their composure Cristina spoke excitedly to Meredith. "Burke said you can scrub in with us on a double valve replacement! For some reason he thinks I was too harsh on you this morning, or whatever, and told me to come find you. Hurry, he's scrubbing in in twenty minutes."

Meredith's eyes filled with excitement, and then she looked at Derek and remembered she already had plans. She opened her mouth to turn down the surgery, but Derek spoke before she could.

"Go on Mer. This is an amazing opportunity. I'll pick up Hanna and put her to bed. You go save a life and when you get home, I'll be waiting." Derek winked and looked quickly around before placing a brief kiss on her cheek.

Meredith smiled then looked at Cristina who rolled her eyes and mumbled, "You guys make me sick."

Meredith turned back to Derek and breathed out a happy sigh. "Thank you."

He nodded and watched her hurry excitedly away with Cristina, already counting down the minutes until she would get home.

* * *

**A/N: I promise that's the last time they get interupted. I just needed to set everything up so you know that Meredith is back at the hospital as an intern (for the next 4 months at least) and that they're keeping their relationship secret from those who don't already know. The next chapter will pick up that night, when Meredith gets home from surgery. Watch for it sometime this weekend. I plan to update "Far from Ordinary" either tomorrow or Friday since that one is almost complete. Remember to _review_ so I know what you're all thinking!!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:Grrr! I've been trying to upload this FOREVER. Everything seems to be working now. Sorry about the delay, but my hands were tied. ;) I'm a little nervous about this chapter to tell you the truth. Please be honest in what you think! -Oh and have I mentioned how awesome you guys are for your reviews! I always sit with a large grin on my face reading what you each have to say. Seriously. Okay enough chit chat. Review!!**

* * *

"Ouch! Daddy, that's _not_ how Mama does it!" Hanna folded her arms indignantly across her chest and stuck out her bottom lip.

"I'm sorry Princess. This is all new to Daddy. I'm doing my best. Now… _how_ does your mama do it?" Derek sighed and looked down hopelessly at his small daughter.

Hanna reached on her tip toes and grabbed a small red spray bottle of detangler from the bathroom counter and handed it to Derek. "First she sprays this, then she brushes the tangles out _softly_." Her tone of voice reminded him of Meredith and how bossy she was.

Derek chuckled as he squirted a bit of the berry smelling spray in his daughters wet hair. He sighed when he looked around the bathroom and realized they'd managed to get everything soaking wet. Even his shirt and pants were uncomfortably damp and clung to him. He wasn't sure why he had thought giving a four year old girl a bath would be simple. It had proved to be quite the challenge.

It was late and they were both overly tired, so after Derek finished brushing out Hanna's curls and helping her brush her teeth, he herded her to her bedroom and red a quick story before she was out like a light. Derek didn't make the mistake of lying down beside her this time. There was too much at stake. He had been waiting for this night for way too long.

Derek tucked the covers around his sleeping girl, and kissed her softly on the forehead before turning off her lamp and hurrying out of the room. He wanted to get the house picked up and everything ready for when Meredith arrived home. He glanced at the empty room down the hall and was silently glad that both Izzie and Alex were on call tonight, and they'd have the house to themselves.

Derek couldn't stop the smile that slowly spread across his face as he pictured Meredith's reaction when she'd walk in. He rubbed his hands together excitedly and hurried down the stairs, eager to get started.

* * *

Meredith was tired, but still buzzed from her surgical high. The operation had been amazing, and it had been nice spending time with Cristina and Burke, even if it had been over an open heart. She giggled thinking about how much her two friends had bickered during the operation. Even though they argued and fought, their love for one another always prevailed through their eyes.

Meredith smiled, knowing that she and Derek were going to make it, just like those two had. The butterflies in Meredith's stomach went into action at the thought of Derek. She had pushed from her mind the fact that he was waiting at home for her and she couldn't help but feel a little nervous as she pulled her old jeep in the drive way next to Derek's parked car.

Her nervousness came from the fact that it had been over four years since she'd been intimate with a man. Her rendezvous with Derek in the exam room all those years ago had been the last time, and she couldn't help but wonder if Derek would still find her exciting and satisfying.

She shook her head of her anxious feelings, and made the short walk from the driveway to the front porch. She found the door unlocked and stepped inside the dark house. Meredith looked around in awe, as she dropped her bag to the floor and tossed her keys on the small table in the foyer.

The room glowed, and shadows danced on the wall from the small votive candles that had been placed around the room and led up the stairs. Red and white rose pedals were carefully strewn on the floor, also making a path up to the second floor. She heard soft music coming from the small stereo system that sat in the living room. It felt like a scene out of a movie.

Meredith smiled and quickly locked the door behind her before hurrying up the stairs, following the path of the flickering candles and soft pedals that let out their faint scent. Meredith stopped quickly in front of Hanna's room to peak in on her sleeping daughter.

Satisfied, she made her way to her own room and silently turned the knob and pushed the solid wooden door open. She paused a minute at the doorway, and took in the scene that met her. On the dresser, the neck of a bottle of champagne stuck out of a medal bucket that was filled with ice. The covers of her queen sized bed had been turned down and Derek sat with his back against the large head board, studying something on his lap top. He was shirtless, wearing only jeans, showing a hint of his white boxers that rested underneath.

Derek looked up and smiled. Meredith returned the smile, the butterflies returning yet again.

"Hey."

"Hey." She echoed.

Derek closed the small computer and set it on the nightstand that stood beside the bed. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and crossed the room towards Meredith. He stopped two feet in front of her and they both stared at one another, unsure of what to say.

After a moment of awkward silence, Meredith started giggling and Derek quickly followed, chuckling at how foolish they were behaving.

"You would think we've never done this before." Derek tilted his head, wanting to touch Meredith but seeing the uncertainty in her eyes.

"I know. I'm sorry….I guess I _am_ a little nervous." Meredith looked down at her hands, avoiding Derek's intense stare.

"You don't have to be nervous Mer. We can go as slow as you need." Derek crossed the remaining space that separated them and pulled her into his arms. He lowered his face and kissed her softly, showing Meredith that he would be as patient as she needed him to be.

At the touch of Derek's lips on hers, her nervousness was forgotten and she leaned in to his body, deepening the kiss. Derek's hands moved to her face and then slowly down to her body, pulling her closer and turning to lead her to the bed. They took a few steps before Meredith suddenly pulled away, placing her hands on Derek's chest to push him back a little.

"Wait."

"What's wrong Mer?" Derek asked concerned, and more than a little frustrated.

Meredith smiled and slowly backed up towards the bathroom. "Nothing's wrong. I just… want to freshen up a little." She winked and hurried into the bathroom that connected to her bedroom, and quickly closed the door behind her.

Derek sighed and ran his hands through his hair. He was starting to wonder if she was doing this on purpose. He unbuttoned his jeans and slid them off, kicking them to the side of the room. He climbed onto the soft bed wearing only his white boxers and slipped beneath the covers. He took another breath and reminded him the wait was going to be worth it. Meredith was always worth it.

Almost ten minutes later, Meredith emerged from the bathroom. She had changed into her black nightie Derek hadn't the chance to see the night before, and sprayed a light mist of perfume she knew drove Derek insane.

The large smile on her face dropped as her eyes settled on Derek's sleeping form. She frowned and crossed the room until she was standing over him slightly.

"Derek?" She whispered.

When he didn't move she said his name a little louder. "Derek?"

"You have got to be kidding me?! Derek!" He still didn't move, his chest rising and falling in even breaths.

As Meredith put her hand out to shake him, a smile spread across his face and he grabbed her with both hands and pulled her down on the bed next to him.

Meredith shrieked in surprise, but her scream was muffled by Derek's hungry mouth as he covered her with his heavy body.

"Derek!... You …scared…the crap….out of…me!" Meredith gasped between deep, needing kisses.

Derek pulled up for a moment and asked incredulously, "You really think I'd fall asleep again? Seriously."

Meredith giggled as he started kissing her again, this time more slowly, more carefully. He let his lips brush down her neck and gently down her soft skin until he met the silk material of her night gown. Her hands slowly moved across his chest until they reached his muscular shoulders and she gripped them tightly, anticipating what was to come.

Derek moved his mouth teasingly over the material, feeling Meredith tense up beneath him. He moved his hands down to the bottom of the gown, and slowly slid it up and over her head, exposing her naked body beneath. Derek moaned as he tossed the nightie to the side and stared down at her beautiful body. He let his hands softly caress her curves, lingering at the places that caused Meredith to moan in response. His hands moved down across her abdomen, admiring her smooth flat stomach and pausing at a tiny, faint silver stretch mark. It was the only indication her body held that she had ever been pregnant, and pleasure passed through Derek's body knowing it was his baby she had carried.

Meredith couldn't take the suspense any longer, and pulled Derek down on top of her. She moved her own hands down and gripped the elastic waist band of the only thing left that was separating their bodies and urgently yanked them down, helping Derek wiggle out of his boxers. She arched her eager body against him, feeling how bad he wanted her in response.

Derek shifted her under him so there bodies could fit one another better. He pulled back and looked into her eyes that were shining back at him with passion. He finally allowed himself to enter her, carefully and gently, wanting to go slow so that he could memorize every lasting detail. The way her body rocked to his rhythm, the desperateness of her fingers as she grasped his shoulders, the gasps of pleasure and his name on her lips as she was about to peak. At the sensation of her body tensing and the sound of her satisfied moans, Derek could hold back no longer and as he pushed himself further into her, calling out her name.

They clutched one another as the waves of intense pleasure took over. Derek stared into Meredith's eyes until the sensations became too much and she had to squeeze her eyes shut. Derek leaned in for one last fiery kiss before they both finished. Derek fell down next to her, breathing heavy, skin glistening from sweat. He turned and Meredith smiled back, her face flushed, her bare chest rising and falling in quick succession.

"That was…"

"Amazing." Derek finished for her, still out of breath. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, kissing the top of her forehead.

Derek kept his arms around her, enjoying the feeling of her damp skin on his, listening to the quick beating of her heart. He smiled when he felt her grow heavy and her breathing steady and deepen. Life couldn't be more perfect. He wondered how he had survived all those years without her. He slowly drifted off to sleep, content that the woman he loved slept peacefully in his arms, and wasn't going anywhere.

* * *

Derek woke exhausted, yet extremely satisfied, the next morning. The night had been long and amazing. Meredith and he had taken turns waking each other up through out the night to quench their endless desire. It felt good having her at arms length to satisfy the need only she could answer.

He reached out for her, his need growing again beneath the covers, but was met with an empty pillow. He forced his tired eyes open and saw Meredith was no longer in bed. He laid quietly a moment, listening, and smiled as voices rose from downstairs.

He suddenly remembered that it wasn't just the two of them any more, that they had a daughter too, and rolled out of the bed and threw on his discarded jeans and a wrinkled t-shirt.

Derek padded down the stairs, noticing that the candles and flowers from the night before had been cleaned up, and was met by a kitchen swarming with people. Hanna stood on a stool next to the counter, a miniature Strawberry Shortcake apron tied around her waist, as she helped Izzie flip pancakes. Alex, George, and a very pregnant Callie sat on stools by the island, intensely discussing something. Derek's eyes searched for the one person they longed for, and he found Meredith hunched over the coffee maker, staring intently as the last few black drops filled the mug, balancing her phone on her ear with her shoulder.

He ignored the surprised expressions as he crossed the kitchen and placed a quick kiss on Meredith's cheek. She looked up at him with apologetic eyes and shrugged. Meredith's house always seemed to be central station and there wasn't much she could do about it.

"Um... good morning Dr. Shepherd." George was the first to speak, exchanging awkward glances with Callie.

"Good morning, and please, it's Derek." Derek took Meredith's steaming mug of coffee and stole a sip before returning it to her, giving her a curious glance wondering who she was talking to so early.

Meredith covered the mouthpiece to reply but was cut off by their excited daughter.

"Oh! Good morning Daddy! I thought you were at your silver house? You weren't on the couch this morning?" Hanna furrowed her brows in confusion for a second and then her eyes lit up. "Did you have a slumber party with mama?!"

The kitchen erupted in laughter and Meredith raised her eyebrows to Derek, curious to how he'd explain this.

"Yes Dr. Shep… I mean Derek… Did you two have a slumber party?" Izzie looked up from her pancakes to tease the uncomfortable Neurosurgeon.

Derek cleared his throat. "Kind of Hanna. Except we didn't do much sleeping." Derek crossed the kitchen and placed a heavy kiss on the top of her head, before turning back to Meredith and the other occupants of the kitchen and giving them a smirk.

Meredith coughed to cover her laugh and rolled her eyes, apologizing to whoever she was on the phone with, and turned her back to the group to continue her conversation.

Derek stole a section of the newspaper that was spread out between the three friends sitting at the island, and took a seat at the table.

"So in other words you're saying we should be glad we were on call last night?" Izzie laughed and turned back to her pancakes.

"No! Stop, seriously we don't want to hear." George spoke up before Derek could answer; Callie and Alex nodding in agreement.

Derek chuckled and opened the newspaper, returning his stare to Meredith.

"Who's she talking to anyway?"

"Cristina. Apparently she's real upset about something." Izzie offered, already used to the fact that Meredith and Cristina had started their exclusive friendship right back up not long after Meredith had returned.

Derek nodded and turned his complete attention to the paper in front of him.

A few minutes later, the pancakes were finished and he was joined by the others at the kitchen table. Meredith finished her call and quickly joined them as well. Settling down in the chair on Derek's left.

"I _love_ Sundays!" Hanna spoke up cheerfully, stuffing her mouth with a large bite of pancakes, warm syrup dripping off and landing on the shirt of her pajamas.

Meredith laughed. "Why is that honey?" She asked while leaning over and wiping the sticky syrup off of Hanna's clothes with a napkin.

"Because Aunt Izzie always makes pancakes on Sunday silly!" Hanna answered with a mouth full.

"Well, _I_ like Sunday because it's the only day we all get off together." Izzie offered, smiling at Alex who winked back at his girlfriend.

They continued their breakfast in silence for a few minutes until Callie spoke.

"Anyways, I get what you were saying about Mr. Luckabee, Iz. I tried to talk to him about my maternity leave and he was a complete as…" Callie glanced at Hanna and changed the name she was about to use. "…dork?" She shrugged, not used to watching her language around Hanna yet.

"Dork, hu?" Alex laughed, getting an elbow from Izzie.

"He seems like a chauvinist pig. I really don't like him." Izzie replied to Callie making a face.

"Who's Mr. Luckabee?" Derek and Meredith asked at the same time, having no idea who their friends were discussing.

George was the first to answer. "Mr. Luckabee, you know, the new head of board of directors at Seattle Grace?"

When both Meredith looked on with confused expressions, Alex jumped in.

"The hospital made some administration changes last week. Apparently Mr. Luckabee is now our new boss. Even yours Shepherd. Actually, even Burke, he's over the chief of surgery as well."

"Ya, he introduced himself to us this morning. I don't know there's just something about him…" Izzie started but was interrupted by George.

"Iz, don't be so quick to judge. He's probably a nice guy. We should just give him a chance."

Alex added, "Ya, apparently Burke has talked to him and he said he seemed nice, so we probably don't have anything to worry about."

"Oh, um… about Burke." Everyone turned their attention to Meredith who hadn't said much since her phone call with Cristina.

"What? What about Burke?" Derek turned in his seat so he was facing Meredith, curious to what the intense phone call had been about.

"Um, Cristina might have mentioned that he told her last night that he has accepted a position at Seattle University as a professor, and will only be working part time at Seattle Grace now. He's stepping down as Chief."

The whole group gasped at the same time and stared at one another. If Burke wasn't going to be chief, then who would? What did this new Mr. Luckabee mean to the group of doctor's sitting at the table?

Derek sighed. Just when his life had become safe and predictable, things shifted and a since of uncertainty began to creep in. Derek swallowed and pushed it away, turning to smile at Meredith who sat uneasy, fidgeting with the fork in her hand.

"It's okay. Everything's going to work out." Derek whispered to Meredith squeezing her leg under the table.

She gave him a small smile, hoping that he was right. Swallowing the uncertainty that had begun to grow inside her as well.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Well this was supposed to be up yesterday but I encountered more technical difficutlties. :( This time it was my own computers problem. We recently upgraded to Word 2007 and it's very dumb. I don't recommend it. Anyways, without any further ado... Read and Review!**

* * *

Monday morning found the doctors of Seattle Grace a little on edge. Word had quickly spread about the new head of directors and the changes he was already making. It didn't help that Burke's resignation as chief came at the same time, causing the rumor mill to spin even more. Meredith was able to find Cristina before the other interns had arrived earlier that morning, and they'd been able to talk for a few minutes in privacy. Meredith noticed her friend had calmed considerably from her initial freak out the day before. 

Several hours later, Meredith had finished checking on her patients and couldn't ignore the rumble in her stomach. She quickly thought about paging Derek to meet her for lunch, but glancing at the OR board, she noticed he was in the middle of an ependymoma craniotomy. She silently scratched that plan and debated whether or not to page George or Izzie, as she dropped off her charts at the nurses station.

Making up her mind, she retrieved her pager from her pocket and looked down at it as she turned around and ran into something solid. Meredith stumbled a little and almost fell, but a man reached out and caught her arms, steadying her.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Excuse me." Meredith spoke quickly, trying to ignore the way her skin crawled where the man's large hands gripped her firm, small biceps.

"It was my mistake, I wasn't watching where I was going… Dr. Grey…is it?" The man kept his hands on Meredith and flashed a charming smile showing perfect, even white teeth.

Meredith could imagine his smile had persuaded many a woman, but for some reason, he was making her uncomfortable. He was a tall man, probably a few inches over six feet and had brown hair that was gelled perfectly in place. His deep set brown eyes rounded out his perfect features, down to his chiseled jaw.

Meredith took a few steps back, causing him to release the hold he had on her. She could have sworn a hint of amusement flashed through his eyes before he cleared his throat and offered his hand.

"I don't believe we've met. I'm Jon Luckabee. And you didn't answer my question. You are Meredith Grey aren't you?"

Meredith reluctantly took his hand and offered a polite shake, before retrieving her hand back and answering. "Oh, um ya…sorry…yes, I'm Dr. Grey. It's nice to um… meet you Mr. Luckabee."

Meredith politely smiled at the man who apparently was now one of her bosses, but her eyes searched the hall, desperate for an excuse to walk away. She immediately understood what Callie and Izzie had been talking about the day before. She hadn't been in this man's presence more than two minutes and she was already feeling very uneasy.

"Please, call me Jon. You'll find I do things quite differently than your former head of the board. I like to get to know the doctors that work at my hospital. On a more personal level."

"Oh, okay. Sure… _Jon_." Meredith took another step back under his piercing gaze. Her heart started beating rapidly in her chest and she knew she wasn't imagining the way he was looking at her.

"So, _Grey_? As in Ellis Grey the great?" Mr. Luckabee folded his arms across his chest and leaned his back against the counter, not taking his eyes off of the beautiful doctor once.

"Um, yep. Same Grey." Meredith shifted uneasy, silently urging her pager to go off. She'd willingly do rectals over standing here making small talk with this man.

"Hmmm." He seemed to study her a moment before continuing. "I noticed in your chart you're five years behind where you should be in the program. You were let back in under special circumstances? I can only assume your mother had some pull there, right? Seattle Grace is a prestigious hospital, medical graduates apply from all over the country to get into this competitive program. It seemed a little odd to me at first that they'd decide to start making _special circumstances_, but now I'm starting to understand."

Anger started to boil inside Meredith and threatened to surface, but she forced herself to stay calm as she answered. "Actually, my mother passed away a few years back Mr. Luckabee. My _special circumstances_ were understood to remain private, and I'd like to keep it that way if you don't mind. Now if you'll excuse me." Meredith brushed passed the man she had quickly grown to hate and hurried down the hall, not bothering to look back.

She didn't see the smile that slowly crossed Mr. Luckabee's face as he watched her small form and attractive curves quickly fleeing; making his mind up then and there that he would definitely be getting to know _this _doctor on a more personal level.

* * *

Meredith skipped lunch and dove into her work to pass the remaining hours of her shift. She kept her mind _off_ of Mr. Luckabee and _on _the endless pile of pre-op notes she had volunteered to do. She heard two of her fellow interns, a Dr. Harris and a Dr. Ware, whispering about her sucking up to the residents and attendings who already seemed to favor her.

Meredith easily ignored the comment, already accustomed to the two young doctors talking about her behind her back. Dr. Harris, _Shannon_, as her friends called her, was a young ditzy blond. She almost reminded Meredith of a younger version of Izzie, though not nearly as pretty or half as smart. Dr. Ware, on the other hand was terribly intelligent. Meredith couldn't be sure but she thought his first name was Allen. He was short, standing at a little over five and a half feet, and had dark hair and olive skin. On their first meeting, Meredith had quickly determined he was the most promising of the bunch. He was quick and precise and knew his medicine. That's why it had been so strange to Meredith that as quick as he was to jump in with the right answer, he was also the first to jump in on any gossip.

Meredith pushed aside her notes and glanced at the growing stack of labs that needed to be taken downstairs. Eager to get away from the whispering and stares, she collected the papers and stood, fighting the urge to throw a snark comment at the gossiping duo, she turned and headed down the hall.

She wasn't paying attention to anything except the fact that she had two hours left, and if she took the stairs instead of the elevator and then took the back hallway to the east wing instead of the left route, it would shave an extra ten minutes from the one hundred and twenty remaining.

Meredith was so lost in her thoughts that when she looked up and noticed a figure in dark blue walking next to her she jumped and nearly called out in surprise. She met Derek's amused eyes and crossed her arms, holding her paperwork protectively to her chest, as she tried to glare at the beaming doctor.

"You know you really shouldn't scare people. It's not nice."

"It's not my fault you were spacing out. I've been walking next to you since you exited the stairwell." Derek eyes were twinkling and he battled to keep his boyish grin from splitting his face.

"I do not space out! I was just thinking…about a patient." Meredith nodded, as if her own explanation satisfied her, then noticing Derek was still grinning, she went on curiously. "Why are you so happy?"

Derek's eyes shone with excitement as he glanced up and down the hallway. Meredith furrowed her brows. Derek was acting weird.

Before Meredith could press him further, he pressed a finger to his lips and motioned for her to follow him. They walked quickly down the hall to a more deserted one and Derek led her into empty on call room. He ushered her in and closed the door quickly behind him, locking it.

She couldn't help but think how cute he was when he was excited about something, but she was really beginning to wonder what it could be. "Derek, what is it?"

He leaned against the closed door, staring at her, his indigo eyes dancing, before he spoke.

"I got chief."

"Wh... What?" Even though, really deep inside, Meredith knew since yesterday there was a small possibility, she still was taken by surprise.

"I got Chief, Mer! Mr. Luckabee, I just came from his office." Derek started pacing, the smile never leaving his face. "I mean, I can't believe… It's what I've always dreamt of. Its…. Years ago, that's why I came to Seattle." Derek shook his head, as if still trying to process everything for himself. "I'd given up on the possibility. I never even imagined…" Derek stopped pacing and let his voice trail off in awe.

He stared off for a moment before turning back to Meredith who hadn't said anything yet. He quickly crossed the room until he was standing in front of her and took both of her hands in his.

"I haven't agreed to anything yet, Mer. I told him I needed to discuss it with my family first. I'd never make a decision like this without you Mer, you know that right?" Derek searched her face, trying to get a hint of what she was thinking.

"Oh, so you told him… about us?" Meredith looked up, strangely feeling a little relieved.

"No! No, I promise. I know it's important to you that we keep us a secret for a while. I only said family and he didn't ask further. You and Hanna are my family. And you guys come first." Derek didn't break his eyes away from her, and shifted nervously. "So what do you think? What's going through your mind?"

Meredith looked back into his hopeful eyes. He looked so vulnerable, as if realizing his life long dream hung on the next words out of her mouth. So she took a breath and pushed away her earlier thoughts of Mr. Luckabee, she pushed aside the nagging feeling of fear and dread of what this would mean to their new family. This meant a lot to Derek, and she loved him more than anything else in the world. She was extremely proud that he had been chosen for this prestigious promotion, and so she clung on to that.

"I am so proud of you Der. You're going to make a wonderful chief." She let her smile reach her eyes as Derek let out the breath he had been holding.

"Really Mer? Are you sure?"

Meredith nodded back, her eyes shining from his pure joy. Derek grabbed her in his strong arms and swung her around once, before setting her back down and holding her close. He breathed in the flowery smell of her hair as he spoke. "I promise nothing's going to change. You and Hanna will always come first. I can do this. You'll see. I can do this." He repeated.

She wasn't sure who he was reassuring, her or himself. She nodded into his chest and answered. "I know you can Derek. I know."

They held each other for a minute longer, each lost in thought, before they were separated by the shrieking of her pager. Meredith remembered she was still working, and pulled it out of her pocket, reading the screen before replacing it.

"I gotta go." She frowned.

Derek smiled and nodded understanding. "I'm already off so I'll pick up Hanna and meet you at home. How about we go out and celebrate tonight? Just the three of us, as a family?"

"Sounds good. I'll meet you at home in a couple hours." Meredith reached on her tip toes and kissed him quick, before hurrying out of the room.

She let Derek's words echo in her head. _Nothing's going to change. I can do this. You and Hanna will always come first._ She believed him. And she let that feeling drown out the uncertainty and anxiety that swam around inside her.

* * *

Their dinner had been nice and relaxing. Derek had taken them to a quiet little Italian seafood restaurant, not far off the shore, that had an amazing view of the ocean. Even Hanna had enjoyed the delicious food.

Not long after they'd finished the chocolate pie Derek had ordered for the special occasion, they drove home, stuffed and satisfied. Even though it was late and they were all tired, especially Hanna, she chattered non stop from the back seat. Meredith and Derek exchanged amused glances as their four year old daughter jumped topics from the lobsters in the tank at the restaurant they had just been at, to the old comic book about Superman Uncle George had read her earlier that day.

Meredith turned in her seat and laughed at her energetic girl. "Why don't you tell us about pre-school Hanna? What did you do today?"

Hanna's eyes widened. "Mama! Ashley P. said that I couldn't come to her birthday because Billy picked _me_ to help pass out the glue sticks and not her and so _I _said that she couldn't be my best friend anymore and that only Jane and Robin could come to my birthday and then Peter said that none of us can come to his birthday because we're girls and his birthday is for only boys and I said that my birthday is for only girls and Ashley P. said hers was only girls too so we decided to be best friends again and I told her she could come to my birthday if I could go to hers and she said okay."

Derek's eyes went wide and Meredith bit back her laugh. "Well, I'm glad you and Ashley P. made up. But Hanna, your birthday is still a few months away."

"But can I have a party mama? I've never had a birthday party before!"

Meredith looked out the window for a moment before answering. Derek didn't miss the look that flashed through her eyes before smiling and turning back to her daughter.

"Of course you can have a birthday party. Turning 5 is a big deal." Meredith laughed as her daughter clapped her hands in pure joy and bounced in her pink booster chair.

"Yay! Thank you thank you _thank you_ mama! I'm going to tell Robin and Jane and Ashley P. _and _Ashley W. tomorrow……"

Hanna went on and on about what they would do at her party and what she would wear, and when it became clear that she was clearly talking to herself, Meredith turned back around in her seat and stared quietly out the window, lost in her own thought.

She felt Derek reach over and grab her hand, intertwining his fingers in hers. She turned her attention from the black night to the handsome man, staring at her concerned.

"What's wrong Mer?"

"Nothing." She smiled reassuring. "I was just thinking about birthdays actually." She laughed a sort of humorless laugh. With all that was going on, she found it irritating that something so dumb had sparked forgotten feelings of pain.

"Birthdays hu? _You're_ birthday is coming soon. Are you worrying about getting old?" Derek squeezed her hand and looked at her teasingly.

Meredith let out a real chuckle. "No. It's nothing like that. It's just…. Never mind it's dumb." Meredith shook her head hoping Derek would forget it.

"Come on Mer, what is it?" Derek stole quick, curious glances at her, as he watched the road ahead of him.

Meredith sighed and lowered her voice. "It's just that I feel bad that Hanna hasn't had a real birthday yet. When we were alone, we never had any money, so I could never buy her anything special, and we barely had enough food to survive, let alone even dream about getting her a birthday cake…." Meredith's voice trailed off and she had to blink fast to keep her emotions in check.

"When I was little, my mother never did anything special for my birthday either. Sometimes I'd get something small. I could always tell it came from the hospital gift shop though. As I got older she'd just leave some cash on the table. No card. No cake. Some years she'd completely forget. I pretended it didn't bother me. But when you're young, and you hear the other little girls giggling about what their going to do at their slumber party, you can't help but feel a little sad." Meredith turned back out the window.

"I told myself that if I ever had a kid, I would make birthdays special. Make them feel like the day they came into the world was a day worth celebrating." She shrugged and kept her face turned so Derek couldn't see the hurt in her eyes.

Derek knew this wasn't just about feeling bad about Hanna. He understood Meredith still had a lot of unresolved issues with her mother, that now would never be settled.

"I'm sorry Mer. No kid should have to go through that. I can't believe you've never had a birthday party?"

Meredith tried to laugh but it came out as a scoff. "No, no birthday party. I've never even been sung the happy birthday song." Meredith cleared her throat and regained her composure, turning back to Derek. "But that doesn't matter. What matters is that Hanna has an amazing birthday and never has to go through what I did."

Meredith smiled and returned the squeeze to Derek's hand. He nodded and smiled back, not at all fooled by her fake resolution. His heart broke for the pain she must have experienced growing up, and vowed that now that he was in her life, he would repair the damage and do everything in his power to make sure she was never hurt again.

* * *

**Quick A\N: I'm definintely not in love with this chapter but I needed to introduce some new people and issues. Anyways, I promise this gets better.**


	5. Chapter 5

"So I heard they're bringing in a new head of neurology?" Alex asked with a mouthful of scrambled eggs, as he searched through the paper for the sports section.

Derek nodded, not looking up from his stack of paperwork. He took a bite of his cereal then jotted down something on a chart, before finally turning to Alex.

"Ya, Dr. Zeta joins us today. The interview was last week and we took care of the paper work yesterday. I have a feeling the doctor will be a huge asset to our program."

Izzie quickly stole a glance at Meredith who was nibbling on a leftover piece of pizza from a few nights ago. She then turned back and scooped a pile of scrambled eggs on Hanna's plate, who sat patiently next to her dad at the table.

"Daddy are you going to be home tonight to tuck me in?" Hanna looked up at her daddy, hope filling her blue innocent eyes.

"I don't know princess." Derek sighed and affectionately patted his daughter on the top of her head. "Daddy still has a lot to learn about his new job. "

Hanna looked down disappointed at her eggs and slowly put a bite of the yellow fluff in her mouth. Derek went on, defending himself to the room of on lookers.

"I promise, it's not going to be like this forever. Burke just needs to show me a few more things and I'll be able to get into a better routine." Derek turned from his daughter and met Meredith's eyes.

Her expression was unreadable, so he closed the folder he was working on, stood and crossed the kitchen.

"That's not a very good way to start the day Mer." He shook his head and looked down disapprovingly at her cold pizza.

Meredith didn't say a word and narrowed her eyes at him. He had worked late for the past two weeks and they hadn't spent more than five minutes alone together. He had promised to duck out early last night, so Meredith had asked Izzie to help her bake a chicken casserole she knew Derek enjoyed. It actually ended up that Izzie wouldn't let Meredith touch anything so Meredith had _watched_ Izzie make the casserole, but still, the thought had been there, and when Derek showed up five hours later, Meredith had already given up and gone to bed.

She didn't speak to him when he had tried waking her in the middle of the night to apologize, and was keeping up the quiet act this morning as well. Meredith knew she was behaving extremely immature, but she didn't care. She thought it'd be good for him to sweat it a little.

"Come on Mer. I said I'm sorry. I tried to get out of the meeting but Mr. Luckabee was there and I… I just couldn't…. Please don't be mad. I promise it's not going to stay like this."

Meredith opened her mouth as if she was going to respond, but instead of saying anything, she took an overly large bite of her cold breakfast and chewed exaggeratedly, staring back at Derek challengingly.

Instead of giving up, and going back to his own breakfast that grew soggy at the table, Derek grabbed what was left of the slice of pizza Meredith still held in her hand, and tossed it in the garbage can. Meredith's eyes went wide with shock and Derek grabbed a hand in each of his and pushed her up against the closed refrigerator.

"You leave me no choice Mer." Derek's eyes danced with amusement as anger flashed in Meredith's green ones.

He pressed his body hard against hers and lowered his face for a kiss. Meredith tried to protest but her mouth full of half chewed pizza was muffled by Derek's own demanding one. He forced her lips apart and thrust his tongue deep inside her. Meredith struggled to free herself from his grip, but he was too strong, so she fought him back with her tongue.

She managed to swallow half of her pizza before Derek pulled away triumphantly, chewing the rest of her pizza before swallowing himself, and throwing her a cocky smile.

"Now that your mouth isn't full, you can talk to me."

Meredith desperately grasped for control before giving in to her giggles. She started laughing and Derek quickly joined suit, soon followed by Hanna at the kitchen table.

"Dude, I think I'm going to be sick." Alex spoke from the table and Izzie nodded her agreement.

"I don't think Hanna needs to see that_ ever_ again. _Ever_." Izzie stood and helped Hanna down from her chair at the table. "I'll go help her brush her teeth and hopefully erase that from her memory." Izzie shook her head in disgust, but not before letting out a little chuckle.

Alex scooted his chair back and followed Izzie and Hanna up the stairs, leaving Meredith and Derek alone in the kitchen.

Meredith quickly recovered from the laughter and sighed in submission. She leaned her head against Derek's chest and let him rub his hands soothingly over her back.

"I'm sorry Mer."

"I know. I'm sorry too."

"Just help me get through the next couple of weeks, and things will go back to normal. Okay?"

"Okay."

"I love you Mer."

"I love you too. But don't ever do that again… or we might loose our friends."

"Deal."

* * *

Meredith walked quickly to the locker room to shower and change. She had been assisting George on a bowel reconstructive surgery when the colon had burst, spewing the contents all over her scrubs. George had bit back his laughter long enough to excuse her to go clean up. She chuckled to herself, thinking about the last time something like this had happened to her and how different things were now.

She turned the corner and came to an abrupt halt, stopping a few feet away from the nurses station outside of the locker room. Derek stood with a beautiful dark haired woman. Her wavy brown hair cascaded half way down her white lab coat and when she turned, Meredith noticed from halfway down the hall that her light brown eyes sparkled.

Derek was introducing her to a few of the nurses who sat at the station and Meredith groaned. She quickly debated if she had been seen yet or not, and if she could turn around and run.

"Ah! Dr. Grey!"

It was too late, Derek had spotted her and she had no time for an escape. She couldn't believe her luck. She had stinky stomach contents all over her clothes and she could only imagine how her hair stuck to her head after sweating in the OR under a scrub cap. She forced her hands to remain at her side instead of frantically fixing her appearance like they itched to do.

"Um… hello… Dr. Shepherd." Meredith forced a calm smile and reminded herself she'd been in far worse circumstances.

"Dr. Grey, I'd like you to meet our new Chief of Neurology, Dr. Zeta. Dr. Zeta this is….um one of our very promising interns, Dr. Grey." Derek winked at Meredith when Dr. Zeta turned to offer her hand to her new acquaintance.

"Hello Dr. Grey. Very nice to meet you." Even her voice sounded exotic, and Meredith quickly decided she didn't like this vivacious doctor who kept making eyes at an oblivious Derek.

Dr. Zeta tilted her head and studied the disheveled intern for a moment before turning her attention back to her host for the day.

Meredith knew right away she was taking in her messy appearance and knew Dr. Zeta had made up her mind about her immediately. It took every ounce of willpower Meredith processed to not roll her eyes and the blatant display of flirting the doctor was doing towards Derek.

Dr. Zeta put a perfectly manicured hand on Derek's arm and looked up at him through thick eyelashes. "Now Derek, you promised me a cup of coffee. Enough introductions, I won't even remember all these names later anyways." She started leading Derek away but turned around to Meredith once more. "It was nice meeting you honey, I look forward to having you on my service." She continued walking, moving her hips a tad too much for Meredith's like, and Derek turned to mouth the word, _sorry_, before following his newest surgeon down the hall.

Meredith watched their retreating forms, speechless. _This was Dr. Zeta? This was 'the doctor who would be a huge asset to the program'? It never occurred to Derek that he should possibly mention the fact that the new doctor was a female, and a very attractive one at that?_

Meredith was now fuming as she slammed the locker room door open, eager to scrub the foul matter off her skin and change into a clean pair of scrubs so she could find Cristina and tell her everything that had just happened.

* * *

"You didn't see the way she was looking at him all flirty and _I'm so pretty_. It was disgusting." Meredith kept her voice low as she and Cristina huddled over a patients chart, pretending to discuss it.

"Oh please Mer. I don't know what you're so worried about. McDreamy is so whipped over you it's not even funny. The way he looks at you, actually, _physically,_ makes me nauseous." Cristina retorted, keeping her voice low as well.

"I'm serious. It was like she was undressing him with her eyes. Oh! And I think she wears colored contracts… no way was her eye color natural."

Cristina snorted and opened her mouth to utter something sarcastic when she noticed two interns standing behind her. "Why _yes_ Dr. Grey, you _can_ do all my post op notes. Thank you for offering. If you need me I'll be laying down in the on call room."

Meredith opened her mouth to protest but noticed the audience and forced her mouth shut. Cristina tossed a smug grin at Meredith's death glare and laughed to herself as she turned and hurried away.

Meredith muttered a few swear words under her breath as she collected the large pile of charts that waited to be completed. She purposely avoided the stares of the on looking interns as she headed in the opposite direction, in search of a quiet spot to get started on Cristina's notes.

* * *

Hours later, after Meredith had finished the tedious paperwork and checked on her few patients, she found herself back in the locker room. She was tired, and eager to change and pick up Hanna to go home. The other interns slowly started coming in, equally tired and exhausted. The room was unusually quiet as Meredith opened her locker.

She jumped back a little in surprise as a long stemmed red rose fell to the floor. Meredith quickly picked it up and tried to hide it back in the locker before anyone noticed, but she wasn't quick enough.

"Oh wow! Who's that from?"

"Oh how romantic!"

"Are you seeing someone Dr. Grey?!"

The girls huddled around her locker, smiling and chatting excitedly. Meredith quickly remembered exactly why she didn't like high school, and sighed. She saw a small white envelope lying in her locker and quickly closed the metal door before the girls could further pry.

"Oh…um ….no…not exactly. I um… don't know who this is from. It probably ended up in my locker on accident…" Meredith let her voice fade, seeing that her audience was not buying it one bit.

"Uh hu, no it didn't. You have a secret admirer!" One of the blond girls spoke causing the other girls to break out in loud whispers of who it could be.

Meredith laughed out loud when she heard someone guess Dr. O'Malley. Meredith shook her head and reached for her rose back.

"You guys! Seriously. It's nothing. Probably just a practical joke." Meredith turned her back to the group, signaling she was done talking about it and they soon found something more interesting to talk about.

Meredith waited till the locker room had emptied out before she slowly opened her locker again. She retrieved the small envelope and quickly tore it opened. She couldn't help smiling. This had Derek written all over it. She pulled out the small pink cardstock and read the message.

_**Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, Do you see me staring at you?**_

Meredith furrowed her brows. What did _that_ mean? Was Derek trying to be funny? She quickly looked around the locker room, half expecting him to be standing behind her. But he wasn't there. No body was. She shrugged and stuck the card in her bag before quickly changing and hurrying out. She needed to tell Derek that, as sweet as it was to receive flowers from him, he couldn't do it at work. It raised too many questions from the others and she was already having a hard enough time as it was fitting in.

Meredith quickly exited the elevator on her way to the employee child care, and practically bumped right into Derek.

"Hey where's the fire?" Derek teased.

Meredith rolled her eyes and swiftly looked up and down the hallway before leaning in and giving him a quick kiss on his mouth.

"What was that for?" Derek grinned, licking his lips slowly as if to savor it.

"That was thank you for the rose. But seriously Derek, you can't do that again. You should have seen the way everyone jumped on me in the locker room. They're already suspicious enough… we shouldn't be adding fuel to the fire. And that card, it was kind of creepy, are you trying to scare me…." Meredith rambled until Derek couldn't hold it back any longer and started laughing.

"Hold on Mer. I'm lost. What card? And adding fuel to what fire?"

Meredith groaned. "Derek! The rose. The card with the poem. I'm just saying it was sweet but…" Derek's pager went off, causing Meredith to stop mid sentence as Derek retrieved the device to see where he was needed.

Derek sighed and looked up apologetically. "I'm sorry Mer. I gotta go." He kissed her briefly on her forehead before adding. "And for the record, I still have no idea what you're talking about. I didn't send you a rose."

Meredith was confused. "You… you didn't leave a rose in my locker?" For some strange reason, fear began to creep inside Meredith.

"I wish I could take credit. Damn, that would have been a good idea to make up for last night hu?" Derek chuckled and began backing down the hallway. "You alright Mer? Should I be jealous?"

Meredith shook her head and forced herself to smile. "I'm fine Derek. It's probably nothing. I'll see you later?"

Derek stared a minute more before nodding. "Ya, I'll be home as soon as I can." Derek quickly walked back towards Meredith and glanced around once again before pulling her close and kissing her deep.

Meredith let him kiss her a little longer than she usually did, enjoying the safety she felt in his arms. They both pulled away and Derek whispered "Love ya." Before turning and jogging down the hall, hurrying off to wherever he had been paged to.

Meredith watched him until he disappeared around the corner, trying to shake the uneasy feeling the rose and card had brought. Obviously it had been left in the wrong locker. Obviously the poem was not meant for her. Meredith shifted her bag on her shoulder and started again for the day care, eager to get home and out of the hospital.

Little did both Meredith and Derek know that their stolen kisses and hushed conversation hadn't been in complete privacy. An irrational anger seethed inside the man who had watched from the shadows. These two doctors didn't know who they were dealing with. They would regret the day they thought they could pull a fast one on him. Meredith Grey wasn't a woman you came across every day. There was something about her the man couldn't get out of his head. She would be his. He would be sure of it.

* * *

**A/N: So the pizza thing was gross, but I thought it was funny. Things are going to start getting interesting from here on...**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Let's try this again, I had to re-post this chapter because of technical difficulties. Let's hope it's right this time.**

**I"ll cut to the chase: You guys are halarious and very quick. You all receive an A plus for your reviews and observations.**

**Next: Somethings wrong with FanFics email alerts (of course it could be fixed by the time this is posted and in that case just ignore the following) If you would like me to send an email letting you know when I add a chapter, send me your address. My email is mcdreamer100 at (of course no spaces but for some reason this site won't let me post my email address...weird) Please realize that your address will be shown in a list with the others when I send the notice out, so if you're at all concerned with others seeing your address, you might not want to join the list.**

**With all that being said, please read and enjoy!**

* * *

A few nights later, Meredith found herself eagerly getting ready for a quiet dinner with Derek, just the two of them. He was taking her to some overly expensive restaurant, she was sure, and George and Callie were coming to watch Hanna since both Alex and Izzie had to work late.

Meredith finished brushing out her hair and glanced one last time in the mirror, before hurrying down stairs. She found Derek in the living room, leaning against the wall smiling, as he watched Hanna fire endless questions at a baffled George and Callie. Meredith slid an arm around Derek's waist and he kissed her forehead, before they turned their attention back to Hanna.

"But _why_ did the baby kick you? Is she mad?" Hanna furrowed her brows, staring intently at Callie's large baby bump.

"No, she _or he_ is not mad. It just doesn't have much room to move, it's all squished and getting ready to come out very soon." George assured Hanna.

Hanna's head shot up excitedly. "The baby's going to come out _soon_?!" Then her face fell serious again. "How?"

Callie exchanged a nervous glance to George who raised his eyebrows to her parents who watched silently amused.

"Um, Hanna, how about you go get your jammies on for Uncle George and Aunt Callie." Meredith suggested calmly, hoping her daughter would drop her unanswered question.

"Okay Mama, but at least tell me how the baby got _in_ there?" Hanna stood and crossed the room. She stopped in front of her parents and looked up determined, both hands on her hips.

"Not now Hanna. We'll talk about it later." Meredith tried to give Hanna a stern look that portrayed she meant business, but inside Meredith felt foolish. She was a doctor for crying out loud, why couldn't she just rationally explain the miracle of birth to her four year old?

Hanna nodded defeated and turned for the stairs, but suddenly stopped and turned with excitement in her eyes. " Can I be your helper when the baby comes out Aunt Callie? I could even change the diapers, I've been practicing on my dolls!"

"Sure Hanna, I promise that whenever I need someone to help me change a diaper, you'll be the first one I call." Callie smiled reassuringly to a now bouncing Hanna.

The small child hurried up the stairs letting out an enthused, "WHoopeee!" as she disappeared into her room.

The adults let out a small chuckle and Derek turned to Meredith. "You ready to go?"

Meredith nodded, gathering up her purse and keys and shrugging into the jacket Derek held for her, before turning to the babysitters of the night. "Thanks you two. I really appreciate it. I'll have my cell if there are any problems."

George and Callie reassured her everything would be fine as Derek pushed her out the door before she could start reminding them of Hanna's bed time and what her favorite book was and how she liked the ballerina night light to be left on.

He led her to his car and opened the passenger side door for her. As she lowered herself in, Derek's phone began to ring. Meredith sighed and looked up at him as he checked the flashing screen.

"It's the hospital, I have to answer it." Derek tried an apologetic smile before flipping it open and holding it to his ear.

Meredith watched on, inevitable disappointment settling in.

"Shepherd here. Uh hu….. Okay….I understand. Yes sir, Mr. Luckabee, I'll be right there." Derek slowly closed his phone and returned it to the pocket in his black slacks, before meeting Meredith's eyes.

"I'm sorry Mer…." Derek's voice pleaded.

"It's fine Derek." Meredith grabbed her purse and stood from the car. She tried to avoid Derek's begging eyes, but he grabbed her and turned her to face him.

"I know this is hard. But Mr. Luckabee needs to go over some urgent matter." Derek ran his hand through his hair when Meredith didn't answer.

"God Mer. Just _try_ to understand! This is my chance. I have to prove that I can do this. For the past five years, I was only a shell of a man. I was dark and depressed and didn't give a shit about what was going on around me. Now I have a chance to make up for that. To prove to everyone that I am indeed _that doctor_ the medical journals write about and that I have what it takes to not only be chief, but a great one. Is that too hard to understand?"

Meredith's hands shook and she forced her lip to not tremble. Tears stung her eyes, but she fought those too.

"Well I am so sorry Derek." She spat sarcastically. "I didn't know you had it so bad these last five years. You poor man. Don't let me get in the way of you and your destiny." Meredith gave him a cold look before turning and hurrying to her old blue jeep that was parked on the street.

"Meredith! That's not what I meant. Please Mer!" Derek didn't know what had snapped in him. She didn't deserve to be talked to like that; he was just so stressed out lately. Everyone seemed to want a piece of him and it was so frustrating. He was beginning to think that maybe he didn't have what it took to be chief, and that scared him. He had only taken out his frustrations on her. He slammed the passenger door shut hard. He felt like such an ass.

Meredith ignored Derek's pleas as she searched for her keys in her purse and climbed in her vehicle. It took her a minute to start the rusty engine, but soon it complied and she drove away. The tears finally fell as Meredith stared out at the dark road. She didn't know where she was going, but she needed to get away. She needed to clear her head.

Derek watched the disappearing jeep before slowly getting in his car. He robotically threw it in reverse and headed to the hospital. A drive that he could do in his sleep and required absolutely no thought. His thoughts remained on Meredith. He wanted to apologize. He needed to. But instead, here he was heading back to work, to some mysterious urgent matter his new boss had just informed him about.

* * *

Meredith sat in her jeep outside the familiar brick building, the neon sign reflecting off her windshield. After driving around aimlessly for a few hours, she had ended up here. The clear small glasses and dark fiery liquid inside, were calling her name. Whispering of their numbing effects and temporary sanctuary. Meredith sighed defeated and climbed out of her jeep to head inside.

Meredith walked slowly to the bar, noticing more than a few familiar sets of eyes on her. She sat carefully on an empty stool and spoke to the bar tenders back. "Tequila. And keep it coming."

Joe turned slowly at the familiar voice, a grin splitting his face from ear to ear. "Straight tequila, hu? You'll be sorry in the morning."

"Hi Joe." Even in Meredith's foul mood, she couldn't help but return the smile to her dear old friend.

Joe took in Meredith's slouched posture and red rimmed eyes, before signaling to a waitress to take over for him behind the bar. He hurried around and took the empty stool next to Meredith. He tossed his rag on the counter and rubbed his hands together eagerly, before finally turning back to her.

Meredith watched him cautiously. "Wh..What are you doing?"

"I'm going to help you. Walter and I have been taking some couple relations classes at the community college… you know... to strengthen _our _relationship. But I've learned a lot. So tell me what McDreamy did this time, and I'll help you."

Meredith looked at him incredulously. "What makes you think this is about Derek? I could have just had a bad day at work."

Joe shook his head immediately. "No, you have bad days at work all the time. Trust me, everyone talks about you here. Especially Yang. She loves sharing her newest way of torturing you. Anyways, your face has_ McDreamy's a bastard_ written all over it. So spill."

Meredith had to laugh. She played with the shot glass that was still full of her poison of choice, before finally turning back to Joe. "You heard Derek's the new chief right?"

Joe sat back and nodded, she didn't even have to continue. He remembered a few years ago when Burke had just been appointed chief, and the endless bottles of alcohol Cristina had drained while they each got used to the change.

"Don't sweat it Meredith. You two will figure things out. It's always hard at first. Plus throwing in all that you've been through… it's seems like the rest of your life should just be paved in gold, no more road blocks no more stumbling stones. But it's never that easy. For any of us Meredith."

Meredith looked back at the bar tender surprised. She chuckled, "You sure are getting your money's worth from those classes Joe."

Joe laughed and rested a reassuring hand on her shoulder when the small bell on the door chimed. Joe glanced up and stood from the stool. "I better get back to work. Hang in there Grey. Things will work out."

Meredith nodded her thanks, but inside she wasn't so sure. She stared back down at the dark liquid and debated whether it would be worth it. She hadn't been drunk in years. It wasn't only about her sorry life anymore; she now had Hanna to think of. She held the small glass in between her thumb and first finger as she swirled the tempting liquid around.

She wasn't left to ponder her decision alone for very long, as a shadow loomed over her glass.

"I'll just take a beer." The man rapped on the counter as he gave Joe his order.

Meredith looked up into Mr. Luckabee's deep brown eyes. She repressed a sigh as she tried to smile politely.

"Aw, Meredith. How are you?"

"I'm fine thank you Mr. Luckabee." Meredith avoided his stare; he seemed to be watching her a little too closely for her comfort.

"Please call me Jon." He studied her a minute before pulling his eyes away and swept them around the room. "Should I be concerned that half of my staff is here?"

Meredith finally turned to look at him and saw he was attempting a joke. She couldn't help but laugh. "I wouldn't worry too much. It's just a nice place to hang out. Wind down from a stressful day."

Mr. Luckabee took the empty stool next to Meredith that Joe had vacated, and accepted his mug of beer, nodding a quick thanks in return.

"So, are you here alone? Seems like a beautiful woman like yourself could find plenty of better things to do then sit alone at bar, drowning her sorrows in tequila." He gestured towards her full shot glass.

Something about his statement rubbed her the wrong way and so she took the defense. "Actually I was headed off to dinner with my_ boyfriend_ when he got called into work."

Mr. Luckabee watched her with dark eyes a moment before adding slowly. "Well that's his loss."

Meredith shuttered as his eyes appraised her once again, and told herself she was making things up. He was only trying to be friendly. He was her boss, he was only making small talk.

When Mr. Luckabee saw that she wasn't going to say anymore, he continued. "You know I'm afraid I'm new in town. I'm still getting used to all the rain. Maybe you could show me around some time… that is if your _boyfriend _wouldn't mind?"

His friendly tone had a hidden challenge in it and Meredith shifted uneasily. "Um…well... actually, I spend all my time at the hospital. I wouldn't be the best tour guide to tell you the truth." She tried a casual smile as she turned back to the tequila and downed it in one burning motion. She signaled to Joe for another one as the hot liquid settled in her stomach.

For some reason this amused Mr. Luckabee and he leaned closer. "So tell me about this boyfriend who chose work over your stunning beauty?"

Meredith stared straight ahead, incredibly uncomfortable. She would have passed the inappropriateness off as the alcohol speaking, if it wasn't for the fact that he had only barely managed to take two sips of his beer.

Two approaching forms grabbed Meredith's attention and she quickly recognized them as Dr. Harris and Dr. Ware, her gossipy fellow interns.

"Shannon! Allen!" Meredith called out, praying she had their first names correct.

The stared at her skeptically, but joined her nonetheless.

"Dr. Grey." Allen greeted cautiously.

"Please, call me Meredith. We're friends. It's hard being an intern, we need to stick together." Meredith felt the beginning effects of the three shots she had thrown back in the matter of seconds.

The two younger doctors laughed, exchanging glances. They could tell their new "friend" was a little tipsy.

Meredith smiled back at them, then turned around to Mr. Luckabee. "I'm sorry. If you'll excuse me." She turned her back once again to her boss hoping he'd get the hint.

Mr. Luckabee let out a low chuckle and nodded knowingly. He paid for his beer then stood, turning to Meredith.

"It was nice seeing you again Meredith." He nodded to the other two interns before adding quietly so only Meredith could hear. "I can't be blown off that easily sweetheart."

Meredith looked back with wide eyes as he flashed his million dollar smile and waltzed out the door. Meredith tried to still her hands and shake off her uneasy feeling as she turned to her topped off shot glass and lifted it.

She noticed the incredulous stares from Shannon and Allen and shrugged, tilting her head back to repeat what she was so good at.

"So we're friends." The ditzy blond said lightly, taking a sip of the green martini in her hand.

Allen took a long drink of his own alcohol, before speaking. "So…_ Meredith_… since we're friends now, tell us something about yourself."

The two interns leaned close, eager to find out something, any little juicy bit about the mysterious intern who everyone seemed to know.

Meredith sighed. She was going to need more tequila. This would be a long night.

* * *

"Shall I call you a cab Meredith?" Joe asked concerned, resting his hand on her back.

Meredith brought her head up from where it rested on the hard wooden counter. She rubbed her forehead where the skin had stuck to the surface and offered a small smile.

"That's okay Joe. I'm fine."

"You might not be that drunk, but you're also not fine. I can't let you drive home." Joe collected her small pyramid of empty glasses into the large plastic bin he was carrying. He knew she hadn't drank nearly as much as she had wanted to. Years ago she would have tripled what she had consumed that night, but he knew she wasn't that same girl. She now had a daughter to take care of.

"Just… can I have a few more minutes of self pity?"

Joe laughed. "Sure." He walked away and started clearing off some the deserted tables behind her.

Meredith looked around and realized the evening was coming to an end. Her two new friends had quickly lost interest in her when they realized they weren't going to be getting anything juicy out her. She had expertly side stepped each question until they had grown tired of her and decided to try a round of darts. She watched them, still trying to master the art of actually getting one of the sharp darts to plunge the corkboard. Only a few other patrons still lingered, keeping to themselves in private booths. Meredith recognized them all from the hospital.

She turned back to the bar and caught Joe's attention. "One more Joe_…. then_ I'll let you call that cab."

Joe nodded reluctantly, and placed a fresh shot in front of her as the bell on the door softly chimed once more.

Meredith didn't bother looking up. She was lost in her own thoughts, lost in the dark liquid staring up at her that didn't seem to have the same comforting effect it had offered what seemed so long ago. She emptied it and decided one more wasn't enough and signaled to Joe.

For the second time that night, a shadow crossed over her. Before she could look up, the deep familiar voice pierced the blissful silence that had surrounded her.

"No. No more Mer. You've had enough."

She didn't turn. Instead she stared straight ahead and gave Joe an impatient look. "This glass isn't going to fill itself Joe." She held the tiny glass up and shook it, as if to demonstrate its emptiness.

"Let's go Mer." Derek put a hand under her arm and tried to help her up.

Meredith jerked out from his touch and started growing angrier. "I said one more Joe!" She slapped the counter with her bare hand, causing everyone to turn her way. Especially two wide eyed interns.

Derek glanced at the audience they now had and lowered his voice. "Meredith… please don't do this. Come home with me."

Meredith finally turned so she was facing him. His eyes were pleading and hers were flashing with anger. She kept her voice low but heavy with irritation. "No, Derek. I am not coming home with you. Just leave me alone."

Derek ran a hand through his hair frustrated, something he had done repeatedly that night. The urgent matter Mr. Luckabee had insisted he come in for ended up being a minor error in some paperwork that could have easily been dealt with in the morning.

"Mer. Listen to me. We can do this one of two ways. You can agree to discuss this like two mature grownups and walk out with me to my car willingly. Or _B_, I can pick you up and drag you kicking and screaming and force you in my car. It's up to you. Personally I would suggest the first option if I were you, it would leave a lot less to be discussed by the entire hospital tomorrow."

Meredith turned away from. She was still angry and the last shot of tequila gave her the little bit of strength to fight against Derek that she usually lacked. "Piss off." She said quietly under her breath.

"What?" Derek honestly didn't hear what she had mumbled.

Meredith turned with determined eyes. She raised her voice so Derek, along with everyone watching could hear. "I SAID PISS OFF!"

Derek reared back at her sudden outburst. He couldn't help to find her stubbornness a little cute but he was growing impatient.

Derek shrugged and turned as if he was going to leave. "You leave me no choice Meredith."

He turned back, and in one swift movement swept Meredith off the stool and into his arms. One arm was secure behind her back, the other under her knees. She gasped in surprise and started struggling to get free.

"Derek! Put me down!" She didn't find this at all amusing as their small audience started chuckling. She wiggled and pushed away from his chest, but his strong arms kept her secure against him. He turned at the door and called back to Joe. "Sorry Joe! Just send me the bill."

Joe laughed and shook his head as Derek backed out the door, Meredith still trying to get free.

Derek managed to place Meredith in his passenger seat and secure her seat belt. She hadn't stopped fighting against him and had even called him a few names he didn't know existed in Meredith's vocabulary. He hurried around and took his place behind the steering wheel, finally turning back to Meredith. She sat furious, her arms crossed tightly in front of her, her chest rising and falling in quick, livid successions.

"Look Mer. I know you're mad and angry and you want to scream and yell and hurt me, and I don't blame you. I was a jack ass. I took out all my fears and frustrations on you and that isn't fare. I am so sorry. I…." Derek's voice trailed off as he stared straight ahead.

The pounding in Meredith's head faded a little bit as she saw for the first time the hint of uncertainty in Derek's features. Her face softened a little, but she kept her arms crossed and remained quiet.

Derek sighed and started the car. "We should get out of here. There's already going to be a lot of talk about the two of us tomorrow." His voice was flat and dejected, as he pulled out of the parking lot and headed towards Meredith's house.

Meredith only nodded, resolute to remain quiet for the short drive home. She glanced in the side mirror and could have sworn she saw Mr. Luckabee, standing in the shadows of Joe's bar, watching them drive away.


	7. Chapter 7

Derek moaned and shifted uncomfortably on the hard lumpy couch. He stared at the worn material and figured the couch was probably as old as Meredith was. The same couch that had still been covered in a protective dust cover when he and Meredith had stumbled through the room in a drunken haze the night of their first meeting.

Derek sighed and stared at the ceiling. He calculated from the amount of sun that was already shining in through the living room blinds that the make due alarm on his cell phone would be going off any minute. He hadn't slept much. Even if he would have been able to get comfortable on the couch, his mind still wouldn't have stopped for longer than the few hours he had managed to grab. Meredith still wasn't talking to him, and he'd called this old couch his bed for almost a week now. He knew better than to complain though. He made that mistake the second night and Meredith had reminded him not so nicely that he still had a trailer he could go to. Her voice had been laced with venom and he was sure that if it were actually possible, death beams would have shot from her eyes. But at least she had spoken to him.

"G'mornin daddy."

Derek sat up a little and watched as his sleepy daughter trudged down the stairs, curls sticking up in every direction and wrinkled pink Barbie pajamas clinging to her tiny body. Izzie followed close behind, already dressed and ready for the day.

"Good morning princess." Derek smiled and watched her disappear into the kitchen and turned back expectantly toward the stairs.

When Meredith didn't appear he turned his head confused to Izzie. "Where's Meredith?"

"She was the intern assigned to the VIP hemespherectomy today. Dr. Zeta made her go in at three this morning to monitor the patient." Izzie opened her mouth, as if she had more to say, but changing her mind she closed it.

Derek nodded, knowing exactly the case Izzie was referring to. They were removing half of a three year old boy's brain. And it wasn't just any three year old, the patient happened to be the son of one of Washington's most popular former Republican senator who just so happened to be running for President in the upcoming election. It was a very high profile case and a lot of pressure was riding on the outcome of the surgery. But he still couldn't help but think having Meredith go in so early was a little extreme.

Derek stood and stretched his kinked back and followed Izzie into the kitchen. He watched his daughter as she eagerly dove into the cold cereal Izzie had placed in front of her.

"You don't have to do that Izzie. I can get her ready and drop her off at the center." Derek rubbed his tired face then ran a hand through his hair in an attempt to tame whatever mess he assumed to be up there.

"Oh it's okay, really. Meredith asked me to so…." Izzie was cut off by the irritation that flashed through Derek's eyes.

He slammed his open hand against the wall where he stood, causing both Izzie and Hanna to jump. "She's my damn daughter! I can take care of her just fine. Meredith shouldn't have asked you."

Izzie took a step back and nodded. She didn't take his outburst personal. She knew exactly what had been going on between him and Meredith, and could only watch on helplessly.

Alex appeared in the doorway behind Derek and shot Izzie a quizzical look. Izzie just shook her head as she crossed over to Hanna and gave her a kiss on her head.

"Have a good day Hanna. I'll see you later." She then turned to Alex who was still trying to appraise what was going on and added, "We'll just grab something to eat on the way."

Izzie shot a sympathetic look at Derek as she hurried past him and out the front door. Alex shrugged and gave Hanna a wink before hustling after his girlfriend.

Derek clinched his hands that were trembling and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. He didn't know what was happening to him. This was the old Derek. The sad broken pathetic use of a man, Derek. He was over that. He had been repaired and now had the life he had always dreamt of. Sure Meredith wasn't speaking to him, but she was alive. And they shared a beautiful daughter.

His eyes shot open at the thought of Hanna. He looked down into his daughter's wide, frightened eyes. She sat still, her cereal forgotten and lip trembling.

"I'm sorry Princess. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have yelled like that…" Derek's soft pleading voice trailed off as he crossed the room and knelt beside her.

He took her tiny face in his two large hands and pleaded with her. "Please don't be scared Hanna. You know how much I love you." Derek tilted her face so he was looking into the tiny pair of blue eyes that were identical to his own. "You know I love you right Hanna? That you and your mama mean more to me than anything in this world?"

Hanna nodded slightly, her eyes still sad and hesitant. Derek couldn't take the unsure way she was staring at him and took her in his arms. He held her close until he felt her tiny body relax a little and her small arms wrap around his neck.

"I love you too daddy." She whispered, her voice a little unsteady.

Derek stood with her in his arms and asked gently. "Do you want to finish your cereal or shall we go get dressed?"

"My tummy's full." Was all she answered, keeping her head on his shoulder.

Derek sighed as he started for the stairs. He noticed that she clung a little tighter than usual and still wouldn't look him in the eye. It seemed he couldn't do anything right with any of the women in his life.

* * *

Hanna had been reluctant to let go of him when he had dropped her off at the day care center that morning. She looked frightened and insecure as he kissed her forehead, and the teachers had looked at him confused. He tried to casually explain that they had had a rough morning, and knelt down and asked Hanna if she would like him to come back at lunchtime to eat with her and her friends. That seemed to do the trick and she nodded eagerly, finally letting a small smile steal across her face.

Derek hurried through his tasks that morning. He quickly finished paperwork that had been stacked on his desk and checked in with the head of each department. Cardio, Orthopedics, Obstetrics, Plastics, and lastly Neuro. Things were all set for the highly anticipated surgery for that afternoon, and after lingering around for longer than needed, hoping to run into Meredith, he double checked the OR board. The board was balanced skillfully and flawlessly, and Derek couldn't help but think that even Richard Webber, his old mentor and dear friend, would be proud.

Derek glanced at his watch and realized it was already time to join Hanna for lunch. He made a quick detour at a food cart in one of the hallways, and entered the colorful room just in time to find Hanna and the other children taking their seats at a miniature table in the center of the room. He was relieved to see Hanna's face light up when she saw him and she raced across the room and into his arms.

He took his place in a tiny plastic grey chair at the small table that didn't even pass his knees, and did his best to get comfortable with the awkward arrangement. Derek ate his turkey sandwich silently as the four and five year olds chatted up a storm around him. He relaxed and watched Hanna in admiration as she animatedly discussed the pink and green play-doh they had worked with that morning. She seemed to be completely recovered from their incident that morning, and Derek thought to himself- _one down, one to go_.

* * *

Meredith skimmed the chart with her eyes once more before closing it and setting it back in place on the end of the three year olds bed. He slept peacefully, his operation only about thirty minutes away, and Meredith wondered if she'd be able to sneak a quick visit in with her own child before scrubbing in the long procedure.

She quietly snuck out to the hallway and breathed a sigh of relief when she didn't find Dr. Zeta anywhere. The haughty neurosurgeon had been on her case all week and Meredith felt close to breaking. For some reason unbeknownst to Meredith, Dr. Zeta had quickly decided she didn't like the intern and had made it her main goal to make Meredith's time at the hospital miserable. But Meredith had done her best to not let on that the annoyingly stunning doctor was starting to get to her. She put her best face forward, and pretended that she could handle anything the attending decided to throw at her. She hadn't even let Cristina know that it was starting to eat away at her, that she wasn't sure how much more she could take.

Knowing she only had a few minutes before her absence would be noticed and she would need to start prepping the small boy for surgery, she hurried down the corridor and quickly down the stairs to where the day care center was located.

She quietly entered the preschool room and noticed lunch had recently been finished and a few teachers were still clearing off the table. One of the older teachers greeted Meredith at the door with a warm smile and informed her they had just finished their meal.

"Where's Hanna? I thought I'd visit for a minute. I have a long surgery this afternoon and Dr. O'Malley will be picking up Hanna this evening when he gets off, and she'll probably already be in bed by the time I get home…so I thought…."

The woman cut off Meredith with an understanding nod. She didn't need to explain, the center was filled with doctors and hospital personnel children, so what Meredith was nervously explaining was quite a common scenario.

"Of course Dr. Grey. Hanna is right over there in the kitchen center. The children are sure enjoying the company of her father. I never knew what a natural Dr. Shepherd was with children." The teacher gestured towards the back of the room, before turning and leaving Meredith alone, looking confused towards where she had just pointed.

Meredith slowly crossed the room and stopped in her tracks when understanding dawned on her. Sitting at a tiny wooden kitchen set, his back to her, was Derek. His knees were tucked uncomfortably to his chest, a frilly hat placed carefully on dark hair, sipping a tiny plastic tea cup as four small girls looked on excitedly. Hanna led the game of pretend as Meredith heard her order Derek to take a bite of his cranberry almond crescent. Meredith stifled a laugh, realizing Hanna had been spending way too much time in the kitchen with Izzie.

Meredith saw she hadn't been noticed by her daughter yet, so she ducked to the side out of view, wanting to observe unseen for a minute longer.

"Can I have some more juice girls?" Derek offered the minute cup to a blond girl with freckles who giggled and pored him a refill of the pretend beverage.

"It's tea daddy." Hanna reminded him bossily, as she placed a small pink plastic saucer in front of a dark skinned girl.

The girls continued to eat the pretend snack, giggling as they watched Hanna's daddy play along. The pretend play continued for a minute more before a contemplative expression crossed over Hanna. She looked over at her daddy, searching his face a moment, before speaking.

"Are you happy daddy?" She tilted her head to the side and looked much older than four.

"Sure Princess, of course I'm happy." Derek looked up from the plastic dishes surprised, and flashed a smile at the four young girls, as if trying to convince them.

"Your eyes aren't happy daddy. They don't dance anymore." Hanna kept her gaze trained on her daddy's face.

Derek hesitated for a moment, and Meredith could tell he was at a loss for words. "I'm sorry Hanna. I've just been tired lately. But of course I'm happy. I have _you_."

Hanna just stared back, not the least bit convinced. "But you and mommy don't laugh and play together anymore? And she's always sad. Her eyes stopped dancing too."

Meredith held her breath and her insides twisted in guilt. She had been so focused on being angry with Derek that she didn't even notice that Hanna could see what was going on.

"You're right Hanna. I guess I am a little sad. I love your mommy so very much but she's mad at me right now, and well… things are a little complicated…"

"Why don't you just tell her you're sorry?" The freckled blond spoke up helpfully.

"I tried sweetie. It's just…" Derek sighed; he couldn't believe he was getting relationship advice from a bunch of preschoolers.

"Well what did you do Doctor Derek? Did you call her a bad word? My mom gets mad when my big brother says _stupid_. That's a really bad word." The dark skinned girl took a turn trying to help.

"No, I didn't call her a bad word." Derek reassured the girl who stared back with large black eyes.

"Did you kiss someone else's mommy? My mommy saw my old daddy kissing Mrs. Katunia in the church parking lot so she threw his sorry butt to the curb. Now I have a new daddy."

Derek rocked back surprised at the quiet red head's mature words. He decided he wasn't sure if he wanted Hanna to be friends with such a sass.

"No, no. I definitely didn't kiss anyone's mom. It wasn't anything like that. I promise." Derek guaranteed the young girls, rubbing his hands over his face.

Meredith watched on, her heart slowly melting as she finally took in just how sad Derek looked. His eyes were lifeless and new lines had formed around his mouth. He looked like he hadn't slept anymore than she had. Maybe she was ready to listen to him. Maybe it was time to forgive him.

Before Meredith could make a definite decision, her pager quietly vibrated in her pocket, and she knew it was time go. She decided against making her presence known, and quickly slipped out of the center. She would try to find Derek later, and hope it wasn't too late, that they would be able to talk and clear the air.

* * *

Hours later, after getting back to work and completing more chiefly duties, Derek found he had some spare time and decided it would be a good idea to check in on the progress of the hemespherectomy. He opted for the observation room upstairs and took a spot on the wall unnoticed.

His eyes searched the OR below quickly until they rested on the familiar form. Though her face was half covered with the surgical mask, he was startled to see how tired and weak she looked. He didn't think it was just because of their argument, something else was on her mind and she looked like a fraction of a woman, hovering over the shoulder of a surgeon, nodding something in response to the lead attending.

Derek kept his eyes on her, a feeling of despair and hopelessness settling over him. He wanted to help her. To hold her and have her tell him what was going on. But at the present time she wasn't speaking to him and didn't seem to want to let him in.

A figure joined Derek and looked on with him down into the OR before speaking.

"She looks like she's going to fall over."

Derek nodded, agreeing with Alex's comment, not taking his eyes off of her.

"Dr. Zeta's harsh. At first I thought she was doing it because she liked Meredith, wanted to teach her. But I'm not so sure anymore…"

This caused Derek to snap his head to look at Alex. "What do you mean?"

Alex shrugged, keeping his voice low so the room of observers couldn't hear their conversation. "Well you know, the way she makes her come in so early for things that aren't even an intern's responsibility. She makes her stay hours after her shift, doing notes and organizing charts. She constantly has her doing scut and Meredith hasn't scrubbed in a single surgery all week. She was sure she would get to assist today, but look, she has Meredith standing in the back with the nurses." Alex shook his head, he could go on, but learned long ago sometimes it was better to hold his tongue.

Derek's jaw clenched as he fought to control his temper. How could all of this have happened and he hadn't even been aware? Meredith was probably exhausted and drained, and she hadn't even come to him. He was a little confused as well. When he'd hired Dr. Zeta, he thought she was a competent, professional doctor. This seemed so out of characteristic.

Derek let out a frustrated moan as his pager went off. He sighed and nodded to Alex before hurrying off to perform some more chiefly duties that were expected of him. He knew it was now imperative that he find Meredith and make her listen, make her open up to him. He'd find a way to convince her to forgive him. For both of their sakes, he had to.

* * *

Meredith entered the scrub room cautiously. She had stayed behind after the operation had been successfully completed, and cleaned up as ordered by Dr. Zeta. She knew it wasn't her job, but had dutifully obeyed, wanting to avoid any and all confrontations with the Neurosurgeon. She was beginning to understand exactly _what _Dr. Zeta's problem was with her. Half way through the surgery, the arrogant attending had started quizzing her, in front of all the other doctors and scrub nurses. Meredith had been able to answer each question precisely and accurately, only infuriating the woman more. She finally had mumbled something about being surprised she had any time to study with all the late nights spent getting wasted at Joe's.

Understanding had registered immediately. The rumor had apparently not slipped by Dr. Zeta, as the whole hospital was a buzz with the fact that the chief of surgery had had to carry the drunken intern out and take her home. Meredith had honestly not minded the rumor. It seemed so much less complicated to the truth: that she shared a daughter with said chief of surgery and they were involved in a secret relationship that went back years.

Meredith was immediately discouraged when she found Dr. Zeta alone, still scrubbing out. She glanced hopefully to the open door, hoping someone, anyone, would walk by in the hallway and give her a chance to escape the awkward conversation that was inevitably coming. Of course it was late, very late, and most doctors and nurses had gone home for the evening, leaving those on call, busily doing their work in dark corners of the hospital, no where in sight.

Meredith could feel the cold eyes on her as she silently unwrapped the soap and began the meticulous process of scrubbing out. She focused intently on the warm water and racing bubbles, hoping Dr. Zeta would just finish and leave, leaving her alone for once. She had been on call since three this morning and hadn't a chance to stop and rest all day. Her eyes stung and her feet felt like lead. All she wanted to do was go home and crawl into her warm bed. Not stand next to an angry woman who was now scowling, looking her up and down.

Meredith did her best to remain calm, focusing on her task at hand.

Finally, irritated that the intern was coolly ignoring her, Dr. Zeta spoke. "You think you're pretty smooth don't you?"

"Excuse me?" Meredith finally met her critical eyes.

"Oh don't play innocent with me." She spat. "It's all around the hospital. The way you tried to seduce Dr. Shepherd." Dr. Zeta let out a mocking laugh. "It's humorous really. A sloppy little intern like yourself thinking she even had a chance. Dr. Shepherd is a _man_. Not a little boy I'm sure you're used to getting your way with. You_ seem_ like a girl who get's around at least." The hurtful doctor shook her head as she dried her perfectly manicured hands with a paper towel.

Meredith stood still, seething inside. She found herself speechless. What could she say? She didn't think Derek would appreciate her outing their relationship, but the way this woman was looking down on her, Meredith thought she might snap.

Dr. Zeta continued before Meredith could find her words. "No… men like Derek… they need a real woman. A woman who knows how to take care of a man. A woman who knows how to satisfy their needs. A woman like me. So I suggest you back off sweetie, before you get burned." Dr. Zeta tossed the wadded up towel in the trash can and flaunted a prissy smile before turning out the opened door.

Meredith was fuming and sure her face was red, as she hurried and dried her hands off. She had had enough. She quickly followed the doctor out into the hall, ready to give her a piece of her mind. She nearly collided in to the dark haired woman, when she came to an abrupt halt right outside the door.

"Why Dr. Shepherd, what a pleasant surprise. What on earth are you doing here so late? You are the most dedicated chief of surgery I have ever met." Dr. Zeta tossed her hair and smiled flirtatiously at the handsome doctor who stood just outside the scrub room, leaning on the wall, his expression unreadable.

Meredith didn't say anything; she stared down at the floor, drawing tiny circles with the toe of her worn converse. She suddenly felt very inept, knowing how frazzled and tired and utterly unattractive she must look next to the tall dark exotic beauty, who also happened to be a prominent neurosurgeon.

When Derek didn't say anything, Dr. Zeta turned to Meredith. "Well, what are you doing just standing around Dr. Grey? I need the pre op notes completed and my patients checked on. I don't have all night."

Meredith turned defeated, ready to obediently carry out her new tasks, when a strong hand caught her arm. She turned back surprised and looked up into Derek's concerned face.

"I'm sorry Dr. Zeta, but you'll have to find someone else to finish those notes. Dr. Grey's shift ended two hours ago." Derek kept his hand on her arm as he turned back and gave Dr. Zeta a challenging look.

"Oh, well you know how it was being an intern. Craving the work, loving any overtime. The hospital owns you. And besides, this particular intern, could use the extra experience." Dr. Zeta replied casually, not ready to back down.

Meredith stared at her in disbelief. She then turned slowly to Derek and caught a glimpse of amusement in his eyes as he fought to keep his face expressionless.

"Well, as true as that might be. Dr. Grey has been here since three o'clock this morning and is close to falling asleep on her feet. And do you know why I have a problem with you taking advantage of this… _particular intern_… Dr. Zeta?" Derek raised his eyebrows and waited expectantly.

"Um… no… I don't really…." Dr. Zeta furrowed her perfectly shaped eyebrows, clueless to where this conversation was headed.

"I have not made love to my girlfriend in over a week. That is eight days, ten hours, forty three minutes, and…" Derek glanced at his watch, "Fifty three seconds, that me and this… _particular intern_, have not had sex. And I for one, would like to remedy that tonight. So if you'll excuse me, I'm taking my girlfriend, and we're going home."

Derek nodded politely to the speechless neurosurgeon who stood stunned, her mouth slightly ajar. Meredith fought with every ounce of her depleted strength to not turn around and add _I satisfy him in ways you've only dreamed of_, as Derek quickly pulled her down the hall, wrapping his arm protectively around her tired shoulders, eager to get her home to bed.

* * *

**A/N: There were a few things from last chapter that weren't mentioned in this one, but that doesn't mean they never happened or that Meredith isn't thinking about it. She most definitely still is, and we'll get more into it next chapter. I was just eager to put up this scene with Dr. Zeta finding out about Meredith and Derek. So in a way this was a filler with a tiny important event happening.**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: This update is a bit shorter than my usual chapters. But I wanted to get it up. Hee hee, things are starting to get a little more fun...**

* * *

Making love to Meredith had never been a problem for Derek. Everything about kissing her and touching her came natural for him. The way their bodies fit together, the way his hands could make her moan and tremble in satisfaction. It was like a dance he had memorized. He knew by heart the spot slightly above her collarbone, that if he kissed just right, would cause her tension to ease. There was a spot just below her navel, that if he teased correctly, rendered her completely vulnerable. He knew these spots, and others, like the back of his hand. He knew how to thrust at the right tempo as she was climaxing, to cause her to call out in pleasure just a tad louder.

No, making love to Meredith was never difficult. It was the other stuff. The talking, the communicating, the sharing, the trusting. He couldn't seem to get that part right. So as he led her out of the hospital and driven her home, they hadn't talked. Neither wanted to ruin the perfectness of the moment. They had both chosen to remain quiet until the bedroom door was closed and locked securely behind them and the clothes had been ripped off. He pushed her towards the bed with more desire and determination he had felt in a long time. The anger and the sorrow and the grief and frustration from the last week was evident in his forceful kiss and her aggressive hands as she pulled him closer to him, desperately needing him inside her.

They did that dance that Derek knew so well. Naked bodies becoming one, unspoken needs being satisfied. After reaching his peak of pleasure shortly after Meredith's, he collapsed next to her, both out of breath, both heart's racing frantically. They stared up at the ceiling, small smiles hidden on both faces.

A few minutes passed and their worlds slowly started crashing back down to reality. Derek knew things should be said. He should apologize more; make sure she had really forgiven him. Make sure things between them were right.

"Mer?"

"No. Not now. Don't ruin this." Meredith spoke between breaths. Still coming down from her own orgasmic high.

"Okay." Derek nodded and wrapped her in his arms, content to let what they had just shared, speak for itself.

* * *

Meredith reached over and turned the alarm off with out even opening her eyes. She felt different. Somehow lighter, happier. A smile spread across her face when she recalled the events from the night before. The priceless look on Dr. Zeta's face. The amazing sex she'd had with Derek. Falling asleep in his arms just felt so right. She hadn't realized just how much she had missed it for the last week that she had been so determined to stay angry at him. Maybe they were fine. Maybe things would work out with him being chief. She could be patient. He was worth it.

She opened her eyes and found the spot next to her empty. Meredith rubbed her eyes and reluctantly got out of bed to head for the shower. Her shift started in an hour and she still needed to get Hanna up and ready as well.

A small, torn piece of paper caught her eye as she headed to the bathroom. It sat on her dresser under her discarded pager from the night before. She recognized Derek's sloppy doctor handwriting immediately.

**Mer-**

**Lunch? **

**I love you**

**Der**

Meredith assumed the quick note meant he wanted to meet her for lunch. They hadn't really talked last night. They really hadn't needed words for what they did, but she knew the air needed clearing, and couldn't help but think it would be nice to have lunch with her boyfriend. Meredith's smile remained on her face as she showered and got dressed, and hung around for most of her morning.

* * *

Meredith had been a little apprehensive walking into Seattle Grace. She knew Dr. Zeta wasn't the type to back down so easily, and worried what the day might have in store for her. She was relieved when Cristina informed her that Dr. Zeta had relieved her of her services and she'd get to work with Cristina on her cases for the day.

She'd raised her brow at Meredith's obvious relief, but didn't inquire any further because of the lack of privacy. They found a moment alone in the scrub room, after performing a minor procedure Cristina had let Meredith scrub in on.

"So what's with the sudden bright n' shiny? You're all smiley and happy and I thought you were going to hug me when I told you were off Neuro." Cristina stared her friend down skeptically, curious to the sudden mood change.

"The Neuro Queen apparently has a thing for the Chief of Surgery and …" Meredith let her voice trail off, knowing she didn't need to explain any further.

"Ahhhh. So that's why she kept requesting you." Cristina nodded knowingly. "So what happened? Why didn't she request you today?"

"The Chief of Surgery happened to be working late as well last night and… lets just say… he put the Queen in her place." Meredith repeated as best she could word for word what Derek had said in the hallway the night before.

"Seriously?!" Cristina couldn't help but laugh. She personally decided she didn't like Dr. Zeta the second she met her, but this only solidified things.

The two women finished scrubbing out and headed towards the nurses station.

"Do you wanna grab lunch? Or are you still against _eating with your boss_?" Cristina asked sarcastically and grinned smugly, still loving to rub in the fact that she was Meredith's boss.

Meredith rolled her eyes and shook her head. "As tempting as that sounds, I'm suppose to meet Derek. Page me if you need me." Meredith replied cheerfully, earning a scoff from Cristina.

"Just try to keep the screaming down." Cristina chuckled to herself as she headed in the opposite direction.

"Cristina! We're only having lunch." Meredith called back, a small blush creeping up her cheeks.

"Whatever!" Cristina threw over her shoulder before turning a corner.

Meredith giggled and hurried to the locker room, wanting to put a fresh scrub top on before finding Derek.

* * *

Meredith hurried out of the small bathroom after freshening up and loaded up her pockets back up with her usual garb: pager, cell phone, pad of paper, black book of pharmaceutical terms. She checked her reflection once more in the tiny mirror on the inside of her locker door, before raising her hand to slam it shut. Just as she was about to close it, another small white paper caught her attention. She furrowed her brows and looked around her. She was sure it hadn't been there earlier, she would have seen it when she was exchanging tops. She smiled slowly, thinking it must have been Derek, leaving her another note about lunch, and didn't think much into it as she retrieved the paper and carefully unfolded it.

Meredith's heart lurched and beads of sweat sprung to her forehead as her eyes raced across the neat, perfectly spaced letters.

**Roses are Red, Violets are Blue;**

**It's only a matter of time 'till I'm coming for you. **

She crumpled the small paper in her hand and slammed the locker shut with the other. She reached for the garbage can, but stopped herself just as she was about to add the note to its contents. Even though she kept repeating in her mind, _It's just a dumb joke, It was probably placed in the wrong locker_, a fear returned inside of her. The same fear the last note had evoked and the same fear that crawled across her skin when Mr. Luckabee had bid her farewell at Joe's over a week ago. She had brushed that incident off, as well as seeing him watch Derek and her drive away, as the effect of her alcohol consumption. But now she couldn't shake her uneasy feeling. Maybe she should tell Derek. He'd know what to do. Meredith stuck the crumpled piece of paper in her pocket and hurried out, now even more eager to find her boyfriend.

* * *

"Excuse me? Is Dr. Shepherd in his office?" Meredith asked the new secretary, seeing as it would look peculiar for the intern to barge right in the Chief of Surgery's office.

"No, I'm sorry he's not. Do you have an appointment?" The secretary answered, furrowing her brows as she searched the schedule in front of her.

Meredith frowned, not sure how to answer. "Um, no… not really… I just… need to talk to him…" Meredith let her voice trail off as an older woman with grey hair approached. Meredith noticed her blue eyes were familiar, and struggled to place her.

"Dr. Shepherd please." The older woman demanded authoratively.

"I'm sorry Mam, Dr. Shepherd's in a meeting upstairs. Can I take a message for you both?" The secretary asked overwhelmed.

The grey haired woman didn't give Meredith a second glance before going on annoyed. "I don't know about _her_, but it's imperative that I see him as soon as possible."

Meredith studied her carefully before gasping in shock when she recognized the woman from photo she had seen a while back in Derek's trailer. The woman turned to Meredith and looked her up and down oddly, waiting for the surprised woman to explain her sudden shock.

"Oh I'm sorry! I almost didn't recognize you from the old photos. I mean... it's not that _you're_ old… um I mean…. It's just the photos were faded and small….. Sorry." Meredith cursed herself for rambling on like an idiot. She took a breath and braced herself for what might come next. "Hi, I'm _Meredith_. _Meredith Grey_."

She waited for understanding to register in the woman's cool blue eyes, but they remained blank, staring impatiently back at her.

"Oh… um, you have no idea who I am, do you?" Meredith's face reddened part on humiliation, the other pure anger.

"No." She said bluntly. The woman turned back to talk to the secretary again, but Meredith didn't wait around to hear. She was fuming. Her heart pounded to a fast rhythmic beat as she hurried down the hall and towards the elevators. She needed to get out of there. She couldn't believe what had just happened. How could a brain surgeon be so stupid? Meredith wasn't so sure she'd be able to forgive Derek this time.

* * *

**Oh ya, HUGE thanks for all the reviews. I'm absolutely blown away and it makes me work harder knowing there are a lot of you invested in this just as much as I am. So thank you thank you thank you and keep them up!**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: This was supposed to be up last night, but I just couldn't get it where I liked it. So I slept on it and fixed it a bunch, and it's much better. Not perfecct, but still. I'm sorry for those of you who I confused. I wasn't going for confusion, I was going for mysterious. Ha ha. Sorry about that. All your questions about who the "mysterious" gray hair woman is will immedietely be answered. But most of you guessed correctly anyways.**

* * *

Derek mumbled under his breath as he hurried down the stairs towards his office. He had repeated over and over to his new secretary that under no circumstances was he to be bothered during his important meeting. The only exception was if there was a family emergency, if Hanna was sick or hurt. This last thought caused Derek's blood to race a little faster and he picked up speed as he barreled around the corner and came face to face with his secretary.

"I'm so sorry, sir. She _made _me page you… I told her I wasn't suppose to…." The panicked secretary's voice faltered as her eyes met the out of breath doctor's wide concerned ones.

"Who's _she_? Is Hanna okay?" Derek asked impatiently.

"Oh! Yes, Dr. Shepherd. Hanna's fine…. It's just…" The secretary quickly replied, her eyes darting from him to his office, still apparently worried about something.

"Then what is it?" Derek rubbed the bridge of his nose, growing impatient with each word.

"Um… it's your…um"

Still not understanding, Derek followed her eyes to the open door of his office and stepped over to see what she was referring to. Derek pushed the door open a bit more, still confused, furrowing his brows until they rested on the last person he had expected.

"Mom!"

"Derek, there you are. You know that secretary of yours made me wait _ten _minutes! Ten minutes! It's a sad day when a mother has to be put on her son's schedule for a visit." She stood from the chair she waited in, and crossed the room, keeping her face serious. It wasn't until she stood less than two feet away from Derek, that her face split and her eyes sparked. She smiled wide as she held her arms open to her only son and he pulled her in for a warm embrace.

"I'm sorry mom. I wasn't expecting you." Derek pulled away and looked down into his mother's warm face. She had several new wrinkles and her hair was now completely gray, the last six years had aged her tremendously. "What _are_ you doing here mom?"

"What did you expect son? For the last five years, you're this depressed, miserable man who won't come out to visit his family, you don't return phone calls, basically cut your family and friends off. Hell, we pegged you as suicidal; your sisters even had wages on how you'd end up taking your life." She shook her head, apparently not at all approving of his sisters' bet. She continued before Derek could respond. "And then one day I get a message on my machine. My long lost son, your voice cheerful and happy, saying something about how things in life have dramatically changed and for the first time in so long you've found love and peace. And that's it. No details, no further explanation. What did you expect me to think? To _do_, Derek? I tried calling you trailer, but I was told the number had been disconnected. I tried your office but that one didn't work as well. I finally called Addison, who informed me it wasn't her place to tell what's going on, I should come find out for myself. And so I'm here. Tell me, Derek. _What_ is going on?"

Derek laughed and shook his head. "I'm sorry mom. I meant to call again, but things just got so busy. I had the trailer's utilities turned off because I haven't stayed there in a while and… I have a new office." Derek gestured to the room they currently stood in. "I got chief." Derek smiled proudly, but that wasn't the good news he was dying to share with his mother.

"So… you got _Chief_? And now all of a sudden life is grand and you're happy and you've found love. Because you got _Chief_?" Derek's mother asked skeptically.

"No! No, that's not it at all." Derek ran a hand through his hair, debating how he should break the rest of the news to his mother. Finally making up his mind, he smiled and looked down at her, his eyes now shining. "Come with me mom. I want to show you something."

Derek turned and headed down the hallway, his mother right beside him, following curiously. Derek glanced at his watch and knew Meredith would be finding him soon for lunch, so he didn't bother paging her.

The two Shepherds walked down the corridor, crossed the tall bridge and went down a floor in the elevator before stopping in front the day care center. Derek turned again towards his mother, unable to hide his excitement as she furrowed her brows at him.

"Derek, what on earth is going on? I've never seen you act so… so…. _giddy_?"

Derek laughed out loud at his mother's choice of words. But he didn't argue. He figured that was a good way to describe how he was feeling at the moment.

Without saying a word, he opened the door and led his mother inside. She looked around the room confused before turning back to question Derek.

Derek immediately spotted Hanna in the kitchen play center, the obvious favorite part of her school, and turned proudly to his mom. "Mom, there's someone I'd like you to meet."

Before Derek could go on, they both turned at the small excited voice that rang through the room.

"Daddy!"

Hanna raced across the room, her dark curls bouncing across her shoulders, and into Derek's outstretched arms. He swung her up and around one time before settling her in his arms and turning towards his mom, who now stood speechless, her mouth slightly opened in shock.

"Mom, I'd like you to meet your Grand daughter, Hanna. Hanna…. This is your grandma, can you say hello?" Hanna buried her face in Derek's neck, shyness getting better of the young girl.

Derek's mother looked on, still unable to speak. Tears shone in her eyes as she watched her only son, a man she had worried and stewed over for so many years, hold the most beautiful little girl tenderly in his arms. There was no mistaking she was his; her dark hair and expressive eyes identical to Derek. She noticed Hanna was a lot thinner and petite than any of her own children had been, and her mind filled with questions. She wasn't sure where to begin.

"Hello Hanna. I'm your Nana. Can I see your beautiful face?" She spoke quietly, trying to lure her out of hiding in the crook of Derek's neck.

Derek whispered something soothing in his daughter's ear and a moment later, she retreated from her hiding space, and looked cautiously at the older woman.

"Well that's much better sweetheart. Look at you, you are absolutely perfect." Her voice cracked and she became choked up. She swallowed a few times and wiped at a tear that stole down her weathered cheek before continuing. This time speaking to Derek. "Would you care to explain, how you suddenly have a daughter?"

Derek nodded and pressed his lips against Hanna's forehead as he contemplated the best way to explain everything that had happened over the last five years.

"Let me buy you lunch and we can talk there." Derek suggested to his mom, then put a finger under Hanna's chin and tilted her head so she was looking up at him. "Hanna, do you want to come to lunch with me and Nana?"

Hanna nodded, glancing shyly towards her new Grandmother as she wrapped her small arms around Derek's neck and rested her head on his shoulder. She kept her small blue eyes on the older woman, wary that she might get too close.

Derek chuckled. "Don't worry mom. She's very shy until she get's to know you. She'll be chatting your ear off before you know it." He then crossed the room to one of Hanna's teachers and explained he was borrowing his daughter for a couple of hours for lunch, and she'd be back later. The teacher nodded and Derek, with Hanna still clinging tightly to his neck, led his mother out of the daycare center and towards the cafeteria.

"There's one more person I want you to meet mom. She should be around here somewhere." Derek led the way as they weaved in and out of doctors, nurses, patient's families, and hospital staff until they found an empty table on the patio. He pulled out a plastic chair for his mother before trying to settle Hanna in her own. His daughter still refused to release the tight grip she had on him, so he conceded and kept her on his lap as he lowered himself across from his mom.

"Do you mind if we wait for Meredith before getting our food?" Derek asked as he shifted Hanna on his lap, trying to loosen the death grip she still maintained.

"Meredith?" His mother raised her eyes quizzically.

Derek nodded, the same happy, almost amazed, look taking over his features again. "Yeah, Meredith." Derek said, unable to stop the large grin that spread across his face. "She's Hanna's mother, and my…well, she's my girlfriend… but so much more than that, Mom. So much more. She's my everything. My happily ever after. I can't wait for you to meet her."

Derek was practically beaming and his mother could not remember the last time she'd seen him in such good spirits. She felt like she was sitting across from a different man. His features had matured in the last six years, but as he talked about this woman he loved so much, his mother noticed something youthful spread across his demeanor.

"So… this Meredith… does she work here too? Is she a doctor?" She wanted to know everything about this woman who had rescued her son from his depression.

"Ya, she's a doctor. I don't know if you remember… when I first came to Seattle, right after I'd found Addie and Mark…." Derek shook his head, still not able to finish that sentence even though he was long over it, "and I met a woman, and we had a thing?" Derek knew all his sisters had heard the story from Addison, but wasn't sure if it had ever gotten back to his mother.

"This is the same woman?" His mother asked surprised.

Derek nodded smiling. "It wasn't_ just_ a thing, we had. I fell in love with her. I fell, irreversibly, head over heels in love with her. I honestly never felt the way for Addie, as I do for Meredith. I tried, man I tried to make it work with Addie. But I couldn't. I know we told everyone the divorce was because we grew apart and were different people then who we were when we married. But the truth is… I couldn't get over Meredith. Working with her and being friends just wasn't enough for me. I knew it was her I wanted to spend the rest of my life with." Derek sat back and ran his hand absentmindedly up and down Hanna's back.

Derek's mother knew there was much more to the story. Five years more to be exact, but she didn't want to push, not yet. "So… _Meredith_." She smiled, her eyes twinkling.

"Mmm hmm. Meredith Grey." Mostly repeating her name for the mere reason of the way he loved how it sounded.

His mother's eye brows shot upward and a worried expression crossed her face. "_Meredith Grey_, you said?"

"Yes." Derek furrowed his brows.

"Oh, Derek." His mother shook her head, trying to tell herself that by some rare chance that had _not _been the name the woman from earlier had offered. She tried to deny it as she pushed it around her head. Maybe she had said her name was Seredith Fray, or even Geredith Hey. But no, she knew it was the same woman.

"What mom?" Derek asked growing concerned as his mother's features turned into alarm.

"I… I think I already met her." His mother said slowly, still trying to recall exactly what they had said to each other earlier.

"What do you mean mom?" A knot was starting to grow in Derek's stomach, leaving him uneasy and afraid of her answer.

"Earlier…. at your office…. when I was waiting for you. There was another woman there before me. I didn't recognize her, or couldn't have even imagined who she was Derek. She said she recognized me from a picture. I didn't give it a second thought. She introduced herself and I blew her off. I had _no _idea who she was, I'm so sorry!"

Derek's face visibly paled. This couldn't be happening. "Are you sure it was her mom?" Derek's voice was thin, scared.

"I'm so sorry son, if I'd only knew…." His mother shook her head, she now felt awful at how she had brushed off the woman who was the mother of her new granddaughter.

Derek sat motionless. His mother was apologizing because she felt bad for treating Meredith so coolly. But that wasn't half the problem. _Of course_ Meredith had expected that he'd told his mother about her, about Hanna. And he had meant to. He honestly had. He just hadn't expected his mother to show up in Seattle, nonetheless run into Meredith before he had a chance to explain everything.

He sighed and looked at his phone. No wonder she hadn't called or made an attempt to find him. He knew Meredith well enough to know that she was as far away as she could get from him, feeling very hurt, and even worse, angry. Derek knew he was screwed.

* * *

Meredith sat in a long dark hallway down in the basement. Years ago, she and her intern friends had claimed this gurney as their own. Their private little spot to get away from the non stop pace of being an underdog. Now she sat alone. How things had changed in the five years she had been gone. It was as if life had blown by in fast forward for the rest of the world, only to have been stuck on pause for herself. Sometimes she thought fate was unfair, cruel even.

Meredith wiped stubbornly at a single tear that dared to escape her watery green eyes. She wasn't going to cry. She wasn't going to dwell on the fact that Derek had failed to mention her to his mother. Probably even failed to tell his mother he was now a father as well. She wasn't going to dwell on the fact that in the last two weeks, two creepy notes had been found in her locker. Most importantly, she wasn't going to dwell on the fact that something inside her screamed _Danger!_ every time Mr. Luckabee was within a few feet of her.

Nope, she was going to sit alone in the dark, and think of nothing. Stare at the sterile white wall in front of her and pretend she didn't exist, if only for a few more minutes. She knew rationally it was only a matter of time before her pager would go off, ending her solitude in the temporary refuge. But for now, she'd take any faux tranquility she was able to cling to.

Meredith's blank stare was interrupted by an unidentifiable noise to her right. She stared down the hall, studying the dark corners and shadows until she was almost positive someone was there, and had been there the whole time.

"Hello?" Meredith's voice echoed down the corridor, bouncing off the bare walls and tiled floors.

When no one answered Meredith tried again. "Hello? Alex? George?" She knew they were both known to frequent the old hang out.

When still her inquire was met with silence, fear began to creep inside her for the second time that day. She shook her head, determined to not let her imagination get the best of her and slid off the gurney. It was probably a janitor, or maybe a doctor from the morgue was walking around. It could be anyone of a number of people. She walked cautiously toward where the sound had come from, doing her best to stand straight and still her shaking hands.

And then she saw it. A shadow moved. Someone _was _there.

"Hey!" Meredith called out again, turning her slow steps to a more determined jog.

The shadow disappeared suddenly and Meredith heard a sound like someone tripping over something, quickly followed by quick, retreating footsteps. Who ever it was was running away.

Annoyance mixed with Meredith's fear, giving her enough adrenaline to pursue the mystery who was hiding in the shadows watching her. Her soft, hurried footsteps trailed the heavier, sharper ones. She turned corners and ran through halls she didn't even know existed. The slamming of a door caused her to come to a stop outside of the stairwell.

Meredith's breathing was heavy and sweat dripped from both temples, but she pulled the heavy door open anyways. She walked in and promptly glanced up. The footsteps quickly faded away and disappeared altogether as they escaped without being seen, out the first floor door. There was no use continuing her pursuit. Whoever it was had more than likely vanished into the mist of doctors and nurses and visitors hurrying to and fro in the main lobby.

Meredith sat defeated on the bottom step to catch her breath. There was no way she had imagined that. Someone had been watching her and had frantically ran away to not be identified. Meredith wrapped her own arms around her self as she shivered. She wasn't cold. She was scared. For the first time in her life, Seattle Grace didn't hold the protection and sense of security it had always offered. Sitting on the cold hard cement step, alone in the bottom of the stairwell, Meredith felt ten times more alone than only minutes before. She couldn't tell Cristina, her best friend would think she was crazy. George, she knew, would over react. Izzie would freak out and tell Alex, who would threaten to beat up anyone who got too close. Meredith shook her head. She definitely couldn't tell Derek. He was already so distant and overwhelmed with his new promotion, this would probably only make things worse. Besides, she wasn't sure if she was talking to Derek. She quickly decided she wasn't.

There wasn't anyone she could tell about this. She'd have to figure out who was trying to scare her, and why, all by herself. All alone. She would do everything possible to keep Hanna safe as well.

She sadly thought, she shouldn't be surprised. That was how everything else in her life had been done. Alone.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: I tried to get this up early today in honor of _Grey's Day_! Please let it be a good episode! Please let it have lotsa Mer/Der! **

**Anyways, enough of that... read on.**

* * *

Meredith enjoyed the rare quiet that filled the old house. Izzie and Alex were working late and Hanna was next door, helping Callie get things ready for the approaching arrival of her and George's baby. Meredith sprawled on the couch, her legs hanging over the armrest, socked foot moving to the rhythm of an old Snow Patrol song coming from the stereo. Her day had been bad. Awful. And it felt good to just sit still and not think, like she had uselessly tried earlier in the hospital basement.

The door bell chime echoed through the house and Meredith temporarily considered ignoring it. But figuring it could be Callie and Hanna, she forced herself up and off the couch and padded to the door.

Meredith threw the door opened and froze in surprise. This was definitely the last person she expected to be showing up on her door step.

"Hello Meredith. I'm sorry to come over uninvited. But I wanted to formally introduce myself. I know we got off on the wrong foot today, and for that I apologize. I am truly sorry. I had no idea….anyways, hi, I'm Beverly. Beverly Shepherd."

Derek's mother offered out her hand and Meredith eyed it cautiously before accepting it in a quick, light hand shake. Meredith shifted back and forth uncomfortably, not sure what to say. Not sure of what was expected of her.

"Oh… um…. please come in… Mrs. Shepherd." She held the door open for the gray haired woman to enter and suddenly wished she wasn't alone. She'd do anything for someone, _anyone_, to help her through the inevitable awkward conversation that was sure to follow.

Meredith offered the older woman one of the tall arm chairs that sat on either side of a small, round, antique table in the living room. Meredith stood uncomfortable, wondering if she should offer coffee or tea. There wasn't much else she could handle on her own in the kitchen.

"Um… would you like… coffee… or something?" She wrung her hands, scared to death of the proper woman, perched perfectly on the chair in front of her.

"No thank you dear. I _would_ like if you'd care sitting, so we might have a bit of a chat." She gestured towards the matching chair on the other side of the table with her blue eyes.

"Sure." Meredith said unsure, slowly lowering herself in the seat. She fidgeted with a string that was coming from the unraveled end of her t-shirt, as she waited for Derek's mom to take the lead.

"So, Derek said you won't take his calls. He's been trying to get a hold of you all day." Beverly watched the younger woman, her expression unreadable.

Meredith shot her head up in surprise. She knew she was avoiding Derek? She immediately figured Derek's mom must certainly consider her immature and childish, surely Addison had never behaved this way.

"Oh. Ya… I'm sorry. It's just…." Meredith wasn't sure what to say really. Derek had hurt her, again, and she wasn't ready to pretend it was fine between them.

"Meredith. I know what he did."

Again, Meredith looked up in surprise. Her voice wasn't judgmental, condemning. It was kind and compassionate. Understanding.

Beverly continuing before Meredith was able to say anything. "Derek is a foolish man. He didn't tell his own mother that he was now a father. That he had found the woman of his dreams, until I came barging into Seattle, and ran into you first. He's never been very good at relationships… Now, in no way do I commend what Addison did… betraying Derek with his own brother… But truth be told, he _was_ distant. He had forgotten to be a husband first, doctor second." She shook her head, suddenly sad.

"It's my fault really. I didn't know how to raise a boy. Derek's father died when he was young. I had four other daughters, I suppose he sort of just slipped through the cracks. I never remarried. He never had a male role model. He never saw for himself how a successful marriage was achieved; the correct way for a supportive,_ productive_ partner to act. He's just kind of winged it. But now it's all catching up to him. He's finding, for the first time in his life, there's something more important than his job. And now he's scared to death that he can't do it both. He can't be Chief and he can't be the man you need. But you know what Meredith? He'd give up chief in a heart beat if he had to. You and Hanna are what matter to him now. Not his career anymore. He didn't say that in so many words. But I know Derek. I know my boy. And it was written all over his face. Screaming from his heart."

Meredith sat back floored. She couldn't believe everything this wise woman had just shared. It was a completely new experience for Meredith. She couldn't remember ever sitting down with a motherly figure and having a heart to heart. Something ached inside Meredith, suddenly aware of missing something she'd never had.

"Don't get me wrong Meredith. I did not come over to apologize for him or make excuses for the sometimes frustratingly dense man. I came because I really do want to get to know you. And I love my son, as stupid as he can be, and I see how happy you make him. And how happy Hanna makes him. And I thought maybe you could take Derek's past into consideration, and find it in your heart to forgive him. Not today… you can make him sweat it a little. That's always good. But when you're ready. Listen to him. _Make_ him tell you what you mean to him. True love is a rare gem. Something that shouldn't be tossed to the side like yesterday's paper."

Meredith nodded. She decided quickly that she really liked Derek's mother. Whatever happened between her and Derek, she knew she wanted this woman to be a part of Hanna's life. They both could learn so much from this smart, respectable woman.

"Have you met Hanna yet?" Meredith wasn't sure how long Beverly had hung around the hospital and if Derek had introduced his mother to his daughter yet.

Beverly smiled, knowing Meredith was slightly changing the subject, but respected the fact that she had just given this young woman a lot to digest. Her eyes twinkled at the thought of her new granddaughter.

"I have. This afternoon. We had lunch together. I must say Meredith, you did an amazing job raising her on your own. And under such horrific circumstances. It shows what incredible character you possess. Hanna is the most delightful, intelligent little four year old I have ever met. She was painfully shy when we first met, but she came around by the end of our meal and I'd like to think that she now considers me at least a friend. Which is better than I even hoped for."

Meredith smiled and blushed at the sincere compliments. She also realized that Derek had told her the whole story. The amnesia, the five years of Hanna and her wandering around. She knew it all, and still seemed to like her.

Before Meredith could think of anything else to say, the front door banged open and Hanna excitedly rushed in.

"Hello?! Mama! I'm home!" Hanna ran through the foyer and found Meredith and her new Nana sitting in the living room.

The young child immediately turned shy and sank into Meredith's side when she noticed the woman from earlier. She didn't hide her face though. Instead she watched the woman carefully from the protection of her mother's arms.

"Hanna, do you remember… um, your Grandmother from earlier? Can you say hello?" Meredith gently coaxed, knowing not to push too much to fast.

"Hi Nana." Hanna replied softly, slowly gaining courage.

"Hello Hanna. It's so nice to see you again. You have a beautiful house here sweetheart." Beverly smiled, her compliment genuine.

Hanna looked back a minute more, clearly debating something inside her small head, before she spoke, still soft but more sure of herself. "Do you want to see my toys Nana?"

Derek's mother's face lit up and her eyes shone, thrilled that her shy granddaughter was beginning to open up to her. "I'd love to Hanna!" She held out her hand and, with only a split second hesitation, Hanna grabbed the wrinkled hand with her own small, smooth one and eagerly headed for the stairs.

"That is…if it's okay with your mother Hanna?" Beverly looked over to Meredith, her eyes raised worried, not wanting to overstep her welcome.

"Of course." Meredith replied, her own eyes shining now. "It would mean a lot to her to show her new grandma her room. And it would mean a lot to the both of us if you'd stay for dinner."

The older woman smiled back, letting out a sigh of relief. Sudden emotion consumed her, so she nodded, accepting the invitation, not trusting herself to speak. She followed Hanna up the stairs, hopelessly trying to keep up with the youthful legs of a four year old.

Beverly Shepherd considered herself a practical woman. But she had always believed in fate. Meeting Meredith and Hanna had only confirmed what she had initially concluded earlier as she talked to Derek. This was what her family had been missing for all those years. Meredith. She and Hanna now filled the mysterious gap in the Shepherd clan. Their family was finally complete. Now, not only did she have four wonderful daughters who each shared their life with a kind man and a house full of children. She had her son back, with a beautiful granddaughter and an amazing woman that made him whole.

Meredith smiled as she watched the two hurry upstairs and disappear around the corner. She let herself revel in gratitude that her daughter would not grow up without a Grandmother for a minute, before frowning.

Crap. What was she thinking? Had she really asked her to stay for dinner? As if she could _make_ dinner. She sighed and hurried to the kitchen. She silently prayed she'd find one of Izzie's frozen meals in the freezer and that she'd be able to figure out how to thaw and heat it without burning anything. That would be a small miracle in itself.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for the lack of Mer/Der… but patients is a virtue. Or so at least I'm told.**

**And I realize this is basically a filler. But it gives you a bit of an insight into wher Derek is coming from. Why he's such a retard sometimes. He just doesn't know how to do it. And I like that his mom is actually nice, in this fic. She actually truly loves Meredith and knows she's good for her son.**

**Ack, anyways, I promise excitement is coming... I can feel it.**


	11. Chapter 11

Derek walked cautiously through the front door. The house was eerily quiet and he wondered where everyone was. A pleasant aroma from the kitchen caught his attention, and his empty stomach lurched in delight. He followed the scent to the doorway of where the delicious smell was coming from and stopped in alarm. Something was different. Something wasn't right. Something was very wrong. _Meredith_ was cooking.

She stood in front of the stove with a green apron tied carefully over her t-shirt and jeans, stirring something in a saucepan with one hand, digging through the spice cabinet overhead with the other, all the while cradling her cell to her ear with her shoulder.

It took every ounce of his inner strength to not bust out in laughter at the scene, but Derek knew he was on pretty thin ice with Meredith, if not already ten feet under. He remained quiet and leaned against the door frame, content to watch the scene unfold in silent amusement.

"Izzie! I _don't_ know…. what the hell does simmer mean?!... Uh hu. Yes I _did_… No! I don't_ know_ why! I did that!... Stop yelling at me! …._ I'm_ not yelling _you_ are….Okay I'm sorry, how's this?... NO, it's not bubbling at all….. I tried that…… What the hell does rolling mean?!... Okay, okay, I'm sorry Iz, Shit! This is a disaster, what was I thinking!! …. I _am_ breathing!...What!? NO! Can't they wait… tell them to wait…. Yes I do know what an _emergency_ means!... Fine, fine, go save a life…. I'll see you later… Thanks, Iz. Bye."

Meredith snapped her cell phone shut and frustratingly tossed in on the counter. She continued stirring the contents of the saucepan with her right hand, as she squeezed her eyes shut and rubbed the bridge of her nose with her free hand, dangerously close to breaking down.

"Do you need any help?" Derek's deep voice caused Meredith to jump in surprise, but she didn't turn around. She remained silent as she concentrated intently on the red sauce before her.

"I'm pretty good in the kitchen. I can help if you need it Mer." Derek finally crossed the room and stood beside her.

He was close enough that she could smell him. The smell that sent shivers up and down her body and caused her to crave his touch. This only infuriated her more.

"No… I do not need help…. Especially _yours_ Derek. I can manage on my own." Derek didn't know that what she said went way beyond dinner.

"Come on Mer. I know you're mad. I'm sorry. I should have told…." Derek was cut off by Meredith's irate eyes as they flashed up at him, and he let his sentence evaporate in the quiet kitchen.

"I don't care that you're sorry. I don't care that you forgot to mention the tiny detail that you have a girlfriend… who you say means the world to you… and a daughter… to your mother. I don't care any more Derek!"

Derek opened his mouth to speak but immediately chose to remain quiet by the heated look Meredith threw at him.

"What I _do_ care about…. Is now I have to pretend that I know how to cook… because your mother is amazing and wonderful…. and I invited her to dinner….and I have _no_ idea what the hell I'm doing. _That_ is the bigger issue here Derek!" Meredith gestured around with the wooden spoon she still held in her hand, resulting in large drops of red sauce splattering across the front of Derek's white dress shirt.

Meredith looked at the deep stains that were already soaking in and bit her bottom lip to keep from laughing. "My bad." She shrugged and turned her back to him to hide the delight that spread through her face.

Derek sighed and shook his head. It was a good thing she was so cute and he loved her so much because she could be absolutely maddening.

He decided he didn't care about his shirt, and rolled up his sleeves to help his clueless girlfriend, even though she had loudly declared it wasn't needed.

"This smells delicious Mer, what is it?" Derek immediately stepped back as Meredith whipped around, the anger back in her eyes. He apparently had just said something very wrong.

"What is it?" She asked slowly. She then repeated the same question, a bit louder and rather laced with rage. "_What is it_! If you have to ask, I'm obviously doing it wrong! Screw this!" She through the spoon on the stove with a loud clunk, and turned from the stove. "I'm ordering Chinese."

She moved to cross the room towards the phone books but Derek grabbed her arm to stop her and pulled her close. He wrapped his arms around her. She didn't return the embrace, but she let herself relax against his comforting chest.

"I'm sorry Mer." He traced circles on her small back, choosing his words carefully before continuing. "You are doing a fantastic job in here. It would be a waste to quit now when you're almost done. If you'll let me help you, we can finish in no time."

He felt Meredith nod against his chest and he breathed a sigh of relief. They pulled apart slightly to survey the small mess Meredith had created and both had to laugh at the sight.

"Now, in no way do I mean this as an insult or am I suggesting anything negative when I ask this. But I _need_ to know, so I can help. What are you making?" Derek braced himself, wary of another outburst.

Meredith rolled her eyes and giggled. "Spaghetti."

Derek nodded. That would be easy. He could do spaghetti. "Okay, then it looks like the hard part is over. Let's just turn the heat up a bit on this…. and put a lid on this….. and why don't you find if we have anything for a salad in the fridge?"

Meredith turned and obeyed immediately. She would never admit it to him at the moment, but she couldn't be more thankful he was there.

"So where exactly is Hanna and my mother, it's pretty quiet?" Derek asked over his shoulder as he added a few more spices to the sauce.

"They're upstairs in Hanna's room. She wanted to show her new Nana her toys." Meredith answered in a light tone, knowing Derek would understand the magnitude of what it meant that Hanna had opened up to his mother.

Derek and Meredith exchanged smiles, their first of the day, as they went back to their task at hand.

* * *

The three adults and small child sat around the kitchen table, admiring the delicious looking food that sat before them. The spaghetti had been simmered to perfection, the pasta boiled al dente, salad tossed, French bread sliced, buttered, garliced, and toasted, and the lemonade had been mixed. Even Meredith couldn't help but admire how perfect everything had turned out. This was definitely a day of firsts for her.

"This looks absolutely amazing Meredith. I didn't realize you could cook, too." Derek's mom marveled the flawless meal before her, as Derek began serving the pasta on everyone's plates.

Meredith opened her mouth to refute the compliment, but Derek jumped in before she had a chance.

"Meredith is the most amazing woman I have ever met Mom. She's full of surprises." He winked at his blushing girlfriend, who returned her stare to the plate in front of her.

The small family eagerly ate their food, tossing out a comment here or there every once in a while, but mostly content to enjoy the delicious food.

When everyone was full, and not another bite could be eaten, Hanna disappeared to another room to play alone, while the adults sat and continued their small talk around the table.

"So how long are you staying in Seattle for?" Meredith asked, not at all in the way she would have imagined herself asking Derek's mother. She had quickly come to like Beverly and was enjoying her company. She hoped she would be hanging around town for a while.

"Unfortunately my flight leaves tomorrow evening." Beverly frowned showing her disappointment. "But this has just been too much fun. I'll definitely be coming back in the future. That is if you both wouldn't mind."

Meredith and Derek nodded in unison, both glad that she was having a good time.

"Actually, I was wondering if…. um, and you can feel free to say no Meredith, after all you just met me, but since you both have to work tomorrow… and it seems Hanna and I are getting along so well…. I'd love to spend the day with her. We could just stay around here even. But I completely understand if you're uncomfortable with the idea." Derek's mom finished quickly and waited, a little nervous, for Meredith's reaction.

Meredith smiled and answered, not the least bit hesitant. "Of course! I think Hanna would really enjoy that. I feel bad for all the time she spends at the day care center. This would be really special for her. If you're sure… that would be great."

Beverly Shepherd's face lit up and she clasped her hands in excitement. "Well then, it's settled. Tomorrow will be a special _Grandmother Granddaughter bonding_ day. I can't wait."

Derek's eyes were glossy as he watched the interaction between the two women before him. Never before had he seen Meredith open up so quickly to someone, and never before had he seen hi s mother take to another female as she had to Meredith. It had taken his mother years to finally accept Addison as one of the family, and in a matter of hours, Meredith was already in.

* * *

The next day was slow and unexciting at Seattle Grace. Meredith had already checked on the two cardio patients she'd been assigned, three times in the last hour. She now sat alone at a nurses station, leisurely filling out some charts. The buzzing of her vibrating phone in her lab coat pocket, brought her attention from the medical jargon she was effortlessly filling in, and she retrieved the phone and glanced at the screen.

She frowned when she didn't recognize the number, but flipped it open anyways, remembering Hanna was spending the day with her Grandmother and it might be them.

"Hello?" Meredith was met by silence. She checked her phone quickly, and it read _Connected_, so she tried again. "Hello?... Can you hear me?...Mrs. Shepherd?... Hanna?"

When still no one answered, Meredith shrugged and was about to snap the phone shut, when she heard a deep, slow laugh, just barely audible. Meredith froze, questioning if she had heard right. Then she heard it again. A little louder this time, but still deep and slow, an unsettling sound.

The hairs on Meredith's arms stood straight up, and fear gripped her chest. She snapped the phone shut and tossed it on the desk in front of her, as if the man was inside the small device. She stared ahead, focusing on calming her breathing. _Wrong number, wrong number_, she repeated over and over to herself. Maybe if she said it enough times, it would actually be true.

Meredith didn't know how long she sat like that, staring ahead, not blinking. She didn't even realize someone had joined her at the station until his voice cut through her thoughts.

"Hey space case."

Meredith blinked and looked up startled. An honest smile stole across her face as she greeted her old friend. "Hey Mark. When did you guys get back?" She forced the phone call out of her head and focused on the handsome man in front of her.

"Late last night." He answered yawning. He searched through a stack of files before finding the chart he was looking for and opened it in front of him on the counter.

"Did you have a nice vacation?"

"Vacation?" Mark scoffed. "I was there on_ business_ Meredith. Addison was accompanying me as my assistant." Mark explained slowly, not convincing her any more than he had Derek.

"Oh, right. _Business_ in Hawaii. Must be nice." Meredith rolled her eyes and giggled causing a fake look of hurt to overtake Mark's handsome features.

"Well, I'm sure you and Derek will take lots of _business_ trips together when you _finally _finish your internship. Gee, Mer, are you going for a record?" Mark teased causing Meredith to drop her jaw in offense.

"Hey! It's not my fault…" Meredith stopped when she saw he was playing with her. She crossed her arms across her chest and tried to give him a dirty look.

This only caused Mark to laugh even harder, as he gathered a few charts in his hands and waved as he hurried away, still chuckling to himself.

Meredith smiled and looked down at her forgotten charts, thankful for the temporary distraction from the disturbing phone call. Again, she repeated _wrong number, wrong number_, as she picked up her pen and continued with the charts, hoping to drown herself in medical technology once again.

* * *

It wasn't until later in the day that she finally ran into Derek. She hadn't completely forgiven him for his omission, but she was working on it. She recognized him from behind as soon as she rounded the corner and quickly joined him in front of the OR board. He was on his cell, talking quietly and ended the call immediately when he saw her approach.

"Hey." He smiled, and wished he could kiss her, but there were too many nurses and doctors around, and Meredith was still insisting on discreetness.

"Hey." She echoed, curious to the phone call he had ended abruptly. "Who was that?" She gestured towards the phone he had replaced in his pocket.

"Hmm? Oh, that? Oh, just chief stuff." He shrugged and turned his face back to the large white board that hung in front of him, but not before Meredith saw something flash through his eyes. Guilt? Secrecy? Deceit?

Meredith studied the side of his face a moment more before letting it drop. Her own call from earlier was making her a little jumpy, a bit on edge. She had probably just imagined it.

"Well, I'm off in thirty minutes. Any chance you'll be able to get home early again today?" Meredith asked hopefully, already knowing the disappointing answer.

Derek sighed and turned back to face her, sadness evident in his blue eyes. "I'm sorry Mer. I have a meeting at seven with the big boys from upstairs, and Mr. Luckabee asked if I could finish transferring the old books to the new system. I'll probably be rather late."

Meredith could read the regret clearly on his face, so she didn't push it. He was sorry and already felt bad enough.

"Okay, no problem. I'll drop your mother off at the airport tonight. I'm glad I had a chance to meet her."

"Me too." Derek smiled. "Thanks Mer. I'll try to get home as soon as I can, but don't wait up." He glanced up and down the hall and stole a quick peck on her cheek, before turning and hurrying away.

Meredith watched his retreating form until he turned he corner and disappeared from view, before turning herself and heading in the opposite direction.

* * *

Meredith waved one last time as she pulled away from the drop off curb of Seattle's Tacoma International Airport.

Hanna's sweet voice called out her open window for the tenth time. "Good bye Nana! Good bye! Come back soon!"

Meredith smiled at how her young daughter had immediately developed a strong bond with her Grandmother. She was glad they had spent the day together; they both seemed to have had a real good time.

Meredith pulled on to the highway as Hanna finally nodded off. She turned the radio on low and got lost in the music, welcoming the numbing effect it had on her thoughts. As she neared her turn off, she noticed bright headlights in her rear view mirror, closing in on her. Meredith frowned annoyed, and moved to the right lane, hoping whoever it was would pass on her left.

The car seemed to back off, and again Meredith got lost in the music, until the lights were back, right behind her. Meredith sped up, and the lights sped right up with her, she slowed, and so did the lights. She tried to brush it off as just an inattentive driver, but that fear that seemed to always accompany her lately, was taking hold.

She took her exit and pleaded with herself to remain calm. The car followed, but Meredith justified that her exit was a busy one, in the heart of the city; lots of cars shared the exit. She forced her eyes away from the rear view mirror and focused in front of her. She focused on the stop lights and the street signs, on the small white lines that laid in front of her in stark contrast to the streets dark asphalt. As she pulled into the neighborhood where her mother's old house stood, her eyes disobediently moved back up to the rear view mirror and her heart picked up its pace as the eerie two headlights stared back. She made the familiar turns unhurriedly, hoping she would soon part ways with the headlights, but they only seemed to grow closer. She pulled onto her street and debated whether or not she should stop at her house. Did she really want this pursuer to know where she lived?

She kept her car in drive as her house came and went. She figured she'd circle the block a few times, and whoever was following would eventually loose interest.

The fifth time Meredith's house came and went out the passenger window, Meredith started panicking. Only Izzie's car was in the drive way. Alex was probably still at the hospital and she knew it would still be hours before Derek arrived home. She would have to go for it. She gripped her phone in one hand as she finally turned into her drive way. The dark car stopped a few houses down from her and Meredith watched it a second, debating if she'd be able to get Hanna out from the back seat and into the house before whoever was in the car could reach her. Meredith took a few breaths, gathering strength, and as she grabbed her car door handle, the dark car slowly moved forward until it picked up speed and peeled away. She watched it disappear around a dark street corner and listened as the screeching tires faded into the black night.

Meredith cursed out loud. The car had taken off too fast to get the license plate number and the windows had been too dark to see inside. Assured that the car was gone, for now at least, Meredith hurried out of the driver side and scooped Hanna from the booster seat she slept oblivious in. She pushed the doors shut with her foot and hurried to the front door, her hands shaking as she desperately tried to unlock the door.

Once safe inside, she slammed the door closed and locked both the bottom lock and the dead bolt, one that they rarely used. Izzie stepped out of the kitchen, cradling a steaming mug in her hand and watched Meredith quizzically.

"Are you all right?" Izzie appraised Meredith's pale face and shaking hands as they clung to her daughter, holding her small body tightly against her own.

"Is… Is Alex here?" Meredith prayed that he was. She desperately hoped they had rode home together and left his car at the hospital.

Izzie furrowed her brows, but answered. "He's still in surgery. There were complications, he'll probably be there for a few more hours. Why?"

Meredith avoided Izzie's gaze as she stared out the front window to the empty street in front of the house.

"No reason. Just….just make sure he locks the door behind him when he gets home." Meredith didn't wait for Izzie to respond. She hurried up the stairs, eager to put Hanna to bed and soak in a hot bath. Maybe she could wash all the scary events of the day from her memory.

* * *


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Ugh, for the life of me I can't get the kitchen scene sounding right...and I give up. So I apologize ahead of time. For some reason this chapter seems a bit choppy, but that could be because I was kinda in a hurry and wanted to get this up tonight. I have company in town this week, (and I just spent the last 6 hours of my life dealing with luggage mishaps at the airport) So there won't be an update every day... but I'll try my best to get a few up this week. Because truth betold, _this_ is what I'd rather be doing... not pretending I keep my house clean, not pretending my little babes are perfect angels, not pretending I know how to cook... THIS. Anyways, read and review, and again, sorry for any editing mishaps.**

* * *

_Meredith's bare feet smacked against the damp pavement as she ran. A tall man, whose head was covered with the hood of his black sweatshirt, followed only feet behind. She opened her mouth to scream but no sound came out, so she ran faster, harder. Her lungs were burning and her legs were numb from the exertion. But she had to escape; she had to flee her attacker._

_His heavy footsteps quickened with her speed, and grew closer and closer till they were echoing inside her head, drowning out all other sound. A black shadow enveloped her as he was now only inches behind, his rapid hot breath on her neck._

_The attacker grabbed her shoulders and shook her. Meredith opened her mouth in one last desperate attempt to yell. This time her voice cooperated and the silence was split by her ear piercing scream. She screamed and thrashed as the man shook her._

_Meredith?_

_Meredith!_

_MER!_

"Mer, baby, wake up! You're okay. It's just me. Calm down. You're okay." Meredith blinked her eyes open and realized she was in Derek's arms. He held her close and smoothed her sweaty hair. Her heart was racing and she was breathing fast as she slowly came to. It had been a dream. A horrible nightmare. But she was fine. She was safe in her bed in Derek's strong arms. It was just a dream.

"Are you okay?" Derek finally asked, after Meredith's breathing calmed and her heart slowed.

"Ya. Fine." Meredith whispered, clinging to the t-shirt Derek slept in.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Derek asked soothingly, still stroking her hair and wiping at a few tears that had slipped down her cheek.

"No. Just hold me Derek." Meredith buried her face in his shirt, feeling the warmth of his breath wash over her damp skin, reminding her she was safe.

As she drifted back to sleep, she found herself repeating something else in her mind. _It was just dream, it was just a dream, it was just a dream…._

_

* * *

_

Morning came too soon for Meredith who hadn't slept much after her bad dream. She reached and shut the alarm off, and nudged Derek awake. It was nice waking up next to him for a change. It was a rare morning he didn't have to be in before her own shift started.

Derek groggily opened his eyes and gave Meredith a quick smile before kissing her on the nose. "You okay?"

"I'm fine."

Derek chuckled, knowing he wouldn't get anymore than that. It wasn't like Meredith to have nightmares, but he figured it never did any good to press her on something when she didn't want to talk about it. He'd let it go for now.

"Do you want the shower first, or shall I take it? Or better yet, we could shower together." Derek wiggled his brows flirtatiously.

"In your dreams Dr. Shepherd." Meredith rolled her eyes at his offended look and tiredly climbed out of bed. "You go first, I'm going to go wake Hanna."

Derek sighed frustrated as he pulled himself out of bed and trudged into the bathroom, alone.

Thirty five minutes later, Meredith finished drying her hair and applying the tiny bit of makeup she wore, and headed downstairs to meet the others for breakfast.

Derek sat in his usual spot, bowl of cereal next to his stack of paper work. He smiled at her as she walked in and Meredith noticed him quickly slide a piece of paper under the stack, acting nonchalant about it.

Meredith poured herself a cup of coffee Izzie had started earlier for everyone, and plopped in the chair next to Derek. She watched across the table as Hanna carefully scooped her cereal in a silver spoon and shoveled the flakes drenched in milk in her mouth. She noticed Derek staring at her out of the corner of her eye. She finally turned to meet him.

"What?!"

Derek laughed. "Is that all you're having for breakfast?"

Meredith couldn't help herself and she laughed too. Did this ever get old to him?

"As a matter of fact, _yes_." She tried to glare, but her smile gave her away.

Derek shook his head and stood. He crossed the kitchen while he tsk tsk'd her. He reached in the cabinet to retrieve a bowl and Meredith realized he was getting her a bowl of cereal for breakfast. With his back to her and the table, Meredith kept her eyes on him and quickly shuffled through his papers until she found the one she had seen him hide. She glanced down swiftly and saw a woman's name scrawled in blue ink followed by a phone number. **Carrie Lashinger**.

Derek finished filling the bowl with the muesli flakes and milk and grabbed a spoon, before Meredith could memorize the phone number. She stuffed the paper back under the stack and folded her hands in front of her unseen, before Derek rejoined her at the table.

"Here ya go." Derek set the breakfast in front of his girlfriend and kissed the top of her head. "No thanks needed."

"Good, cause you weren't going to get any." Meredith replied stubbornly before digging her spoon in the brown flakes and stuffing a bite in her turned down mouth.

* * *

Meredith slammed her locker shut frustrated. Where was her _chapstick_? She had been sure it was in her purse, but after emptying its contents, as well as the contents of her entire locker onto the wooden bench, it hadn't turned up. Meredith sighed; it was probably in her jeep. She didn't want to walk all the way out to the parking lot, but she _really_ needed chapstick.

Meredith hurried down to the lobby and out the main doors and shivered when a cold breeze wrapped around her thin scrubs. For the umpteenth time that day, the woman's name written on Derek's hidden paper crossed her mind. Who was she? If it had to do with hospital business, surely he wouldn't have tried to hide it from her. He was taking an increasingly large number of mysterious calls as well. Each time he brushed it off as "chief stuff" but Meredith wasn't so sure and was growing more and more suspicious. She wasn't really sure of what. But something was going on. That much she knew.

And besides, thinking about the secrets Derek was keeping from her kept her mind off of other things. Other things like frightening phone calls, creepy people hiding in shadows or scary dark cars following her home at night. Most of all, they kept her from thinking about the mysterious, almost intimidating notes found in her locker. Notes, a lot like the one that met Meredith at her jeep, wedged between the windshield and a wiper blade.

Meredith froze. It was the first time in her life she was actually praying for the paper to be a ticket. A fine from the parking lot police, anything would be better then what she knew it actually was.

She didn't know why she was removing it from its spot on the window, or why she was slowly opening the white cardstock. All she had to do was throw it away. Not give this disturbed person the satisfaction of being scared by his sick jokes. But Meredith's body didn't obey and her eyes defied her. Once again, dark black, neatly written letters were carefully printed on the paper. This time it was a bit longer.

**Roses are red, violets are blue;**

**Ready or Not, I'm coming for you.**

**The time is up, the time is near;**

**Scream all you want, 'cause no one will hear.**

Meredith's eyes shot up and quickly darted across the parking lot. This was bad. Not good at all. Suddenly everyone coming to and fro innocently became a suspect. She jumped when she saw her own refection in the jeeps passenger window and shook so bad she could barely stand. She needed to tell someone. Definitely. She pulled her cell from her pocket as she headed determinedly back into the hospital, all thoughts of chapstick forgotten. She walked as brusquely as she could until even that wasn't good enough and it turned into a sprint. Parking lots weren't safe. Hospital lobbies were better. She finally stopped her panicked dash as she entered the main entrance and was greeted with the welcoming steady stream of a large crowd. She felt safe in this public room, bright lights illuminating all around her.

She struggled to catch her breath as she pushed the numbers in for Derek's cell and waited shakily for it to ring. It immediately went to voice mail, so she figured he was still in his meeting. She punched the end button and threw the phone back in her pocket.

_Security_. Of course. Why hadn't she thought of that earlier?

Meredith hurriedly pushed herself through the throngs of people, it seemed the hospital was extra busy today, and made her way to one of the smaller offices on the first floor. She pushed the door open and came face to face with Mr. Luckabee.

Meredith blinked, willing it to not be true. She stared up at the man, unable to move, unable to speak.

"Meredith! How nice to see you. I was just talking with my buddy here, Jack." Mr. Luckabee gestured towards the plump man in a gray security uniform. "Is there something we can help you with?"

Meredith shook her head, her eyes wide, face pale.

"Are you sure? You look like you've just seen a ghost." Mr. Luckabee kept his dark eyes on her; his voice was cool, even. His remark caused his friend to laugh out loud and Meredith saw something flash through his face. Was he challenging her?

Meredith finally found her voice and struggled to keep it calm and unshaky. "No. No, I'm fine. Thank you, Mr. Luckabee. I… I just got a little lost. I thought this was a supply closet. I'm sorry, excuse me."

Meredith turned to leave but was stopped by his sudden change in tone. "I told you to call me Jon."

Meredith didn't turn around. She didn't even nod; she just quickly stepped out of the room and hurried away. Things were quickly becoming less clear to her. The lines less defined. Should she tell Derek? Could it really be Mr. Luckabee behind all of this? Was she imagining the way he spoke to her? What if she was wrong, what if she expressed her assumptions and they turned out to be completely false? It would jeopardize her career, along with Derek's position as Chief, as well as the careers of all her friends who would no doubt try to help.

Meredith swallowed and calmed her breathing. She could do this alone for just a bit longer. She would have to. She needed to get her facts straight and get to the bottom of whoever was trying to scare her. She wouldn't drag anyone else in until she absolutely had to.

Content with her decision and new found determination, she walked purposely to the elevator. She would get through the remainder of her shift professionally, like a professional doctor would. She would deal with everything later. For now, she would pretend. She was good at pretending, and she would pretend that everything was fine.

* * *

Meredith found exactly who she was looking for up on the surgical floor leaning against the nurses station, absorbed in conversation with George and Alex. All three surgeons quickly stopped their discussion when Meredith approached and she noticed George grab something off the desk and slide it in his pocket. People were behaving peculiar around her all day but she was too tired to care.

"Hey Cristina?" She kept her voice low so the passing interns wouldn't hear. "Do you think I could leave early today?"

Cristina eyed Meredith curiously before speaking. "Ya, whatever, no problem. Are you okay? You look like shit."

Both George and Alex chuckled at Cristina's bluntness but didn't disagree. They too had been wondering why she all the sudden looked pale and upset.

"I'm fine. It's um… Hanna…. She was tired this morning and I thought …. um it would be good to get her home early today. That's all."

All three nodded silently back at Meredith, not one buying it, but all accustomed to her quick denial.

"You know, I_ am_ your person, you can talk to me if you need to. " Cristina offered back lightly.

Meredith nodded frowning. "I know. And I will…. just not yet."

That seemed to satisfy Cristina and she turned her attention to some charts that laid in front of her. Meredith nodded to others as she turned and headed to the locker room to change. She was about to push the door open when she saw a familiar figure heading towards her.

An automatic smile spread across her face when her eyes met Derek's. The hall was full of interns and nurses so they stood a few extra feet apart and both crossed their arms as they greeted each other.

"Hey Chief."

"Hey." Derek laughed at her greeting. "You headed home already?"

"Ya. I'm a little tired, and Hanna was a bit cranky this morning so I thought we should both get to bed early tonight. When do you think you'll be done?" Meredith asked, all the while her eyes darting up and down the hall, hoping no one was catching their conversation.

"Oh… um… I have another late meeting. Shouldn't be too late though. Are you alright? You seem kinda pale. Are you sure you're just tired?"

Meredith saw it again. Something unreadable flash through his eyes. And she certainly didn't miss how quickly he had changed the subject.

She sighed. "Ya, I'm fine. Just tired Derek."

Meredith was too defeated to care that she had just called him by his first name in time for a few of her fellow interns that were passing by to hear. She noticed them exchange looks, and decided she really didn't care. She was growing sick of the whole charade. There was too many other things going on that were more important for her to think about.

Derek studied her a little more before deciding to let it go once again. She was after all an intern and interns always seemed to look frazzled.

"I'll see you later then? Tell Hanna good night for me."

Meredith nodded and watched him join a few doctors down the hall and start up a conversation, before she turned and walked in to the locker room. She just wanted to go home.

* * *

It seemed everything had finally calmed down and Meredith was able to relax a little. Hanna and she had picked up fast food on the way home from the hospital for an early dinner and had already bathed and showered. The sun was still up, so Meredith let Hanna play with some of her dolls in the living room while she got caught up with laundry.

She was enjoying listening to Hanna's sweet voice drift softly to the kitchen as she folded a pile of both hers and Derek's freshly washed scrubs. Hanna had just finished her rendition of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star for the sixteenth time, and Meredith was relieved when her young daughter chose a new song to sing.

She noticed she was quickly running out of room on the kitchen table, as the piles of clean clothes grew, so she picked up the empty vase that occupied valuable room at the far end of the table. As Meredith carefully moved the heavy glass across the kitchen to the counter, the words of Hanna's new song reached her ear.

Her light, innocent voice softly chanted in a sing song voice, a familiar poem.

"Roses are red, violets are blue. Ready or not, I'm coming for you…."

The sweet small voice was cut off by the sound of shattering glass. Fear had overcome Meredith, causing the vase to slip out of her shaking hands as she crossed the kitchen and entered the living room. Meredith's eyes were dark with fear and her face was as white as the socks she had just folded.

Hanna had never seen her mother so upset, and the little girl froze, clutching her small doll to her chest.

"Hanna," Meredith spoke slow and forced her voice to stay low and calm. "Where did you hear that song?"

Hanna didn't speak. She just met Meredith with her own, large frightened eyes.

Meredith tried again, her voice a bit more anxious. "Hanna, who taught you that song."

When Hanna still didn't respond, Meredith yelled. "Hanna! Tell me where you heard that song!"

Hanna's chin quivered and tears spilt free. "That man Mama! That man taught me!"

Chills shot through Meredith and she began crying with her four year old. "What man Hanna?! Tell me who he is?! What man?!" Meredith was shaking uncontrollably.

"I don't know! Please don't yell at me Mama! The man at the hospital. He was teaching us songs."

Mother and daughter were both sobbing. Meredith grabbed Hanna by her shoulders, frightening her daughter even more. "Did he touch you Hanna?"

Hanna was too scared to speak. She didn't understand why her mother looked so scared.

Meredith grew more alarmed at her daughter's silence and shook her once. "Hanna! Did he hurt you?!"

"No Mama. We were just singing songs. You're scaring me!"

Meredith pulled Hanna close and wrapped her arms around her, holding her as close as she could. They cried together for a moment before Meredith regained control. She stroke her daughters dark curls and rubbed her back until Hanna's tears stopped as well.

Meredith pulled away slightly to look into her eyes. They looked like little oceans lined with red and Meredith immediately felt bad for loosing it so easily. Hanna was too young to understand what was going on. She reminded herself she needed to be the adult and keep her cool.

"I'm so sorry Hanna. I didn't mean to yell at you. Mommy just got scared."

When Hanna nodded, Meredith continued. "Do you remember what Mommy told you about strangers?"

Hanna nodded again, then replied in a weak, shaky voice. "Don't talk to them?"

"That's right Hanna. You should never talk to strangers, ever. Okay?"

"I'm sorry Mama."

Meredith hugged her tightly again. "It's okay sweetie. It's my fault. I should have been watching you better. _I'm _sorry Hanna. I'm so sorry. Mama's not ever going to let anyone hurt you. Not ever."

Meredith held her close for a minute longer before releasing her. "Why don't we go upstairs and brush our teeth for bed?"

Hanna nodded and turned for the stairs.

"And Hanna?"

Hanna turned around and Meredith could still see the uncertainty in her eyes.

"Why don't you pick out _four_ books for tonight? I think we should read a while before we go to sleep."

A smile finally spread across Hanna's face and even reached her eyes, as she nodded eagerly. Meredith sighed relieved and Hanna bounced the rest of the way up the stairs.

Meredith finally stood from the spot she was kneeling and retrieved her cell from her purse by the front door. Maybe she could catch Derek before he went in his meeting.

She tried his cell first and it went directly to voice mail so Meredith decided she'd try his office line before giving up. On the second ring his secretary picked up.

"_Dr. Shepherd's office, how can I help you?"_

"Hi, I was wondering if I could speak to Dr. Shepherd before his next meeting. It's kind of urgent."

"_I'm sorry. Dr. Shepherd's left for the day. He doesn't have a meeting tonight. Can I take a message?"_

Meredith wasn't sure what to say. He'd already left? Maybe the meeting had been cancelled. But why hadn't he called her?

"Um, no. That won't be necessary. Thank you anyways." Meredith ended her call with furrowed brows.

She didn't have time to obsess over it like she would have liked to. She needed to take care of things with Hanna and be sure she hadn't scared her daughter to death. Hanna was more important right now. She'd figure the rest of her messed up life later.

* * *

**I'm super excited for next chapter... I promise to get it up ASAP.**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: I decided to do this next chapter in two parts. That way I can get this first part up today instead of making you wait longer for the whole thing. I plan to get the next part up tomorrow evening (company leaves tomorrow afternoon). I know some of you are freaking out that Derek's cheating or something... but I promise just KEEP reading and you won't be dissapointed. Of course, there's even more of you that have already figured it out (you guys are just too smart.) Anyways, happy Grey's Day!!...**

* * *

**Part One**

Meredith opened her eyes and stretched. She stared for a minute at the rays of light that had forced themselves through the cracks in her drapes. She tried to feel excited. She tried to tell herself that this year would be different. But the same sinking feeling that seemed to settle in the pit of her stomach arrived as she groggily climbed out of bed. Something told her that this year, her birthday would be no different than the last thirty or so had been.

The foolishly optimistic little girl inside Meredith quickly searched the dresser top and then the bathroom counter with her eyes for a card, a small gift, anything. Of course there was nothing and Meredith scolded herself for being so juvenile. She shook her head trying to rid it of any thoughts of birthdays. She had other things to worry about. Someone was trying to scare her and she needed to stay concentrated on getting to the bottom of it. She didn't need her pathetic childhood and lack of birthday celebrations clouding her mind. She needed to focus.

Meredith was able to get Hanna and herself fed, dressed, and out the door on time with no more than a couple more birthday thoughts. She was even feeling proud of herself that she was halfway through rounds and hadn't checked her phone more than three times wondering if she had somehow missed Derek's call. She wasn't disappointed when Cristina had passed out the intern's assignments that morning and hadn't mentioned knowing what the day was. She hadn't even let it get her down when Izzie, who was famously known for bringing in the best birthday cupcakes on her friends' birthdays, had passed her in the hall with a mere smile and wave.

She was fine. She was good at this part; at the not letting disappointment after let down get to her. At the pretending.

Meredith somehow made it to lunchtime and found herself checking her messages. Maybe she had missed a call. Maybe Derek had called and it somehow hadn't gone through and went straight to voice mail.

Meredith slammed her phone shut hard at the annoying sound of the woman's voice stating she had _no new messages_. Of course he hadn't called. He was busy with some super important meeting with the chief from Merci West. Derek had so many new responsibilities that it probably hadn't even dawned on him what the day was. This thought didn't make Meredith angry. It made her incredibly sad. More sad than a life time of neglected birthdays by her mom had ever managed to make her.

She leaned against the wall and closed her eyes. She wasn't going to cry. She learned by the time she was ten, that crying on your birthday was useless. She focused on inhaling and exhaling until the sting behind her eyes lessened and the trembling of her lip steadied. When she reopened her eyes, the curvy figure of a red head walking towards her in perfect black designer pumps filled her vision and Meredith couldn't help but sigh.

Why did Addison always have to look so flawless and put together? Meredith had thrown her greasy hair in a sloppy pony tail and hadn't even bothered with lip gloss that morning. She noticed how Addison's crisp white lab coat carefully covered her coordinating Prada blouse and skirt, and couldn't keep her eyes from falling down to her own clothes. Her own lab coat had started out clean, but somewhere in the morning had gathered a collection of coffee stains and antiseptic spills. She hadn't even bothered trying to iron her wrinkled scrubs and noticed for the first time she had a large hole in the outside seem on one of the legs of her pants. Perfect.

"Hey there Grey." Addison's cheerful voice didn't cover the concern that immediately swept over her features as she took in the disheveled sight before her.

"Hi Addison." Meredith tried not to meet her probing eyes.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." Meredith smiled inside. She had almost perfected those two words.

After an extended silence, Meredith finally met Addison's gaze. The refined red head carefully appraised the petite intern a moment longer before finally speaking.

"Let's go."

"Um…what?" Meredith furrowed her brows, not quite understanding what she meant.

"I'm breaking you out of here. Let's go." Addison turned to leave, expecting Meredith to follow, but when the frazzled younger doctor didn't move, Addison turned back around questioningly.

"I… I…I can't leave Addison. I don't get off till five." Meredith's eyes were wide and confused. What exactly was Addison planning?

"Sure you can. I'll page Dr. Yang and let her know I'm borrowing you for the rest of the day. I don't have any patients expected to deliver today, no one will even know we're gone. Come on, it will be fun."

Meredith was still shocked, and stuttered not knowing what to say."Wh…what? We can't just leave?! We might get in trouble."

Addison scoffed as she rolled her eyes. "By who? You're _boyfriend _happens to be the chief, who also happens to be my ex-husband. I picked his drunken ass up at Joe's so many times when you were gone. He owes me. _Come on_ Meredith, it will be fun!"

Meredith started walking forward with Addison, her mind still reeling. Then a thought crossed her mind that made her stop in her tracks. "Wait! I can't leave Hanna at the day care center. Derek's busy in a meeting and if something happens to her, I wouldn't be close… and…."

Addison watched Meredith, a little taken back by her sudden anxiety. She wasn't usually the overprotective mother type, but there was something inside Meredith's eyes that Addison couldn't really decipher and so she chose not to argue. Instead she offered a solution.

"Mark doesn't have any patients. He can come get her and take her for ice cream or something. Then you know she'll be safe and _we _can get out of here. Mark would love that."

Meredith tossed that idea around in her mind a minute. Hanna loved her Uncle Mark almost more than anyone else, and Meredith knew she would definitely be safe. Addison didn't look like she was giving up any time soon so, reluctantly, Meredith nodded her agreement.

Addison's face split in an excited grin as she reached for her cell and pushed a few buttons.

Soon they had Mark's eager acceptance of his babysitting duties, and the two women headed down for the lobby alone in an elevator.

Meredith couldn't help but smile. She had to admit sneaking out was rather exciting. "You know Addie, I haven't ditched since Miss Roscals PE senior year. This is kind of fun."

Addison laughed, happy that her new friend was finally getting into the spirit of what they were doing. "Oh the fun's just begun Meredith. I'm taking you down town. We're going to hit Barney's and then grab a light lunch at this small café that's just to die for…."

Addison went on while Meredith just shook her head amused. Of course. Addison was taking her shopping. Usually Meredith would have kicked and screamed in objection, but she found her self a bit intrigued. She'd never been shopping with a New Yorker before, and even though she'd basically grown up in Seattle, her mother had never taken her down town. She would let herself enjoy her girls day out, it would be her own birthday present to herself.

* * *

"How about these?" Addison held up a pair of brightly colored high heeled Christian Louboutin's. 

Meredith wrinkled her nose and shook her head, causing Addison to laugh out loud.

"Okay fine, what about these?" Addison moved to a simpler pare of black flats by Miu Miu.

Meredith studied them closely for a moment before finally nodding and smiling. She could do simple.

Addison sighed relieved and motioned for their shopping assistant to retrieve Meredith's size in the black flats, before collapsing exhausted in the velvet lined chair next to Meredith.

The two women appraised their large pile of purchases and Meredith couldn't help but shake her head. It was all a bit overwhelming. It had started out by Addison insisting on buying Meredith a new pair of jeans and blouse and had escalated from there. After their "light lunch", which Meredith noticed the bill topping seventy five bucks, Addison had taken her to Ricardo, a hair dresser she claimed was a pure genius, and Meredith had had her hair cut and styled. She was used to trimming her own spit ends, so that had been a treat in itself. But the fun hadn't ended there. They'd enjoyed a hot stone massage at a close health spa and Meredith had even agreed to a facial where Addison instructed the technician to "do something with her brows". Meredith had never realized what nicely shaped eyebrows she had and couldn't help but smile at how her skin glowed. Before leaving she had consented to let them do her makeup and a light layer of soft color had been painted over her fresh skin. She looked like a new woman, a refreshed woman, maybe even a happy woman.

Addison had insisted on stopping once more at yet another upscale store for some shoes to go with her new outfit, but before they had even reached the shoe section, Meredith found her arms full of designer articles of clothing Addison swore up and down were made just for Meredith's shape.

Addison had been whipping out her credit card left and right all day long and Meredith had learned hours ago that arguing would do no good. She was adamant on taking care of everything and Meredith sat back and watched the total tally higher and higher, helpless to do anything about it.

Their shopping assistant came back with the appropriate size and carefully slipped it on Meredith's small foot. The fit was perfect and Meredith actually really liked the shoes. She nodded to Addison who clapped victoriously and told the man she'd take them in both black and brown. Meredith laughed and sat to replace her old shoes, when she caught the price on the shoe box.

"Addison! No way. Three hundred forty? Do you realize how much you've spent already today? This is insane!"

"Meredith, relax. It's not my money. Besides, what did I tell you earlier? You do not _think _when you're shopping, you just _shop_. It's much more fun that way."

Meredith opened her mouth to protest. For being an educated neonatal surgeon, she wasn't making any sense. But Addison held up a hand to cut off anything else Meredith had to say and started handing her the bags full of clothing. Meredith dutifully obeyed as Addison once again whipped out her plastic and charged their most recent purchase. Seven hundred dollars for two pairs of shoes.

Meredith felt tired as she tossed her bags into the trunk of Addison's silver Aston Martin. She climbed in the sports car and stretched her exhausted legs in the small space available.

"Thank you for today Addison. I can't believe how much fun I had."

"We're not through yet. You still need to get your nails done and a pedicure would be a nice compliment for your new Miu Miu's."

Meredith opened her mouth once again in disbelief but quickly shut it at the look the red head threw her way. She instead sighed defeated, and settled into the luxurious leather upholstery of the passenger seat.

At the nail salon Meredith was able to argue Addison out of the _Hot Passion Red_ and compromised at a simple clear shimmer for her fingernails. Addison wouldn't agree to the same with Meredith's toes, so Meredith surrendered and let her nail technician and friend discuss it amongst themselves as she sat back in the large black cushioned vibrating chair. The hot soapy water felt heavenly on her tired achy feet and Meredith got lost for a moment in a US Weekly magazine, letting her earlier worries of the day, and the last few weeks melt with the tension in her feet.

The soft vibrating of her cell phone snapped her back into reality as she eagerly dug the phone out of her pocket. The number on the screen wasn't familiar but she recognized it as one of the hospital's office lines and excitedly pushed the receive button, sure it was Derek finally remembering what the day was.

"Hello?" To her frustration she was met with silence, and for a quick second she thought maybe she wasn't getting good enough reception in the small salon. She tried again, "Hello?"

She almost gave up when she heard a deep tone. A chilling, distant voice that caused her to freeze.

"_Roses are red, violets are blue_…." The voice became barely a whisper before it dropped off and turned into cold, frightening laughter.

Meredith snapped her phone shut and pressed the power button off. Her shaky hands stuffed the phone back into her pocket and she looked up to meet the worried eyes of Addison and the oriental woman doing her nails.

"Is everything okay Meredith?" Addison's eyes were wide and concerned.

"Oh…. ya….um…. that was just, um…. a wrong number. No big deal." Meredith met Addison's gaze and forced herself to remain steady, to not look away.

Addison stared back unbelieving before nodding slowly, finally turning away, knowing Meredith wasn't going to share further. She continued her intense debate between a French manicure or Perfect Pink for Meredith's toes, before all three agreed to Iridescent Ivory.

Meredith numbly went through the motions of sitting still for her pedicure and didn't even have the strength to protest when Addison suggested she change into one of her new outfits. She vaguely remembered agreeing with Addison when she gushed over and over at how amazing Meredith looked. The tight new designer jeans and black top hugged her curves appropriately and she didn't remember the last time her hair felt as soft or skin glowed so flawlessly.

Meredith only wished her insides matched her outsides. She couldn't get the creepy caller's voice out of her head and had even made Addison call Mark twice to check on Hanna. Of course both Hanna and Mark were fine, and Addison had repeatedly inquired into what was wrong, but Meredith wasn't ready to talk about it. As nice and kind as Addison had been that day, she didn't think she was the right one to go to with her problem.

Meredith sat quietly once again in the passenger seat of the sports car.

"Do you want to drop me off at the hospital or is Mark bringing Hanna to my house?" Meredith thought it a waste that she looked so good only to go home to bed, but she was tired, and that's exactly where she wanted to go.

Addison shook her head, a mischievous smile slowly spreading. "Nu uh. I'm not taking you home yet. We need to end our day with a drink. It's tradition."

Meredith moaned. "I'm sorry Addie. I'm exhausted. Would you mind just dropping me off? We can get that drink another time."

"Sorry, no can do. It's tradition and I'll be damned if I break it. Besides, you're acting rather strange. A quick drink will do you good. I promise… one drink… and if you_ still_ want to leave… I'll take you home."

There wasn't much Meredith could say. Addison had already turned off in the direction of Joe's and it didn't seem Meredith could say or do anything to change her mind.

Meredith stepped reluctantly out of the car and suddenly was very self conscious. No doubt there would be others from the hospital inside who would recognize her. She was usually a jeans and pony tail kind of girl. Tonight she looked like she stepped off the runway. She was easily Addison's equal, if not more.

They both made it to the entrance and Meredith took a breath as she grabbed the handle.

"Oops. I forgot my phone in the car. You go on ahead Meredith, I'll be right in." Addison didn't wait for Meredith to respond. She turned and hurried away, leaving Meredith to make her grand entrance alone.

_**To be continued...**_


	14. Chapter 14

"Oops. I forgot my phone in the car. You go on ahead Meredith, I'll be right in." Addison didn't wait for Meredith to respond. She turned and hurried away, leaving Meredith to make her grand entrance alone.

The familiar scent of peanut dust and stale alcohol met Meredith's nostrils before she even stepped through the threshold. She was so focused on maneuvering the door as carefully as she could, not wanting the bell that hung on the handle to bring attention to herself, that she didn't even notice the fifty plus pair of eyes on her.

"SURPRISE!"

Meredith's hand flew to her mouth as her heart rapidly drummed in her chest. She blinked her eyes, taking a few breaths as the sight before her slowly registered through her shocked mind.

Her friends, new and old, filled every nook and cranny of Joe's bar. Balloons of every color and size had been inflated and positioned festively around the large room. A large banner proclaimed in glittered letters, _Happy Birthday Meredith! _Elaborate arrangements of flowers decorated the small round tables scattered throughout the bar and even adorned one end of the counter in the front. She noticed large trays of delicious food positioned on rented tables, and confetti replaced the old peanut shells and dust that usually covered the worn wooden floor.

Meredith didn't have time to speak or react before the first of the crowd approached her with a warm hug. Friends and acquaintances, familiar and not, took turns with kind greetings and sincere happy birthdays as Meredith weaved through the group. She smiled and muttered genuine appreciation and gratitude for the overwhelming celebration in her honor. Meredith was cordial and pleasant all the while her eyes searched for the familiar pair of blue ones her body ached for.

She saw almost everyone else from the hospital, but she couldn't spot Derek anywhere. Meredith excused herself from a group of older nurses she'd know from when she first started her internship, when she noticed Mark, George, Alex, and Preston sitting at the bar.

Mark was the first to spot the approaching birthday girl and held his arms open for a warm brotherly hug.

"Happy birthday Kiddo."

"Thanks Mark." Meredith hugged him and looked over his shoulder at the rest of the group when she noticed Hanna for the first time.

Her young daughter sat crossed legged on the counter in front of the other three men, intently working on ridding a small brown peanut of its dusty shell. After victoriously completing the complicated task, she eagerly ate the treat and looked up.

Her face immediately lit up when she saw her mom and she yelled out excitedly. "Happy birthday Mama! This is your party and I helped with the balloons!"

Meredith crossed over to the counter and swept Hanna up in her arms, holding her tight in a hug.

"Thank you Hanna. The balloons look perfect. You did such a good job."

Hanna nodded seriously in complete agreement, causing the small group to break out in laughter at the self-assured four year old.

Meredith sincerely thanked the other men, especially Preston, knowing he was now extremely busy at the University.

Callie wobbled over to join them from the direction of the bathroom and the men evacuated their stools to make room for the two women.

Meredith quickly hugged Callie and the two made small talk about the delayed arrival of Baby O'Malley and how she and George anxiously expected a bundle of joy any day. Meredith did her best to focus on the conversation, but couldn't help her gaze from wandering around the room, expecting a handsome man to pop out of nowhere and flash his dreamy smile.

Cristina and Izzie finally joined the group and Meredith hugged them both gratefully as well. Everything about the night was perfect. The food, the drinks, the decoration, even the company. But something was missing and it tugged at Meredith's heart. Derek wasn't there.

Meredith excused herself from the group momentarily to get herself a drink of the birthday punch that sat next to the trays of food. She scooped the pink frothy beverage into a small plastic cup and silently hoped it was heavily spiked.

"Nice party. You're friends sure went all out for you. You must be really special."

Meredith's insides curled and she desperately struggled to keep her face rid of repulsion as the deep voice penetrated her private thoughts. She turned slowly and tried her most amiable smile as she attempted to side step the unwanted guest to rejoin her friends.

"You look beautiful tonight. Did you do something different to your hair?"

Meredith's mind went blank, unable to find anything appropriate to say back, so instead she just stared.

"I notice that boyfriend of yours is not here. I'm beginning to think you made him up." Mr. Luckabee smiled back amused, his dark eyes twinkling as they continued to linger on her accentuated curves.

Meredith avoided his gaze as she once again tried to step around him. "If you'll excuse me, my friends are waiting…"

"Oh of course, of course. I just wanted to personally wish you a happy birthday. And please… tell your friends thank you for inviting me."

Meredith nodded and began to make her escape, when the dark eyed man continued.

"…You know… I never would have been able to get out of the hospital in time if my new chief of surgery wouldn't have offered to stay late to finish some paperwork for me."

Meredith turned around slowly and met his cold gaze. Her stunned expression seemed to be what he was aiming for, so Mr. Luckabee continued.

"Are you _acquainted_ with Dr. Shepherd? He's quite devoted to the hospital. Told me it was number one in his life. He practically made me come tonight, you know. Said I was new in town and I should get out." Mr. Luckabee shrugged, keeping his eyes intently on Meredith's unreadable green ones.

Meredith had heard enough. She nodded curtly and turned back around to hurriedly join her friends across the bar.

She slumped on a stool and signaled for Joe. _Screw birthday punch_, she thought. This night called for tequila.

Meredith sat numbly at the bar. She listened to one side as Hanna's small voice excitedly talked to Burke and George about the fun day she had shared with Uncle Mark. She turned the other direction and listened to Cristina and Izzie discuss a young boy who was a patient in for a needed heart transplant. She felt bad she wasn't enjoying the party like she should have been. She presumed her friends had put in a considerable amount of time and money into the occasion, but she couldn't get over Derek's absence. And the fact that it was deliberate only seemed to sting more.

"Hey, this is _your_ party. You're not supposed to be sitting here sulking."

Alex stood beside her as he ordered his poison of choice from Joe.

"I'm sorry Alex. This is great. _Amazing _even. I know I don't look very grateful, but believe me I am. Thank you. You guys are the best. I still can't believe it all…"

Alex accepted his drink from Joe and took a long drink before turning back to Meredith.

"Don't thank me. No offense or anything, but there's only one person crazy enough to pull something like this off. He sure loves you."

Before Meredith could inquire further, Alex was gone. She sat and stared at her drink a moment, not fully comprehending what Alex had just said. She played with her empty shot glass and considered ordering another one when Callie's voice drifted over her own thoughts.

"These flowers are beautiful. Where were they ordered from?"

It was Izzie who spoke up first. "Carrie Lashinger. Isn't she amazing? If I ever get married, I'm definitely having her as my florist…"

"What did you just say?" Meredith turned surprised and butted into the ongoing conversation.

Her friends all stared back confused and Izzie repeated what she had previously stated cautiously. "Carrie Lashinger is the florist. If I ever get…"

Recognition clicked inside Meredith. That was the name of the woman on the paper Derek had unsuccessfully tried to hide from her one morning. The obviousness, that Meredith had been to blind to see, was finally coming clear. She turned determinedly to Addison who had just joined the group.

"Addison!"

Addison's eyes grew large with fright. She had just walked up and hadn't heard any of the discussion, and Meredith's accusing eyes made her shift uncomfortably. "Wh..what is it Meredith?"

"Who's idea was it to for our girls day?" Meredith was now standing, her hands on her hips, her expression firm but not angry.

"Um… I plead the fifth." Addison smiled satisfied at her answer and folder her arms across her chest in response to Meredith's intimidating stance.

Meredith shook her head fast. "Oh no you don't! You are going to tell me or I'm going to tell everyone here what you told me about you and Mark and a certain incident of indecent exposure in Hawaii."

Addison's eyes grew large again and she dropped her hands to her side. "You wouldn't Meredith Grey!"

Meredith caulked her head to the side and raised her eyebrows in response.

"Fine." Addison sighed defeated. "Derek asked me to take you out for the day. But shopping and the beauty spa was _my_ idea! He gave me his credit card and told me to max it. He wanted you to have anything and everything you wanted."

Everyone watched curiously as a smile spread across Meredith's face. "So all _this_. This was Derek's idea?" She gestured around the room, unable to believe.

"Uh, _ya_. Who did you think did this? It's all he's been able to talk about for weeks. About how you deserve the biggest party ever and every thing has to be perfect, and bla bla bla. It was getting rather annoying." Cristina rolled her eyes as she downed the rest of the beer she had been working on.

Meredith was amazed, and still a little confused. He had gone through so much trouble to throw her her very first birthday party, but hadn't showed up himself. _He'd chosen work over this?_ It didn't really add up.

Making up her mind, Meredith turned to Izzie. "Hey Iz? Would you mind making sure Hanna gets home and tucked in? I have something I need to do. I might be a while. Don't wait up."

Izzie nodded and all four women looked at her confused until they realized where she was headed and nodded knowingly. Meredith again thanked them all and waved as she quietly slipped to the door and out into the dark night, unnoticed by the other guests of her birthday party.

* * *

Meredith walked quickly down the dark halls. It was late and she didn't pass any one as she made it to the surgical floor and turned towards Derek's office. His door was cracked open, sending a lonely light reflecting off the shadowed white tile. The other offices along the corridor were dark and locked up for the night. Derek was the sole occupant of the wing. She stepped quietly to his door and peaked in.

Her heart fell to her stomach when her eyes settled on his defeated form. He sat hunched at his desk, one hand propping his tired head up, the other tediously scrawling something with his pen across an open folder.

Meredith took in his disheveled appearance and tears filled her eyes. He looked broken and beaten. Dark circles lined his dull eyes, and new lines seemed to appear around his turned down mouth. He looked sad and alone and Meredith couldn't stand the pain he seemed to be feeling.

She pushed the door open and stepped in, standing timidly in front of his desk. Derek looked up startled, and a large grin slowly spread across his face. His eyes seemed to come alive and the lines around his mouth immediately disappeared.

Meredith slowly stepped around the desk and stopped a couple feet in front of him. Derek looked her up and down and shook his head in astonishment.

"Wow. You look…I mean… _Wow_." Derek kept his eyes on her, not bothering to hide the lust that was quickly growing.

Meredith blushed. She had completely forgotten about her little makeover but smiled at Derek's obvious approval.

"Mer, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be across the street…enjoying your very first birthday party?" Derek tilted his head at her and winked.

Words couldn't express what was going through Meredith's mind, so she closed the remaining distance between her and Derek and took his face in her two hands and lowered her head to meet his. Her lips pushed against his softly at first, but quickly intensified as she pressed harder and forced her tongue into his mouth. She moved it skillfully around the warm inside, savoring the taste she had almost forgotten.

She heard Derek moan into her mouth and she pulled away satisfied.

Derek slowly opened his eyes, not wanting the moment to end. "What was that for?"

Meredith smiled and sat softly on his lap, leaning against his chest as he wrapped his arms around her tiny waist. "That was _thank you_. Thank you for everything Derek. Today has been amazing… and I can't even believe…just thank you."

Derek smiled and nodded, running a hand through her soft hair.

"So were you surprised?" Derek sighed, but still kept his smile. "Man, I wish I could have seen your face." Derek's eyes stared off, as if imagining the sight in his head.

"Why weren't you there Derek?" Meredith's mind raced with a million questions, but she settled on the most important.

"I'm so sorry Mer." Derek looked down, his smile completely gone. "I tried so hard. I had everything planned; finished my work early, made sure the OR board was set for the night. As I was getting ready to head over to Joe's to make sure the flowers and balloons had arrived and the caterer was on time, Mr. Luckabee found me and said it was imperative that these reports be finished tonight. I tried to get out of it, I was going to finish them tomorrow or later tonight… after the party even… but he was unyielding. He basically said if they weren't finished immediately, he'd go to the board to denounce my efforts as chief."

Anger swelled in Meredith's chest as she watched Derek rub his face frustrated. Her mind was completely made up about Mr. Luckabee. There was absolutely no denying that he had purposely tried to keep Derek away from her tonight.

Meredith took Derek's face in her hands once again, and smoothed his skin with her palms, as if trying to erase the pain and disappointment. She lowered her head again, and this time Derek met her eagerly with his hungry lips and kissed her hard and full of need.

Their tongues fought for power and Derek's hands began to wander. They slowly moved up Meredith's sides as she shifted on his lap, so she straddled him, a knee on each side of his legs. Her hands ran through his thick hair as things became more heated.

Derek's cold hands found the warm bare skin of her stomach causing Meredith to gasp in pleasure. Derek chuckled, their mouths still joined, as he moved his hands higher and higher until he found his target. Both hands moved over the full cups of her black lace bra, causing Meredith to arch herself against his hard chest. Her hands moved down to his pants as she desperately tried to undue his belt.

His belt was off and Meredith went for his pants buckle as he pulled away from her mouth. "Wait."

Meredith sat back, wide eyed, unbelieving. "Serioulsy?!"

Meredith's flushed expression caused Derek to laugh out loud. "Yes, _seriously_. I want to give you your birthday present first."

"You've already done enough. Besides… finishing what you started could be considered a birthday present, right?' Meredith kissed Derek down his neck, sucking on his skin as her hands moved firmly across the zipper of pants, feeling how bad Derek really wanted her.

Derek moaned. "Of course I want to finish what I started. But there's something I have to do first."

Derek stood from his chair but Meredith kept her arms around his neck and wrapped her legs around his waist. She continued to kiss his neck and rub a hand through his hair as he crossed the room to a small closet and pulled out a large brown paper bag and folded plaid blanket.

Meredith saw that she wasn't going to get her way, so she sighed and reluctantly released her grip and slid down his body so she was standing in front of him.

"Fine." She pointed to the paper bag he held. "Is that my birthday present?"

"Just hold on." He shook his head and tskd tsked. "Impatient aren't we?"

He laughed when Meredith stuck her bottom lip out in a pout and grabbed her hand. "Come on."

Meredith was now curious so she followed without objecting. Derek led her down the dark hall to the empty stairwell and they both began climbing the stairs. They remained silent, Derek eager about his next surprise, Meredith unsure of where they were headed. They reached the very top, Meredith hadn't even realized the stairs went this far, and Derek pushed open a large metal door that read _Exit_, in large letters.

Derek quickly glanced over his shoulder smiling, as he led Meredith out on the roof. He anxiously watched her face as she took in the sight. It was a rare clear night in Seattle and the bright stars nestled in the deep black sky. Derek led her further onto the roof until he found a spot he was satisfied with and briefly let go of her hand to spread out the blanket he had brought.

Derek motioned for her to sit and when she complied he took the spot next to her. She giggled as he eagerly opened the large sack. He couldn't contain his excitement and Meredith was falling in love with him all over again.

The first item Derek retrieved was a bottle of expensive champagne. He frowned when he held it up for her to inspect. "My plan was to chill this before I left for Joes, but that obviously was abortive, so I apologize. Tonight we drink warm champagne."

Meredith grinned as he handed her the bottle to retrieve two plastic goblets from the bag and sat them aside on the blanket. He then turned back to Meredith.

"So I wanted this night to be incredibly special. I thought, hmmm… maybe caviar, but immediately realized you are not a caviar kind of girl. And honestly, neither am I. I think it looks like fish bait. But I contemplated it for a while and finally settled on _this_…"

Derek reached again in the bag and this time pulled out a bag each of gummie bears and blue cotton candy. Meredith's favorite.

Meredith tilted her head back and laughed openly. She clapped her hands eagerly as she took the gifts from Derek. She placed them next to the bottle of champagne and jumped on Derek, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him long and hard on the lips. When she pulled back, she saw he was looking down affectionately in her eyes, and he began to sing. Softly and tenderly.

"Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to my Meredith. Happy birthday to you."

Meredith sat back with tears in her eyes. It was the first time anyone had ever sung her the birthday song and she couldn't believe how good it felt. Right in that moment, she had never felt happier. Not in her entire life. She didn't think things could get any better. She opened her mouth to thank Derek, again, for everything, but stopped when she noticed his expression had gone from childlike anticipation to a sudden uncertain nervousness.

She studied his face as his blue eyes darkened and noticed his hands fidget with something in his pocket. She furrowed her brows inquisitively, but remained quiet, seeing he was about to say something.

"Meredith. I have one more gift for you. It's not really a _birthday_ present. I actually bought it a while ago… but things just kept going wrong… and I kept messing up. It was never the right time to give it to you." Derek paused and took a deep breath. "I know things aren't perfect between us. And I know I can be a complete ass sometimes… But I promise Mer, that I'll do my best to love you with every ounce of my being. To protect you from the cruel world and be your knight in shining armor."

Meredith's eyes grew wide and her breath caught in her throat. "Derek, what are you…"

She stopped mid sentence as Derek got up on one knee and reached into his pocket. He pulled out a small black velvet box, causing Meredith to gasp.

Derek's eyes filled with tears as his voice became raspy. "Meredith, I love you more at this moment than I did when I first fell in love with you… and I never thought that'd be possible. You are the woman of my dreams…and I know that I don't deserve you… and I can't believe I even have the audacity to ask…but there isn't anything else that would make me happier than to grow old with you by my side. I want to have a dozen more little Hanna's with you. Meredith Grey… Will you marry me?"

Tears streamed freely down Meredith's cheek and her hands shook. "Yes!" Meredith immediately blushed with how loud and eager the word popped out. She took a breath and lowered her voice, calmly repeating her answer. "Yes."

Derek's anxious face split in half with a large grin and he laughed out loud, pulling Meredith up beside him. He kissed her hard than pulled back to look at the elated expression on her face as he gently took her left hand and slid the beautiful diamond on her finger. They both stared down and marveled at how perfect it fit, before looking back up and meeting each other's gaze.

Derek placed his hand softly on the side of her face and pulled her close. His lips met hers with tenderness that quickly turned urgent as her mouth opened allowing his tongue entrance. He carefully laid her back on the hard surface covered by the blanket and delicately lifted her shirt over her head, not once breaking eye contact. Derek's shirt immediately followed as they wrestled with each other's pants. Meredith was able to discard his black dress pants with ease, but her jeans were not as simple. Derek quickly grew impatient and started yanking on the zipper, causing Meredith to move her mouth away from the soft skin on his chest.

"You better be careful…those jeans cost you over two hundred dollars."

Derek laughed and bit at her skin just above her bra as the zipper finally complied and he slid the article of clothing out of his way. He hovered over her a minute, taking in the ivory skin that stood in contrast to the black bra and panties. Her breathing was fast and her green eyes were dark and pleading.

Meredith moved her small hands to his waist and slowly pulled down his boxers, displaying how hard and ready he was for her. Her hands moved over the stiff warm skin, causing Derek to shutter and moan approvingly. He slid his own hands to her thong and expertly slid it off with one hand while the other ran up her thigh and his fingers gently entered her, feeling for himself how ready she was as well. He moved his hand expertly in and out as his tongue traced circles down her neck and into the valley of her breasts. Meredith shifted momentarily to rid herself of the last remaining lingerie and called out in pleasure as Derek took the newly freed skin in his mouth.

They teased and rubbed and kissed until neither could take it any longer. "Derek…please." Meredith whispered between gasps and Derek willingly complied her urgent plea.

He slid inside her with ease. The awareness of feeling complete and whole was immediate as he thrust himself slow and hard. Meredith's nails dug in the skin of his firm shoulders and she bit her lip to keep from calling out. The motion increased in intensity, till both were sure they'd pass out from the pure pleasure of the sensation. They both climaxed at the same moment, clinging tightly to one another, sweaty skin pressed together welcomely.

Meredith shivered as a cool night wind quietly passed over them and Derek wrapped his arms around her protectively. They didn't speak and they didn't move. They only continued to stare into each other's eyes in amazement, rushed warm breaths mixing into one. Feeling more content and in love at that moment, then ever before in their entire lives.

* * *

**A/N: I decided to end this chapter there. Let them be happy and in love for a moment longer before all the stuff that Meredith has been dealing with catches up with her...**

**I really hope you enjoyed that chapter.. I was excited for it! Let me know what you think.**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Sorry sorry sorry this wasn't up yesterday! I got "distracted" I guess you could say. )**

* * *

"So how do we do this?" Derek asked as he leaned against the car, watching as Meredith unbuckled Hanna from her booster seat in the back.

"Do what?" Meredith didn't turn to face her fiancé; instead she busily gathered her own large bag and daughter's Hello Kitty backpack and lunch box.

"Do _this_." Derek answered, taking the heavy bag from Meredith and throwing it over his own shoulder. "You know… you're wearing a ring now, _my_ ring. I just wasn't sure if you still wanted to keep us a secret or if we should make an announcement or something. It's up to you."

Meredith stopped and furrowed her brows in contemplation. Her internship was coming to an end. She only had about three weeks left until she officially began her residency. She figured there was already enough speculation and gossip going on around them, that it'd be best to come clean. Quit hiding her past and publicize their planned future together. What did they have to loose?

"I say… we come clean. Rip the bandaid off… no anesthesia." Meredith nodded firmly to herself, satisfied with the decision and began towards the hospital entrance, Hanna's small hand protectively in her own.

Derek shook his head and quickly fell in step beside his girls. "No anesthesia? Is it really that painful to admit in out in the open that you're madly in love with me?"

Meredith whipped her head around to explain what she had meant, but stopped when she saw Derek had an amused look on his face.

She rolled her eyes and shook her head. "You're hopeless."

Derek didn't disagree as he took Meredith's free hand in his and all three of them strolled into the hospital together for the first time, as a family.

* * *

Meredith found herself standing by the nurses station later that morning, going over some charts for a pediatric heart patient with both Cristina and Izzie. The halls were busy and most of her fellow interns stood mere feet away, discussing patients of their own. Meredith had kept her left hand in her pocket most of the morning, still figuring out the best way to break the news to her best friends.

Meredith absentmindedly stifled a yawn with her hand and before she'd realized which one she'd used, she heard a shriek from the blond pediatric surgeon.

"Meredith! What the hell is that on your finger?!"

Meredith's eyes went wide. She tried to recall the words she'd been rehearsing in her mind all morning, but the sudden attention of everyone around them unexpectedly made her nervous.

"Oh… it's …uh… well…" She had planned on telling Cristina and Izzie separate, but with everyone's eyes on her, she decided to go for it. "Derek and I are getting married."

She heard a few gasps behind her but kept her attention on the two women directly in front of her. Izzie's face immediately registered delight, while Cristina's remained unreadable.

"Uh, Mer?" Cristina whispered under her breath so only Meredith and Izzie heard. "You do realize that _everyone's_ listening, right?"

Meredith smiled. "It's okay. We decided to make our relationship public. No more secrets… about anything."

The sound of more than a couple pagers beepers interrupted their moment. Cristina glanced down at hers and frowned. She looked back up at Meredith and her features immediately grew softer.

"Good. I was tired of trying to remember who knew what and who didn't." Cristina placed a hand on Meredith's shoulder and squeezed it, the closest she let herself come to a hug. "Congratulations. You deserve to be happy."

Her voice was soft and sincere and both Izzie and Meredith looked on surprised as she started jogging down the hall, signaling for the other intern's who still stood with mouths agape, to follow.

* * *

"Did you hear that skinny intern is engaged to the chief of surgery?"

"I heard she slept with him to get into the program…"

"I over heard one of the nurses say she was black mailing Dr. Yang and Dr. Stevens because she found out they preformed an illegal autopsy their first year."

"Ya someone told me that she was in jail for five years, that's why she's behind."

"That's not what I heard, I heard she was in rehab for her crack addiction, personally I don't know what someone like Dr. Shepherd sees in her…"

"It's because of her mom. Rumor has it when Ellis Grey passed away she left behind notes on how to cure Stroikanitus. Obviously he knows she's his key to those notes and fame and fortune."

Meredith couldn't help but giggle at the last one. She'd heard the other's before, many times. But now they were throwing her dead mother into the gossip. She found it amusing and pathetic. Deciding now was the perfect time to set the locker room full of interns straight, she stood from her hidden spot in the back of the room and joined the gossiping group.

"Do you want to sit here and try to out do each other with the best made up story of Meredith Grey, or will the truth be just fine?"

The group of young doctors all gasped and Meredith enjoyed watching as each of their faces drained of color, only to instantly turn shades of red. The girls looked down at their feet and most of the guys shrunk back against the locker, willing themselves to be invisible.

"How about the truth?" Meredith tried when no one spoke. A few heads nodded slowly so Meredith took a breath and begun.

She started from the very beginning. From the night she met Derek in a bar. She explained how she later found out he was her boss, but continued to date him. She didn't go into details about Addison, but explained how they broke up for a bit so Derek could get his own life in order. When she got to the part of her unplanned pregnancy and the ferry boat ride to Derek's that dark night long ago, she had everyone's undivided attention. Her audience couldn't help but think this was way better then any soap opera they had Tivo'd at home.

Meredith quickly went through her accident, being accidently pushed over the side of the ferry after an attempted mugging, and waking up in a shelter surrounded by Armenian nuns in Canada with absolutely no memory. She briefly described how she had given birth to her daughter all alone with only strangers to help her and her journey back to the United States. She spoke of the miraculous circumstances of meeting someone with ties to Seattle Grace and how she ended up here after falling and hitting her head.

By the time she finished her story of her recovery and how Derek and Cristina had performed a life saving operation on her brain, enabling her to wake up with her complete memory in tact, there was not a dry eye in the room. Meredith noticed even a few of the guys blinking fast and sniffling, trying to cover it up as a cough.

The silence echoed off the metal lockers and bare concrete floors until one of the interns Meredith had worked closest with sighed.

"Wow." Dr. Harris looked up, remorse filling her features. "I'm so sorry Meredith. I had no idea. You must really hate us and think we're a bunch of jerks."

"Not at all. Maybe I shouldn't have been so secretive about it. But what's done is done. I just hope this settles any outstanding questions of black mail or dead mother secret notes. None of that is true. So please don't believe everything you hear. Can you guys do that for me?"

They all nodded in unison, the others still too ashamed to speak.

"Good. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm eager to get changed and go pick up my daughter, it's been a long day."

With that the shocked interns finally stirred into motion. Shifts had ended for most of the doctors, so rustling of belongings and clanking of the lockers filled the room as everyone moved to get ready to leave. Still no one spoke. The amazing story of this woman that they shared a locker room with played over and over in each one's mind. Meredith had gained the respect and admiration of each and every doctor in the small room that evening.

* * *

A small smile settled on Meredith's mouth as she made her way up to Derek's office. He had picked Hanna up from day care an hour earlier and Meredith was going to take her home from there so Derek could finish up some paper work. Her day had been good, great even. She knew her friends would all be ecstatic about the news of her engagement. Addison had probably been the most enthused and had already filled her pockets with cards of wedding planners and caterers and banquet halls available for rental. She knew as long as she had Addison and Izzie, she wouldn't have to take care of any mundane details herself.

Meredith's smile also had part to do with the way things had played out in the locker room. Finally the secrets were done and she knew she would not have to hear another word of criticism from her colleagues. A truce had finally been called.

"You headed home?" Cristina's voice brought Meredith from her thoughts as she rounded a corner.

"Yep, after I get Hanna. You?"

Cristina shook her head. "Burke has some kind of professor banquet tonight, so I get to go dangle on his arm all night like a good girlfriend." Cristina rolled her eyes but kept her smile, showing she really didn't mind.

Meredith laughed as Cristina continued on about some of the dead beats that usually attended the University dinners. She was doing her best to focus on a story Cristina was telling about an uncomfortable encounter with the dean of admissions wife, when an invasive stare down the hall behind Cristina caught her attention. Meredith shook off the unpleasant feeling Mr. Luckabee's locked eyes were giving her and moved her eyes back to her Korean friend in front of her.

Her gaze briefly left Cristina's face once more, and again, Mr. Luckabee's dark eyes were fixed on her. His lips slowly formed a grin, and cold deliberate smile that knocked the wind out of Meredith's lungs.

"Mer? Meredith? Hello?"

Meredith snapped her eyes back to the doctor in front of her.

"Are you listening to me? What's wrong?" Cristina widened her eyes in concern at the sudden panicked look Meredith held.

"Is he staring at me?" Meredith didn't move her lips and kept her eyes away from the man.

"What?" Cristina didn't follow.

"Is he staring at me?" Meredith repeated a little louder, but still didn't move her lips.

Cristina stared back blankly at Meredith like she was crazy.

Meredith still didn't let her eyes go back to Mr. Luckabee's eerie watch. "Behind you! Mr. Luckabee! Is he staring at me?" Meredith hissed, trying to keep her features unreadable and calm.

Cristina slowly turned and Meredith let her eyes follow as well. They were both met by the sight of Mr. Luckabee discussing a chart with Dr. Zeta. He seemed oblivious to anyone else in the hall.

Cristina turned back to her friend and gave her a strange look. "Are you sure you're okay Meredith?"

"Ya. Fine." Meredith sighed and watched as Cristina eyed her skeptically before heading on her way. She followed her friends form with her eyes as it vanished, before letting them turn back to the other two occupants of the hall.

Meredith's green eyes were suddenly met with the black ones of Mr. Luckabee, who now stood alone, and was no doubt staring at her. His grin was now gone and a rough intimidating gaze took its place. Meredith shuttered involuntarily and turned on her heal; she focused on keeping her steps from a fearful run, as she hurried away towards Derek.

The thought crossed her mind that now was probably a good time to mention all the creepy things that had been happening to her.

* * *

**A/N: Hmmm... Is she finally going to tell Derek? Sorry this was kinda short. Next chapter tomorrow.**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: This is another short one.. and I am SO sorry for that but I thought maybe it's better than nothing. I had a lot of last minute things come up today that prevented me from getting everything I wanted in this chapter. But this chapter does accomplish something important.**

**This site's been kind of acting up lately, I had a VERY hard time accessing the last chapter's reviews and sometimes it wasn't showing the last chapter at all. Let me know if anyone is having problems reading the updates and I'll see what I can do. Thanks again to all of you!**

* * *

Meredith sat numbly in the calm dark of her kitchen, nursing a warm cup of tea in hopes the relaxing beverage would ease her mind. Derek had arrived home late and tired, and Meredith had lost the nerve to bring up the whole "stalker" issue. After endlessly tossing and turning on the cool red sheets, long after sleep had claimed Derek, she abandoned her bed, not wanting to wake her exhausted fiancé, and found her way downstairs.

She didn't know how long she had sat there, in the dark, staring blankly ahead. She figured it close to two o'clock in the morning, and sighed knowing her alarm upstairs would be going off in three hours.

A sound to the front of the house interrupted the hushed calm of her isolated reflection, causing Meredith to immediately freeze in fear.

She didn't move, and held her breath, listening for confirmation that she did indeed hear something and it wasn't her over active imagination trying to scare her. A distinct rustling sound outside in the front bushes triggered Meredith up on her feet as she carefully walked into the front room. The drapes were parted just enough to give her a clear glimpse into the dark night.

She saw nothing but the illuminating street light, casting a soft glow in the front yard, the lonely blades of grass and fallen leaves bending in the gentle breeze. She waited a minute, her socked feet motionless on the wooden floor.

After another painful minute of silence, Meredith relaxed her stance and let out a mocked chuckle as she scorned herself for her unnecessary anxiety. She took a long sip from the warm mug she carried in her hand, and turned to settle back in her comfortable silence, when she undoubtedly saw a dark figure of a man cross her window.

Meredith called out in fear and the ceramic mug fell from her hands landing with a loud crack that echoed through the formerly silent house. Her heart raced frantically in her chest and she found herself frozen in place. Her eyes darted wildly around the room as her she struggled to form a coherent thought in her hysterical mind.

The heavy pounding of the door, mere feet away, reverberated the walls around her and she even felt the hard floor beneath her quiver through her socks. The forceful sound continued, causing Meredith to jump into action as newly found adrenaline pumped through her veins. She hurried into the kitchen and ran around in a couple confused circles before her eyes landed on a large butcher knife, sitting intimidatingly on the dish wrack.

Her head was now pounding to the same rhythm as the mad man on the other side of the door as her shaky hands grabbed the black handle of the sharp blade and she turned back to the foyer. The pounding became faster and more demanding as Meredith slowly crossed the kitchen. She took a breath and inched closer to the door, all rationality long gone and fear now driving her motives.

Dread and terror built with each step Meredith slowly and cautiously took. She moved unhurried and gradual, fear screaming through her insides. Meredith's eyes were large with fright, now that only a few feet of vacant air separated her from the large wooden door.

Meredith cautiously went to take her next step, as a loud commotion behind her caused her to turn and yell out in surprise.

Alex flew past her, closely followed by Izzie, and each threw her an odd look. Meredith turned again and noticed a half dressed Derek, hair sticking up in every direction as he sleepily rubbed his eyes, hurrying down the stairs.

He too shot Meredith a puzzled expression as his eyes rested on the knife in her hands and the cracked mug and pool of tea still on the floor. Meredith opened her mouth to stop Alex from opening the door but was too late.

Automatically a shrill scream crossed Meredith's lips as the door flung open, causing everyone, including their intruder to look back at her shocked.

Meredith was quickly forgotten as they turned back to George, who stood in wrinkled pajamas, his face pale and panicked.

"Callie…. baby…. time…. labor…..need car….!" George couldn't form a logic sentence and the group looked on confused, until realization dawned.

"Oh my gosh! Callie's having the baby!" Izzie was the first to shriek, but was quickly followed by Derek's rationalization.

"George? Why aren't you taking her to the hospital?"

"I can't... keys…lost."

"You need to borrow our car because you can't find your keys?" Now Alex jumped in translating George's panic talk.

"Ya… contractions… close….screaming….need…. doctor…."

"George! Calm down,_ you're_ a doctor." Izzie grabbed George by his shoulders and tried to shake him out of it.

"Right. Doctor. Got it." George snatched the keys Alex offered and hurried to the green Nissan sitting in the drive way. He unlocked the door, climbed and before anyone could speak, peeled out of the drive way and towards the hospital.

Everyone gasped and Izzie couldn't help but giggle. He'd forgotten his pregnant wife.

They all exchanged a glance and Izzie and Alex sighed together. "You go tell Callie we'll take her while I go upstairs and grab us a change of clothes."

Izzie nodded to Alex's order and hurried out of the house across the dark yard to the house next door George and Callie rented. Alex rushed upstairs and returned seconds later with a heaping duffle bag and gave a quick wave as he followed Izzie's path across the yard and disappeared into the night.

Derek chuckled and closed the door behind Alex before turning his attention to Meredith. She stood, butcher knife down at her side, an awkward expression on her face. When she noticed Derek's incisive stare on her, she slowly moved the knife behind her back and tried to move unnoticed to the kitchen.

"Well that was funny. Do you want some tea to get back to sleep?" Meredith spoke as nonchalant as possible, pretending what had happened only minutes earlier hadn't been a big deal.

"Mer."

"Yes Dear?" She answered innocently, forcing a cool smile while she gathered a few mugs and set the kettle on back on the stove.

"Is there something you would like to talk about?"

"Like what?" She tried the innocent act one more time.

"Like the fact that you felt the need to stand in the foyer with a machete and screamed bloody murder when Alex opened the door? Not to mention there's a shattered mug in the hallway."

"Oh that." Meredith gave a defeated grin.

"Ya _that_." Derek took a seat in one of the hard wooden chairs at the table and motioned for Meredith to come join him. He held his arms out and she obliged, sitting softly on his lap.

He ran a hand comforting up and down her back and watched as she nervously fidgeted with her hands on her lap, keeping her eyes down.

Derek placed his free hand over both of her small ones, stilling her nervous habit. "No more secrets Mer, remember?"

She nodded than took a breath and began. "I've kind of been getting these weird notes and phone calls."

"Weird? Define weird?" He furrowed his brows.

"I don't know." She sighed. "They started out innocent enough; I thought someone was just messing around. I found a note in my locker at the hospital saying someone was watching me. Then they kind of escalated from there. The last one said that my time was up and someone was coming for me."

Derek nodded seriously. "It could be a prank. What about the calls?"

"Mostly just hang ups. A few times I could here someone laughing quietly, then they started reciting the poems on the notes… so I knew it was the same person."

Derek nodded again, trying to put it together in his brain, when Meredith continued. "That's not all… I was followed home from the airport, that time I dropped your mother off…"

Derek's surprised eyes swung up to meet hers full of concern.

"….and…. this is the worst part… the other day I was listening to Hanna sing while I was in the other room…. and she started singing one of the poems that had been left on the last note."

Derek clenched his jaw and his eyes darkened. He was visibly angry. "Why the hell didn't you tell me before?!

Meredith began to cry and jumped up from his lap. She paced the kitchen floor while she tried to get her chin to stop quivering. "I… I… I'm sorry…. It's just that….I wasn't sure… and you were…and I was… so much was going on… I didn't want to bother you…" Her voice trailed off, not knowing what else to say. She had never seen him so angry in her entire life.

Derek sighed and covered his face in his hands that were propped up by his elbows on the table. He rubbed it a moment before looking back at Meredith.

"It's okay Mer… It's my fault… I've been so distant….how could I not have even known what was going on with my own fiancé?" He shook his head frustrated. "We'll figure this out, it'll be okay."

Meredith stopped her pacing and nodded, her lip trembling slightly. Derek rose from his chair and crossed the kitchen to take her in his arms. He held her close and pressed his face to the top of her head, breathing in her flowery scent. He kissed her forehead quickly before repeating, "I'm sorry Mer."

She nodded and wrapped her arms around his waist, letting his strong arms ease some of the fear that had seemed to take up permanent residence inside of her.

They stood quietly a moment longer, both lost in their own thoughts before Derek interrupted the silence. "Most likely it's just a prankster. Someone at the hospital who's trying to scare you. But the fact they got to Hanna makes me uncomfortable. First thing tomorrow I'm going to hype up security around the daycare and make sure no one who isn't suppose to be there get's in. We also need to do a better job watching her when she's running around the hospital with us. I've been a fool and just let her talk to whoever comes and go's in my office, I won't make that mistake twice."

Derek shook his head, trying to further formulate his plan. Meredith remained silent, nodding her head against his chest, unable to shake the feeling of uneasiness that still settled in the pit of her stomach.

Derek noticed her quietness and pulled back slightly to look in her face. "It's okay Mer. We probably don't have anything to worry about. I'm sure it's some psycho janitor who's bored and gets cheap thrills from terrorizing pretty girls. Have you noticed any one specific acting weird towards you? Someone who works at the hospital? A fellow intern maybe?"

He stared quizzically into her worried eyes, trying to read what was going through her mind. Meredith remained quiet a moment longer before fully meeting his gaze.

"Um…no not really." She lied. She wasn't sure why, but a part of her hesitated. She wanted to gather proof. To be one hundred percent sure about her allegation before any accusations were made. Her career hung in the balance, but most importantly, Derek's life long dream of being chief was at stake.


	17. Chapter 17

"So have you guys set a date yet?" Izzie asked over her shoulder as she carefully placed the pan of breaded chicken breasts into the heated oven. She quickly peeked in a simmering pot on the stove and stirred it once before replacing the lid and joining the rest of the girls at the wooden kitchen table.

Meredith shook her head in the negative, not looking up from one of the many bridal magazines that now lay scattered across the table.

"How about this one Meredith?" Addison held a photo up of a dark haired woman in a fluffy green bridesmaid dress.

"No way." Cristina butted in. "You're my best friend Mer, but I might have to kill you if you make us wear that."

The women laughed together at Cristina's obvious revulsion to the dress.

"I don't know Addie. I kind of want to keep everything simple. My dress, your dresses, the ceremony. Just…._simple_."

Addison nodded understanding, and replaced her glasses on her nose as she turned back to the magazine, determined to find something Meredith would like.

Meredith sat back and stretched her back. It felt good to just sit with her friends and laugh and be normal for a Sunday afternoon. She wasn't scared, she wasn't watching over her shoulder. She wasn't going crazy thinking about Hanna and if she was safe, every five minutes.

Her daughter's giggles drifted in the kitchen from the front room where she was sitting with the men watching a game of football. It was George and Callie's first social visit since the birth of their son almost two weeks ago, and George had offered to hold their new baby so Callie could visit with the girls.

It was love at first sight for Hanna and she hadn't moved more than a foot away from the dark haired bundle of joy all afternoon. She currently sat pressed against George's side, gazing at the baby, repeatedly asking George when he was going to wake up.

"So how's the stalker thing coming?" Cristina asked in the way only Cristina could, making the question sound no different than if she were asking how the weather was.

Meredith leaned forward and rested her elbows on the table. She sighed, "Fine, I guess. Security has been beefed up around the hospital and Derek is constantly hovering over my shoulder. But, it's just…."

"You still think it has something to do with Mr. Luckabee?" Callie asked from the far end of the table.

Meredith shot a cautious glance at the door way before nodding.

"I still don't get why you won't tell Derek. You're being weird." Izzie spoke matter of factly, taking a long drink from her cold soda.

"No. Not weird Iz. I'm being careful is all. I just don't want him to do anything irrational, and you know Derek will. I just… want to be careful." She repeated. "If there was just some way I could find out something about his past… where he came from. Get some dirt." Meredith scoffed, knowing she honestly didn't have the means for anything like that.

"You know... you can do a background check on almost anyone. You just need a few pieces of information on Luckabee… birth date, social, driver license number… and you can basically find out everything about the last fifteen years of his life." Callie supplied nonchalantly, turning back to the closest magazine that was opened in front of her.

The other four pair of feminine eyes stared back at her, shocked at the information she had just shared.

After a moment of silence, Callie looked back up to find everyone still watching her unbelieving.

"What?" Callie asked innocently. "It's only my second week of maternity leave and I was growing insanely bored. It's amazing the things you can find on the internet."

"Oh really." Addison asked now completely intrigued. She raised an eyebrow. "Please share."

Callie studied the group, a slow smirk forming on her lips. "I'm not sure you want me to do that."

Izzie leaned forward, as well as Meredith and Addison, their full attention now entirely on Callie.

"Well," Callie started slowly. "The fact that Meredith was arrested when she was seventeen for using a fake ID to buy alcohol at the corner liquor store… wasn't as surprising as the fact that four years later she had charges pressed against her for indecent exposure at a city park."

Meredith's eyebrows shot up and her face went beet red. "Hey! I…. I was drunk… and I lost a bet…how was I suppose to know the park was right next to a police station!"

The group erupted in laughter and Meredith quickly joined in. "What about Iz?! I know she's gotta have a record!"

Callie laughed. "Apparently our innocent little Izzie had a knack for property damage when she was young. Something about breaking windows?..."

Callie stopped smiling, letting Izzie fill in the details.

Izzie only shrugged, unfazed. "I grew up in a trailer park. It was next to a junk yard full of wrecked cars. It's what we did when we were bored. That old buick was missing an engine and it's complete back end, like a few broken windows really hurt it." She rolled her eyes and then grinned at the memory.

Everyone chuckled again. "Addison's turn. Tell us about her!" Izzie bounced, reminding them of something Hanna would do.

A wicked grin crossed Callie's face as she turned to watch Addison squirm in her chair. "Well it seems that both Addison and Mark are failing to tell us exactly what happened on their recent _business trip_ to Hawaii." Callie held her fingers up in air quotation marks.

Addison's face visibly paled as she exchanged a look with Meredith who tried her hardest to hold back her giggle.

"What about Cristina?!" Addison practically sputtered, desperately trying to get the attention off of her. "She sure seems quiet. What are _you _hiding Yang?!"

Cristina sunk further in her chair, holding the _Bride's World_ further up to hide her face, now all of a sudden completely intrigued in an article on Daisies vs. Lillie's.

"Oh… Cristina's was my absolute favorite." Callie was grinning from ear to ear. "Who would have ever guessed that her real name was…"

"Okay! That was fun! Can I get anyone a beer? How about some tequila? Mer… I know you can't turn down alcohol. Anyone up for a game of scrabble?" Cristina jumped from her chair and crossed the kitchen, opening and closing cabinets and drawers, pretending to be looking for something.

Callie leaned forward and motioned for the remaining girls at the table to do the same. She whispered something that caused the room to burst out in thunderous laughter, Izzie spitting soda out of her mouth across the table.

They held their sides and tears rolled down their cheeks. Cristina glared from across the room until she couldn't hold it in any longer and erupted in laughter herself. She leaned across the island as her own laughter took over and desperately gasped for air.

"Hey!... I cant'.. help it… my mom was a big marijuana fan in her youth… didn't have too many brain cells left when she gave birth to me…" Cristina provided between snorts of laughter.

That didn't help the situation much, sending the occupants of the table in another round of hysterical hooting.

Five minutes later when George walked into the room, he found them the same way. The girls immediately sobered up when they saw him enter, baby in hand.

Callie cleared her throat and sat up, raising a serious brow to her husband.

"Hey Cal… he um… he stinks.. he needs changed." George watched as Callie's expression turned from questioning to challenging in the matter of seconds.

She looked back with him with a cooled expression. "And?" She narrowed her eyes, causing George to immediately shift uncomfortably.

"And… uh… I just wanted to let you know I'll change him immediately. Love you babe." George turned and disappeared, causing the girls to begin another round of uncontrollable laughter.

"Works every time." Callie said quietly, wiping an amused tear that snuck out one of her eyes.

* * *

A few days later, Meredith sat at a nurses station, staring ahead, drumming her fingers anxiously on the hard surface. Things had been quiet in her life. She had been beginning to think that maybe the crazy person responsible for scaring her had given up and decided to let her be.

With the help of Izzie and her delicious cookies, the information they needed on Luckabee had been a synch to retrieve. The ladies downstairs in payroll were suckers for white chocolate macadamia nuts, and happily obliged anything they needed, no questions asked. Callie had gone to work on the internet immediately, promising to call Meredith whenever she found out anything.

Unfortunately Meredith's "quiet" was short lived. She had just hung up the phone on another disturbing call. There wasn't laughing this time. Just a terrifying quietness that had caused the hair on her arms to rise. Just as she was about to click her phone shut, she had heard him talk. A rough disguised whisper warning her _Ready or not_.

Meredith tried to swallow the fear that was rising, but did so unsuccessful. Her eyes darted to the clock on the wall for the hundredth time. Derek was still in a meeting. She didn't want to disturb him. She'd wait.

Her drumming fingers became faster and her toe started tapping in rhythm. She could wait. Thirty one more minutes. She could wait thirty one more minutes. Nothing could happen in thirty one minutes.

The singing of her phone almost made her fall out of the chair she timidly sat in. With a shaky hand she raised the phone to read the screen. A large sigh of relief escaped her lips as the name _Callie_, flashed on the screen.

Meredith flipped it open. "Hey Callie."

"_Hey…Mer."_

Something was off with Callie's voice, causing Meredith to once again begin drumming her fingers nervously. "What is it?"

"_Are you sitting down? It's not good."_

"Come one Callie, just tell me." Meredith's voice was thin, and she gripped the edge of the desk with her sweaty hands, bracing herself.

She heard Callie take a deep breath and then begin……

* * *

A few floors away, in a quiet area of the hospital, safe in one of the rooms of the daycare center that was heavily guarded with a uniformed officer and security cameras, a group of ten preschoolers sat in a circle on a bright multi colored rug singing the _Days Of the Week song_.

The four year olds were clapping happily at the end of the song, when the door opened and a familiar visitor entered. The tall male crossed across the room with a charming smile and joined the teacher and children.

"Well what a pleasant surprise!" The teacher turned towards the preschoolers. "Class we have a visitor. Can everyone say, 'Good afternoon Mr. Luckabee?'"

The small voices echoed their teacher and the dark eyed man smiled pleasantly at the warm welcome.

"Thank you children." He brought forth a plate of vanilla cupcakes topped with white frosting from behind his back. "I brought you a special treat today."

The kids shrieked in delight and clapped their hands excitedly.

The preschool teacher stepped forward once again. "What do you say children?"

A soft chorus of 'Thank you Mr. Luckabee' was offered as the preschoolers stood and hurried to the table. The visitor kept his smile warm as he followed the group.

"I have ones with blue sprinkles… and pink sprinkles… and green sprinkles…" His voice was gentle and soothing as he slowly passed out the cupcakes, one by one to the eager children.

He got to the last four year old and knelt down next to the beautiful dark haired girl with intense blue eyes. "I saved this one especially for you Hanna. It has _red _sprinkles."

The shy girl smiled from underneath her lowered lashes. He set the unique cupcake with red sprinkles in front of her and smiled.

"Go ahead, take a bite." He pressed.

Hanna turned to the inviting treat in front of her and took a large bite. She chewed the delicious treat then licked the frosting that had been left on her top lip.

Mr. Luckabee smiled satisfied, watching the child eat her cupcake, before turning to the oblivious teacher and excusing himself.

He stole one last look before opening the door and closing it behind him. Mr. Luckabee nodded at the police officer on guard and hurried away, disappearing down the hall.

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**A/N: My hands were seriously sweating when I wrote that last part! How funny is that. I hate to leave you guys on a cliff like this one... especially since it's the weekend and that makes it SO hard for me to update.. but I'm going to do my best.. I promise!**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: You have no idea how hard I tried to get this up earlier today! I had to fight with my husband for computer time.. I even sent him to pick up chinese food earlier... saying that they didn't deliver (even though they did!) so I could sneak on here to work on this. The things I do for you guys. But I knew I better, I laughed out loud at all the WTF! and CRAZY LADY's I got from your reviews... I'm scared of you! Ha ha. Okay I'm done babbling.. read!**

* * *

"I'm sorry Dr. Grey, he's not answering his phone either. Shall I page him again?"

"Dammit!" Meredith answered, causing Derek's secretary to jump a little behind her desk. "You're sure you paged him _911_?"

"Yes Mam. Is everything alright?" The secretary seemed to sense the panic in her boss's new fiancé.

"Not really." Meredith mumbled trying to gather her thoughts. She needed to talk to Derek and she needed to do it now. She ran a frustrated hand through her hair and her pacing was stopped by the shrill sound of her own pager.

She reached down and what she read on the small screen knocked the wind out of her and dread ran through her veins.

"Shit! This can't be happening… please no…" She looked back up with large frightened eyes. "Tell Dr. Shepherd to call me immediately when you get a hold of him. It's an emergency."

The secretary watched the tiny woman sprint off towards the direction of the elevators as a bad feeling sunk in to the pit of her stomach. She automatically picked up the phone and pressed redial. She would do everything in her means to try and get a hold of her boss.

* * *

Derek walked out of his meeting grumpy. There was nothing he despised more than sitting at a round table with a bunch of stuffed shirt beauracrats debating the hospitals budget. The meeting had run over by at least forty five minutes and he was tired.

He absentmindedly checked his pager again for probably the twentieth time. It had been unusually quiet all afternoon. When Mr. Luckabee had replaced his previous pager and cell phone earlier in the day with newer models, something his boss had explained to him that all the doctors of the hospital were eventually switching over to, he'd assured Derek that everything was working and all his calls and pages would be forwarded through. Now he wasn't so sure.

"Dr. Shepherd!" His secretary's anxious voice broke through his thoughts and he sighed.

"What is it Emily?"

"Dr. Grey's been trying to get a hold of you. She said it's an emergency."

This brought Derek's head up. "Wh..What do you mean emergency? Did she say what was going on? Why didn't she call me?"

Emily stepped back a little from her angered boss. "I'm sorry sir. She didn't say what. We both have been trying to reach you all afternoon."

Derek cursed under his breath and slammed his pager back into his pocket. That answered any questions about whether or not the mechanical devices were working.

"Where is she now?" Derek asked impatiently as he crossed his office for his desk phone.

"She didn't say where she was going…"

"Derek." They were interrupted by Addison's tense voice at the doorway.

His hand froze over the receiver as he met his ex-wife's worried eyes.

"What's going on Addie? Where's Meredith?" Derek felt his throat closing as his chest got tighter. Fear and panic were slowly beginning to suffocate him.

"Meredith's fine. She's downstairs…. It's Hanna." As desperately as she tried to remain in control, her voice cracked giving away the magnitude of what was going on.

_Hanna? _Derek felt as though he had been punched in the stomach. He gripped the desk for support and forced himself to speak coherently. "Where's Hanna? Did something happen to her? Is she okay?" He had a million more questions but was stopped by Addison.

"Come with me Derek. I don't know much… but she's downstairs in the emergency room. Something happened at preschool."

Derek didn't know how he was moving, but a force unknown to him was driving him, forcing him to put one foot in front of the other, slow at first but soon fast as he and Addison took off towards where the unknown fate of his daughter rested.

* * *

Adrenaline pumped through Meredith and she couldn't ever remember running so fast. She made it to the ER in record time and searched for a familiar face. She had been waiting in Derek's office, franticly needing to share with him what she had learned from Callie, when she'd received the page. The code was for her daughter and it had said emergency room. It didn't take long for everything to be put together in her mind. He had got to her. The son of a bitch had gotten to her baby.

Alex's distraught face caught her attention from the corner of her eye and she hurried over to him. He paced nervously in front of a closed trauma room. The blinds were closed and she couldn't see in but Meredith knew. She brushed passed her friend and reached for the door only to be stopped by his strong grip.

"Mer. You can't go in there."

"Alex move! I need to see my baby! What happened?! What's going on?! LET _GO_ OF ME!!" Meredith sobbed and fought against the stronger man.

"Meredith. Stop. Would you just listen to me for a minute?" Alex used his strength against the surprisingly strong small woman to make her look at him. "We don't know exactly what happened Mer. They're doing everything they can."

"What do you mean everything they can?! What's wrong with her?! Just tell me damnit Alex!" Meredith's body shook as her wet red eyes pleaded with Alex.

"She went into cardiac arrest and stopped breathing. Her teacher said she just collapsed in the middle of the classroom while they were playing a game."

This brought on a whole new round of sobs and Meredith clung to Alex for support as her legs gave way. _This can't be happening. This is all my fault._ She thought over and over in her mind. She needed to tell Derek. She needed to call the police. But all she could do was cry, letting the tears and grief seep from her body, praying to wake from this horrible night mare.

* * *

Derek exited the stairs on the first floor with a loud thud from the metal door and immediately knew where he was headed. He didn't have to follow Addison anymore as his body moved towards the loud sobs and yelling coming from the woman he loved. He spotted her across the room, sobbing and shaking as Alex desperately tried to hold her up. He was there in moments and took her small body from their friend and wrapped her in his own arms.

Tears streamed down his own cheeks and he held her tight against his body. He knew only as much as she did, only the brief details that Addison had shared on their race downstairs. They stood together, not speaking, tears communicating for them, as they clung to one another for dear life.

Finally Meredith spoke, breaking the thick silence. "Derek, there's something I have to tell you."

Derek looked down into the red puffy face of his panicked fiancé, but before he could respond the door to the trauma room opened and a doctor stepped out.

Derek's embrace tightened protectively around Meredith as they anxiously waited for him to speak.

"Chief Shepherd, Dr. Grey." He addressed them both formally. "Hanna's heart is now beating on her own. She's still on a ventilator, but we expect she'll come off that soon as well. She gave us quite a scare there."

"So she's going to be okay?" Derek let out a relieved breath. "What happened? Do you know yet the cause of her cardiac arrest? She's always been so healthy. She's never had any problems."

"That's what I wanted to talk to you both about. I can't be positive until her blood screen and tox scans come back from the lab… but I'm almost positive she was poisoned."

Derek gasped and Meredith tightened her grip on Derek's shirt.

"Are you sure? I mean… how could…." Derek's voice trailed off. They had been so careful. How could anyone have got to his daughter?

"Again, we can't be one hundred percent sure until her labs get back." The doctor lowered his voice. "I talked to her teacher and the director of the day care… and they both said that apparently the children were brought cupcakes today as a special treat."

Derek shook his head frustrated. "I'm sorry I'm not following. What does this…Are you saying the _cupcakes_ were poisoned?!"

"That's what's odd sir. Apparently …only Hanna's was tainted."

Anger stormed through Derek's body. "Where the hell did the cupcakes come from?! Who brought them?"

The doctor looked around quickly before meeting the enraged father's eyes. "Be assured that the police have already been notified sir."

Derek was growing angrier and more frustrated with each exchange, he was clearly missing something.

"What are you saying?!" He reached out to shake the exasperating man, when Meredith gasped, causing him to stop.

He looked down into the wide frightened green eyes. "What is it?"

Meredith shook her head trying to gather her courage. Derek's arms moved from around her back to hold both of her upper arms. "What!?"

She forced her eyes from the darkening blue ones to the other doctor. "It was Mr. Luckabee." She didn't even have to ask. She _knew_.

Derek's head shot up stunned at the outrageous accusation. He followed Meredith's gaze slowly to the doctor, and rocked back when the man slowly nodded in concurrence

New tears sprung from Meredith's eyes as Derek watched her disbelieving. "How did you know Mer?" He released his tight grip he held on her and ran a hand through his hair aggravated. He felt his world slowly spinning out of control.

"I..I.. I'm so sorry Derek!" She sobbed, covering her face with her shaking hands. "I wasn't sure… I didn't want…I didn't know…." She took a breath and tried to reclaim power over her speech. "I had a feeling.. but I didn't want to jump to any false conclusions…so I had Callie do a little research into his past… and I only found out about him minutes before I got the page for Hanna… I wanted to tell you Derek… I'm so sorry!"

Derek's eyes were wide with incredulity. Meredith could hardly stand to look back at the fiery blue eyes laced with rage. "What exactly did you find out Mer?"

His voice was cold and distant, if she weren't standing directly in front of him, seeing the wrath for herself, she wouldn't have recognized it.

Meredith wrapped her arms around herself for security. She was scared and afraid and now Derek was yelling at her. This was all her fault. How could she have been so foolish, so careless? She looked back up into the eyes of the man she loved more than any other man in her entire life. She shuttered with the realization that he might never forgive her.

She swallowed, excepting that fate. She _knew_ she would never forgive herself. Meredith took one last breath before turning back to the expectant doctors, and sharing the news Callie had called with only an hour earlier.

* * *

**It's still kind of a cliff, but maybe not such a bad one?? This isn't over yet, not by a long shot...**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: This took me a little longer than anticipated. I wanted to make sure everything made since.. so I'm sorry for leaving you hanging all day yesterday.**

* * *

Callie ran Jon Luckabee's background and credit check, just as she had done on a number of her friends only a week before. To say the least, she had been a little shocked when the reports came back. It was clean, spotless even. She read and reread it a few times, her eyes going over and over the words and dates so carefully typed out. Something was wrong, but she couldn't put her finger on it. No one was this perfect. Something just wasn't adding up. And then she saw it. An error. Something so minute that if it hadn't been for the numerous reports she'd read for fun before, she'd never had caught it. A glitch in a date. A mistake so infinitesimal it was no wonder there had been no questions asked when the hospital had hired him on as lead man.

But Callie had caught it. Red flags were immediately raised as she picked up the phone to dial her third cousin she hadn't talked to in years. Somehow the fact that this distant relative had married an expert of identity theft and fraud crossed her mind. Callie let out a relieved sigh as information connected her to the number almost one thousand miles south of her in L.A. A few minutes later she was faxing the information she had gathered over to her cousin- in-law who was more than happy to help, he apparently was having a slow day.

Callie had paced for thirty minutes, waiting for the return pone call. She was anxious and worried about what she had stumbled upon. She was even more afraid for Meredith, and what whatever information her cousin called back with would mean for her friend.

The phone rang and without delay her cousin's husband began speaking. He said he couldn't be positive yet, he had calls in at the local police station with a detective buddy of his and was still waiting to here back, but things didn't look good. He said he thought this "Luckabee" guy's report looked familiar and he started digging around. Soon his suspicions were confirmed.

For the last ten years, a caucasion male had been moving from city to city, assuming high profiled jobs at significant places of business and embezzling funds and committing numerous other crimes. He'd been the CEO of a pharmaceutical company in Florida, an assistant manager at a wealthy law firm in New York, he even practiced medicine illegally at a well know medical plaza in Beverly Hills. The cops have always been a few steps behind, discovering the truth minutes too late to find he'd left town with millions in his pocket.

He hadn't been considered dangerous up until a few years ago. He apparently took a liking for a pretty legal aid assistant at one of the law firms he deceived. He proved he was a man that didn't take no for an answer when they found her body at the bottom of a canal in Phoenix. He was long gone before any one knew the wiser. His behavior has continued to grow more and more out of control over the last year, the assault and violence increasing in boldness each time he got away. So far the FBI had pinned him to three murders, but they couldn't be positive the count wasn't any higher. He'd been one of the nation's most wanted men for months now.

Callie had hung up the phone after he promised her he'd call as soon as he heard anything with his contact and after Callie promised she'd be extremely careful around the mad man until they knew anything concrete. She was visibly shaken but picked the phone back up any way and dialed Meredith, needing to warn her immediately.

* * *

Meredith shared all she knew with a paled Derek and stunned ER Doctor. The thick silence that surrounded the shocked group echoed in Meredith's head as she searched Derek's face.

"I'm sorry Derek! I couldn't have even imagined…" Her voice trailed back as his eyes locked with hers.

He struggled to speak. "How could you.. how could you have known what you did and not tell me?"

"Derek I tried! When there was anything to _know_.. I tried…"

"How could you have even _suspected _something and not tell me Mer?!"

"I didn't want to… You're job was at stake…" Meredith's chin was quivering as she fought to remain in control.

"That is _not _how this works." His voice was harsh and scolding. "We said _no_ more secrets. I can't believe you wouldn't come to me earlier with your suspicions. I just.. and now Hanna's laying in the hospital… How could you… how could you not say anything?" He repeated, his voice shaking now.

Meredith turned her face from his. She couldn't handle it. She couldn't take the way he was looking at her. So disappointed, so let down. She knew it was her fault. If she had only aired her fear and doubt towards Luckabee, they could have found these things out earlier. It would have never gotten to this level.

The doctor excused himself, obviously now uncomfortable at the tension between the couple in front of him, and needing to get back to the young girl that was now his patient. Meredith and Derek stood quiet; anger, fear, remorse, and dread amongst other things boiling through their bodies.

Their eyes met again, Derek's still full of heat and blame, Meredith's full of guilt and sorrow. She opened her mouth to speak again, needing to apologize, needing him to see this wasn't another one of her trust issue's. She had honestly thought she was doing the right thing by not going to him with it. Now she knew just how terribly wrong she was.

Before she could conjure up another apology, they were interrupted by the opening of the trauma room door once more. A few more doctors exited, followed closely by a handful of nurses, wheeling out the crash cart that was no longer needed. The last one to exit left the door open and signaled it was okay for her parents to enter now.

Derek was the first to break his stare and turned and entered the room, not bothering to wait for Meredith. She stifled a sob that threatened to escape and took a breath. She would need to be strong. She and Derek needed to push aside their differences at the moment to be there for Hanna. That was the bigger issue now. Hanna and her recovering this close scare.

* * *

"There you are!" Derek barked at the timid security guard who stood nervous in the door way. "I had you paged over ten minutes ago! Do you like your job or would you rather be asking if they'd like fries with that order?!"

Derek's face was red and the young man knew better than to come back with a smart comment. He shook his head and answered respectively. "I'm sorry sir. I like my job very much sir. It won't happen again."

Derek nodded, still obviously annoyed. "In that case you better listen and you better listen good. From here on out… until Seattle PD can get their heads out of their ass and decide to send us back up… you are not to move one muscle from that chair outside the door. This is your sole responsibility. To guard this little girl…" Derek motioned to a tiny Hanna on the large hospital bed, "…and make sure _no one,_ not one single sole that is not on the authorized list, gets in here. Do you understand that?"

The security guard nodded. "Yes sir."

Derek made a rough noise that the young man took as a dismissal and jumped at the chance to exit. He took his guard outside the room as ordered, curious to what had got the normally friendly chief of surgery in such an irate huff.

Derek turned back to his sleeping daughter and let his eyes sweep over his slouched fiancé. Her eyes were red and she looked so fragile as she clung on to one of Hanna's small hands. His heart ached and he was immediately filled with remorse. This really wasn't Meredith's fault. He shouldn't have been so hard on her. He knew he should cross the room and hold her, kiss away the guilt and pain that she was inevitably drowning in.

He swallowed the lump in his throat as his eyes moved slowly to Hanna. They had come so close to loosing her. His life was in that room. The two girls sitting before him. He had been lost and broken until they came back into his life. He was now finally fixed and it was thanks to them. For loving him unconditionally no matter what.

Derek's thoughts were interrupted by the shrill sound of his pager. He glanced down and remembered he still had a surgical floor to run. He looked back up and saw that Meredith was now watching him, cautiously. It pulled on his insides seeing the pain and fear reflecting in her green eyes.

"I gotta go." He choked out. "We'll talk when I get back. Don't go anywhere… please Mer. Just stay with Hanna?"

She nodded her consent and turned back to their daughter without saying a word. Derek opened his mouth, he needed to apologize, he needed to express the feelings coursing through his body. But he couldn't form the appropriate words. So instead he turned and rushed out, eager to find someone to fill in for him as chief so he could deal with the crisis his family was suddenly forced to face.

* * *

Meredith must have drifted off to sleep because the next thing she knew the sound of her own pager caused her to jerk her head up from the side of Hanna's soft bed. She was exhausted. Emotionally and physically. She couldn't believe everything that was happening. Callie still hadn't heard back from her cousin in California and now Mr. Luckabee seemed to be missing. No one could find him. The hospital security had searched the grounds for him, but he was nowhere to be found. Meredith secretly hoped that he had left town. That he had gotten what he wanted and fled. But something in the pit of her stomach told her they weren't that lucky.

She glanced down at her pager and saw that she was being paged to Derek's office. _Maybe he had heard from Callie? Maybe Mr. Luckabee had been found? Maybe Seattle PD was finally on their way?_

She jumped up and hurried out of the room, glancing back at the security guard whose sole purpose was protecting her daughter. He nodded to acknowledge Meredith and she nodded back, figuring she wouldn't have to worry about anything as long as he was there.

She made it up to Derek's office in a rushed jog, eager to learn if he he'd found out anything more. Meredith frowned when she hurried in his office to find it empty. Where could he have gone?

* * *

"I'm here to take over duty." The older, large bellied man spoke to the younger security guard.

"Oh… um … are you sure? I was told to stay until Seattle PD got here…" The younger man was confused.

"My orders come from the boss." The older man shrugged. "Take it up with him."

The younger man hesitated, but was incredibly bored so figured it didn't make since arguing with the senior security guard who out ranked him.

"You're right. Sorry Jack. See you later." With that the younger man scurried away, eager for a cup of coffee.

* * *

Meredith was about to give up and head back down stairs to Hanna when she caught Derek coming down the hall out of the corner of her eye.

"Hey." She spoke, wondering what she had been paged for.

"Hey. " He echoed, furrowing his brows.

They stood for a moment, waiting for the other one to speak.

Finally Derek spoke, "What are you doing up here? I thought you were going to wait with Hanna?"

Meredith let out a frustrated noise. "I was... but then you paged me? Did Callie call? What's going on?"

Derek let out his own frustrated noise. "I didn't page you? What are you talking about Mer?"

They both stared at each other blankly for a moment, before Meredith spoke slowly. "If you didn't page me… then who did?"

Realization hit them both at the same time like hard sickening blows to their stomachs. It was Derek who choked out what they were both thinking, "Oh my gosh! Hanna!"

They both turned and took off towards the stairs. Derek jumped down, taking more than five steps at a time as he sprinted towards the emergency room, Meredith not too far behind, fear and panic driving them both.

Derek reached the room before Meredith, but as she turned the corner, the first thing that caught her eyes was the empty chair outside the room. No security guard protecting.

She stopped in the middle of hall, her legs not obeying, her mind screaming that it didn't want to know. She gasped for breath as she waited. She offered silent prayers as her eyes remained frozen on the empty doorway Derek had disappeared into. Please let the nauseating feeling growing in her stomach be wrong, please let everything be okay.

But when Derek appeared, face white, body shaking; she knew her fears had been confirmed.

"She's gone." She barely heard her fiancé choke out as a terrifying scream of horror erupted from her own lips.

* * *

**I'm going to go hide now )**

**More tomorrow!!!**


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: I was right to hide... yikes you guys are scary...LOL. I'm glad that there's so many new people reading and reviewing...it's exciting. So thanks for all the new reviewers and of course thanks to you oldies too. I love you all.**

* * *

Meredith was numb. She felt detached from her body as she sat in a hard chair in the hospital lobby. Izzie and Addison hovered over her, smoothing her hair, offering her water, holding her hand. Her screaming had died down half an hour ago and the intense hot fear that had at first engulfed her was slowly turning into cold dread. Hanna had been missing for thirty seven minutes. Thirty seven long painstaking minutes of unknown terror.

Derek had immediately jumped into action. He hollered for security and the hospital intercom immediately went off in shouts of a Code Adam. The Seattle Police Department arrived in record time and instantly fanned out through the hospital. An Amber Alert was immediately announced throughout Washington and neighboring states and Hanna's picture flashed on every TV screen throughout the nation. Everyone was doing everything they could. But still, it didn't seem like enough.

Meredith lifted her blurry, red puffy eyes to Derek, who paced back and forth across the room. All their friends had come. Mark and Alex walked next to Derek, desperately trying to get him to sit still and calm down. Burke had arrived in record time and now sat, holding Cristina as she watched her person struggle with the immense grief. George sat a few feet away, talking quietly on the phone with Callie who had finally got a hold of her cousin, who had in effect contacted the FBI for them and at the present time were on the way to the hospital. Even Richard Webber, the closest thing Meredith had ever had to a father, had come and was doing everything he could to help.

_Thirty eight minutes_, she thought. Hanna had now been gone for thirty eight minutes. Everyone knew that the first sixty minutes were the most critical. It was in the first hour a of child abduction that the victim's fate was decided. The clock was playing against them. It was a horrible nightmare that no one could seem to wake up from.

A small commotion to the front of the lobby caused everyone to look up. Four men in dark suits had entered the hospital and the SPD Police Chief had rushed over to greet them. Meredith assumed them to be the FBI agents everyone seemed to be waiting for and slowly stood. She saw Derek stop pacing as well, as they both watched the exchange between the authorities.

Slowly they made their way from opposite ends of the room to the group of men and Derek spoke. "Can someone please talk to us? Tell us what the hell you're doing to find my daughter?!"

"Dr. Shepherd, this is Agent Sculder and Agent Mullie." The police chief motioned to the two men standing closest. "They're the FBI agents assigned to the case."

Derek nodded and grunted something incoherent. He didn't want to waste time with the pleasantries. He only wanted his daughter back.

"Sir, I can assure you we're doing everything possible to try and locate your daughter. If you wouldn't mind coming with us… somewhere more private… we can further discuss the case with both of you."

Derek shook his head. "Whatever you have to say you can say it here. They're all family." He gestured to the room full of their closest friends.

The lead detective nodded and both Meredith and Derek could tell he was carefully choosing his words. "It's been confirmed that the male working here under the alias of Jon Luckabee is actually a wanted convict who's legal name is Chris O'Dandridge. Jon Luckabee is only one of the many false identities he's assumed in the last decade."

They both nodded, they had learned this earlier and none of it came as a shock. Derek was growing frustrated with the unhurried speed at which he was learning new information.

"Okay… so we know who he is? But that doesn't tell me what he wants with my daughter? And why the hell was he stalking my_ fiancé_?! This isn't making since to me."

"From what we've been able to conclude sir is that Seattle Grace had been approved for a multi million dollar grant a few months before Mr. O'Drandridge showed up."

Derek nodded, knowing exactly what they were referring to.

"We assume he wanted in on the easy cash. We already have proof that he's written more than a couple checks to himself from the hospital account. We also assume, that he saw the easiest way to distract _you,_ Chief of surgery in charge of approving the budget… was by trying to scare your fiancé."

It was starting to slowly make since to Derek. "But why Hanna? Why poison her and then take her? Is he after a ransom?"

The detective nodded. "We believe so sir. You're daughter's lab work was faxed over to us on the way and it showed that the type of poison she was contaminated with wasn't a lethal form. It was meant just to stop her heart and breathing, but she would have regained function of her organs shortly if no medical intervention had been used. It was only a diversion to get her downstairs where she could more easily be taken. Unfortunately he's a very smart man. He must have had this planned for months."

"So now what?" He didn't feel any better now that he had answers; Hanna was still missing and now apparently in the hands of an intelligent, yet vicious criminal.

"Now's the hard part. We wait. Men like him are greedy. He's going to be in contact with you soon… he's going to want to give his demands. And when he calls... we'll be ready. We have a unit on the way to his residence, we know he won't be there but we want to see if we can find any leads. I know this is hard and you're both scared… but the best thing for you both to do right now is sit and wait… and trust me. I want to get your daughter back safe and sound just as much as you."

Derek sighed in defeat. He hated feeling helpless, he hated having absolutely no control over the situation, but he nodded in acceptance anyways. He'd wait. He'd let them do their job.

Derek's eyes fell on Meredith for the first time since they'd started talking to the police. She had remained unusually quiet during the whole conversation and he could see she was barely standing on her shaking legs. He frowned and put an arm around her as he led her back to the row of empty chairs. He carefully set her down, but remained standing in front of her.

It took every ounce of strength, but she finally lifted her eyes to meet Derek's. The blame and anger were long gone, and now she looked into two empty pools of blue. He looked vacant, defeated. A fresh set of tears formed in her own eyes as reached out to him.

"D..Derek…" She whispered.

He watched her scared face, her pleading eyes. Her small hand trembled as it lightly grasped his large wrist. She wanted him to stay with her. She needed him to tell her everything was going to be okay. That they'd find Hanna and they'd get through this.

But Derek couldn't. He couldn't whisper soothing condolences and reassuring promises because he honestly didn't know what was going to happen. He couldn't give her false assurance. For the first time, he didn't have hope to offer. Hanna's fate was out of his hands, and it crushed his soul and broke his heart into tiny pieces that he hadn't been able to protect her. That all his vow's and promises that he'd be their night in shining armor had been in vain. He'd failed them.

And so he pulled his arm away from the woman he loved and tore his eyes off of her devastated expression. He couldn't be what she needed right now. He didn't want her to see him like this, so shattered and destroyed.

"I can't." And with that he walked slowly… painfully… away.

* * *

Meredith sat frozen until she couldn't take it any longer. She couldn't stay in one place anymore. She couldn't handle the hovering, the reassuring comments of her friends, the pitying glances of the police officers wandering the lobby. It was all too much.

She stood suddenly, surprising those around her. Addison and Izzie both rose to their feet in response, worried what Meredith would do, worried she might fall over.

Meredith shook her head and held her hand up to stop them from following. "Please… I.. I just need to be alone for a minute…Please.."

She didn't wait to see their response, just started walking away. Away from the stares, away from her friends who meant well. Her legs grudgingly obeyed as she stumbled down a small hall and found the women's bathroom. She pushed the heavy door open with her shaky hands and crossed the tile floor to one of the sinks.

The reflection staring back at her caused her to cringe. She almost didn't recognize the pathetic woman staring back at her. So pale, so deflated, so scared. She turned on the cold water and let it pool in her gathered hands a minute before splashing it over her face.

She had hoped the chilly liquid would snap her out of her terrified trance, but it failed to do anything but get her wet. She had lost her ability to feel anything but pain. Sorrow was the only sense her body chose to acknowledge

She slowly moved to the paper towel dispenser and freed a couple from their confines. She softly patted her sore face dry then carelessly dropped them in a waste bin. Meredith leaned against a cold hard wall and slowly let herself fall down to the floor, pulling her knees to her chest in a defensive position. She found that she couldn't even cry, all her tears had been spent and she was empty. So she stared unseeing across the empty bathroom, unthinking, unmoving. She wondered if she sat still for long enough, would she be able to disappear?

* * *

Derek hid himself in an isolated locker room a few floors away from Meredith, from his friends, from the damn police and FBI officers who were trying to do their job.

His muscles burned, and sweat dripped from his forehead as his blank mind focused on the rhythmic sounds coming from the rowing machine. He pulled with his arms, causing his biceps to blaze; and pushed with his quads setting the muscles off in tremors. But he didn't mind the pain; it smothered the ache in his heart and the sharp twinge in his stomach. The physical pain was so much easier to deal with than the emotional turmoil he was caught up in.

He wasn't sure how long he'd been there; time had lost all meeting to him as the clocked ticked on. Each minute that had passed meant Hanna was further and further away. And so he had stopped keeping track. He cleared his head and focused on the pulling and the pushing. Over and over again until he didn't even have to think of the motions. His body had memorized them and taken over in autopilot.

And then Meredith's terrified face flashed in his mind. She was so scared, so lost. And he had walked away. She was downstairs, frightened and alone, and most likely blaming herself. He hadn't done anything to assure her it was no more her fault than anyone else's; his silence had only solidified it for her.

Derek stopped rowing and threw the handles down hard. He gasped for air, trying to catch his breath as he buried his sweat covered head in his hands. He needed to pull it together. He was the man. He was Meredith's protector. If he could successfully run the surgical floor of one of the nation's top hospitals, he could sure as hell run a family. He could do this. He would find Meredith and apologize profusely, get down on his knees and beg for her forgiveness. He would kiss away her remorse and fear, make sure she knew it wasn't her fault. Make sure she knew how much he loved her. And then, together, side by side, they would get through this. They would help the police and, together, they would get Hanna back. Together.

Derek grabbed a clean white towel and dried the perspiration on his skin as he hurried out of the dim locker room and towards the stairs, eager to find Meredith.

* * *

Meredith's phone went off, the chirping of the familiar song echoing off the empty stalls of the bathroom. Unthinking Meredith flipped it open and held it to her ear.

"Hello?"

"----"

"Hello?" Meredith repeated.

"_Mama?" _It was so small and so frightened Meredith nearly didn't hear her.

"Oh my gosh! Hanna baby?! Is that you?! Where are you?! Are you hurt?!... Hanna! Talk to me… please baby…" Meredith's heart pounded in her chest and drops of sweat threatened on her brow.

"_Mama_…" Her baby was crying and Meredith's heart broke all over again. She sounded so scared and fragile.

"Hanna… talk to me… where are you… are you okay?! Did he hurt you baby?!" Fear was screaming in her head, she needed to know Hanna was all right.

Meredith heard a shuffle on the other end of the phone and she gripped the receiver tight in her hands. She opened her mouth to call out for Hanna again when a familiar deep laugh interrupted her.

"You son of a bitch! Where are you?! What did you do to my baby?"

He chuckled again than finally answered. "I didn't do anything to your precious _Princess_."

Anger was growing rapidly inside Meredith, replacing her fear of only seconds ago. "What do you want?! _Money?!_ Whatever it is just tell us! We'll give you anything… just please... don't hurt her… she's only a baby!"

"I'm not after the money any more." His voice was cool and even.

"THEN WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT?!"

"You." It was a simple answer that filled Meredith with dread to the core of her being.

The mad man went on. "Now do everything exactly as I say if you ever want to see your _baby_ again…"

* * *

**Trust me I want to get out of this "dark place" just as much as you guys... so I'm going to try so hard to get updates up faster...**


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: Lookie lookie two updates in one day. LOL. I hope you guys trust me... some of your reviews make me a little nervous... it's a good thing no one has my address!! Ha ha... all I have to say is T-R-U-S-T.**

* * *

Derek stepped off the elevator at the ground floor, anxious to find Meredith and hold her in his arms. He had been foolish to push her away. He knew he needed her just as much as she needed him. He turned the corner to the main lobby where he had left her, just as a swarm of men in black uniforms stormed the hospital. Derek immediately grew alarmed as he watched them spread out and disappear down various hallways of the first floor. They were strapped with bullet proof vests and each held big see through shields. Large letters that read SWAT in white were displayed on their backs.

Derek looked around confused for the chief of police or one of the detectives he spoke to earlier, and found them all huddled at the receptionist desk, their makeshift camp.

He crossed the floor in a hurry and joined them at the desk.

"What's going on?!" He demanded.

Before any of the men could respond, Derek was joined by his friends, each curious to the sudden arrival of the SWAT team and frantic activity.

"Dr. Shepherd, we've been trying to reach you…." Agent Mullie replied aggravated.

Derek let out a frustrated sigh and ran a hand through his hair. "Damnit! My phone and pager aren't working… thanks to Luckabee… or whatever the hell his name is."

The detectives exchanged glances then nodded, Agent Mullie taking the lead once again. "Sir there's been an advance on the case. My men have been going over the hospital surveillance cameras and we are now one hundred percent certain that Mr. O'Dandridge never left the hospital premises. He has your daughter somewhere inside the hospital."

Derek rocked back and the small crowd of friends gasped. Derek took in a breath, a tiny flint of light peaking in the sheer darkness of his soul. _He wouldn't hurt his daughter with them being so close would he? _

The detective went on. "As of seven minutes ago, this hospital was put under an official lock down. That means nobody leaves and nobody enters. All incoming ambulances and patients are being diverted to Mercy West. As you just saw, the SWAT team was also dispatched and is now sweeping the floors in search for O'Dandridge. We also have a team surrounding the hospital… and I assure you… he will _not _get away. It's now only a matter of finding of him."

Derek nodded, daring to hope. Daring to let himself believe everything would be okay.

"There's one more thing sir."

Derek turned back to Agent Mullie, taken back at the sudden change in his tone. He nodded for the man to continue.

"Seattle PD just returned from O'Dandridge's residence. What they found was a bit disturbing. We're no longer so sure it's ransom he's after."

Derek furrowed his brows, fear creeping back into his body. "Wh…what do you mean? If not ransom…then _what_?" He wasn't so sure he wanted to know.

"We believe his target is Dr. Grey…. Where exactly _is_ your fiancé, sir?"

The feeling of dread was immediate as Derek turned towards his silent friends. They all held the same uneasy expression. He forced his eyes across the group until they rested on Izzie. Her brown eyes were large with fright and she shook her head.

"Sh.. she went to the bathroom. She said she wanted to be alone…that was over ten minutes ago…" Izzie's voice trembled as she clung to Alex for support.

With out so much as a word, Derek's legs moved him forward, past his friends and passed the empty rows of hard chairs. Mark and Burke followed, keeping up with Derek's sprint; the police officers and detectives just behind.

Derek heaved his shoulder into the hard swinging door of the woman's bathroom, bursting it open. The other's followed in moments later as they frantically searched the room. Derek had told himself:_ she'd be there, she'd be sitting on the ground worrying, or maybe she'd fallen asleep, but she'd be there_.

But all he was met with was an empty bathroom. No Meredith. Only empty stalls and quiet sinks, whispering mockingly at him that his whole world had just been turned upside down for the second time that day. The two people most important to him in the whole world had been snatched from under his nose. The last thing he remembered as he fell sobbing to his knees were two strong hands, one light one dark, grabbing his arms to catch him, as the detective in charge reached for his radio to notify his men they now had _two_ missing females.

* * *

Meredith found herself in a dark hall way down below the hospital in the deserted basement. She was following her directions exactly; her hands trembling and breathing shallow, but knowing she had to keep going. For Hanna, for her baby's life… she had to keep going.

He had been adamant in his orders; she was to tell no one. No police, no friends, especially no Derek. She was to immediately head down the basement, taking the stairs and not the elevator. Make sure no one saw her. Talk to no one. Draw absolutely no attention to herself, and he wouldn't touch Hanna. Mess up… and she'd never see her daughter again.

Meredith obeyed, knowing this man was capable of unspeakable things. She'd do it in a heart beat… she'd sacrifice herself for her daughter, she didn't even hesitate in making that decision. What mother wouldn't lay down their life for their own flesh and blood?

She came to the end of a corridor, and pushed the door open that was on her right as she was instructed. As expected, she found a narrow room, lined with shelves full of old supplies. She walked deeper in the room she had suspected was a supply closet and was surprised to find it was merely an abandoned hallway, long forgotten. She moved further and further down the dim walk way, and found another door. She moved forward, knowing with each turn and each knew door, she was one step closer to Hanna.

She finally found the door she was looking for, and old office of some sort, and took a breath gathering her courage. She could do this. For Hanna. For Derek. She would make it up to him. It had been all her fault getting them into this mess. She wouldn't make him suffer by loosing his only child. She would make things right so Derek and Hanna could live a long happy life together. She owed them that.

"You made it." The familiar cool voice that made her tremble in disgust snapped her from her thoughts and drew her further in the room.

It was dim and dusty and Meredith had to blink a moment as her eyes adjusted to a faintly lit room. The door slammed shut behind her causing her to spin on her heel and come face to face with Hanna's kidnapper. Her eyes seemed to adjust just then as his clean cut features came into focus. She narrowed her eyes at his calm smile and stopped herself from reaching out and slapping him across the face.

"Where's my daughter?" Meredith's voice was slow and even.

His smile grew broader, finding her courage amusing, as his eyes moved the corner of the room.

Meredith slowly turned and searched the back of the room with her eyes. She gasped when they settled on her form, unmoving on the ground.

"Relax Meri, she's only sleeping. You kept your end of the bargain… so I kept mine."

Meredith didn't bother to acknowledge the insane man as she rushed across the room and gathered her baby in her arms. Her eyes searched her daughter's body for any sign of injury and breathed a sigh of relief when she found none. Her small daughter stirred in her arms and slowly opened her eyes.

"Mama?"

"Yes baby. Mama's here. Everything's going to be okay. You're okay now." Meredith held her close and felt Hanna's small arms wrap around her tightly. She shifted her so the tiny child was on her lap and Hanna buried her face in Meredith's chest.

Meredith waited until Hanna's breathing slowed again before turning her head back to the man who stood watching intently.

"Why are you doing this? What do you want _Chris_?"

Chris O'Dandridge chuckled. "So you know my real name? I didn't expect any less. You're a very smart woman. I'm surprised you didn't find everything out sooner though."

"I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt." She spat back. "I should have gone with my initial impression that you were an ass hole."

Chris tilted his head, his eyes darkening. "If I were you I'd watch my tongue. You are in no position to speak to me like that."

Meredith tore her gaze from his. He was right. Both she and Hanna's life hung in his hands at the moment. She better watch what she said.

* * *

"This is insane!" Derek's voice shook and he didn't bother to keep his voice down. "They expect us to just sit and wait?! I don't know how much more of this I can take!" His face was read and his hands trembled as he pulled them aggressively through his disheveled hair.

"I say we start looking for them our selves." Mark suggested, growing more frustrated with each passing minute.

"I agree. We know this hospital better than the police do. They're bound to miss private on call rooms or supply closets." Burke stood, not wanting to sit helpless a minute longer.

"I'm in." Alex stood and turned to George and Richard who nodded.

"Okay, let's do this." Burke rubbed his hands together, taking charge. "You girls stay here. If there's any news, Cristina you call me. Please stay together, this man's crazy, there's no saying what he'll do."

The girls nodded in agreement, knowing they were too scared for Hanna and Meredith to be any help if they went along.

The men huddled for a minute and split up the hospital. Derek and Richard took the upper floors and the roof. George and Burke took the surgical floor and cafeteria and any other public areas. That left Mark and Alex with the main floor and the basement. They were to call every fifteen minutes to check in. They wished each other luck and hurried off. Eager to be busy. Eager to find the girls.


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: Not much to say except the fact I'm glad you all decided to have faith in me. That's all I'm asking. ;)**

* * *

They swung open doors, peaked behind curtains, searched closets, invaded patient rooms. George even found himself looking in drawers of desks; proving just how frantic and desperate each of the men on their own rescue mission felt. Meredith's and Hanna's fate seemed to slip from their fingers with each passing minute of the clock. With each tick tock, the desperation grew, the fear swelled

Burke's phone rang.

"Anything?" It was Alex in the basement.

"Nothing. You?"

"Nope. You heard from George and Webber?"

"Ya, nothing yet."

"Keep looking… they're here somewhere."

"You too. Call us if you find something… anything."

They ended the call and Preston shook his head to Derek who watched intently from across the room they were currently searching. He sighed and Preston could see the last bit of Derek's hope slipping away.

"Come on, we still haven't checked the attic."

Derek looked up and nodded slowly. The attic. Right. They still needed to check the attic.

* * *

The silence was growing thicker and thicker and Meredith felt the walls slowly closing in. She sat across the room from their abductor, holding Hanna protectively on her lap, stroking her soft dark curls. Chris O'Dandridge watched his victims, his eyes unreadable, his face expressionless.

"So what now? You're just going to keep us hidden here? You know the police have surrounded the place. They're searching every inch of this hospital… it's only a matter of time until they find us. You should just turn yourself in now. I'm sure they'd work out a plea bargain."

The man's eyes darkened. "A _plea bargain_?" He spat back. "I'm wanted for fraud, identity theft, embezzlement of funds, and three counts of murder. Think about it sweetheart." He then began to chuckle softly. "At least, those are the only crimes they can link me to… if they only knew…"

Meredith swallowed hard, not liking his tone of voice and not wanting to know what he meant.

The man watched her a moment more before turning and punching a wall. He was clearly upset and now agitated about something, and Meredith wondered what.

He crossed the room a few feet and stopped in front of a large cabinet. The two large doors on the front were closed with a lock and the man reached into his pocket to retrieve a key. In a swift movement he undid the lock and opened the doors revealing a few small televisions and other electronic devices.

"What the hell is that?" Meredith couldn't stop herself from asking.

"These my dear…" He gestured to the small television screens. "… are my eyes."

Meredith furrowed her brows and looked closer. Sure enough on the tiny screens she could make out black and white images of people scurrying around the hospital lobby. On another screen she made out what looked like the hallway of the surgical floor. The others were all the same. He had tapped into the hospital surveillance system.

He reached into the cabinet and pulled out a set of earphones, placing them carefully to his ears. He then messed with some buttons on a stereo looking machine, and paused when he seemed to find what he was looking for.

Meredith watched him in silence for a moment, before he nodded satisfied and replaced the listening device back into the cabinet.

"They still have no clue where we are…. and it seems your boyfriend and his _posse_ are now running around the hospital on their own. What brave men." He rolled his eyes as he closed the cabinets shut.

Meredith closed her eyes. Derek must be going out of his mind. She needed to let him know that Hanna was okay. Her slim fingers subconsciously went to her small cell phone that sat in the pocket of her scrub pants. He hadn't thought to take it from her yet. She had discreetly turned it off when it had started vibrating non stop. She didn't need to look at the screen to know it was Derek and her friends, probably panicking when they discovered she was missing. She quickly moved her hand back up to Hanna's small back and resumed the small circles she was tracing. She needed to be careful not to draw any attention to her last hope.

Meredith turned her attention back to the anxious man now pacing in front of her. He was growing restless and disturbed about something and she guessed the police had never gotten so close to him before. He was used to being on top, being in control. The tables were turned and suddenly it seemed his plan might not work. Meredith couldn't help but wonder: Would this be to her advantage… or fatal disadvantage?

"So how did you find this place down here anyway?" Meredith decided making him talk might make him less edgy, more unlikely to do anything rash.

"I did my homework sweetheart. Found out everything to know about this quaint little hospital before coming to town. How did you think I knew about your mother?"

Meredith averted his gaze as he stopped pacing and bore his eyes into her.

"You are quite beautiful you know. Not in the supermodel, blond ,leggie type of way. But just as stunning… just as addicting."

Meredith tensed as she felt him come closer. Her heart started pounding in her chest as her mind frantically searched for an escape.

"We had a deal. I came… that means Hanna gets to leave. We had a deal." Meredith forced her eyes back up on the cold face of the man.

He nodded silently a minute before speaking. "You're right. We did have a deal." He retreated back across the room to the door and swiftly opened it. He exaggeratedly gestured through its opening with his arm. "You're free to go Hanna. It is… after all…. your mother I'm after."

Meredith took in a sharp breath as she felt Hanna's grip tighten around her waist.

"Are you insane? She's just a baby. _I_ don't even know where I am?! How do you expect her to find her way out of here?" Meredith was panicking, desperately trying to figure out what she should do.

"She's smarter than you lead me to believe… and you know that. She'll be fine." He shrugged. "But it's your choice. She can stay… and _watch_."

Meredith swallowed again. The lump in her throat seemed to be permanent. She looked down into her daughters beautiful blue eyes. The blue eyes that the only man she had ever truly loved shared. Making up her mind, she nodded.

"Can I… Can I have a moment to say good bye?"

Chris O'Dandridge turned surprised, but then an evil smile spread across his lips. "Sure Meri, say goodbye to your baby."

Meredith pried Hanna from her lap and stood her daughter directly in front of her. She tipped the small child's head so she was looking into her eyes and gave her a reassuring smile.

"I love you Hanna. You are such a brave strong girl…." Meredith quickly glanced over to the man who laughed and then turned and busied himself with something else in the cabinet that he had re-opened.

When she saw he no longer was watching, she slid her had into her pocket and quickly powered her phone on. She continued talking calmly to Hanna, telling her how much she loved her, as she frantically pressed buttons on her phone with one hand. She silently closed the phone and had just slid it into the front pocket of Hanna's pink Osh Kosh B'gosh overalls, when she heard him close the cabinets and turn back to his victims.

"Okay… enough! I'm going to be sick with all the mushy lovey dovey. It's time for her to go." He crossed the room and gestured through the open door.

Meredith turned back to her daughter and looked hard into her eyes. Mother and daughter stared a moment, until Meredith saw the fear and uncertainty fade inside the tiny two pools, and something else replace it. Determination. Purpose.

Meredith brought her small child into her arms for one last hug and whispered softly through her curls. "Give that to daddy."

She pulled away and Hanna nodded quickly, seeming to sense the seriousness of her mother's request. Her shy, timid daughter then crossed the room courageously to the opened door. She ignored the man who stood towering over her and turned to look at her mom one last time.

Meredith rocked back when she saw her sweet daughters face. The childlikeness was gone and wisdom beyond her years stood in its place. She turned again and disappeared out the door in a run. Meredith held her breath as the tiny hurried footsteps faded away and sat back against the wall. She let the air out in her lungs and let herself think for a moment that she might get out of this thing. She might get out a live.

The door was shut with a loud thud causing Meredith to bring her eyes back up. The man's eyes darkened as he studied his victim. He laughed long and deep. "If you're thinking she'll bring help back… think again. You were right… she'll never find her way out. It's dark out there… kids are afraid of the dark."

Meredith desperately forced her expression to remain calm. She pulled her legs up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. And it was only then, as the dark eyed man slowly crossed the room towards her…that she let her first tear fall.

* * *

**A/N: More soon... I'm trying my hardest to get updates up ASAP!!! You guys ROCK with your reviews... you're the best.**


	23. Chapter 23

Meredith stubbornly wiped at her tear as her eyes frantically darted around the room. The dark eyed man took a step closer as her eyes landed on something on a shelf in the closet he had forgotten to close. She closed her eyes and cleared her head. Thirty minutes ago she had succumbed to her end. She had accepted it. She had given up, justifying it was for Hanna's life.

Now, something started rising inside her. She thought back at the last few years of her life. How she had been alone and scared with no memory, but there was always that constant sliver of awareness in the pit of her being that she was part of something big. It was only when she had stumbled upon Seattle Grace, that she had discovered that the "_thing" _she was apart of was Derek. Their love was something some people only dreamed about. Theirs was the true happily ever after. A love worth fighting for. Being with Derek and creating a family with Hanna was definitely worth fighting for.

You're not alone  
Together we stand  
I'll be by your side, you know I'll take your hand  
When it gets cold  
And it feels like the end  
There's no place to go  
You know I won't give in  
**No I won't give in**

Meredith opened her eyes with new determination. She wasn't giving up. She wouldn't give this son of a bitch the satisfaction. She suddenly stood, causing the approaching man to stop with surprised eyes. He quickly recovered and gave her a suspicious look.

"Where do you think you're going?"

* * *

Mark and Alex were joined by George and Richard as they slumped against a wall in the lobby, opposite the elevators. They had searched and searched to no avail. Tired and defeated, they all reluctantly agreed to reconvene and come up with a plan B. They shared the same expression as they waited for Derek and Burke to join them. Faces sad, bodies exhausted, arms folded across their chests, backs against the wall.

The elevator let out a soft ding as the medal doors began to part. Each man was lost in his own thoughts and didn't bother to look up. When two men didn't emerge from the elevator, Mark looked up curiously.

At first glance, the elevator seemed to be empty, causing the grown man to furrow his brows. He stood up from the wall and took a step forward. Something pink to the inside corner caught his eyes as the two doors began to move together. Mark hurried forward and stuck a hand in, interrupting the meeting of the medal and the doors reversed.

He let out an audible gasp as his eyes settled on the small body of his best friend's daughter, sitting cross legged in the corner. Her face was pale and her eyes were dark and wide. But she wasn't crying.

In one quick movement Mark called out to the other men as he stepped forward and snatched her up in his strong arms. He held her close for a moment as the rest of the men gathered around their surprise find in shock.

They moved back off the elevator and stood staring at one another in disbelief as Mark tried questioning the little girl.

"Hanna… are you okay?... Did he hurt you? … Where's your mommy?...How did you get on the elevator?"

Hanna stared straight ahead, unblinking. Her face was expressionless and her eyes were dull and empty. The men exchanged glances worried.

"Somebody call Derek, tell him to hurry down here… and then we need to go let the FBI know we found Hanna."

* * *

Derek followed behind his good friend Preston Burke in a defeated daze. It seemed unreal. Almost as if any moment he would wake from this horrible nightmare. Maybe he'd wake up in bed next to the woman he loved and she'd wrap her arms around him to comfort him from his bad dream. She'd kiss him softly on his lips and then he'd whisper that he loved her. He'd tell her everything that he'd never had the chance to tell her. That he was sorry for not protecting her. Sorry for blaming her. He'd then kiss her back and tell her that none of this was her fault. She was an incredible mother to Hanna. The best. She was an even more amazing fiancée and he felt like the happiest man in the world to have her in his life.

All of Derek's _would of should of's_ spun around his head and threatened to suffocate him. His regret, his guilt, seared inside his soul. He should have stayed by her. He shouldn't have walked off like he had. He should have told her how much she meant to him. Both her and Hanna. Bleak terror settled in as he realized that now he'd probably never have the chance.

Burke's phone rang, the shrill sound echoing in the silent hallway as they walked towards the elevator. Burke pushed a button and held it to his ear, mumbling a greeting that Derek didn't bother paying attention to.

He was lost in his own engulfing sorrow and didn't look up until he noticed Burke holding his phone out for him to take. Derek looked at him questioningly to which Burke just shrugged, equally confused.

He held the small device up to his ear. "Yes?"

"Derek." He recognized the voice immediately, his best friend of over twenty years.

"Mark? What's going on?" Derek's heart pounded in his chest as he reached out to grab something to stable himself on. He gripped the phone tight and clenched his empty fist as he braced himself for the worst.

"Derek… we found Hanna."

And with those three words, something changed inside Derek. A tiny spark of hope erupted into brand new burning determination. _What the hell had he been thinking?_ He couldn't give up. Not when Meredith was still out there somewhere. He grabbed on to the immeasurable amount of love that swelled in his heart for this woman, and took off running for the stairs. Soon he'd have Hanna in his arms, and it was just a matter of time until he'd have Meredith too. He wouldn't give up. Something told him it wasn't too late, and if he'd fight, he would find her wherever she might be.

So far away  
I wish you were here  
Before it's too late, this could all disappear  
Before the doors close  
And it comes to an end  
With you by my side I will fight and defend  
**I'll fight and defend**

* * *

**Sorry it's short...Hopefully more later today... keep your fingers crossed!**


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: A couple things before I forget: First off, the song is by Avril Lavigne (I stole the title for this fic from the song) for those of you who asked, and secondly, yes the name "Chris O'Dandridge" was my clever mixutre of Fin and Chris O'Donnell. Hee hee I thought it was funny.**

* * *

Derek slammed through the door on the first floor, making it down the five flights of stairs in record time. His eyes frantically searched the sparse crowd of friends and co workers mixed with black uniformed SWAT team officers and FBI agents, until he found what he was looking for.

Hanna sat on a chair in the lobby, Mark on one side Addison on the other, as Izzie kneeled in front of her. Izzie seemed to be doing a pediatric trauma assessment as the lead detectives hovered over her anxiously. Derek could feel Hanna's fear and anxiety from across the room as he hurried over in large strides.

His daughters face was still and expressionless, her eyes wide and lost. The crowd parted as Derek neared, granting him access to his little girl. Izzie stood, letting Derek take her place in front of the unblinking child. Derek kneeled and grasped Hanna's two small hands in his large protective ones.

Hanna stared straight a moment unseeing, until recognition slowly dawned and she seemed to snap out of her terrified trance. She lunged her small body into Derek's arms and he stood with her, holding her tight against his chest. He felt her small arms wrap forcefully around his neck and he buried his face in her soft hair. Derek breathed her in, she shared the same scent as her mother and Derek felt his heart flutter a little in his chest. His baby was safe. He had her in his arms and he momentarily thought he'd never let go.

He heard Hanna whimper softly in his ear and for the first time since running to her escape, Hanna started crying. Derek soothingly stroked her hair and whispered gently. He told her everything was going to be okay. She was safe now. Her daddy had her and he would never let anyone take her from him ever again.

The sound of someone clearing their throat behind him snapped him out of the moment and reminded him that he and Hanna were not alone.

"I'm sorry Dr. Shepherd, I don't mean to interrupt… but we're running out of time." It was Agent Mulder who was watching the father and daughter closely, anxious for any lead on the whereabouts of the wanted man.

Derek nodded slowly. He could clearly see how traumatized Hanna was from the whole ordeal, but knew they were playing against the clock. They needed to find Meredith.

"Hanna princess?" Derek murmured softly, trying to coax his daughter to loosen the death grip she held on his neck.

"Sweetheart… look at Daddy." He tried again.

Derek moved away from the intimidating crowd and took a seat on one of the empty chairs. Hanna's hold slowly relaxed and she pulled back slightly, to look up questioningly into her daddy's face. Derek swallowed all the emotions that were flooding through his mind and focused on reassuring his daughter. She needed to know she was safe. She needed to forget her fear so she could help them find her mother.

He gave Hanna an encouraging smile before he began. "Hanna? Do you know where mommy is?"

Worry flashed across the four year old's face as she glanced around the room at all the people, frozen on what the small child had to say.

Derek tenderly placed his hands on each side of her tiny face and forced her to look in his eyes. "Hanna. It's okay. It's just me and you. I love you very much and you're safe now. I also love your mommy… and I want her to be safe too. Do you think you can remember what happened? How did you get away? Do you know where mommy is?"

Hanna stared back into her daddy's deep eyes with uncertainty. Derek sighed and was about to push further when something changed in his daughter's expression. A light went off somewhere behind her dark eyes and her face softened.

"What is it Hanna?" Derek asked forcing his voice to remain steady.

Hanna bit her bottom lip, painfully reminding him of her one of her mother's adorable habits. He could see the little wheels spinning in her head as she tried to remember something. And then suddenly, to Derek's surprise, Hanna reached in her small front pocket and retrieved a silver cell phone.

Derek gasped as realization dawned that it wasn't just a cell phone, but _Meredith's_ cell phone.

"Mama said to give this to you." Hanna's small light voice rang out through the unusually silent room.

He furrowed his brow as he accepted the phone from his daughter and turned it over in his hand a few times. _Why had she given away her phone? Why hadn't she instead tried to call for help? _Questions swarmed around Derek as he slowly opened the phone, trying to wrap his head around what this might mean.

He absentmindedly scrolled through the numbers, fifteen missed calls from him, no outgoing calls in the last few hours. He then pulled up her messages and noticed a saved text labeled: **4 D .**

This confused him more but he opened it none the less. He stared at the jumbled letters as he tried to make sense of it all.

**C cret rum bas mnt**

**I luv U D**

Derek handed the phone over to the anxious FBI agents who now stood hovering over him and Hanna. Hanna rested on his chest and he rubbed her back soothingly as he played the letters around and around in his head.

"That bad man took me daddy."

Derek looked down surprised. "I'm so sorry honey. I bet you were so scared. I'm sorry."

"I don't like the dark daddy. It's scary."

This peaked Derek's attention. "I know Princess. Is that where mommy is? In a dark room?"

He felt her nod against his chest, and didn't think she was going to elaborate until he heard her small voice. "Yep. Down those stairs in the dark."

Understanding hit the crowd of men at the same time and they jumped into action. The agents started radioing their men and directing them down in the basement. The SWAT members who stood idly around leaped to their duties, all headed downstairs.

Agent Mulder handed Meredith's cell phone back to Derek as he moved over to his makeshift desk at a table in the room and began scouring over a copy of blueprints they had acquired of Seattle Grace. The agents discussed something as they radioed further commands to the men downstairs.

Derek turned his attention back to the message Meredith had left on her phone and was quickly joined by his friends.

"What do you think it means?" Burke asked first.

"I'm not sure…" Derek replied slowly, desperately struggling for understanding.

He looked back down once more and was about to snap the phone shut when comprehension slapped him across the face. It wasn't a code or a mysterious riddle. She was spelling out in bold letters where she was.

"Secret room basement!" Derek shot out, causing his friends to look at him surprised.

"What? You think she's in a secret room in the basement?" Alex asked skeptically.

"I don't think… I know. That's what this first part says." Derek held the phone out so they could see for themselves.

"Okay… then what's_ D_? I love you _D_?"

"I'm _D_!" Derek said rolling his eyes, producing soft laughs at his childlike excitement.

Derek stood with Hanna still in his arms and crossed over to the deserted table that held the hospital blue prints. It was still open to the basement lay out and had been highlighted and marked to all the areas the SWAT was currently searching.

Derek was immediately joined by the rest of the men, Mark and Richard directly beside him.

Mark shook his head unsure. "I don't know… Karev and I searched it pretty good. I don't know what we could have missed."

The men stared silently at the large sheet of paper for a moment before the retired chief spoke. "What's the date on these plans? Something doesn't look right." He scratched his head confused for a moment before snapping his fingers in the air.

"These plans were made after they remodeled the hospital back in '95. Look here…" He pointed to the area labeled storage, "…this is where the old morgue was located. It was made up of one large room and a few offices. It's not even marked on here. I'm almost positive it's still down there… "

Everyone exchanged a glance full of renewed hope. Derek felt his hands start to shake with anticipation. They were going to find his Meredith.

"Hanna? Will you sit here with your Aunts' while daddy goes and finds mommy?"

Hanna nodded, feeling the heaviness of the situation and let Addison take her from her daddy's arms.

The men stole one last glance at the women who watched on anxiously, before turning back to one another.

Derek nodded and brought his hands together in a loud clap. "All right," he declared. "Let's go get my girl."


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: I decided to neglect everything I'm suppose to be doing right now and do this instead. It's much more fun. But now I really have to get back to work and stuff, so I don't know if there will be any more today. But on a high note, the forcast for this weekend is cold and wet and snowy so that means no Easter picnic, no soccer games, and lots of indoor time which means computer time (hopefully). I promise to do my best this weekend.. but if I disappear for a couple days, I'll say it now: HAPPY EASTER.**

* * *

_Meredith opened her eyes with new determination. She wasn't giving up. She wouldn't give this son of a bitch the satisfaction. She suddenly stood, causing the approaching man to stop with surprised eyes. He quickly recovered and gave her a suspicious look._

"_Where do you think you're going?"_

Meredith eyed her distance to the door and then the distance to the item that had caught her eye on the shelf. She took a slow step to her right as his large hand reached to grab her arm.

Meredith was too fast and the man got a fist full of light blue scrubs instead. He yanked with startling strength, ripping the thin material down the middle.

He looked down surprised at the material in his hands and then back up at his prey, who now stood tense in front of him, red bra and creamy skin clearly visible. In that moment, his expression changed from amused suspicion to something dark and chilling, full of lust.

Meredith's heart began to pound fast as she moved again, this time his hand reached up and grabbed a fistful of hair. She called out in pain as her body jerked back involuntarily. She felt a sick hand grip bruisingly around her arm, as the other still tangled in her hair. He moved his body swiftly behind her and pulled her close, feeling his putrid hot breath on her bare neck.

"I've over came women a lot larger than you Meri. Stop resisting and I'll show you how a real man pleases his woman."

He let go of her hair and she felt his hand move to her waist. Meredith steadied her breathing as she felt his clammy skin move across her bare stomach to the waist band of her scrub pants under her navel. She swallowed the vile that rose in her throat as she put all her strength in a forceful elbow to his stomach.

Once again the man was taken off guard and his tight grip released from her arm as he gasped for breath. Meredith made an attempt to escape again and this time got across the room to the open cabinet before he was on top of her. She swung and clawed and writhed and kicked as he desperately tried to gain control of the surprisingly strong woman.

The frantic assaulter was so busy trying to restrain Meredith, he didn't notice when she reached towards a shelf and retrieved her target.

As the struggle continued, Chris O'Dandridge became frustrated and his movements became more violent and rough. He grasped at her clothes and yanked at her hair, trying to force her mouth close to his.

Meredith held on desperately to her strength and the belief that she could make it through. She wasn't going to give up. She owed Derek that much, she'd fight with every ounce of her being until her last breath was taken.

She felt her body growing tired and shook at the realization that he was only growing stronger. Her scalp started burning at the other end of the patch he had seized tightly in his hand and she could smell his breath as it hung heavy over her face. He moved his lips close to hers and she turned her face just in time and sunk her teeth into a smooth patch of skin on his cheek. She forced her teeth together hard until she tasted the warm blood and heard him call out in pain, shoving her to the floor roughly.

Pain seared through her tail bone, but she wasn't deterred. She franticly fidgeted with the stolen item behind her back as the irate man hovered over her, a hand held to his injured cheek.

"Bad move bitch." He hissed as he lunged at his victim. He over powered her with his heavy body and pinned her against the hard floor. "Now I'm really going to give you what you deserve."

* * *

The men fanned out down in the targeted area of the basement. They opened doors and frantically searched closets. The forgotten rooms of the hospital had to be somewhere. They were close, and not one of them would give up until they found it.

"Hey look at this!" George called out from inside a dark storage room.

The others were behind him in an instant, curious to what he found.

"This isn't a closet.. it's a hallway!" Alex shouted excited.

"Let's go!" Derek was in the lead as all six men hurried in, making their way through the dimly lit hallway, adrenaline now pumping through their blood.

* * *

Meredith called out in pain as the man knocked her back hard and pulled her arm to an unnatural position. His heavy weight was crushing her petite frame but she grasped her last hope tightly in the fist of her other hand out of view. The scuffle went on, Meredith refusing to give in, as he yanked at her pants trying to release the tight knot of the drawstring.

He was grunting in frustration and she was gasping in pain and her sore head was pounding in her ears. Yet through the noise she heard something, far away, in the distance.

Meredith held her breath and strained to hear it again, praying it wasn't just her imagination.

And then there it was. The sweetest sound she could ever remember hearing in her entire life. Her name. She was sure of it. Someone was calling her name.

The familiar voice was coming closer, and it was followed by others, all calling out for her. Derek's rang out loud above the others and tears filled her eyes. He had came for her. Her knight in shining whatever was coming.

Meredith turned back to her assaulter and saw the fear and unbelief cross his face. His eyes darkened and he forced a rough hand over her mouth, making it difficult for Meredith to get enough oxygen.

"Don't you dare breathe a word or I'll snap your neck in two." He hissed in her ear.

Meredith felt herself suffocating under his grip as the voices got louder and closer. She knew this was it.

She brought her knee up fast and hard, making a satisfying connection with her attackers groin and he pulled back in hot pain.

"DDDDeeeerrrrreeeekkkkk!!!! Help me _please_!!!!" She screamed at the top of her lungs as she pulled out the small sharp knife she had grabbed moments earlier and lunged it at the man on top of her.

His eyes grew wide in surprise and flinched to the side, his body scarcely dodging being speared by the blade.

Another struggle ensued, this time for the knife she had possession of. He gained control for a moment and she felt dull pain radiate from across her lower arm. Warm blood washed over the wound as she continued the battle.

The knife slipped onto the floor and a hand grabbed it and thrust it deep into the flesh. Both gasped as the red liquid quickly spread. She slowly looked up to meet his eyes as his large hand came flying back, connecting with her temple, causing everything to go black.

* * *

"Did you hear that?!" Derek asked, his heart jumping into his throat. He knew he wasn't mistaking, it was Meredith. _His Meredith_, and she was screaming for him.

His legs felt like rubber and his hands shook. He needed to get to her.

"It was coming from over here… hurry!" His jog turned into a sprint as he followed Mark and Burke down a new hall. They began opening doors on both sides in a frenzied search. They had all heard the scream and the struggle that followed. And now it was quiet. Too quiet. It left an unsettling feeling in the pit of their stomachs and each frantically picked up their pace.

They were nearing the end of a hallway and bleak desperation was beginning to settle in. Only a few more rooms and dark corners to check.

Mark watched as Derek, Webber, and George disappeared around a corner as he Alex and Burke opened a door to the left. It was dark and Mark felt along the wall for a switch and flipped it up as his hand connected.

All three men gasped in horror as their eyes registered on the sight before them.

"Oh.."

"No…"

"Damn…"

Mark was at the side of Meredith's still body instantly as his eyes swept around the room. "Get me one of those sheets!" He barked to Alex who obediently grabbed one of the old folded sheets that sat on a shelf to the side of the room.

They wrapped her small body in the white cloth as Preston checked for a pulse.

"Her heart rates steady… I think she's just knocked out. But we need to get her upstairs stat!"

They all nodded at the cardio thoracic surgeon as Mark gathered her in his arms. Alex checked the blanket and secured that she was covered, before exiting the room.

"Karev, go find Derek….Sloan, get her upstairs, I'm sure Derek will catch up with you….and I'll try and find one of the SWAT guys to get them to check out this corridor for that bastard… he can't be too far."

* * *

"Where the hell can they be?!" Derek was slowly loosing hope. He had heard her, he was sure of it.

"Shepherd!"

He turned to see Alex running towards them, his face pale and out of breath.

"We found her! Sloan's taking her up… she…she was unconscious…."

Derek didn't wait to for him to finish. His legs once again took on a life of their own and carried him quickly down the hall. He retraced their steps, around dark corners and threw long hallways until his best friend's form came into view.

"Mark!" His voice cracked as he called out, causing the light haired man to stop and turn slowly.

Derek's eyes rested on the lifeless body of his fiancée in his friend's arms and hot tears sprung to his eyes.

"Give her to me." Derek's words shook as he fought the trembling of his own lips.

"Derek…" Mark tried to contend, needing to warn Derek.

"Give. Her. To. Me!" He demanded reaching out and pulling her warm body to his as he turned and started for the elevators, knowing she needed medical attention as soon as possible.

Mark followed behind; the other men trailing as well as Derek spoke reassuringly to Meredith's tranquil face.

"Hold on Mer. We're almost there. I love you baby, I'm so sorry. Just hold on. Please, just Keep Holding On…"


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: I hope everyone had a great Easter weekend. We were definitely spoiled by the 'Easter Bunny' at our house...**

* * *

By the time the elevator reached the main floor, a team of medical personnel and FBI agents were anxiously waiting. Meredith's body was snatched from Derek's hesitant arms and she was placed on an awaiting stretcher and whisked away to a trauma room. Immediately the men in suits were in his face asking him a million questions and requesting statements. Their faces were a blur and voices a dull hum, as Derek watched his love disappear behind closed doors and curtains. 

Derek ignored the demands, and pushed past them, desperate to stay with Meredith, desperate to see for himself that she would be okay. Before anyone could stop him, he opened the door of the room they had taken her to and gasped in horror when the white sheet that covered her body was lifted up. Crimson blood stared back at him causing his legs to go weak. He opened his mouth to call out to her when he was suddenly pushed out by an ER doctor.

His face turned red and anger boiled, and he was about to throw the door open and threaten the end of careers to his subordinates, when strong hands grasped him and led him to an empty chair. Derek blinked, trying to clear his mind and register everything that was happening. It's seemed unfair. Everything that Meredith had already gone through, already overcome, only to be faced with this. She was strong, but Derek didn't know if this might not be the thing to break her forever.

He looked up into the concerned faces of two of his best friends.

"Th… there was a lot of blood." He choked out.

"Calm down man…their doing everything they can. She'll be fine." Mark assured.

"Bailey just got here; she won't let anything happen to her. Miranda's one of the best." Burke gave his try at comforting.

"It's all my fault…" Derek buried his face in his hands, hiding his sob.

"Come on… don't do that. It's no one's fault. We're only human."

"You can't blame yourself Shepherd…"

His friends tried hard to ease his guilt, but Derek ached inside for once again letting Meredith down.

Derek sat and waited, his eyes locked on the door to her room, waiting for an update, hoping for good news. The detectives once again came and got what they could out of him for a statement, and then busied themselves with questioning the other men. People came and went, lives continuing, reminding Derek that the world wouldn't stop because the woman he loved was hurt.

Somewhere in the haze of activity, Derek heard himself asking about the bastard. Had the son of a bitch who did this to his girl been caught? The answer was a disheartening _no,_ he had managed to escape out an old fire exit in the basement, one no one knew about until it was too late, and now it was up to border patrol to find him before he fled the state.

It seemed like hours had passed, when in reality no more than forty five minutes could have gone by, Derek found himself pacing outside the door. He'd made the mistake of trying to enter once again, but this time it was Bailey who had ordered him out, and he honestly couldn't deny that he was still terrified of that small woman. He had timidly obliged and pulled the door shut after him, but found it too hard to sit, and resorted to wearing out the cold tile before him.

"Derek, you really should try getting some rest. You've been up all night."

Derek looked up at his approaching ex-wife and shook his head stubbornly. "Not until I can see her, not until I know with my own eyes that she's fine."

Addison nodded through her glasses before turning hesitantly to the door. Her hand froze above the door knob, when Derek spoke up to stop her.

"Sorry Addison, no one's allowed in yet. Bailey's being very strict."

Addison turned to Derek and bit her bottom lip, unsure how to respond. "Derek…" She started cautiously.

Before she could continue the door flew open and the short stout woman commonly referred to as the Nazi appeared in the doorway.

"Good, you're here Addison. We're ready for you."

Derek opened his mouth confused, but Dr. Bailey continued, turning towards him.

"Dr. Shepherd, she's going to be just fine. Her wounds are all superficial. There was a lot of blood when she came in… but it appears that it wasn't hers. That's one strong woman you know. That man must have took one hell of a beating. I'm turning her over to Addison now, and when Dr. Montgomery- Sloan finishes her exam… you can go and see her."

Bailey made a movement with her lips that Derek took as a smile and hurried off. Cold shock invaded Derek as he turned back to Addison, realization of why she was called slowly dawning on him.

"No." He whispered.

"Derek calm down."

"No!" He shook his head, willing it to not be true, as his hands clenched into tight fists at his side, swearing under his breath about what he'd do to that man if he ever got a hold of him.

"Derek. Listen. We won't know anything until I do the kit. Okay? Let me examine her and see what I can find out. Just... calm down. I'll come out and get you when I'm done."

Derek didn't say anything. He couldn't. He was numb. The thought of another man touching her with their hands was sickening in itself. The fact that someone would do it against her will was almost too much. His stomach churned and Derek bolted for the nearest trash can, gaining stares of those around him as he emptied the contents of his stomach over and over again. When his stomach stopped retching, he straightened up and dragged himself into an empty tri-age room and hovered before the tiny metal sink. He splashed the cold water over his face and rinsed his mouth out until the foul taste was gone. Drying himself off, he took a breath and let it out slow. He needed to gather himself together. He needed to be level headed and be the strong one for Meredith. He could do this. He had to.

He only had to wait a few minutes longer before the red head doctor finally emerged and held the door open for Derek, signaling he could finally come in.

His eyes settled on her small body covered in a light blue hospital gown, resting on the soft bed before him. She immediately felt his presence and opened her heavy lids, a smile resting on her face as she took in the handsome man before her.

"Hey." Her voice cracked softly.

"Hey." He echoed, drinking in the sight of her, eyes open, safe, _alive_.

Derek crossed the room in large quick strides and joined her on the bed. He carefully took her in his arms and held her close, swearing he'd never let go of her again.

Addison watched from the doorway and smiled. "I'll put a rush on these tests." She held up the large clear plastic bag that held her cultures and swabs. "We should know everything in around thirty minutes."

Derek nodded gratefully at Addison before she turned and hurried out. He then turned back to his fragile fiancée and rested his head on top of her smaller one.

Meredith snuggled deeper in his chest, breathing him in, loving the feeling of security and protection his arms seemed to offer.

"I'm sorry." She whispered.

Derek pulled away startled and looked down in her green eyes brimmed with tears.

"Why are _you _apologizing Mer? It was my fault. I should have been there. I swore to protect you and Hanna and…" His voice trailed off, his pain evident with each word.

She shook her head against his chest. "No, it was my fault. I had a feeling… I knew there was something about him… and I didn't do anything…"

Derek pulled her even closer and ran a hand along her back as she cried. "Please Mer… don't blame yourself..."

He listened to her cry, keeping his embrace firm. After a moment her sobs slowed and he heard her sniffle.

"I was so scared." She barely whispered.

"Me too. Damnit Mer…if anything happened…if that son of a bitch…I'll never forgive myself."

He felt her tiny body pull away and he looked down into her tear streaked face. Their eyes locked and everything they were feeling passed between them unspoken. His grief, his remorse, her fear, her guilt. All in one look, the air was cleared and apologies accepted. She moved a hand to touch the rough cheek of his unshaven face and Derek noticed for the first time the small stitches that covered her hand and arms.

"Mer." His heart sank and he reached to caress her wounds gently.

"I'm okay Derek. Now that you're with me. I'm okay. We'll figure out everything else… as long as you promise to never let go of me… ever."

"I promise."

Meredith moved her hand from his cheek and to his hair and ran a hand through the addictive mane. She pulled his face down so her lips were gently pressed against his, and spoke into his mouth.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

She then pulled him down harder, her lips meeting his with hunger. Derek tried to remain gentle; aware of the trauma she had just suffered, but the demanding tongue she was thrusting inside his mouth was making it difficult for him to focus on anything but how thin the material was on the hospital gown that covered her breasts.

She pushed herself against his body and Derek found himself laughing. "Mer… slow down… you just…"

He was cut off by her mouth, once again her tongue demanding entrance.

A deep voice clearing its throat at the door caused Meredith to grudgingly pull away. They turned to the interrupter and saw it was Alex.

"Sorry to interrupt but you have a visitor."

He didn't need to elaborate because moments later a bounding Hanna ran in, followed by a smiling Izzie.

"Mama!" She crossed the room and difficulty climbed the large bed, settling carefully in between her mother and father, content to be in the company of both parents.

Meredith wrapped an arm around her young daughter and placed a big kiss on her cheek. "Oh Hanna. You were so brave. Are you all right?"

"Mmm hhmm." She nodded, her soft curls bouncing. "Izzie got me ice cream."

Her parents chuckled and exchanged an amused look. Meredith also sighed relieved. She had already started fretting about what kind of consequence this whole ordeal had played on her daughter and had already considered looking up child psychologists. Maybe none of that would be necessary. Maybe they all would truly be fine.

Alex and Izzie took the two chairs to the side of the bed, and Derek and Alex went on about their rescue mission, gaining impressed nods from their girls. Meredith didn't talk much, not wanting to relive any of her ordeal, and content to listen to the men, proud of their heroic efforts.

They were laughing and chatting, Meredith letting herself get washed away in the peace and shelter only love brings, whether of romance or friendship. Another soft knock at the door, brought her back to reality, her eyes resting on a serious Addison.

The four adults looked up cautiously and Derek felt Meredith reach and take his hand.

"Ummm… Alex, Izzie… do you think you could take Hanna out for a minute… I need to talk to them in private."

They both nodded and Izzie immediately stood and reached out for Hanna. "Come on Hanna Banana… I think there's a still a few more flavors of ice cream we haven't tried yet." Izzie gathered her in her arms and headed for the door after Alex, shooting an anxious look at Meredith before disappearing.

When they were alone, Derek finally spoke. "Wh…what's going on Addison? Is this about the lab results?"

Derek felt Meredith scoot closer and he put an arm around her, showing he would be strong, that no matter what, he'd be there to hold her.

Addison stared down at the papers in her hand before looking back up, and taking a deep breath.

… … to be continued… …

* * *

**Two important things to point out from this chap.. it was NOT Meredith who was stabbed and... yes... _he _is still out there..**


	27. Chapter 27

_When they were alone, Derek finally spoke. "Wh…what's going on Addison? Is this about the lab results?" _

_Derek felt Meredith scoot closer and he put an arm around her, showing he would be strong, that no matter what, he'd be there to hold her._

_Addison stared down at the papers in her hand before looking back up, and taking a deep breath._

Derek felt Meredith tense in his arms and he swallowed a few times, struggling to keep his emotions in check. No matter what Addie said, everything would be fine. They'd overcome whatever the results showed.

Addison's face remained serious as she pulled her glasses off slowly and carefully placed them in the front pocket of her white lab coat. She finally let her eyes meet the two anxious pairs across the room as she began.

"First of all… the results of the rape kit came back….negative."

Derek and Meredith let out breaths they both were holding and Derek squeezed her reassuring. He closed his eyes and let up a heartfelt thank you to whatever higher power had been watching out for her. He felt Meredith's body immediately relax against him in pure relief and he kissed the top of her head, feeling a weight being lifted that he wasn't aware had been crushing him.

"There's something else."

Both heads snapped back to Addison, as her face again was void of expression and Derek felt his heart lurch a little to his stomach.

She studied them both carefully before once more addressing them as professionally as she could.

"I also got your blood work back Meredith." Addison paused, stretching the tension out longer than necessary.

Derek and Meredith sat up slightly and exchanged an uneasy glance, both having no idea where this was headed.

Addison struggled with a serious expression until she could hold it no longer. Her face split in a jovial grin and her eyes sparked. "You're pregnant…. About seven weeks along according to the HcG counts."

The silenced echoed through the room and the shock could have been cut with a knife. Both expecting parents sat motionless, playing the words over and over in their minds, afraid that a single movement or sound would shatter this perfect moment, destroy the incredible news.

Meredith was the first to find words, even then her voice coming out as a shaky squeak. "Wh..what?"

Addison's smile widened even more. "You're pregnant Meredith. You guys are going to have a baby. Congratulations."

The room erupted in ecstatic laughter. Tears of joy snuck from all sets of eyes as Derek turned to Meredith and stared at her beautiful face. He placed his hands on both sides of her face and fought for something to say. No words could describe the euphoric feeling invading his soul. No words could do justice the elated emotions swirling through his head.

Derek felt his chin tremble a little as Meredith looked up at him, her green eyes shining, unashamed tears finding their way down her perfect cheeks.

Not trusting himself to speak, he pulled her face closer so her lips were pressed firmly against his. He kissed her long and hard, showing his gratitude and love in the physical act.

Meredith eagerly returned the kiss, pulling away only for air. As she smiled and tried to wrap her mind over everything that was happening, Derek busied himself with kissing her face. He kissed the tip of her nose, her cheek, the other one, and let his lips linger on her forehead as he drank in the pleasure of the moment. With all the sad and distressing events of the last few weeks, it seemed this pure emotion of contentment had been lost and he was enjoying the reconciliation.

He was becoming lost in Meredith's addictive giggle, relishing in the warmness of her smile, when a dark cloud seemed to settle over her features. The giggle silenced, her smile dropped, and face paled.

"A..Addison?" She asked shakily. "Is the baby okay? I mean… with everything that just happened…and all…"

Addison sobered a bit and nodded slowly. "I'm sure everything's fine Mer. The baby's still small, your uterus hasn't moved out of your pelvis yet. But just to be on the safe side, I ordered an ultra sound, the tech should be here any second."

Meredith nodded and let Derek rub a reassuring hand on her back. She was a doctor. She knew that at only seven weeks the baby was roughly the size of a peanut and it took sever blunt trauma directly to the uterus to even constitute concern. Still, the mother part of her worried, causing her hands to tremble slightly.

A knock at the door saved Meredith from her troubled thoughts and Addison hurried to answer it. She greeted the ultrasound technician and held the door open so he could maneuver the large cart with the huge computer like device into the room and around to the side of the bed.

Derek sat up and gently slid to the opposite side of the bed, assuming a sitting position. He kept his left hand locked with Meredith's small right one in a protective gesture.

The technician busied himself with buttons and technical things, getting everything set for the sonogram. Addison warmed a tube of lubricant on the counter before joining the tech on the side of the bed and picking up the device that would be their window to the tiny new baby nestled in its warm cocoon.

"I can take over from here Ian, thanks."

The young man hesitated confused. Dr. Montgomery-Sloan was the head of her department and a world renowned surgeon, she didn't do tedious tasks like running labs and ultra sounds. That was for the guppies. The nobodies. People like him.

"It's okay Ian. They're good friends of mine. Family."

Understanding registered in the young man's eyes and he nodded to the occupants of the room before hurrying out, leaving the trio alone.

Addison busied herself with the machine, pressing a few buttons and adjusting some controls, as Meredith lifted her gown up to stop just above her stomach.

Derek frowned at the rapidly forming bruises he noticed on her pale skin, but Meredith squeezed his hand, reassuring him she was fine.

Addison squeezed the warm gel on Meredith's flat stomach and set the large wand on top. She pressed firmly and moved it down deep near Mer's pelvis, shifting it slightly around until a loud quick whoosh whoosh filled the room.

"Awww, there we go." Addison smiled satisfied as her eyes took in everything from the screen.

Meredith sighed and rested her head back relieved on her soft pillow, closing her eyes and smiling as her baby's heart beat echoed around her.

Derek couldn't fight the smile that battled his conscious and gave in to the tremendous thrill just seeing the curiously odd shape on the screen brought. The tiny heart fluttering in the middle was too obvious to miss and he found himself captivated. That was his baby. Something he and Meredith had created. Together.

The sharp pain of sorrow and regret of missing Meredith's first pregnancy was momentarily dulled knowing that, this time, he'd be there every step of the way. Through the morning sickness and fatigue. The cravings and crabbiness. The pounds gained, the figure lost. Feeling the life he created move inside the woman he loved. Being there for the birth to hold her hand and take whatever verbal abuse he figured would inevitably be flung his way.

He welcomed it all.

Meredith felt her hand being squeezed tighter and opened her eyes to see tears streak down Derek's stubbled cheeks. Her heart leapt and she stifled a sob with her free hand. She had seen him cry few times before, but this time it was so different.

She disentangled her hand from his and reached out and pulled him closer, wiping his tears with her slender fingers. Her fingers softly traced his strong jaw line and her eyes studied his face as she tilted her head, trying to read what was going through his mind.

Derek stared back at her, her own eyes wet with tears as well. He labored to find the right words. To express to the woman he loved all that he was feeling.

"I.. uh… it's just…" He shook his head and cleared his throat, inwardly chuckling at what a mush he'd turned into the last few months. "I was just thinking how sad I've always felt that I missed seeing your big round belly when you were pregnant with Hanna… and how I missed her birth… and everything…" he sighed. "But not this time. I'm not going to miss one second of this. I feel like I'm the luckiest man alive…and it's all because of you. You've given me the perfect daughter… and now you're giving me another child… and whether girl or boy… I know it's going to be perfect. So thank you Mer….thank you for everything."

Meredith stared back speechless. Nothing she could say could express how she was feeling, so instead she closed the distance between their two mouths and kissed him hungrily. Derek laughed surprised but didn't pull away, slipping his own hand behind her head to keep her close.

Addison watched awkwardly until the kiss became more heated. She turned and busied herself with turning off the ultra sound machine and wrapping up cords to return the equipment. When she turned back, she saw they still hadn't come up for air, and tried clearing her throat when she noticed Derek's hand start to wander.

The heated couple was completely oblivious that Addison was even in the room still as they continued to go at it. Sighing in defeat, Addison shook her head humored and pushed the cart to the side of the room out of the way to wait for the tech to return it upstairs. She shot them one last glance before hurrying out of the room and shutting the door securely behind her, momentarily wondering if she could find a _Do Not Disturb_ sign to put on the knob, as she hurried away laughing.

* * *

**A/N: Well OBVIOUSLY I didn't fool any of you. Almost everyone of you guessed what was going to happen and I have no idea how... guess I'm too predictable. :)**

**I left this chapter as is.. just wanted to live in the fluff for a while... we'll get to the "wanted man" soon enough...**


	28. Chapter 28

**THIS SITE IS A FREAKING JOKE!!!!! For those of you who don't know... this site has had major problems and wouldn't let me upload my chapter.. I just about gave up I tell you! But I'm back... and hope I didn't loose anyone in the meantime. ALSO for future reference.. I have decided to put my story up over at http// fanficga. 5forumer. com (no spaces) I'm going to start adding chapters later today (starting with Out of the Darkness) and should be done by tomorrow...if anyone wants to read it there.. and if there's ever a problem here again.. you won't have to wait for them to fix the bugs for updates. Okay I have a few more chapters ready... let me know if you're still here and I'll get them up quicker than usual.**

* * *

"Are you sure there's a baby in there Mama?"

"Yes Hanna," Meredith answered, not opening her eyes. Mother and daughter were snuggling on the soft large bed in the master bedroom, waiting for Derek to come home from the hospital.

"But I can't see it?"

Meredith sighed and finally opened one eye to her daughter. They had gone over and over this in the last week and half since she and Derek had announced their exciting news.

"That's because it's still tiny. It will be a while before it's big enough to give me a belly and then you'll even be able to feel it kick…just like when Callie's baby was in _her_ tummy."

Hanna pondered this a moment, not breaking her intense stare from her mother's bare flat stomach she had pushed her shirt up to see.

"How'd you get the baby in there Mama?"

Meredith's head shot up and both eyes were now open. She chewed her bottom lip and was debating the best way to side step her question when a deep voice from the hall interrupted them.

"And how are my girls doing tonight?"

"Daddy!" Hanna shrieked and leaped off the bed and into Derek's out stretched arms.

Meredith sighed relieved, thankful for her easy out, but knew sooner or later she was going to have to have a conversation with Hanna on where babies came from.

Derek kissed the top of Hanna's head and greeted her. "Hello beautiful."

He then crossed the room and bent down to gently kiss Meredith who still sat upright against the head board. "And hello gorgeous."

She smiled up at him. "How was your day?"

A sheepish smile stole across his face as he answered. "Amazing. We had a patient come in with Subarachnoid hemorrhage and I successfully repaired the arachnoid membrane when the aneurism burst." A happy sigh escaped his lips. "It felt so good being back in the OR. Opening someone's brain and saving a life. That's what it's all about. And now that Mr. Luc…um… now that Richard is heading the board…everything's back to normal. I can be the chief _and_ be a doctor…not just a paper pusher."

Meredith didn't miss the way he quickly avoided mentioning _his _name. It was something he had been walking on eggshells about ever since she was discharged from the hospital. She had told him time and time again, _she was fine_. _She was okay_. But Derek refused to believe it.

"That's great Derek. I'm so happy for you. I can't wait to get back… I'd kill for a craniotomy right about now. Even a simple appendectomy is sounding quite appealing."

Derek immediately frowned and looked at her concerned. "Are you sure you're ready to go back tomorrow Mer? I mean… I can give you a few more days… whatever you need. You shouldn't rush things."

Meredith met him with a frown of her own. "Derek. We've been through this. I'm ready. I'm fine. I'm not going to break. The stitches are gone…_you _took them out…and the bruises are barely noticeable now. I'm fine. I'm going back tomorrow. And that's that."

Their eyes remained locked for a moment more, neither wanting to yield to their stubborn partner. Meredith finally softened her gaze.

"Look, why don't you go put Hanna to bed… and when you get back... I'll show you just how fine I really am." She lowered her lashes and gave him her best seductive look.

Derek chuckled. "Now slow down there Monroe. You have a big day tomorrow. I need you to get all the rest you can."

He kissed her on the forehead and pulled the covers protectively up, tucking her in. Meredith rolled her eyes when he turned back to Hanna and led her out the door to her own room down the hall.

She was tired of him being so careful around her. She was done with his anxious looks and cautious touches. A sly smile curved her lips upward as she made up her mind. After tonight, there'd be no room for him to question whether or not she really was fine.

* * *

Meredith's plan was designed in her mind by the time Derek returned from tucking Hanna into bed. She could tell he was tired by the lines on his face as he sat heavily at the foot of bed, leaning over to remove his shoes.

She smiled seeing it was going to be even easier then previously thought. Wriggling out from beneath the covers, she quietly removed her pajama bottoms, leaving herself in one of Derek's large t-shirt's covering her panties and bra.

She slowly made her way to where Derek sat, as he went on about how Hanna was tired and was out like a light and how his day had been long but good and another VIP patient was coming in the next week for a secret procedure with Mark and how they were going to have to cover up the patients identity.

He was so preoccupied with releasing his tired feet from the confines of his shoes and socks, he didn't even notice his fiancée had moved until the flowery sent filled his nose and he felt her tiny body slide onto his.

She skillfully moved herself onto his lap, facing him, resting her hands behind his neck and linking her ankles around his waist. Meredith ignored his surprised look as she focused on his neck and went to work nibbling and sucking, leaving wet kisses up to his ear.

"Mer." Derek argued, but she wasn't deterred. She shifted her body and started slightly rocking back and forth, feeling him grow hard through her thin panties.

"Mer." He tried again, but it came out as a moan.

Meredith then moved to unbuttoning his dress shirt, kissing his hard chest as her fingers moved quickly down and spread the shirt apart. She pulled it down his shoulders and pushed him back on the bed in one forceful movement, reminding Derek how strong this tiny woman could be.

She sat up, now straddling him, as she pulled the soft white t-shirt over her head, revealing her red bra, nipples hard through the thin material.

Derek groaned again and in another swift movement, he rolled her so he was now on top and in control.

"Meredith, what are you doing?"

"Well if it isn't obvious I must not be doing a very good job at it." She pouted, crossing her arms over her chest.

"No…you're doing a_ very_ good job at it…its just… are you sure? I don't want to rush things…"

"Derek." She said firmly. "I'm ready. I want sex. I need sex. And if you're unwilling to participate…I guess I'll go find someone who is."

Meredith made a movement as if she was trying to get away, but Derek grabbed both her arms in his hands and used his strength to pin her to the bed.

He let out a deep throaty laugh, his eyes darkening in desire as he spoke. "I don't think so. I'm more than willing to…fulfill your _needs_ as you put it…as long as you're sure…"

"Derek. I'm sure! Kiss me damnit!" She replied frustrated.

She opened her mouth to offer some more profanities but was stifled by Derek's strong lips, pressing her down hard into the soft comforter. She eagerly opened her mouth and felt her body melt into his as their tongues fought for power.

She pressed her body up against his, wanting and needing him more than she could ever remember. When the need for oxygen was too great, he finally pulled away, both of them gasping for air. After meeting her eyes, fiery with lust, all hesitancy was gone and Derek lowered his mouth back down, this time aiming for her soft neck that tasted so good.

Her hands ran through his thick air, pulling him tight against her, as his mouth made its way lower, slowly teasing the skin near her collarbone.

His hot breath and wet tongue were driving her crazy and she thought it unfair that he still had his pants on. She moved her hands down to his belt and moments later she was pulling down the starched kaki material. Her hands immediately went back up to elastic on the waist band of his boxers, while he busied himself with the clasp of her bra behind her back.

With a little shifting here and a little effort there, Derek's pants and boxers laid on the floor beside her bra.

Their eyes swept over each other's bodies approvingly before Meredith moved her hands down to stroke Derek. She grasped the firm skin in her hands and smiled at the moan that filled the room from Derek's throat.

His hands moved up and down the smooth skin of her body, enjoying the contrast of her hard nipples in his soft hands. He lowered his face once again and began leaving small, teasing kisses, on her swollen breasts, letting his tongue linger on the part that excited him the most.

Meredith moaned and writhed in pleasure beneath him, and just when she thought she could take it no longer, he moved on to her stomach.

He stopped a moment and gave a sweet kiss to his baby growing inside, before traveling even lower to the only part of her body that was still clothed.

He hooked his fingers in the soft silk material and pulled it down, slowly, carefully, enjoying the way her body squirmed with need.

When the panties were out of the way and carelessly added to the strewn clothes pile, he sat between her legs, smiling at her heavy lidded expression.

"Derek..." It was just a whisper, but it was full of desire, full of need.

He lifted one of her long slender legs and brought his lips to the inside thigh. He enjoyed the spell he seemed to be holding over her and kissed the skin, slowly, softly down until he reached her carefully trimmed bikini line and moved to the other leg. He repeated the torturous process, until he came to the same spot on the other side, and this time instead of stopping he move to her center.

He felt Meredith jerk beneath him as his tongue entered her wet core, thrusting as deep as he could, enjoying the warm wetness he knew was for him. He pulled out only to tease her delicate spot and felt Meredith tense with pleasure.

"Derek..." She repeated again, now more urgent, now demanding. "Now..pleeeeaassseeee."

He never could tell her no, so in one precise movement, he entered her; enjoying how he fit in her so well, so perfect. He pushed in hard, staying still, as they both gasped at the feeling, neither wanting to move afraid it would be over too soon.

Finally, when he could take it no longer he began rocking, slow at first, tender and gentle; until her nails dug into his back, forcing him to move faster, harder.

His thrusts were even and perfect, sending her into her orgasm immediately. She called out as he felt her tighten around him, causing him to thrust with more passion.

His heart was beating wildly in his chest and he couldn't ever remember making love feeling so right, so good. He finally reached his limit and he let it all go; experiencing a whole new level of ecstasy as he came. Their bodies tensed and shook in pleasure as they hung on tight to each other's sweaty body.

They slowly came back to earth together, and Derek gently moved to her side, keeping his arms around her, not wanting to let go.

They panted as they desperately tried to catch their breath, staring into each others eyes, lost in the moment.

After a few minutes passed and Derek was starting to regain feeling in his body, he felt Meredith snuggle closer to him, naked bodies pressed firmly together.

"Derek?"

He looked down and smiled, wiping her damp hair off of her forehead and leaving a kiss in its place.

"Yes?"

Meredith lowered her eyes and batted her lashes. "Can we do that again?"


	29. Chapter 29

**This is a shorty... next will be up first thing tomorrow. Love you guys.. oh and ya the website link I _tried _to give you didn't work cause this site always takes out letters and dots and stuff..stupid board... so email me directly (won't work with a message through the site) at mcdreamer100 at yahoo dot com if you're interested.**

* * *

As Meredith entered the main entrance at Seattle Grace, she assumed what was now her daily routine. Handing over her bag to the security officer, she flashed her ID as she walked through the medal detector. The officer on the other end handed her her bag back satisfied, after looking through its contents, and Meredith continued on towards the elevators, not the least bit phased by the heavy security measurements the hospital had adopted.

Every where Meredith went she was always over hearing people whine and complain about the exaggerated security precautions of the hospital. But that's what happened when the Chief of Surgery happened to be your fiancé and the new Head of the Board of Directors was the closest thing you ever had to a father.

Chris O'Dandridge had yet to be caught and his whereabouts were still unknown. And so for the last three weeks, Meredith was constantly being watched over, babysat. And for the first time in her life, she didn't mind. It was comforting to have people care about her and want to protect her. She didn't fight it. She welcomed it.

* * *

Later that day, Meredith was leaning lazily on the tall counter of the nurses station, chewing on a stale granola bar as Cristina looked over a patient's chart with her.

"Hmm… we're going to need a neuro consult before we send him home."

Meredith nodded and answered with her mouth full. "Yep but Derek's still in surgery and Dr. Hemming isn't on call today… looks like it'll have to wait."

She formed an over exaggerated cheesy grin causing Cristina's eyes to roll.

"You know they're right… interns are _useless_ their last week before becoming a resident." A slow smile stole across her serious face. "You know… I should enjoy the authority I have over you while I still can. How does enema duty sound?"

Meredith's eyes widened. "You wouldn't."

Cristina gave her best evil stare before backing down and leaning tiredly back in her chair. "I totally would… if I hadn't just given it to that Barbie Jr. ditz."

Meredith laughed and shook her head. "You really are a bitch aren't you?"

Cristina grinned and nodded, taking it as a complete compliment. "Any ways, Dr. Zeta's back, so page her for the consult."

"_Back_? She was gone?"

Cristina looked up at Meredith like she was crazy. "Uh… what rock have you been under? She's been gone for like the last month… some personal matter back on Venus.. or wherever the hell she came from."

Meredith couldn't stop her giggle but sobered immediately. "No way. I'm_ not_ paging her. She's.. she's .. whatever.. I'm just not paging her."

Cristina shook her head not looking up from the chart. "What are you so worried about? I thought McDreamy already set her straight."

"He did… it's just… she rubs me the wrong way."

"Do you need me to take care of that wanker? Cause I will… I know people."

"I don't doubt that." Meredith sighed. "Forget it…I'll be professional.. or whatever… I'll suck it up. Because that's what professionals do right?"

Cristina shrugged and rolled her eyes. "Whatever Mer."

Meredith grabbed the chart back from Cristina forcibly and gave her a dirty look, eliciting a chuckle from her resident.

She hurried away down the hall, leaving Cristina quietly laughing watching her depart. Meredith lifted up her arm and scratched the back of her head with her middle finger, initiating another round of hooting from her friend.

Cristina smiled and felt genuinely happy. Her person was back. Finally, after so many years, Meredith was _really_ back.

* * *

Derek rinsed the final suds off of his arms with the warm water and reached up to take a generous amount of paper towels to dry off. His surgery was successful and he was still coming down from his high. Now, being Chief and having other duties to tend to besides surgeries, he savored each opportunity he had to cut open a brain and save a life.

When the rough paper towels had finished their job, he compacted the damp material in his large hands and skillfully shot them across the room, hearing the wad land in the open trash can with a satisfactory thud. He crossed his arms and stood in front of the window to the OR, lost in thought as he watched the scrub nurses suture his patient shut. His pager's incessant bleeping echoed through the small scrub room as he reached down to silence it.

His eyes grew large at the small screen when he read the 9-11 message sent from his fiancée. Without another second hesitation, Derek turned and was sprinting down the halls of Seattle Grace, his heart beating in his chest, hollering for everyone to get out of his way.


	30. Chapter 30

Meredith sat in front of the computer screen. She was supposed to be researching Neuroendocrine tumors, but had just read the same sentence five times and still had no idea what it said. She couldn't concentrate, her hands were shaking and the nausea was beginning to rise. She glanced at the clock for the fifteenth time in the last two minutes and let out an edgy sigh. After a few more seconds of useless computer staring, Mer reached for her phone, but was stopped by her breathless fiancé, rounding the corner and rushing in to the small office.

"I'm … sorry… so…. long…" Derek gasped, desperately trying to fill his tired lungs with oxygen.

He held out the small brown paper sack and Meredith snatched it from him with out a word.

"They didn't have the jumbo… only the mini's."

"That's fine.."She replied quickly, her shaky hands ripping open the bag and concentrating all her attention on getting the tight lid off the glass jar.

Derek reached out to offer to open her gift, but was met with a death glare, signaling he wasn't to touch her prize. He stepped back and watched on amused as the small pop the jar made when the lid was finally liberated, changed her frustrated expression into one of pure delight.

His dark eyebrow's shot up in surprise when Meredith reached in the small opening with her slender fingers and captured a handful of the small green olives filled with red pimiento's and stuffed them all into her mouth at once. She chewed quickly while wiping her wet hands on the light blue of her scrub pants. Her lips formed a slight frown when the sour cuisine was swallowed.

Her head tilted a moment in silent deliberation before lifting the jar once more, and this time instead of reaching in for the small olives to calm her craving, she lifted the jar completely to her lips and tilted it back, taking three long satisfying swallows of the potent juice.

Derek's jaw dropped and he suppressed the gasp of disgust that tried to escape his lips. He knew better than to say anything, so he watched silently as Meredith sat back content in her chair, her eyelids halfway closed as she breathed out a long happy sigh.

He shook his head but couldn't help smiling. He took a step closer so he was standing directly behind her and leaned forward to rest his chin on top of her head.

"Better?" He asked softly into her hair, moving his lips to kiss her gently on her head.

"Much." She answered, her voice full of satisfaction.

"How bad was it today?"

Meredith tilted her head and thought about it a moment. "Seven…maybe six."

"That bad hu?" Derek chuckled and straightened, pulling a chair from across the small room to join her at the computer desk.

Meredith watched curiously as he settled himself next to her then reached and pulled one of her feet to his lap. He gently removed her slip on Uggs, a 'Congratulations you're pregnant' gift from Addison, and began rubbing her small socked foot with his large strong hands.

"Mmmmmm," Meredith moaned. "Yaaa…right there…"

"Quit it." Derek laughed, knowing she was making the suggestive noises on purpose.

"Hey, it's _your_ fault. Your foot rubs are better than sex."

"Oh thanks a lot!"

Meredith giggled and turned her head to look at him with a wide smile. "I'm just kidding, but speaking off sex…"

She moved her foot that was on his lap slightly to nudge his crotch, producing a dark lustful spark in his eye immediately.

She teasingly moved her foot and toes, feeling him grow hard underneath, while his flushed skin peaked from under the collar of his shirt.

Derek shifted a little on his chair, knowing this was not the place for this but completely unable to stop Meredith's surprisingly talented toes.

As her movements came faster and deeper, Derek's pager blared through the room, causing them both to jump.

Meredith giggled and moved her foot back down to the floor and back into the soft lining of her shoe, as Derek frowned and glanced at the small screen. He sighed defeated, knowing he couldn't ignore the page and stood.

She looked up at him and smiled innocently. "You gotta go?"

He shook his head slowly, finally smiling as he lowered once more to kiss her firmly on the lips. "We _will _finish this later."

He turned and headed towards the door, stopping only when Meredith called out. "Thanks for the olives!"

He turned and gave her a quick wink, before walking painfully away.

* * *

Meredith was tired and her back ached from the long shift she was finishing. She couldn't wait to get home and soak in the hot tub before crawling into bed and being treated to an amazing foot rub from Derek. There was also the matter of unfinished business between them that she was more than happy to complete.

She shook her head and sighed. This was not the place to be thinking about sex with Derek. Not in this patients room and most definitely not with this doctor.

"I'm sorry, am I keeping you from something?" The unpleasant voice of the woman next to her demanded.

"Hu? Oh..uh…No, sorry." Meredith apologized, desperately trying to focus on the films in front of them.

She had waited all day for the nuero consult from Dr. Zeta, and now all she needed was for her to agree that there was nothing in the obviously clear scans and give the go ahead for discharge. But for some reason the leggy dark haired woman was stalling, and it was making Meredith uncomfortable.

Meredith tried a discreet glance at her watch once more but was caught by the steely eyes of the woman next to her.

"Don't let me make you late for the slutty sex you have with your boss." She spat out, pursing her lips together when she was done, and giving Meredith a disapproving once over with her judgmental eyes.

Meredith took a step back, hit with the snarky comment completely off guard. She stared back in disbelief and opened her mouth to counter but no sound came out.

"You know… as a much wiser…much more _mature_ woman…I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Men like Derek, don't fall for messy little interns. Not _seriously_ anyway. Sure right now you're probably scratching an itch for him…and I don't doubt you're _very _experienced and have your little tricks in bed perfected enough to fool him into calling you his girlfriend. But he'll grew bored… tired of messing around with girls… and realize he wants the real thing. A real woman."

Meredith's eyes went wide and her face paled. She wondered if she pulled hard enough would Dr. Zeta's hair fall out in chunks or strands? She imagined how good it might feel, flat palm against smooth cheek. Or better yet, tight knuckles against perfectly sculpted lashes and eye shadow.

As all the tempting thoughts swirled through Meredith's angry mind, she was brought back to the present with a cold metal patient chart being shoved roughly into her arms.

"Don't just stand there. Discharge the patient. Nothing's wrong with him."

And with that, Meredith was left in the room, focusing on breathing in and out. Focusing on not calling Cristina to get the number for her earlier mentioned contact.

* * *

"Come on Princess. Why don't we find Mama and then we can head home." Derek walked easily down the hall, Hanna's small hand pressed securely into his, eager to find his fiancée and get home.

They rounded the corner of the surgery floor, knowing Meredith would be around there somewhere and were immediately met with a tall dark haired woman wearing a skirt that was too short to be considered professional.

As much as Derek wanted to keep walking past the cat-like woman, he knew it wiser to be courteous and offer a greeting.

He nodded. "Have a good evening Dr. Zeta."

He hoped it was obvious enough that the fact that he kept walking meant he wasn't interested in a conversation, but he wasn't so lucky.

"Hello there Derek. And who might this be?" She said in a rather annoying chipper voice.

Derek stopped walking and turned to face the fellow Neurosurgeon. Hanna immediately assumed her position behind Derek, pressing her face securely into a pant leg of his slacks.

"This is my daughter Hanna. She's a little shy." He offered a lopsided grin while he stroked Hanna's dark curls comfortingly. "Can you say hi Hanna?" He tried out of polite obligation.

The young girl peaked around his leg, showing her blue eyes only a second before returning to her hiding spot.

"Oh Derek! She's gorgeous! I'm absolutely smitten! She looks _just _like you."

Derek offered an awkward smile. "Uh…thank you. She might have my curls and eyes, but she definitely gets her beauty from her mother."

Dr. Zeta didn't have time to question further because Hanna peaked out again, and this time something down the hall caught her attention, bringing her completely out from behind her dad.

"Mama!" She shouted and took off towards Meredith. Her mother scooped her up with the free arm that didn't carry a chart and hugged her tight, leaving kisses all over her small face as she made her way to the two neurosurgeons talking in the hall; one smiling, one standing stunned with her mouth open.

"You ready to go babe?" Derek asked as he kissed his fiancée softly on her lips.

She smiled and nodded, then all three turned back to the suddenly quiet woman.

Derek finally spoke. "Dr. Zeta, have you heard the good news?"

The woman shook her head and answered slowly. "No."

"Dr. Grey has agreed to marry me." He elbowed Meredith. "Show her the rock babe." He turned back to Dr. Zeta and shook his head. "She's so modest."

Meredith looked at Derek with large eyes before finally smiling and nodding. She held out her left hand and offered the large engagement ring that had been the topic of conversation all over the hospital since their engagement.

Dr. Zeta looked down and smiled painfully. "It's..uh… beautiful. Congratulations." Her voice was forced.

Derek looked down into Meredith's face and they shared a look. "Here, let me take Hanna. You're not supposed to be picking her up anymore remember?"

Derek easily took his four year old daughter from Meredith and looked back at the confused expression on Dr. Zeta's face.

"I guess since you didn't hear about our engagement… you probably didn't hear about our other bit of good news."

Again, the doctor shook her head, almost afraid to ask.

Derek turned back to Meredith and tilted his head proudly. He slipped his free hand under her scrub shirt, causing Meredith to bite back a giggle, as he rubbed her bare stomach lovingly.

"This amazing woman is giving me another baby. I don't know how I got so lucky."

Meredith completely forgot the infuriating woman they were putting on the show for and looked up into Derek's face full of love.

"Really?" She asked softly.

Derek looked down surprised. "Of course."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Derek closed the gap between him and Meredith and captured her lips with his. He deepened the kiss and forgot where they were until he heard Hanna giggle in his arms.

He pulled back embarrassed and looked back at an extremely awkward Dr. Zeta.

"Umm..well… we better get going. I need to get my girls home. I'll see you around Doctor."

Meredith smiled a smug grin and took a step towards the still unmoving woman. "Patient has been discharged mam."

With that Meredith pushed the chart just as roughly as it had been given to her, back into the unexpecting arms of Dr. Zeta, nearly making the woman fall over.

Meredith smiled triumphantly before taking Derek's outstretched hand and turned to leave. Hanna stared over her daddy's back at the speechless woman before finally speaking.

"Hey lady! You have something green in your teeth!"

Derek and Meredith exchanged wide eyed looks and hurried their pace to the elevator, waiting for the doors to close before erupting into hysteric laughter.

* * *

**No I have not forgotten about the O'Dandridge creep. (insert evil laugh here)**


	31. Chapter 31

**Sorry this is a quickie... kinda setting things up and filling until next chapter... which is one you won't want to miss... it might be a biggie.. and I'm not saying if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Hee hee.**

**(And yes I know this site isn't sending out email notifications.. and I'm SO sorry!)**

* * *

The days flew by and weeks turned into months. Everything around Seattle Grace, and the whole state of Washington for that matter, had settled down and the only time Chris O'Dandridge's name was even heard was when the TV was on late night Saturday's and America's Most Wanted was playing in the background.

Life was good. Meredith had successfully completed her internship and was now enjoying being a resident along with her friends. Derek had settled nicely into his role as chief and was balancing work life and family life expertly. Hanna's fifth birthday party had came and gone without a hitch. Luckily for Meredith she was surrounded by friends who were more than willing to help with a houseful of preschoolers and she hadn't worn her ever exhausted pregnant self out.

Everything had checked out fine at Meredith's twenty week ultrasound about a month ago. The baby was strong and healthy and both she and Derek had opted out of finding out the sex. They both agreed they wanted it to be a surprise so Meredith had turned to neutral colors when day dreaming over nursery catalogs for the baby's room.

Not that she had much time to day dream lately. Seattle Grace had been nominated to host the 23rd Annual Prestige Surgeon convention. It was a huge honor, one Derek should have taken pride in, but instead he had wanted to turn it down. He had explained that it was just too soon. He didn't know if hospital security could keep up with the demands of out of state doctors coming and going and refused to jeopardize Meredith's safety.

After many late night conversations, Meredith had finally been able to persuade Derek into accepting the nomination. She reassured him that she wasn't in any real danger any more, that the bastard who had tried to ruin their lives was long gone, and this was too big of an opportunity, not only for the hospital but for him as the chief of surgery to pass up.

The last month had been crazy getting everything set up and speakers and demonstrations assigned. She had played the supportive fiancée role perfectly. Offering helpful suggestions when he'd ask, waiting up for him on the nights he wouldn't crawl into bed until hours after Hanna had been tucked in, bringing him wrapped sandwiches and tupperwared salads when he didn't have time to stop for lunch.

It had all been worth it and all the hours and sweat paid off as now they were coming to the end of the week long convention. Famous surgeons from all around the world had been flown in to show off new procedures and break through's discovered during the past year. Meredith, as well as the hundreds of other doctors lucky enough to attend, had learned a lot and soaked up every ounce of information offered, knowing this was a once in a lifetime opportunity.

Meredith leaned tiredly over the tall counter of the nurses station, lost in thought about the last procedure she had just observed. The remarkable advances that had been made in lasers over the past decade had been astounding. She found her heart fluttering at the thought of the many birth defects that could now be corrected in utero, enabling babies to be born perfectly healthy instead of dying during delivery which was common only century before.

"Can you move your fat ass out of the way? I need a pen."

Meredith looked up and rolled her eyes at her snarky best friend. "I'm hardly blocking you. You can reach the pens just fine."

"Maybe… but I can't pass up an opportunity to point out how large you are."

"I'm growing a baby. What's your excuse?" Meredith bit the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing as she suddenly found the pamphlet in her hand very interesting.

"_Me?! _Girl, you can bounce a penny off my ass it's so tight. Wanna feel?"

Meredith shook her head as they both finally laughed. It was common banter between the two and they had yet to grow old of it.

"What are you guys laughing at?" Alex joined the two girls at the station, returning a chart and looking through the stack for another.

"Uh.. did I give you permission to speak?" Cristina raised her eyebrows at the cocky male who shook his head.

"Dude... how many times do I have to remind you? You were elected Chief Resident… not Queen of England."

"In my book… same thing." Cristina smiled smugly as an irritated Alex found the chart he was looking for and hurried away, shooting a dirty look as he passed.

A month hadn't even passed yet since Cristina had won the resident chief race, the fiercest contender being Alex, and she had yet to stop rubbing it in.

"You're cruel." Meredith added when Alex was out of sight.

Cristina shrugged unfazed. "And you're chubby."

She dodged Meredith's back hand and hurried towards the resident locker room as Meredith shouted at her back.

"I am _not _chubby! I'm _all _baby! Derek even says so!"

"What do I say?"

Meredith jumped and turned to find her fiancé standing with three other tall men in nice suites.

"Oh... um…I…" Meredith's face reddened in embarrassment wondering if they'd heard everything she yelled. "Nothing."

Derek laughed and kissed her quickly on the cheek. "Mer, I want you to meet some buddies of mine from med school. This is Patrick, Eric, and Justin." He pointed out his three friends, and then turned back to her.

"And _this_... is my beautiful fiancée, Meredith."

Meredith smiled warmly and shook each of their hands politely. She couldn't help but smile at the proud way Derek placed his arm around her back. Not afraid to show the world how much love he had for her.

"We were just asking Derek if you two would like to join us for dinner tonight, there's a nice restaurant at the hotel we're staying at we thought might be good?" The one named Patrick asked.

Derek nodded and smiled, but looked to Meredith for consent before answering. She quickly nodded her approval and so he replied. "That sounds great. Why don't we meet you there? You guys go on ahead so we can change and we'll be there in a bit."

The three men nodded and offered polite nice to meet you's and see you soon's, as they headed towards the elevator.

Derek wrapped his arms around Meredith and pulled her close. He lowered his head to steal a kiss and lingered longer than he intended to.

"Did you know that I love you?"

"Yes." She giggled as he moved his lips to her neck and began biting her softly. "But you can tell me again."

"I love you." He moved down to her round belly and pressed his lips against her hard stomach. "And I love you." He said again in goofy voice.

Meredith laughed and pushed him away. "If we're going to meet them for dinner, I better start getting changed. It takes me _forever_ to get out of these tight scrubs."

Derek chuckled and nodded. "Okay, I'll go change in my office. Meet me there when you're done."

He kissed her again quickly and they started walking in opposite directions.

"And for the record…"

Meredith stopped and turned to see what he was going to say.

"…you're _definitely_ all baby."

Meredith dropped her jaw as Derek winked and hurried away. She shook her head and laughed as she quickened her pace, eager to change for dinner.


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N I'm so sorry for that long delay. I was just trying to figure some things out. Also, to clear some things up, I will ALWAYS be updating here... just now that my story's on the other board... I'll update bits and peices there first.. and when I have the COMPLETE chapter I'll add it here. So you can read it either place.**

**So some of you already read this last night... but most of you haven't ...**

* * *

Meredith sat on the long wooden bench of the locker room to catch her breath. She found it amusing that the mere task of changing her clothes could leave her winded so easily. She rested a hand softly on her protruding stomach and smiled. It was worth it. She rubbed her belly and felt a light kick in response. 

"So Callie's going to just pick up Hanna when she get's the baby and take them both to our house if that's okay Mer?"

Meredith looked up into George's face and nodded smiling. "Thanks for watching her tonight. She's been dying to go help Callie all week… she'll be thrilled. And we shouldn't be too late… just a quick dinner."

George shook his head. "No problem… have fun."

He squeezed her shoulder in a friendly gesture and followed a few other residents out of the locker room. Meredith sat for a moment. Enjoying the quiet. Enjoying the solitude.

The sound of the heavy door opening and closing didn't bring Meredith's head up. Instead her eyes closed, gathering the strength to stand and find Derek before a search party was sent.

Meredith slowly stood, an undertaking that now required a great deal of momentum to get her awkward body up. She looked around and was surprised to find herself alone, sure that someone had just entered but shook it off to pregnancy crazie's and reached in her locker for her purse and large bag.

She gathered her belongings and pushed the medal door shut with a loud clank. She stole a quick look over her shoulder, an unsettling feeling crawling under her skin as she headed for the door.

The hair on the back of her neck stood and a soft coat of sweat quickly formed on her upper lip. She tried to shake the disturbing feeling as she quickened her pace to the door only a few yards away.

Her hand settled on the medal doorknob and she let out a breath of relief, scolding herself for letting her imagination get carried away. She shook her head and laughed, gripping the door knob to yank it open as a large cold hand sealed over her mouth.

Meredith's scream of terror was silenced as she was pulled backward into the room. She fought with every ounce of her being against the unseen man. She didn't have to guess. She didn't need to speculate. She knew with cold frightening certainty who's large restraining arms were over powering her.

"Hello Meri."

Horror raced through her veins as his hot breath breathed heavy in her ear. Her arms swung madly and she desperately tried to dig her rubber soles into the smooth tile ground. Her purse and bag were dropped in the shuffle and the man kicked them roughly out of the way.

But he was too strong. He continued dragging her back, one hand still clasped securely over her mouth, the other tightly wrapped around her, just above her baby bump. He stopped when he reached the back of the room, hidden from view of the door by a row of worn lockers.

He breathed into her ear again. "You didn't think I'd forget you did you?"

Meredith didn't answer. Tears streamed down her cheek as she squeezed her eyes shut. This couldn't be happening. Not again.

Without warning, the enraged man forcefully turned Meredith around and pushed her back hard against the wall. He kept his hand firmly over her mouth as he pressed his face close to hers, enabling her to smell his sour breath.

"You know I could have lost my leg? That knife in my thigh could have been the end. But luckily for me I've been around hospitals long enough I was able to stitch it up before I bled to death. Do you know why I'm back Meri?" His voice was low and raspy.

Meredith avoided his face and refused to answer. This only angered him more and he grabbed her face roughly a heavy thumb and forefinger on each side of her face, forcing her to look at him.

"I asked you a question damnit!"

Meredith shook her head, her green eyes terrified and her face now pale.

"I came back Meri…. Because I never leave a victim alive."

His hand moved to her throat as some loud voices in the hallway caught her attacker's attention. Meredith's heart leaped in her chest as she recognized one of them.

Derek.

He was outside the locker room door. So close. She had to scream. She needed to do something. Get his attention.

But O'Dandridge was too quick. In one swift movement his hand was over her mouth again and he was shoving her into the small bathroom in the back. He pushed the door shut and locked the door with a loud click, as the main locker room door was being shoved open.

"_Meredith?"_

They heard Derek's voice, and Meredith felt his grip tighten on her mouth and around her body. He leaned in close and hissed his warning.

"Don't do anything stupid Meredith… the life of that baby you're carrying depends on it."

She swallowed hard as the tears fell free. She nodded, feeling him pull her closer against his body.

They stayed still, waiting, listening. Soon Derek's voice was closer and he knocked gently on the door.

"Mer? Are you allright?"

She stayed quiet, her heart drumming wildly in her ears.

Derek knocked again, a little harder this time.

"Mer? Are you in there?"

The arm around her body moved and a hand was placed firmly around her neck. The man moved his lips again to her ear, letting out a harsh whisper.

"Tell him you're fine." He slowly moved the hand that was over her mouth away.

Meredith hesitated.

His grip tightened and she felt her esophagus crushing.

"_Tell him you're fine_." He hissed again.

"I'm fine." Her voice came out as a weak gasp.

"_Say it like you mean it!"_ He rasped threateningly.

She cleared her throat and repeated. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure Mer?" The doorknob shook as Derek tried to enter the small bathroom. "Why don't you let me in? What's going on?"

Again the angered man tensed and he whispered his orders. "Tell him you don't feel good. Tell him to go to dinner without you and you'll meet him at home…. NOW."

"Um.. I'm just feeling a little nauseous. Why don't you go on to dinner with out me? I'll meet you at home later." Meredith squeezed her eyes shut and wrapped her arms protectively around the child in her stomach.

Derek was the only one who could help her. He was her knight in shining armor, and she was sending him away.

"Come on Mer. Just open the door. Let me help you." The door knob shook harder.

She could feel O'Dandridge grow angrier behind her.

"Damnit! Tell him to get out of here. Say whatever it takes... just make him leave or I'll go after _him _next."

A chill ran through Meredith's body and she fought to control her sob. She needed to think. She needed to do something.

"Please." Her voice was now steady and firm. "Just go. I'm fine. Have fun at dinner with your friends." She took a breath and added.

"I love you D."

* * *

**Yes it was short...Yes it's cruel to leave you there... BUT I had to stop it here for effective suspense. :)**


	33. Chapter 33

"Come on Mer. Just open the door. Let me help you." He tried the door again but it was still locked.

Derek sighed frustrated. This wasn't like Meredith. When she wasn't feeling good, she would ask Derek to hold her or rub her feet. She didn't push him away. Not anymore.

He kept his hand on the knob and opened his mouth to pry further when her voice stopped him.

"Please….Just go. I'm fine. Have fun at dinner with your friends… I love you D."

Derek took a sharp breath and rocked back. His heart raced faster in his chest and he raised a flat palm and rested it on the door.

"Okay Mer. I love you too."

Derek swept his eyes around the empty locker room and turned. He walked to the door and took a quick look back before throwing the door open and exiting into the hall.

Meredith listened as Derek's footsteps faded. She heard the heavy door creak open and then shut with a heavy bang. Silence followed and Meredith sank back defeated. She was alone. Her hope evaporated and left a sick film of despair.

The man started laughing, a slow deep laugh that quickly turned harsh and rough.

"This is almost too easy."

* * *

Derek's heart was racing and his face visibly pale. A million terrorizing thoughts swarmed through his mind and adrenaline pumped through his body.

He didn't have time. There was no room for hesitation. With each passing second the woman he loved was locked in the small bathroom with a crazed killer.

There was no doubt in his mind that the son of a b O'Dandridge was back. His hair stood at attention on the back of his neck as Meredith's voice rang in his ears.

_I love you D._

_I love you D._

_I love you D._

The only other time she had ever referred to him as "D" had been when O'Dandridge had got to her before. And now he knew that this was her way of calling out for help the only way she could.

Derek moved his legs faster until they were a sprint and the doctors and nurses in the hall became a blur. He made it to his office in record time and immediately threw open the small door to a side closet. Two tall forms appeared at his door as he rummaged his hand frantically around on the top shelf.

"What's going on Derek?"

It was Mark, followed by Alex who had noticed something in his face as he had dashed down the long hallway clearly in alarm.

"Call security!" Derek barked, his face strained as he reached on his tip toes, obviously searching for something specific.

"Security?" Alex echoed, his confusion speaking for both of them.

Derek didn't answer as his hand finally rested on his the intended item. His fingers curled over the heavy metal and he brought it down.

Both men in the doorway gasped as their eyes rested on the small black semi-automatic pistol in his hand.

Derek turned, his eyes dark, his face scared yet determined, and finally spoke.

"He's back. And he has Meredith."

* * *

Without any further delay, Alex grabbed his phone and ran, following Derek's earlier request to call security. Mark watched wide eyed as Derek pressed pass him, quickly turning his steps back into the sprint of before.

Mark snapped into action, following Derek only paces behind.

"Derek! Wait! Think about this a minute! Do you even know how to use that thing?"

Derek didn't stop, he pressed on as he answered over his shoulder.

"I bought this a few months ago. I knew he would come back. I just had this feeling. Mer wouldn't agree to hiring a private body guard, so I took a gun safety class with out her knowing. I bought this forty caliber as soon as I got my license… been hiding it in my office ever since. I swear Mark… If I'm too late… I'm gonna blow his head off."

Mark knew Derek wasn't bluffing and couldn't help but think he'd never seen him so enraged. He followed the rest of the way in silence, hoping they weren't too late. Hoping security would get here quick.

* * *

Meredith whimpered as the man's hand came down hard across her face, sending a fiery shock through her cheek and pulsated through her temple. She called out in fear, her scream echoing off the sterile tile of the cold bathroom, adding fuel to the man's rage.

She cowered in the corner, sunk down on her knees, desperate to protect the growing life inside her. She was too weak to fight anymore. Too scared to do anything but tremble on the hard ground. Scenes flashed through her head.

_The night of the handsome stranger in a good looking red shirt who had picked her up at the new bar she'd found._

_That handsome stranger quickly turning into someone she couldn't live with out, some one she didn't even remember when she'd fallen in love with._

_Their years of separation._

_The amazing moments of Hanna's birth._

_She and Derek reunited; rekindling the spark that had never really went out._

_The first time Derek had told her he loved her._

_Her very first birthday party and all her friends showing their love and support._

_Derek getting down on one knee and purposing._

_Finding out they were expecting another child._

Her tears of pain and fear quickly turned to tears of remorse and sorrow. She would never get to see Hanna wear her first two piece. Shave her legs for the first time. Go on her first date with some nervous teenager boy.

She'd never get to see Hanna walk down the aisle and join lives with another man. Watch as Hanna brought her own babies into the world.

She'd never get to give Derek their second child. She'd miss him growing old. They wouldn't spend the rest of their lives together hand in hand like he'd promised. She was being deprived of all her dreams and desires.

Derek was being robbed of the woman he loved.

Meredith looked up once more through her teary swollen eyes as dark eyes hovered over her. She closed her eyes, bracing herself for the next blow, as he lifted his large booted foot and an evil smile stole across his face.

This was it. She had succumbed to her inevitable end.

Her body tensed as it waited for the impact. The man moved his foot back and gathered all his strength in this good leg and took a swing.

A loud, sickening crack erupted through the room as the heavy wooden door came crashing open. Wood splinters sifted through the air as everyone tried to figure out what was happening.

Derek took one look at Meredith, her face bleeding and pale, curled in a ball on the floor. He raised his blazing eyes to the man hovering over her and his heart started beating even harder in his chest.

This time the quickened pulse was not out of fear. It was from pure rage. He had hurt his Meredith. That bastard had harmed his love.

O'Dandridge's eyes were wide with shock. He turned and raised his hand and took a step towards the two intruders at the door.

Without any further uncertainty, Derek raised the gun and pointed it directly at the O'Dandridge's heart. The attacker stopped and his mouth dropped stunned.

Derek braced himself and easily pulled the trigger. The noise was deafening and light smoke filled the small bathroom. O'Dandridge dropped to the floor motionless as warm crimson slowly spread through his shirt.

Derek left the gun fall softly to the ground as he quickly stepped over the body and gathered his shaking fiancée in his arms.

Meredith had kept her eyes closed through the whole ordeal and had yet to open them; too afraid to want to know what had happened. When his arms touched her, she jumped and frantically tried to push him away until his low calm voice broke through her terrorized mind.

"It's okay Mer. I got you. Everything's going to be okay. He's never going to hurt you again."

Meredith dared to peak an eye open and was met with the most beautiful sight. Derek's intense blue ones were inches away, peering deep into her own, full of concern and alarm.

She threw her arms around his neck and he held her tight. He rocked back and forth, comforting her like a child as she sobbed, letting out all her fear, all her pain, her chilling despair.

They stayed that way. Locked in a lovers embrace as first the hospital security came running in, guns drawn. They were quickly followed by Seattle PD and eventually the FBI.

Derek and Meredith were oblivious to it all. The commotion, the questions, the detectives marking off the crime scene.

They held on to each other for dear life. Knowing the nightmare was finally over.

Derek relished the feeling of his love pressed against his chest, enjoying the hard beating of her heart drumming against his own.

Meredith basked in the safety of Derek's arms, letting her dreams of growing old with him renew, the peace and serenity that only his love brought, washing over her and baptizing her in joy.

Once again… they had held on to each other… and true love had conquered all.


	34. Chapter 34

He didn't know how much time had passed, but Derek's back was stiff and his legs numb from the awkward position he assumed on the hard floor. Meredith's sobs had ceased, but she had yet to release the strong grip she had on Derek's shirt and she remained cuddled, her body shivering every once in a while, on his lap. A detective motioned to Derek, signaling it was time. The investigation needed to continue with them two out of the way and a stretcher was waiting to tend to Meredith's injuries.

She didn't object, she didn't say a word as Derek effortlessly lifted her up and carried her to the tiny soft bed. The waiting nurses and interns immediately started moving, needing to quickly get her upstairs to labor and delivery to check things out. Meredith kept her eyes closed, but Derek knew she wasn't sleeping, as the bed moved on. He stayed at her side, her small shaky hand clasped desperately to his as they entered the elevator and moved a few floors up.

Still no one spoke. Those looking on had wide eyes. Too shocked to even speak condolences. Derek's throat was dry from the emotions of the night. Meredith hadn't offered any speech and everyone was beginning to worry.

* * *

Meredith lay numb on the large hospital bed. Nurses and doctors had come and gone late into the night. They poked and prodded, x-rayed and MRI'd. The baby was fine. The miniature heart beating solid and steady, oblivious to the trauma its mother had endured. The bottom half of Meredith's left arm had a small blue cast. A greenstick break had been found in her fibula and the cast had been placed to facilitate speedy healing. She had numerous bruises and abrasions, but the only other serious injury had been a hairline fracture in her right cheekbone. And all they could offer was a light narcotic that was allowed during pregnancy.

She had yet to speak, choosing to stare straight ahead, almost unseeing. Derek hovered over her. He fed her ice chips and exchanged cool rags on her forehead. He fussed with her IV bag, assuring the fluid fell at the correct speed. He fluffed her pillow and adjusted her blankets. And yet, Meredith didn't say a word.

Their silence was interrupted by a quick heavy knock at the door. Derek turned to see a tall man in a dark suit enter, coffee in one hand, a laptop in the other.

The man introduced himself as Detective Russell and explained he was in charge of officially closing ongoing investigations. He only had a few quick questions, formalities and legalities, and then he'd be out of their hair. Forever.

Derek nodded and offered the chair to the side of the room that sat next to a small table. The detective lowered himself and took a long sip of his coffee before sitting it carefully on the table top and opening his computer. He cracked his knuckles and cleared his throat before beginning.

"Okay… let's see here…" He glanced through some papers he had brought with him before beginning. He mostly talked to himself, typing in dates and other unimportant information with quick clicking on the keyboard. He mumbled and muttered and glanced up once in a while but mostly kept his eyes trained on the screen before him.

"Well… obviously there will be no charges pressed against you Dr. Shepherd… your actions fall under self defense… you'll have the opportunity to sign your earlier statement tomorrow after the DA goes over it…" He was quiet a moment longer has his fingers continued to dance over the board.

He nodded to himself, before looking up once again. "All right… that was easy wasn't it… Miss… _Grey…_" The detective paused and furrowed his brows. "_Meredith Grey_?"

He turned back to his papers to insure he had the right name but Derek answered first.

"Yes… she's Meredith Grey." Derek was confused at the sudden change in tone.

The detective pinched his lip, apparently trying to remember something. Then understanding dawned and he returned to his computer, rapidly typing, trying to find something.

"Aha! Just what I thought. Are you by chance the Meredith Grey who disappeared from a Seattle Ferry boat on September 16, 2006?"

Derek tilted his head surprised. "Yes that would be her." He continued to speak for Meredith.

The detective nodded a moment before elaborating. "Detective Henry happens to be a good friend of mine…you know … the PI you hired a while back?"

Derek nodded, knowing exactly who he was referring to.

"Well you might get a kick out of this. He never mentioned it to you, but he took it upon himself to find the man who attempted to mug Miss Grey that night and inevitably was the cause of her falling overboard. And just a few months back, we found out that the mugger in question, had been so overcome with a case of guilt, he turned himself into the police only weeks later. He explained that he was a petty crime criminal. He had never hurt anyone before in his entire life and couldn't sleep knowing what had happened. He claimed it was an accident, he hadn't meant to make her slip, but after it had happened, he was so scared he didn't tell anyone until he turned himself in. He's been in the Seattle City Jail ever since. Since there never was a missing person report filed, it wasn't until Detective Henry started his investigation that we were able to link the two. Story's like these are pretty rare in my line of work."

Derek nodded slowly, his mouth slightly agape. That was indeed quite the turn of events. He turned and smiled down at Meredith, expecting her to share the same emotions that were coursing through his body. Instead her face was expressionless and she chose again to remain quiet. Derek reached and picked up the hand that wasn't connected to a cast and tenderly ran his fingers over her soft skin as the detective finished up and excused himself.

It was late and the excitement of the night was wearing off, the adrenaline long gone, leaving Derek weak and exhausted. He could only imagine the fatigue Meredith was feeling and looked down at her lovingly.

It was then that Derek noticed something for the first time that night. Meredith's eyes, those beautiful green eyes that made his heart leap, were vacant. The green had turned dull and lifeless. They were empty. Hallow.

Derek lowered himself carefully so he was sitting next to her on the bed, concern etched in his features.

"Mer?" His voice was soft and patient.

Her blank stare continued straight ahead a moment, before slowly turning and resting her tired gaze on Derek. She blinked, as if finally seeing him for the first time.

"Derek." Her voice was barely a hoarse whisper. "We need to talk."


	35. Chapter 35

**I tried getting this up earlier but the site would't let me... GRRRRRR...**

* * *

"_Derek, we need to talk."_

The way Meredith had said those four words filled Derek's heart with dread. Her voice was barren, her stare still vacant.

Derek slipped his shoes off and climbed fully on the bed, settling himself next to Meredith. He didn't like her tone and was afraid of what she might say, so he placed a gentle finger over her soft lips.

He wrapped his arms protectively around her tiny body, pulling her small back so it was pressed tightly against his chest.

"Shhh." He whispered as he stroked her hair and rubbed her back tenderly.

He didn't want to hear what she had to say. He knew she was exhausted and traumatized and whatever words would come out of her mouth might not be ones she really meant. And so he held her. He buried his face into her soft hair and breathed her in. His hand moved softly up and down her arm, caressing her skin until he felt her relax.

Soon her breathing grew heavy and her heart beat steadied. And only then, when Derek thought she had finally fallen asleep, did he let his heavy eyes close. He let out a quiet sigh of relief, knowing that sleep would do them good. Knowing sleep might ease the pain that Meredith seemed to be internally struggling with.

The dark and peaceful sleep had almost claimed Derek when he felt Meredith slightly shake against his body. He listened and couldn't mistake the sound of her sniffling.

She was crying. And for some reason unknown to Derek, she didn't want him to know.

Instead of letting her pull away, Derek increased the strength of his grip and pulled her closer, burying her body with his. He knew words were of no use right now, so he remained quiet, letting his body offer solid comfort as she cried herself to sleep.

* * *

Meredith woke with a start. She blinked rapidly, her mind confused as she tried to put everything together. When had she fallen asleep? Her eyes were red and face puffy from crying most of the night. Derek had held her close, trying to comfort her, but that had only made things worse.

She laid awake most of the night debating inside her head whether or not she was making the right choice or not. As painful as it was and as bad as her heart ached, she knew what she had to do.

Meredith shifted her sore body on the bed and realized she was now alone. Derek must have snuck out when she finally drifted off. She sighed, relieved that what she had to say could wait a moment longer. She would need to prepare herself, find a way to be strong about it.

Soft footsteps in her doorway caused Meredith to look up and inhaled sharply. Her relief was shortly lived, as Derek stood handsome at the foot of her bed, obviously showered and cleaned up for the day, holding a Krispy Kreme donut bag in his hand.

"Hello gorgeous." He tilted his head and smiled, taking her unreadable expression in. He moved to the side of the bed and pulled the meal tray over, reaching in the bag to present his gifts.

"I know you must be starved… so I took a little detour and stopped to get your favorites." He slowly pulled out a chocolate frosted donut with a light layer of rainbow sprinkles and a small carton of whole milk.

"And I'm not even going to lecture you about empty calories this morning." Derek winked, hoping to get anything from her blank stare; anger would satisfy him at the moment.

Meredith stared at the treats before her and fought the tears that wanted to drop. His 'little detour' was quite the understatement; the closest Krispy Kreme was all the way across town.

She shook her head and tried a smile, but her lips wouldn't cooperate. Her heart was heavy and her insides felt raw. She needed to get this over with.

"Derek." Her voice cracked and the feeling of dread from the night before was instant in Derek's stomach.

"Come on Mer. Take a bite. It'll make you feel better." He lifted the pastry, desperately trying to ignore the painful empty look in her eyes.

"Derek!" Her voice was suddenly firm, causing Derek to rock back slightly.

He sighed and finally nodded, placing the donut back down on the napkin and wiping his fingers on the faded blue of his denims.

He lifted his eyes to meet hers. "What's going on Mer?"

He moved the tray to the side to make room for himself as he sat carefully on the side of her bed, facing her smiling. He lifted his hand to wipe a strand of silky hair from her face, but Meredith jerked back, escaping his touch.

Derek grew serious and tilted his head confused. "Mer?" Now his voice cracked.

Meredith drew in a shaky breath before starting. "Derek…"

Again, there was that tone of voice that he didn't like and he immediately shook his head.

She continued, ignoring the pleading in his eyes by looking away to stare out the window as she talked. "I… I can't do this to you any more… I can't …." She shook her head. "It's like… I'm cancer or something… I infect everything… everything I touch… It's no wonder my father walked away.. and my mother… my own mother couldn't stand me…"

Derek's heart broke more and more with each word his fiancée spoke. The painful tears that slipped down her cheek were like a sharp sword in his already bleeding chest.

"Meredith." He tried again but his voice was so overcome with emotion it barely came out a whisper.

Meredith continued, Derek's interruption unnoticed. "I understand now… I'm bad luck… I bring no good everywhere I go…_cancer_." She spat the last word out.

Meredith finally removed her gaze from the window to look back at Derek. She pretended that the tears filling his blue eyes didn't kill her or that his fearful expression didn't put that final nail in her coffin.

"So here it is… I'm giving you an out. All I've ever brought you is pain… distress and sorrow… it's not fair to you…You don't have to stick around. I won't be responsible for continuously bringing you down. For the hurt you continue to feel. I won't do that Derek… I won't."

Derek squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. For being such a beautifully smart doctor, she could be so frustrating… so foolish, so dumb.

He opened his eyes and cleared his throat. "Meredith. You can't be serious…."

He opened his mouth to continue when he was cut off.

"Don't Derek. Don't say anything. Just… just go… it's easier this way… better… please… just leave."

"No."

"Derek! I'm not asking… I'm telling! You don't have to be the good guy here. Please… leave… now."

Derek wanted to laugh. He wanted to shake her and make her come to her senses. He found himself speechless and once again shook his head, completely flabbergasted.

He ran a frustrated hand through his hair and reached out to grab her hand. It was met with her slender fingers pressing something small and hard into his open palm.

Derek snapped his head up surprised, not even needing to open his hand to see what it was.

Anger swelled as he gripped the precious item in his fist. He stood and stared down quietly a moment, before turning and walking out of the room.

Meredith finally let her sob out as her body shook from despair. It hurt. It hurt so bad but she had to do it. She loved Derek so much and she no longer wanted to be the one to blame for bringing him down. He deserved better. He deserved uncomplicated.

Meredith let her tears fall as she stared down at her hand. The empty spot on her finger felt foreign and sad. She rubbed the pale skin, trying to erase the memory of what used to sit there. She rubbed and rubbed until she could stand it no longer and forced her hand under the cotton blanket.

She took a breath and leaned back into her soft pillow. She closed her eyes and willed herself to forget. Forget her pain, forget his face; forget the way his mouth dropped when she pressed the engagement ring in his hand. She willed herself to just forget the world.

* * *

**runs to hide**


	36. Chapter 36

**Wow. After reading some of those reviews... I really didn't want to keep going... Some of you don't have any faith..it's sad really ;) You guys know me by now... you know where my devotion lies.. coughmerdercough... Sure I can just skip the "drama" or what not.. but trust me.. it wouldn't be very interesting... For those of you who didn't like the last chapter..you're going to HATE this one.. just a warning... but for those of you who "got" the last chapter.. I think you'll understand what's going to happen.. you smart people you... (and I could add that I hate them being apart just as much as you and so am working my hardest at getting them back together ASAP.. but that would give it all away)**

* * *

"Mer…What are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm making Hanna's lunch." Meredith kept her eyes diverted from her blond friend, tired of explaining herself over and over to Izzie.

"You can't avoid him forever you know. He's your boss… and the father of your children."

Meredith shook her head annoyed. "Actually I can."

"And what about Hanna? You think you're being fare to her?" Izzie lowered her voice so the small five year old who sat alone at the kitchen table wouldn't hear.

"Izzie, seriously? Why do you care so much? Hanna's fine. She gets to be with Derek on Monday's and Wednesday's and I'm still figuring out the weekends. We're fine. I'm fine. Hanna's fine. We. Are. All. Fine."

"Derek's not fine." Izzie challenged.

"Derek…" Meredith sighed, placing the turkey sandwich and small ziplock of cut up apple in the pink lunch box. She turned to the fridge to retrieve the chilled juice box as she struggled to blink the fresh tears away. "Derek will be fine. I'm doing him a favor… he just needs to see that."

Izzie shook her head frustrated. No matter how many times any one of them tried to talk to Meredith, they just couldn't get her to see. No matter what they did, they couldn't shake any sense into her.

She had rebuilt her walls they thought were long gone and so far everyone had failed at getting through to her.

* * *

"So this is a change."

"What?"

"You eating lunch with us. It's almost like the old days." Alex said with a large bite of hamburger and bun in his mouth.

"Ya.. well…" Meredith shrugged, pushing the small red cherry tomato around her plastic plate.

"It does feel like the old days." George quipped in, catching the end of their conversation and settling himself between Meredith and Izzie.

"It hasn't been that long since I've sat with you guys at lunch." Meredith huffed.

"Whatever Mer. For the last six months you only ate with McDrea…." Cristina stopped when she saw the heated look shot her way. "Oh sorry. I forgot we weren't allowed to mention_ you know who_."

The four friends laughed as Meredith scowled back. She opened her mouth to shoot back something smart, when the handsome dark haired doctor came into view.

Meredith's green eyes immediately latched with the piercing blue ones and her breath caught in her throat. He looked tired. Depressed. She couldn't break her stare, and the four other sets of eyes followed her gaze to see Derek, standing motionless across the room.

Everyone held their breath, completely interested in what would happen. They had both been adamant about avoiding one another and this was one of their first interactions since she'd been back at the hospital.

After a few intense moments, Meredith finally looked away. A broad range of emotions washed over her. Guilt, regret, emptiness, hopelessness.

She sucked in a breath and stood; letting the fork she dropped clatter loud on her tray. She repeated over and over in her head _she was doing this for Derek, giving him a chance at uncomplicated, letting him walk away guilt free_.

She stole one last look across the room before turning and hurrying away in the opposite direction.

Derek stood there numb. Unable to stop the anger that was rising once again in his chest. He glanced at the prepackaged salads sitting neatly in a row on the meal cart and shook his head.

He turned and exited the door he had just entered empty handed. He all the sudden didn't have an appetite.

* * *

Meredith leaned tiredly against the wall and rubbed her left arm. The cast had been off for over two weeks but every now and then a dull ache would shoot through the bone.

"You okay?" Callie asked concerned, bringing Meredith from her thoughts.

"What.. oh .. ya.. fine." Meredith gave a half smile.

Callie shook her head amused. "How's your arm?"

"Fine." Meredith said a little too cheerful, a little too fake.

"Meredith." Callie's voice was motherly, like a warning.

"Really Callie. I'll be fine. I'm just tired. I was here early and still have three more hours left on my shift. It's been a long day."

Callie nodded slowly but decided not to push. A small excited voice caused them both to look up down the hall and see Hanna come running full speed at them both.

"Hi Mama!"

"Hi baby. What are you doing?" Meredith furrowed her brows. It was a Wednesday and Derek would be picking her up from pre-school and taking her to his trailer, but it was still kind of early, he normally got off when she did.

"Daddy's taking me somewhere special!" She said bouncing up and down.

A heavy feeling settled in Meredith's stomach as she tried to smile.

"Th..that's great.. Hanna. Where is your daddy?" She looked around confused.

"He had to get somethin from his office."

Before Meredith could inquire any further, they noticed Derek walking towards them in the hall.

Meredith froze, not sure what to do or say, and Callie watched on curiously.

"You ready Princess?" Derek asked scooping up his curly haired daughter in his arms and kissing her on the cheek.

Hanna nodded excitedly and Derek smiled. He turned towards Callie and nodded.

"Callie." He acknowledged her before stepping past them both and continuing on his way.

Meredith watched stunned as he disappeared around the corner towards the elevator with Hanna.

Callie stared at Meredith with wide eyes as her friends expression paled.

"Mer?"

"I'm fine!" Meredith contended, turning on her heel as her pager went off and rushing off in the opposite direction.

* * *

"I was paged?" Meredith demanded, her mood foul, her heart sore.

"Yes doctor. We need a consult in trauma bay three. Thirty five year old male brought in for an animal bite." The nurse filled her in, handing over the chart.

Meredith sighed. She was exhausted, emotionally and physically. And she only had herself to blame for the way her insides twisted and burned.

She drug herself over to the row of curtained off rooms as she flipped through the chart. She wasn't paying much attention as she pushed the curtain aside, stepping in.

"Hello Mr…." Meredith scanned the chart for the patient's identification.

"Meredith?!"

Her head shot up surprised at hearing her name and she took a stunned step back.

Her eyes widened as she took in the man that sat before her on the small exam table. His hair was longer and his mustache was a little fuller. The green sweater he wore looked familiar and Meredith had to blink her eyes, unable to believe what she was seeing.

"F..Finn?" She finally stuttered.

"Long time no see Meredith Grey."

* * *

"Ya… it has been long…How…how are you doing?"

Meredith suddenly felt very awkward as she stood before the vet. She tried her hardest to be professional and focus on the dog bite in his right calf, but was having a hard time.

"I'm good… how are you? I see you're pregnant."

"Oh… uh…ya… I mean yes. I'm pregnant. And good. I'm good." She stuttered, feeling like a fool.

She tried to steady her voice and continued. "So… it's been a while. How are things in the animal kingdom?"

"Six years."

"Excuse me?" She asked confused.

"It's been six years… since the last time I saw you. It was at that prom thing. You ran out… that was the last time I saw you. I called, I even came over once. But they told me you left. They didn't know where you were. I thought they were lying… covering up for you… but the sadness in their eyes… I knew they were telling the truth."

He watched her intently as she sighed. "Ya… well.. it's kinda a long story. I don't think you'd even believe me."

He sat back, a smile playing on his lips. "Try me."

* * *

Meredith started from the beginning, leaving bits and pieces out she didn't think it important for him to know. She explained about the ferry boat accident and the amnesia. She explained about Hanna, leaving the fact she was conceived during prom out. She explained about the five years wondering around until she ended up here and how the rest was history.

"So…" he spoke as soon as Meredith finished her story. "Now you're pregnant? Is this Dr. Shepherd's baby as well?"

Meredith nodded, keeping her eyes on the open wound she was carefully stitching up.

"And you and Dr. Shepherd are what? Not married… I don't see a ring on your finger. Are you two together?"

Meredith paused a moment, that same heavy feeling returning.

"Currently… we are…. _not _together." She returned her attention to the her expert stitch job.

"Well good! Then you can have coffee with me."

Meredith looked up surprised. She shook her head. "I'm s..sorry. I can't."

He frowned. "Why not? It's just coffee. Two old _friends_ having coffee_."_

"I don't think that'd be such a good idea."

"Sure it is. I won't take no for an answer."

Meredith stood, finished with her job, and began jotting down notes in his chart.

"I'm sorry Finn.. really…"

"Nonsense." He said standing. He carefully stepped on his freshly stitched leg and grabbed his coat, limping to the door.

He turned one last time before walking out of the room. "Tomorrow. I'll stop by around one."

Meredith's eyes widened and opened her mouth to dispute when she noticed he was gone.

She leaned defeated against the now empty bed and shook her head. This wasn't good. Not good at all.


	37. Chapter 37

Derek was tired. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. Last night had been a long night for him and he quickly learned it was not the best idea to read Little Red Riding Hood to Hanna before bed time when you lived in a tiny trailer all alone in the middle of the woods. Needless to say, neither one of them had gotten that much sleep.

Added to that was the constant turmoil coursing through his body. He loved Meredith. He loved her so damn much but she was being so stubborn. He had thought she just needed some time to cool off. She had, after all, been through a lot. More than any one person should. He thought that by walking away, abiding with her wishes, that she'd come around.

But almost one month later, he was still waiting. And he was beginning to get worried. Meredith was slowly turning back into dark and twisted self. Her walls had returned and even her close girlfriends were having a hard time getting through to her.

He'd tried the 'get her to talk route'. That ended up with her avoiding him at all costs. Every time he'd turn a corner and she was there, she'd abruptly turn on her heel and high tail it in the opposite direction. Every time he'd enter the same room as her, immediately she'd find an excuse and quickly leave. No matter what he did, he couldn't get her to discuss what was going on.

And then he'd tried the 'pretend he wasn't dying a slow death inside' approach. That had turned out just as bad. His purposeful actions of trying not to let her get to him came across as coldish and he could have sworn she'd shot him a dirty look.

No. This wasn't going well at all. He needed another plan and he needed it quick. Before it was too late. Before she pulled herself so far away and the damage was irreversible.

* * *

"Ten bucks it's Monoclonal Gammopathy."

"Fifteen it's Lymphocytopenia." Cristina countered Alex's first bet.

"Twenty it's Thalassemia. And I get in on the transfusion." Meredith threw in, surprising the other two residents.

"Since when do _you_ join in on our bets?" Alex shot confused.

"Since the diagnosis is so obvious even a first year med student could diagnose it. Look at the chromosome work up results. A five year old couldn't miss that." Meredith shot back bitchy.

Alex and Cristina exchanged glances, already used to the new sour attitude Meredith had adapted. She was quick to blame it on her pregnancy hormones, but everyone knew better. There was only one reason for the sudden bitter depression and his name started with a Mc and ended with a Dreamy.

Meredith ignored the looks being exchanged over her head as she dutifully finished up a chart from an earlier surgery she had assisted Callie on. It felt good to have something to do. She liked work. Work was good. Work kept her mind off things. Off of her life and how tremendously screwed up it was becoming again. Off of the fact that she only had herself to blame.

She shook her head as her mind started to wander once again. Derek's face kept flashing in her mind and she had to squeeze her eyes to blur the image. She repeated to herself over and over that she was doing the right thing. She had set Derek free. It was the right thing.

She figured if she kept telling herself that again and again that maybe it would come true. Maybe the real reason would wash away and disappear before anyone figured it out. If she could fool the rest of the world, eventually she'd be able to fool her own heart.

"Uh…Mer? Isn't that…."

"McVet?!" Cristina finished for Alex, her voice an even balance of disgust and disbelief.

Meredith groaned and looked up to see a cheerful Finn walking towards them. She quickly looked around for a good place to hide before he noticed her, but wasn't quick enough.

"There you are! I've been looking everywhere for you. Did you forget I was coming for coffee?" Meredith fought the urge to roll her eyes as Alex and Cristina watched on with intense interest.

"Oh…um…I'm working Finn…and I couldn't…" She let her voice drop as she noticed her two friends still staring with their mouths open.

She shot them a heated look before turning back to the unwanted guest. "Look… I'm sorry…"

Meredith was interrupted by the simultaneous sound of both Cristina's and Alex's pagers going off. They both grunted annoyed, clearly finding the on going confrontation amusing and not wanting to miss a word.

Alex hurried off; tossing a look over his shoulder as Cristina smirked to her friend.

She muttered under her breath so the Vet wouldn't hear. "Sorry... you're on your own…" And she hurried off, her laugh quietly echoing in the silence.

"So about the coffee…" Finn smiled, oblivious to everything that had just been exchanged.

Meredith sighed, not knowing what to say. She didn't want to hurt his feeling but she also didn't want to spend one more second with him then needed.

"Finn… you're a great guy…"

"_But_…" Finn supplied, his face dropping.

Meredith tilted her head and offered a soft smile.

"It's okay." Finn went on. "Stormy said I shouldn't be so pushy when I ask a girl out." He shook his head, berating himself. "I should've listened."

Meredith furrowed her brows. "Stormy?"

"Ya… my horse."

"Your horse is Stormy?"

"Ya." Finn didn't get what she was having a hard time figuring out.

"Your horse gives you relationship advice?" She raised her eyebrows.

Finn laughed. "Don't be ridiculous Meredith. A horse giving relationship advice?"

Meredith laughed out loud, placing a hand on her stomach to steady it. When the laughter died down from both of them, she wiped an amused tear and placed her hand on his arm.

"Thank heavens. For a minute there you were scaring me."

Finn chuckled. "Of course Stormy doesn't give relationship advice… he only gives tips on how to pick up women."

Meredith immediately sobered and took a step back.

"Oh…right." She looked up and down the hall, needing an excuse to get away as fast as she could.

Her eyes locked with familiar intense blue ones. He looked like he had just been slapped across the face and she wondered why until cold realization settled. Derek must have walked up and saw her laughing animatedly with what he assumed to be an ex-lover.

Meredith's jaw dropped and she turned back to Finn to see him watching them both. Meredith suddenly felt sick as she forced her eyes back to Derek, only to see an empty spot where he once stood.

The sickening feeling of moments before multiplied as she put a hand to her mouth to stifle a sob. She ignored the confused look on Finn's face as she turned the opposite way Derek had disappeared and fled down the hall.

It was happening. Her worst fear. She had claimed that the reason she'd pushed Derek away was to not hurt him. It was just too hard to admit the true reason. The fact that she had pushed him away to avoid herself any further pain. The reality that Derek had stayed by her side through so much was completely foreign to her. She knew that it was only a matter of time until he'd grow tired of her endless drama and complications and he'd walk away. Like everyone she'd ever cared for in her life.

If Derek ever chose to leave, she knew she'd never survive. She'd never be strong enough to overcome the loss. And so she'd pushed. She had thought it would be easier being the one to walk away. But she'd been wrong. And now, after seeing the look on Derek's face, she wondered what she'd done.

_How could she have messed up something so perfect_? Again, she thought for the millionth time in the last month, _what had she done_?

* * *

Derek sunk in the large soft chair behind his desk, covering his face with his hands. He felt his world slowly spinning out of control. He had been so sure this was just a faze, something he and Meredith would work through. Now he shuttered at the thought of how wrong he had been.

He hadn't seen Meredith smile in weeks. Laugh in even longer. And there she was. Her head tipped back, mouth open wide, laughing joyously. And with_ him_. He didn't know what was worse, the fact that the love of his life was acting like life was hunky dory when he was shriveling up inside; or the fact that it was her ex boyfriend causing her to feel so at ease.

A soft knock at the door brought Derek's face from his hiding spot in his hands. He looked up as Addison stepped carefully in.

She studied her ex-husband for a moment before speaking. "How're you holding up?"

Derek shook his head, having a difficult time trying to come up with an appropriate response. "I…I just don't know what to do anymore…"

He leaned back in his chair and let out heavy sigh. Addison settled herself in the seat opposite his desk.

"She still loves you Derek… she's just scared…She's never had this kind of love before… she doesn't understand unconditional."

Derek nodded slowly. " I realize that…but… what if it's more… what if she just doesn't feel the same way about me anymore…"

Addison laughed, causing Derek to jerk his head up and scowl.

"Oh… you're being serious." Addison cleared her throat and sobered her expression. "Derek. She loves you…there's absolutely no question about that. Haven't you noticed her pissy demeanor lately? She's miserable with out you. Trust me… I deal with crabby pregnant woman all day long… and Meredith trumps them all. She needs you. She's just too stubborn to admit she's wrong."

"You're right about one thing. She _is _stubborn." He ran a hand through his hair frustratingly. "So what am I suppose to do Addie? I've tried talking to her… she won't listen. She runs every time she sees me."

Addison shrugged. "Make her stop running. Make her listen."

They stared at one another for a moment longer until Addison's pager went off. She stood as she checked the page and an unsettling look crossed her face.

"What is it?"

Addison looked back up and shook her head. "Um… it's probably nothing. I'll.. uh.. I'll talk to you later Derek."

And with that she turned and hurried out of the room.

Derek sat alone in his office, wondering what had caused Addison to visibly pale like she had. He shook the bad feeling that entered his stomach and focused on the small framed picture to the side of his desk.

His two girls stared back at him with matching smiles and a tiny one of his own crept on his tired face. She was still his girl. Even if she didn't want to be anymore, he wasn't going to give up as easily. That pansy vet didn't stand a chance and he would do all he could to get across to Meredith.

Addison was right. He would have to find a way to _make _Meredith stop running. To make her listen.

* * *

**Just a little humor thrown in there to lighten things up... and reasure those who think I might actually LIKE Finn... I don't just so you know. Glad to see the alerts are now working.**


	38. Chapter 38

Meredith hurried away down the hall, the sight of Derek's shocked face still fresh in her mind as the tears fell. Her hands shook and she couldn't catch her breath. She finally paused around an empty corner as an intense pain shot through her abdomen.

The muscles squeezed tight and the searing heat coursed through her body, causing her to double over. The excruciating feeling took her breath away and she all the sudden felt dizzy. She panted a minute until the intensity wore off and slowly the vise around her belly was released.

Catching her breath, Meredith straightened herself and began walking forward slowly, telling herself it was nothing. Probably those Braxton hicks things Addison had been warning her about. She felt better as she took her time passing through the hallway, aiming for the restroom.

Only two minutes later, the pain returned, starting at the top of her baby bump and radiating down. The ache was so intense she felt it in her thighs and she suddenly became nauseous. Gasping through the forceful pressure being asserted on her lower body, she clung to the wall for support as she found the woman's bathroom.

With great difficulty, she swung the heavy door open and dragged herself into a stall. As the tightening again faded, she kneeled before the toilet waiting to throw up. The nausea eased as she knelt on the cool tile, her head sweaty and skin clammy. Meredith again stood, eliciting a sharp pain to shoot through her pelvis.

She gasped and looked down to see bright red blood slowly soak through the upper legs of her scrub pants. A sob escaped her mouth as fresh tears appeared. She was coming around on her thirty first week of pregnancy; this was nine weeks too soon. Fear gripped Meredith as she reached out to the medal wall, bracing herself for the next pain.

"Ummm… are you okay in there…" An unknown voice spoke from outside the stall.

Meredith unlatched the door with shaky hands and swung it open. The young nurse inhaled sharply when she saw the pregnant pale doctor standing before her hunched over in pain.

"No…I need you to…." Meredith panted through the intense contraction. "I need you to page Dr. Montgomery-Sloan."

* * *

Derek ran a hand through his hair as he stood impatiently in line at the new Starbucks cart in the lobby. He needed coffee. He needed strong black caffeine filled liquid to get his mind off of Meredith. Off of Meredith and the vet and the laughing and the touching. It was making him nauseous. Actually, physically, sick to his stomach.

His initial feelings of hurt and jealousy were quickly turning into anger. He was mad. How could Meredith be so quick to move on? How could she do this to him, and with _Finn_, none the less? It was almost too much to handle.

Derek snappishly ordered his coffee and paid for the java with a testy shove of a five dollar bill. He didn't bother waiting for his change as he scoffed off, needing to be alone, needing to think.

His mood continued to grow fouler and fouler as he paced a deserted hallway. Meredith was slipping through his hands; his happiness, his future, was falling through his fingers.

Derek turned and lifted a foot to kick a trash can that sat innocently to the side when an annoying familiar voice stopped him in his tracks. He groaned and brought a hand to his head, easing the immediate throbbing at his temples with two fingers.

"Aww.. Dr. Shepherd!"

"Aww.. Dr. Finn." Derek mocked, not bothering to hide his contempt.

"So... it's been a while." For some reason the vet thought the neurosurgeon wanted to talk.

"Not really." Derek turned and finally faced him, plastering a mimicked grin on his face.

Finn furrowed his brows, not completely grasping the purposed sarcasm of the other man.

"Oh…well… anyways…I ran into Meredith yesterday down in the ER. I was just stopping by to grab a cup of coffee with her…so we could catch up... but it seems she's busy. We'll probably do it later."

Derek furrowed his brows now. Was Finn doing this on purpose? Was he trying to get a rise out of him? Or was he just completely ignorant of everything going on?

Derek held his styrofoam coffee cup up to his lips and took a long sip, deciding to remain silent.

Finn continued smiling, not in the least put off by Derek's cold stare, still completely oblivious to the awkwardness of the situation.

"So you and Meredith had a thing hu?" Finn asked, finally pushing Derek over the edge.

"Look…" Derek stepped close to the surprised vet's face and hissed. "Whatever hopes you had in coming here today… whatever _plans_ you had made in your tiny head… forget about them! Meredith and I did not _have_ a thing. We _are_ a thing. We are in love and we are going to get married. Just because she's scared right now and trying to push me away does not mean that you get to prance in here and take advantage of her vulnerability. I will _not_ let that happen. She is _mine_ pony boy so tuck your tail between your legs and get the hell out of my hospital!"

Finn rocked back, completely taken back from the sudden outburst of the irate doctor.

"I think that's a little uncalled for. Jealous much?" Finn folded his arms across his chest and smirked.

Bright lights flashed behind Derek's eyes as his breathing became fast. He imitated Finn's gesture, crossing his own arms, and stood to his tallest height.

"Do you really want to push the matter?" Derek raised his eyebrows challengingly.

"I'm just saying… Meredith made it clear you two were not together. She's available. And I think it should be up to her who she wants to date and who she doesn't. Just because you knocked her up…twice... doesn't give you the right to…"

Finn didn't even see the fist coming as it connected with a satisfying crack to his nose, sending him flailing backwards. He doubled over, holding a hand over his face as the blood dripped from his nostrils.

Finn finally looked back up and met Derek's dark enraged eyes with his own wide shocked ones. He quickly retreated from the still fuming hovering doctor.

"What the…I can't believe… Are you…" Finn continued his backward retreat, a bewildered expression across his face.

He stopped and opened his mouth as if he was going to continue to challenge the neurosurgeon, but was impeded by the heated warning shot from Derek.

He shook his head and finally turned, quickly hurrying away, mumbling under his breath something about not being able to wait to tell someone named Stormy what happened.

Derek waited until Finn disappeared around the corner until he shook his hand out, the pain shooting through his knuckles. He figured that probably wasn't the smartest thing he ever did, but thought, damn it felt good.

The noise of his pager shook him out of his daze, as he turned on his heel and smiled. It was time to get back to work, and then later it would be time to find Meredith and make her listen.

Enough of this charade. He was through playing around. He would sit Meredith down and make her listen. If he had to yell until he was blue in the face, he would find a way to get it through her thick skull that no matter how hard she pushed…. he wasn't going anywhere.

Derek sat in his office, desperately trying to focus on the paperwork in front of him but finding it extremely difficult. All he could see was the sight of Meredith and Finn, laughing together in the hall, her hand delicately rested on his forearm. It made him sick to his stomach. It made him angry.

* * *

Derek's smile had vanished by the time the elevator slowly crawled to the Obstetrics floor and he stepped off with a frown. Why was he being paged to labor and delivery? This part of the wing was definitely not surgical and he had nothing to do with it.

He stepped annoyed to the large nurses desk and drummed his fingers impatiently on the flat surface as he addressed two nurses on duty.

"I was paged?" He didn't hide his irritation.

"You were?" The oldest of the two furrowed her brows and re-read the doctors name on his name tag. She raised her eyebrows when she saw who exactly the impatient doctor was and immediately grew nervous.

"Oh..um…I'm sorry sir… let me just… hold on one sec." She picked up the phone and pushed a few buttons before turning her back to Derek, anxiously trying to find out who had paged the Chief of Surgery.

After a quick hushed conversation that caused Derek to grow even more agitated, the nurse finally turned back to him, as the drumming of his fingers became rapid and terse.

"I'm sorry sir… you're needed in room 5008. I didn't get details."

Derek rolled his eyes and quickly turned on his heel. He used quick large strides to cross the hall, eager to get this nonsense over with.

* * *

"Meredith! I need you to calm down! Meredith … just breath… you need to breath for your baby! Calm down…" Addison's voice rang out over all the frantic beeping and commotion in the small labor-delivery room.

Meredith tried to do as ordered, holding the clear plastic oxygen mask over her nose and mouth and breathing in and out. She was scared, more scared than she had ever been in her entire life. More afraid then when she had lain awake at night in the crowded homeless shelter in the church's basement not knowing who she was. More frightened than when she had fought for her life with Chris O'Dandridge. And more terrified then when she realized he had come back to finish the job.

Her baby was in danger. This innocent child who depended on her for safety and nourishment was now on the brink of coming into this world too soon.

Meredith shook her head, her eyes wide like a small child as she looked to Addison for comfort.

"I can't … I don't… ohhhhhooowwweee!!" She called out as the next contraction came with shocking force.

Addison frowned, averting her eyes from Meredith. This wasn't good. She was doing everything she could and still the labor progressed. Realistically the odds of survival for a baby at thirty one weeks gestation weren't too bad. But they weren't perfect either. And the complications that followed a premature delivery were numerous and she wanted to avoid any potential health problems she could; for both the baby and mother.

"Do another round of Indomethacin and start the magnesium sulfate." Addison ordered again, sending the nurses and interns back into action.

She kept her eyes trained on the fetal monitor, trying to block out Meredith's sobs that echoed through the room. She was a doctor. She needed to remain professional. She needed to do her job and forget that this woman was the closest thing she'd had to a true friend in over a decade.

She let out a breath as the heart rate steadied and turned to the second monitor and noticed the intensity of Meredith's contraction's were finally easing up.

Addison finally let her eyes meet Meredith's scared ones again and offered a smile.

"Everything's going to be okay Meredith. Your baby's fine. And if you just continue to focus on your breathing and lying still… everything will be just fine."

Meredith nodded, the effect of the narcotics finally taking its toll, as her body's temperature rose and her eyes grew heavy.

Addison turned to another doctor and ordered softly. "Let's inject an antenatal corticosteroid, just to be on the safe side. Make it betamethasone." The drug was a steroid to give the baby's lungs an extra boost, just in case it still decided to make its entry early. She wasn't sure how long the labor stopping medicine would be effective.

The doctor nodded in obedience and went to work, finding the right syringe and calculating the correct dosage. After she finished injecting the drug properly, Addison nodded to excuse the rest of the medical personnel, waiting until she was alone with Meredith before speaking.

"Meredith." She started, her voice careful. "We have to tell Derek."

"What?! No! I mean… not yet… it's just…" Her words grew slow and were heavy, as she struggled against the sedation. "Not yet... please Addie."

Meredith blamed herself for the sudden premature labor and couldn't stand to think what Derek would think of her. Even though everyone was always telling her to slow down and take it easy, she hadn't once listened, believing herself to be invulnerable.

It was all falling down on her now, like a ton of bricks. She had pushed Derek away to avoid the pain of him one day pushing her away. And now, when he would find out what had happened, there was no doubt in her mind that he would blame her. And then he would hate her. And that would hurt more then when she had walked away from him. The pain she was so desperately trying to protect herself from was coming around to hit her square in the heart.

Addison watched as Meredith struggled to keep her eyes open. Her body tired from the ordeal and the drugs giving the extra push. She waited until Meredith's eyes finally shut and her breathing became even before taking a final glance at the monitors that beeped an even satisfying tone, and leaving the room. She had had Derek paged minutes earlier and knew he'd be there any moment.

* * *

Derek found the room he had been directed to and just as he was about to push the door open, Addison stepped out, blocking his entrance.

"Addison?!" He said startled. "Did you page me?"

Addison carefully shut the door behind her, hindering his view into the room before she began.

"Derek… I need to talk to you."

Her serious tone took Derek by surprise and he furrowed his brow.

"What's going on?"

Addison tilted her head and searched for the right way to start. She opened her mouth to offer an explanation, but wasn't able to get the first word out before realization hit Derek.

He gasped. "Meredith?! No!" An array of conflicting emotions took flight inside Derek. "It's …it's too early!"

"Derek, calm down." Addison put a hand on Derek's chest to stop him from pushing past her.

"Let me go Addie." He warned.

"Derek." She countered, her voice more firm. "Just listen to me for a moment. I was able to stall the labor and the baby's stable. But Derek… she needs to take it easy. She's still not out of the woods and she doesn't need to be upset right now. She can't take it. The baby won't take it."

"Okay… fine… I get that. Now will you let me by?"

"She didn't want me to tell you Derek. She isn't ready to face you."

Derek's heart broke all over again. He didn't know it was possible to hurt so much without physically being injured.

"Addie." Now his voice cracked.

She nodded after a moment, seeing the devastation in his eyes. She stepped to the side, enabling Derek to open the door and step inside the room. She pulled the door shut behind him to give him privacy, and continued on down the hall, hoping Derek would miraculously find a way to get through to her stubborn friend.

Once inside the room, Derek paused. He let his eyes adjust to the dim light and took in the numerous monitors and machines the small woman was hooked up to. His eyes settled a minute on the rapid even rhythm coming from the machine monitoring the tiny baby inside the woman he loved. He smiled, knowing that at least for now, the baby was safe.

His eyes then traveled to Meredith's beautiful face. Even in sleep she looked breath taking and the absence of her touch and kisses began to take its toll. He loved this woman. He needed this woman. And he was pretty sure she needed him too.

He wasn't sure why she was being so adamant at pushing him away. But he knew that he wasn't going anywhere until she had heard him out. Until he figured out what was driving her need to ruin her personal happiness. Her happy ever after.

Derek settled himself in the empty cushioned chair to the side of her bed. He'd wait. Even if he had to wait all day, all night. He'd wait until she woke and he would begin the daunting task of fixing their broken relationship. Of fixing his broken heart. Of fixing _his_ happy ever after.


	39. Chapter 39

Meredith slowly opened her eyes, her eyelids felt like lead and it took her a moment to remember where she was. She looked around the room, noticing she was hooked to various machines. The two seats to her side were empty, but as she moved her eyes further she noticed Derek sitting at a small table on the opposite side of the room, papers spread everywhere as he tiredly studied something on his black laptop.

Feeling her gaze on him, Derek lifted his eyes to meet her apprehensive green ones. He rested his hand on top of the open computer screen before him as he debated something in his head. Slowly he closed his laptop as he finally spoke.

"Hey." His tone was unreadable, matching his expression.

"Hey." Meredith echoed, suddenly feeling awkward.

She shifted uncomfortably on the bed, wondering why he was there. After all she'd done to him, after all her mistakes, after everything that had happened the day before.

And then it hit her, the frightening events of yesterday rushing back with swift terror. The cramping, the pain, the blood. Her baby.

Meredith's eyes grew wide and her hand automatically found her swollen belly, resting on the large bump carefully. Her eyes moved panicked from Derek, to the rhythmic monitor to her side, and then back to Derek, worry sketched on her features.

Derek immediately recognized Meredith's anxiety and stood.

"The baby's fine." He reassured, his voice calm and soothing.

His patience surprised Meredith and caused her to shrink back even further in her bed, tears stinging her eyes. She didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve him being wonderful and comforting and amazing.

She shook her head, remorse filling her to the core.

"I'm sorry." Her voice cracked.

"For what?" Derek studied her, his gaze intense and boring into her soul.

Meredith tilted her head, a little taken back at the ricocheted question.

"Wh…Hu?" Was he really going to force her to say it?

Derek spoke again, this time more careful. "What exactly are you apologizing for Mer?"

Her heart panged at the warm endearment of her shortened name. Meredith swallowed difficultly before beginning.

"For…for yesterday. For letting this happen… with the baby. For going into labor too early."

Derek let out a loud frustrated sigh as he ran a hand roughly through his hair.

She immediately cursed herself for making him mad and decided to try harder to apologize.

"I'm so sorry Derek…I should have taken it easier…slowed down…Maybe if I wouldn't have scrubbed in on the…"

"Stop!"

Meredith shrunk back at the forceful command. Her lip trembled and she fought a sob, but she remained quiet.

"Meredith… just stop." Derek continued, softening his voice a little. "Stop blaming yourself. For everything. You didn't do anything wrong…women go into premature labor all the time, it's nobody's fault. So just stop. Stop everything. Stop saying you're fine when it's obvious you're not… stop acting like you don't deserve happiness and that everything bad that's ever happened to you is your fault… And lastly Mer… stop pushing me away. Because no matter how hard you try… no matter how stubborn you are … I'm not going anywhere. I'm here to stay… whether you want to admit you need me or not. Because_ I_ need you…_ I_ want you… and Meredith… I'm not going anywhere." He repeated again.

Meredith's heart ached as the perfect man stood before her saying the most perfect things. She didn't deserve him. She didn't deserve happily ever after. Why was this so hard? Why couldn't she just accept what was laid out in front of her?

_It was too late_, she thought to herself. There was already too much water under the thingy or whatever. She had made too many mistakes, hurt him too badly to be given this second chance, or really third chance.

The first tear slipped free and Meredith raised her left hand to brush it away. And it was then that her eyes fell on the beautiful ring, sitting perfectly on her ring finger like it had never been absent.

Meredith's eyes shot back up to Derek who now stood with a mischievous smile.

"That's where it belongs." He said simply.

Meredith shook her head. "I... I don't deserve you Derek."

"Why do you keep saying that Mer?" He was beginning to loose his patience once again.

"Be..because…you're so wonderful…and I'm me… all dark and twisty… and you deserve someone who doesn't complicate things… or bring you down… you deserve better…"

Meredith's voice shook as she cried, the honesty of her words shattering her heart but knowing she loved Derek enough to want what was best for him.

Derek crossed his arms over his chest and frowned. "Are you done?" He used the same tone of voice he used on Hanna when she would throw her occasional fit.

Meredith didn't speak, just nodded, looking up at the scowling man through her tears.

"Good." He said, pausing a moment before continuing. "How many times do I have to say this? I. Love. You. I. Want. You. No one else. I _want_ your complications…. I l_ove_ your dark and twistiness. It is not your job to try and protect me Mer. It is my job to protect you and our children… our family. I am a grown man… hell I'm a brain surgeon… I think I can decide for myself what I want. So I'm not going to let you do this any longer. You're not pushing me away… I'm not going any where. We're going to get you through the nine weeks left of your pregnancy…we're going to welcome another perfect baby into our lives… and then… when you're ready… we're going to walk down the aisle and say I do. And I cannot wait to see you in a beautiful white dress… with Hanna tossing flowers as she walks in front of you… coming towards me… and dedicating the rest of our lives to each other."

Derek smiled and crossed the distance to the side of her bed, sitting carefully on the edge and taking one of Meredith's reluctant hands in his.

"So… unless you can look me in the eye… and tell me that you don't want the same thing… that you don't love me anymore… I'm not going anywhere."

Derek stared straight into her watery green eyes with his piercing blue ones as he watched her struggle internally. Finally after a few excruciatingly quiet moments of Derek second guessing his assured confidence, Meredith finally spoke, her voice a pitiful squeak.

"I…can't."

Derek took a sharp breath in.

"I…can't say that. Because I love you Derek… and I want nothing more than to walk down that aisle and become your wife." She finally let the rest of her tears free. "I love you so much Derek…I'm so sorry!"

As her small cries became strong sobs, Derek wrapped her protectively in his arms, scooting further on the bed to so he could lie directly next to her, welcoming the feel of her warm body next to his, something he had ached for since she'd left him.

"I'm sorry Derek." She said again, burying her face in his soft sweater and breathing in the intoxicating scent she thought she'd never privilege herself in smelling again.

"Shhh…" He murmured, running his hands gently in circles on her back and stroking her soft hair. "I told you no more apologizing…. I shouldn't have walked away. I shouldn't have let you push…it's just as much my fault Mer, so stop apologizing."

They remained silent for a while. Both enjoying being in one another's arms, both enjoying the feeling of security and forever that the other brought. Meredith's sobs stilled and her tears dried and she finally looked up to meet Derek's eyes.

"I love you." She said again, the remorse of not sharing those three words with him for the last month still sharp.

"I love you too." Derek echoed, at once becoming lost in her beautiful green eyes that still shimmered from her previous tears.

Meredith felt her heart quicken as Derek's eyes fell to her lips. She loved how even now, seven months pregnant with their second child, he could make her go week in the knees like a silly girl with a crush.

With out thinking, her tongue softly moved across her dry lips, in hopes to make it easier to find something to say, instead of staring back speechless at him.

The movement of her hypnotic tongue across her smooth lips, leaving them wet and inviting was all the invitation he waited for. Four weeks was way too long and he needed to be reminded what she tasted like.

He lowered his mouth, his lips barely brushing against hers, testing her reaction. Meredith was never one to reject Derek's lips, so she moved a hand behind his head, resting her fingers in his dark curls as she pulled him closer, deepening the kiss. Derek teased her first. Moving his tongue across her amazing lips and pulling away when she'd open her mouth. He nibbled on her bottom lip and let a deep chuckle escape from his throat as she moaned frustrated.

He pulled back a moment to let their eyes lock, hers half closed and his dark with desire. Satisfied that she truly wanted him as much as he needed her, he lowered his mouth to deepen the kiss when the door swung open, causing him to halter his intentions.

"Oh…. well…. I guess I don't have to ask how things went…" Addison spoke, rolling her eyes to the fact that Derek was already in bed trying to mount his pregnant fiancée.

Derek laughed and shook his head. "Good morning Addison." He said with a groan.

"Good morning." She smiled good heartedly, moving her glasses down her nose so she could talk to her two friends.

Addison went on about the medications Meredith received the day before and how they were doing their job wonderfully. Everything looked fine and Meredith would be able to be discharged later that day as long as she promised to follow doctor orders.

That sounded fine to Meredith, she was eager to get home to her own bed and see Hanna who had stayed the night with George and Callie.

"That sounds great Addie. But what exactly are your doctor's orders?" Meredith was afraid this was too good to be true.

"Well, first off… you need to cut back on your hours. No more than fifty a week."

Meredith reared back, fifty wasn't that much for a resident but she would do what she had to for the safety of the baby.

"Second," Addison continued. "You may not be on your feet for longer than an hour at a time. That means taking breaks through out the day. Make yourself sit down, even during surgeries, you need to find someone who can assist when you need to rest. It's imperative."

Meredith nodded again, that would be tough as well, but doable.

"And last," this time Addison met both Meredith and Derek's gaze before continuing. "…and I hate to do this to you… but absolutely under no circumstances are you to have sex. No intercourse, no orgasms, nothing."

"WHAT?!"

Meredith turned surprised to Derek who had yelled out, breaking his silence from their whole conversation.

Addison and Meredith glared at him as he quickly turned an amusing shade of red.

"I mean…are you sure…" He tried to cover himself.

"Yes I'm sure Derek." Addison scolded as Meredith gave him a quick elbow in the side.

Derek sighed rubbing his temples with two fingers. "Fine. No sex. I can do that."

Meredith and Addison both laughed and rolled their eyes. He was acting like he was the patient.

Meredith patted him mockingly on the shoulder. "You'll be fine Derek. You'll see."

Derek shook his head. He wasn't so sure he would be fine. He'd already been deprived of sex with Meredith for four torturous weeks; he wasn't so sure how he could make it nine more.

But looking at the beautiful woman sitting next to him, their growing child inside her womb, he knew that this ultimate sacrifice would be worth it. Because Meredith always was.

* * *

**Okay ... everyone let out the breath you've been holding... I told you.. I'm MER/DER all the way...even though now I'm torturing Derek with no sex... hee hee**


	40. Chapter 40

**I almost didn't put this up tonight cause it was getting late... but then I saw that I passed 1,000 reviews and decided that you guys deserved an update!!! Cause you all rock! Thanks for keeping me going... you guys are the best. (Insert big kissie smiley face here.)**

* * *

Meredith crept carefully out of the bathroom, being sure to close the door softly behind her as to not wake her sleeping fiancé. It was late morning on Sunday and Izzie had offered to entertain Hanna downstairs while Meredith and Derek slept in. Something they hadn't done in months and something Meredith's very tired, very pregnant body welcomed.

She had awoke before Derek, and seeing he was still deep in sleep, had snuck into the bathroom for a quick shower. She crossed the room to the tall dresser and found the small tube of body butter to rub on her ever expansive belly.

Stealing a quick glance to her side at Derek's still unmoving form, she let her towel drop and squeezed a dollop of the cool ivory crème onto her hand. After rubbing her hands gently together, to warm the lotion a bit, she then began meticulously spreading the clean smelling balm across her swollen abdomen. Her hands softly moved around the large baby bump, rubbing in the lotion to every inch of the tight skin she could reach.

After finishing her stomach, she added another small drop to her hands and moved her attention to her very full breasts. They had grown one cup size in the last month alone and Meredith was adamant about not getting stretch marks on her chest as well.

She was lost in her own thought; tossing around the things she still needed to buy or get ready for the impeding arrival of child number two, as she absentmindedly rubbed herself, the cool crème feeling heavenly on her sore body. Her eyes were closed, her head tilted back a little, preoccupied in her own world, forgetting she wasn't alone, until she heard a deep moan.

Meredith's eyes shot open as she turned her head to meet Derek's flustered appearance. He was staring at her, propped up on his elbow, a lustful scowl on his face.

"Quit it."

"Quit what?!" Meredith had to bite her bottom lip to keep from smiling.

"You know exactly what you're doing. It's plain mean. Evil really."

"I have no idea what you're talking about Derek." Meredith feigned innocence, letting a small smile curve her lips.

"Right." Derek laughed and rubbed his hands over his face as he sat up and threw his legs over the side of the bed.

Meredith reached for her discarded towel and held it to her chest as Derek crossed the room to her. She couldn't stop the giggle that escaped her lips as she noticed the large bulge through his thin boxers.

Derek stopped before his barely covered fiancé and folded his arms across his chest, tilting his head.

"You think it's funny hu?"

Meredith shook her head, not trusting herself to speak as her eyes grew wet with amused tears.

Derek nodded his head slowly, his expression serious, keeping quiet a moment as he studied her face.

"You know… two can play at this game."

Meredith shook her head again. "Nu uh. I'm eight months pregnant. I'm fat and swollen and moody and hot and itchy. The last thing I want right now is sex. I don't even want to be touched. You're lucky I let you sleep in my bed."

She pulled the towel further up, covering herself even more as if to prove her point.

Derek nodded again, his amusement evident in his shining eyes. He turned as if to move towards the bathroom, but turned back again suddenly, startling Meredith by grabbing both her arms and pulling her close. He pressed his body against hers, his erection pressing firmly on her round stomach as he captured her lips with his.

He didn't wait to see how she'd respond, shoving his tongue deep into her mouth, thrusting it a few times as he alternatively sucked on her bottom lip and teased with soft bites.

Meredith soon recovered from her initial shock and her hands moved instinctively to his strong neck, letting her fingers find the soft curls at his nape. She opened her mouth to grant him further entrance, and just as she moved her own tongue to his lips, he pulled away.

Meredith panted, looking up into his mischievous grin. "Nothing." She squeaked.

Derek tilted his head back and laughed. "Oh right… you are such a liar Meredith Grey!"

He crossed past her and opened the bathroom door when she spoke again.

"Disgusting…ick… like kissing my brother!"

"You don't have a brother!" He countered.

"Well if I did…" She tried.

Derek only laughed as he disappeared into the bathroom, pulling the door so it was only open a crack behind him.

She sighed and plopped unto the bed, letting her tongue softly trace her swollen lips as she closed her eyes and smiled.

"I knew it!"

Meredith sat up with a start, quickly dropping her grin.

"Oh shut up and go take a cold shower!"

She threw her towel across the room, aiming for Derek only for it to land on the floor more than a few feet in front of him.

He smirked and tilted his head as he took in Meredith's now uncovered naked body, before sighing and moving back into the bathroom.

"Two more weeks… only fourteen more days." He offered out loud his daily countdown on how long until she would be thirty eight weeks and Addison would let them resume any activity they wished until she went into labor.

He turned the water on and didn't bother waiting for it to get warm...cold showers were something he was quickly growing accustomed to.

* * *

By the time Derek made it downstairs, dressed in jeans and a casual button up shirt, his hair still damp but moussed and tamed; the kitchen was a buzz with activity. Izzie and Hanna worked diligently at the stove, flipping pancakes and scrambling eggs, while Alex and George shared separate sections of the newspaper at the kitchen table. Meredith and Callie huddled in the back corner, discussing something intently, while the O'Malley baby sat in a highchair, entertained by the commotion around him.

"Good morning every body!" Derek sung out cheerily, stopping by Hanna to kiss her on the top of her head before joining the other men at the table.

"Good morning." Was echoed throughout the kitchen.

"So how was the cold shower?"

Derek looked up surprised at Alex, turning to immediately scowl at Meredith across the kitchen. She giggled and looked away innocently, pretending to be too engrossed in her on going conversation.

"You know… Alex has magazines… if you need to release some…uh… steam." Izzie offered brightly over her shoulder.

Derek's mouth dropped open. "I don't need to release any _steam _Stevens, thank you very much. I told Meredith I could make it and I will. Only two more weeks." He said with forced optimism, roughly shaking out a section of the paper to catch up on the world news.

Meredith finally finished her conversation with Callie and crossed the room to Derek, a soft smile on her face.

"That's right… only two more weeks." She came up behind him and leaned over, softly kissing him on the cheek and moving her mouth to his ear, nibbling softly on his lobe.

"Mer…" He warned, earning a pout from his pregnant fiancée as she carefully lowered herself in the chair next to him.

He chuckled and rolled his eyes, resting his hand on her thigh to give it a gentle squeeze.

Izzie and Callie joined the rest of them at the table bringing over the heavy plates piled with delicious smelling buttermilk pancakes and steaming fluffy scrambled eggs. Hanna brought over the syrup from the counter and moved a chair out to sit opposite her mom, when Meredith cleared her throat.

Hanna looked up and mother and daughter exchanged a look before Hanna turned and headed towards the fridge. She pulled the door open and shuffled around in the ice box before retrieving what she was looking for and bringing the items to settle on the table next to her mom.

"Thanks Hanna." Meredith smiled.

"Welcome mama!" Hanna replied cheerfully, finally settling herself at the table.

Everyone laughed as Meredith licked her lips and picked up the chocolate sauce, drizzling her pancakes in a thick layer of dark syrup. She licked her finger as she settled the Hershey's bottle back down and reached for its companion, the whip cream.

A minute later, her breakfast was completely covered by the light white airy treat and Meredith rubbed her hands together before picking up her fork, eager to indulge in her self made delicacy. The occupants of the table all laughed at her child like enthusiasm before turning to their own food and occupying themselves with the task of working on their own breakfast.

Everyone eagerly dove into the delicious food, except one man. His blue eyes were trained on the beautiful woman next to him as she carefully balanced the perfect amount of chocolates sauce, whip cream, and buttermilk pancake on her fork, gently placing it in her mouth and closing her mesmerizing lips around it. Her eyes fluttered shut as she sat back, a smile slowly crossing her face as she chewed slowly, and unbeknownst to her, seductively. As the delicious sensations were starting to be processed through Meredith's body, a long soft moan escaped her lips, causing Derek shift uncomfortably.

After finishing the bite, taking her time to enjoy the sweet taste before swallowing, Meredith finally opened her eyes, locking with Derek's immediately.

She took in his expression, the flush of his neck, and the uncomfortable way he leaned in his chair before shaking her head.

"Derek. Seriously?"

Derek groaned, tossing his napkin beside his plate and standing up. He tried to give Meredith a quick dirty look, but he couldn't keep his expression serious as he limped to the door.

He heard a few snickers behind him and turned before he disappeared into the foyer.

"So… Alex…. about those magazines…"

"Derek!" Meredith gasped, her face turning red.

"Kidding!" He threw over his shoulder as he shuffled off, painfully making his way back upstairs for another cold shower.


	41. Chapter 41

**Warning: The following chapter is rated H.P. for hot and porny!! (oh my gosh I just made myself laugh!) Anyways...I haven't ever written one quite like this... so if it's not your thing PLEASE don't read..I don't want to offend anyone. Just skip to the next chapter and know that you didn't miss anything too important in the development of this story's plot. (It's why I'm adding two chapters at once.. for those of you who don't like this kind of stuff.. you don't have to wait for the next.)**

* * *

After helping Callie and Izzie clean off the table and putting the dishes away that Alex and George had washed, Meredith began to get worried. Derek still hadn't come back downstairs and she'd heard the water turn off hours ago. She wondered what was keeping him and, after making sure Hanna was occupied, watching as her daughter helped Callie scoop the strained pee's in little O'Malley's mouth, Meredith snuck upstairs, her concern growing by the minute.

She silently opened the door, careful not to draw any attention to herself, and settled her eyes on the dejected man on her bed. He looked sad and stressed, his brows furrowed and lips set in a frown. He didn't notice as Meredith stepped quietly into the room, his attention diverted solely to the white ceiling above him.

"Hey." She said softly.

Derek jerked a little, surprised that he didn't hear her enter, and tried a smile.

"Hi there."

Meredith's heart fell. She knew his smile was purely for her benefit and was completely false.

"How was your shower?" She asked, unsure of what to say to pull him from his mood.

Derek chuckled softly and shrugged. "Cold."

Meredith frowned, studying his features intently. He was so handsome. Even as he laid before her, hair disheveled, stress lines framing his breath taking eyes, dark stubble accentuating his strong jaw line. Everything about him made her go weak in the knees and she could hardly stand the miserable shadow that clung to his features.

Making up her mind, she slowly crossed the room until she was standing at the foot of the bed, still looking down at Derek who laid flat on his back, both arms propped behind his head as a pillow. She reached out and took a large foot, gently pulling the sock off and letting it fall to the floor.

Derek watched curiously as she repeated the action with the other foot, until she had his two bare feet before her. She kept one in her hands, resting it on her large belly as she used her thumbs and fingers to press strong hard circles in his flesh, rubbing and messaging the tension away.

After repeating the process with the other one, she dropped both feet on the soft bed and carefully crawled between his legs, reaching for the buckle on his jeans. Neither one had spoke, letting their eyes do all the communication for them, but as Meredith's tiny fingers released the buckle and pulled the metal zipper down carefully, Derek finally broke the silence.

"Please Mer… I can't take any more teasing." He wrapped a strong hand around her wrist, stopping her actions as his blue eyes pleaded with her.

Meredith tilted her head and let a reassuring smile cross her features.

"No more teasing Derek. I promise. You've been so amazing to me… so patient and kind… and I really appreciate the effort you've put into the whole no sex thing… but…."

She peeled his fingers off from her wrist and brought his hand to her mouth, taking the tips of his fingers in her mouth one by one and gently kissing them.

"…Just because_ I_ can't have any pleasure… shouldn't mean _you _can't." She finished, her eyes darkening and lips curling into a seductive smile.

Derek's eyes widened as Meredith refocused her attention down on his jeans. There was something in her expression, something wild and carefree. He hadn't seen that look in over five years. It was the same look he remembered from their first night, the night she'd brought him home from Joe's. The same look she'd flash him from across the halls in the hospital those months that followed their first meeting.

The same look she'd kept on her face during the wild and passionate sex filled months before Addison came, before things became complicated.

The darkening of the green in her eyes was enough to excite Derek in itself. The fact that Meredith was slowly and painstakingly pulling the rough jean material down his legs, letting her fingers barely graze his thighs was almost too much.

He watched as she gathered the jeans at his ankles and finished sliding them off, tossing them to the floor to join his socks. When she looked back up, her grin was gone replaced with a serious look of deep concentration. She gently pulled on her bottom lip with her teeth as she worked her way back up Derek's legs, this time reaching for his boxers.

A small moan of anticipation escaped Derek's mouth causing Meredith to giggle. She carefully slipped her fingers into the waist band gently pulling them down, exposing his stiffened erection that was growing by the second. Soon the boxers were tossed aside, added to the clothes pile on the floor.

Meredith scooted herself back between Derek's legs, spreading them apart with her knees gently for better access. She looked into his face and saw that his eyes were dark and face intent, his stare boring into her. She reached down to the bottom of her maternity shirt and pulled it over her head in one quick movement, surprising Derek.

She reached behind herself to the clasp on her bra and in a quick movement with her fingers, her breasts were freed, eliciting a pleasurable gasp from her stunned fiancé. She sat a moment, unmoving, letting Derek study her naked top half, smiling as she noticed him grow even harder in excitement.

Deciding it was time, Meredith's small hands traced tiny circles up his legs, enjoying how he writhed in anticipation. She finally let her hands find his hard penis and tightened her fingers around his large shaft causing Derek to shutter. She moved her hands around delicately at first, enjoying the warm skin, the stiff desire that was aimed at her. She softly caressed the swollen head with her thumbs, feeling the first part of his juices escape, as she continued to tease.

She looked back up to see Derek now with his eyes squeezed shut, both fists gripping the smooth bed spread as he strained to remain in control. Knowing that he probably wouldn't last too much longer, she lowered herself and pressed her lips against his tip, causing him to open his eyes surprised.

Their stares locked as Meredith opened her mouth wider and took the head of his penis in her mouth. She sucked gently and twirled her tongue around, producing several gasps and moans from Derek. She continued her task, enjoying the preview of his taste and started taking more and more of him in her mouth.

Derek felt separated from his body as the amazing sensations took over. Her hot breath and wet tongue were driving him crazy with pleasure and he couldn't ever remember feeling this good. As hot and wild as the sex between them had been, this was one thing that Meredith didn't do often and since she'd never really offered, he hadn't asked. The last time had been all those years ago, when they had just started out and he remembered tequila and scotch playing a big role that evening.

But now, here she was. Completely sober and eight months pregnant and she was sending him into a climax that was way beyond any he could recall. Of course that lack of recollection could also be from the short supply of blood flow currently making its way to his brain.

Meredith could tell Derek was getting close as his hands took hold of her head and guided her up and down, his hips thrusting with the movement. Only seconds later, Derek gasped her name out loud as he could hold back no longer and began to come in powerful shakes in her mouth.

Meredith waited until the pulsing stopped and stilled her movements, quietly sitting up and wiping her mouth quickly on her discarded shirt. She smiled as she looked down at Derek, his complexion flushed but his eyes closed in contentment, a satisfied smile spread across his face.

She crawled up next to him and he opened his arms and pulled her close, nuzzling his face in her soft hair. She looked up and kissed him gently on the lips before settling back in his strong arms. They laid there content, listening to each other breathe for a few minutes before either one spoke.

"Wow." Was the only thing Derek could think to say.

"I know." Meredith said casually, both chuckling at her confidence.

Derek just pulled her closer, feeling like the luckiest man in the world.


	42. Chapter 42

"Mer."

"Mmm."

"Mer."

"Mhmm."

"Come on Mer, you're going to be late."

"Five more minutes."

"That's what you said half an hour ago."

"I'm tired!"

"I know babe but you're going to be late if you don't get up _now_."

"I don't wanna get up!"

Derek had to chuckle now as Meredith pulled the pillow tighter over her head. He gently rubbed her back in soothing circles as he tried again.

"I'm sorry Mer, but you have your doctor appointment first thing this morning… you don't want to miss it."

The pillow was suddenly moved aside and Meredith turned and glared up.

"The only reason you don't want me to miss my damn appointment is because you're hoping Addie's going to give us the green light for sex!"

Derek struggled to hide his surprise. It was scary sometimes how well she read him.

"Uh..what..no… not at all. The baby Mer.. I just want to make sure the baby's okay. And you. Of course. Make sure you're okay too."

Meredith rolled her eyes and resumed her position under the pillow.

"Come on Mer…I know it's hard and you're tired. You know, you can take your maternity leave early if you'd like. You don't have to wait until the baby arrives. I hear your boss is an extremely understanding guy. Not to mention handsome and attractive, charming really, one of the nation's leading Neurolo…"

A flying pillow cut Derek off midsentence as he heard a soft giggle escape his fiancée. He tossed it aside and looked down at a grinning Meredith, mischief in his eye.

"Oh you asked for it."

Meredith opened her mouth to object as Derek's hands found a spot on each side that sent her into immediate hysterics. He tickled as she desperately tried to escape, wiggling and writhing in torture.

"Stop!...Stop!... Pee…I …need to…pee…NOW!"

Derek sat back to see if she was faking and saw the urgency in her face. With increasing difficulty, she was able to propel her large belly of the bed and waddle into the bathroom, shooting Derek death beams as he laughed out loud at her.

"It's not funny!" She called out from the bathroom.

"Of course not babe!" Derek answered, not bothering to hide his amusement.

"I swear, this baby is sitting on my bladder. I can _not _wait until this is over. I just want it out. _Now_. I think I'm going to tell Addison to just break my waters while she's checking me today."

Derek appeared at the doorway to the bathroom in seconds, evoking a chuckle from Meredith.

"Umm.. are you sure… I don't think… we don't want to rush the baby or anything…" Derek tried, searching her face as she pulled up her pajama bottoms and flushed the toilet.

Meredith shot him a look before turning towards the shower and starting the water.

"And I suppose your hesitancy has nothing to do with the fact that you'll have to wait another six weeks after I give birth before we have sex…. bringing the total time of abstinence to fourteen weeks, plus the month we were apart before." Meredith waved her arm in the air, not bothering to do the added math.

Derek let out a guilty grin and tilted his head to the side. "Can you blame me?"

Meredith sighed but smiled as she slipped off her pajamas and stepped into the warm spray.

"I just don't want you getting your hopes up. I'm fat and tired and sex doesn't exactly sound all that tempting at the moment. It's just kind of hard to get in the mood when you have a miniature human being doing the hokey pokey inside you all night long. I'd pick an entire night of no heartburn and no trips to the bathroom over a screaming orgasm at the moment… no offense."

She finished lathering her body with the flowery body wash and turned to see if Derek was still listening. She saw he was still in the bathroom, but his eyes were trained on her naked soapy body, the far away look in his eye that she knew too well.

"Derek!" She called getting his attention.

"Oh..uh..Hu?"

Meredith couldn't help but giggle. "You better stop! You're the one who said we're going to be late if we don't hurry. I don't have time to help you out this morning."

Derek feigned a look of hurt. "Oh come on... I promise to be fast. What do you expect, you're standing there rubbing your body and talking about screaming orgasms. I'm only human."

"I'm not so sure about that." Meredith mumbled under her breath as she began to rinse the conditioner out of her hair. "I'd go with a rabbit at the moment."

"What was that?" Derek asked, not hearing what she was saying.

"Nothing." Meredith giggled. "I just don't see how you could be so insatiable. Especially after last night. I did everything I could… I had to look on the internet for that last trick. I didn't know people actually did that."

Derek smiled from the memory. "Ya..that was …" He shook his head. "Stop it! You're making this harder."

"I can see." Meredith grinned stepping out of the shower and taking the large cotton towel Derek offered, her eyes dropping to the bulge in his pants.

"Come on… five minutes…" Derek begged.

Meredith shook her head and laughed. "My appointment is in forty five minutes. We don't have time. Now be a good boy and make sure Hanna's ready to go. If you're lucky I'll page you after my appointment and maybe we can meet in an empty on call room. Like the old days."

Derek's defeated look quickly gave way to one of hope. "Deal."

He smiled and kissed her quickly on the lips before turning and hurrying out the door, eager to do as he was told in hopes of the later reward.

* * *

Derek sighed, quickly closing his cell phone and returning it to his pocket. Meredith was avoiding him. Her appointment had come and gone and now lunch was long over. _Where was she? What had Addison said? _And most importantly_, had the no sex restriction been lifted?_

Derek hurried down the hall and stopped in front of the large white board. Surgery. Meredith was currently scrubbed in to a valve replacement with Burke. It was one of the rare afternoons that Burke was on call and not teaching a class.

He sighed again and ran a hand through his hair. The surgery had just started so that meant at least another four hours until she'd be through. Another four hours until he knew his fate.

"I thought you'd be grinning ear to ear by now."

Addison's voice turned Derek around and he looked at her confused.

"Umm…what?" He raised his eyebrows.

"Well, with what I told Meredith this morning, I thought you'd be excited…more than happy to oblige."

Derek folded his arms across his chest and tilted his head suddenly very interested. "Remind me again what you told her."

Addison rolled her eyes. "She was begging me to break her waters or at least strip her membranes, but her cervix is just not ready. She asked if there was anything she could do to hurry labor along and I told her to have sex. Lots and lots of sex. It's natures labor inducer. I thought you'd be thrilled… after the long weeks I made you wait."

Derek grinned and nodded slowly, all the sudden his fiancée's avoidance making perfect since to him.

"Right… she did say that. I remember now." He glanced at his watch before looking back at the board. "If you'll excuse me Addie… I have work to finish so that when my girl gets out of surgery I won't have any other obligations. "

He smiled and turned, hurrying down the hall to his office, leaving Addison shaking her head behind him.

* * *

"I need someone to do a consult on a GSW down in the pit!" Bailey's voice broke through the tired conversation Meredith, Cristina, and Alex were having at the end of the long day.

"I'll do it!" Meredith hopped up. Her feet were swollen, her back ached, and she couldn't ever remember feeling so tired or uncomfortable, but staying busy meant avoiding Derek.

Bailey glared at her. "I was meaning one of the other fools that isn't nine months pregnant ready to pop."

"I'm fine. I can do it... really… no problem… really." Meredith kept trying as Bailey kept up her heated glare.

"Karev… get on this…and tell one of your interns to run the labs."

Meredith sighed and leaned back against the nurses station as Bailey and Alex hurried away.

"What was that about?" Cristina asked skeptically.

"Addison said if I want to have this baby I have to have lots of sex." Meredith answered frowning.

"And that's a problem because…" Cristina raised her eyebrows.

"You don't understand… this body isn't even mine anymore. I'm a freaking elephant and… I don't know. I can't tell Derek. That's for sure. If he knows we can have sex now and that Addison is actually ordering it… I'll never hear the end of it. He'll never let me come up for air."

Cristina made a face.

"What?" Meredith furrowed her brows.

"I was just picturing two elephants…"

"Cristina!" Meredith yelled, stopping her mid sentence and causing them both to crack up.

Cristina suddenly sobered and looked down at a chart in front of her. Meredith studied her confused a moment before jumping at the unexpected voice behind her.

"Aww there you are!"

Meredith bit her lip. "Oh…hi … Derek…"

"So how was your appointment with Addison this morning? You know I never did get that page you promised. I hope nothings wrong."

Meredith met eyes with Cristina for a moment before turning to face her fiancé.

"Right… about that…um... sorry… I just got really busy today. I scrubbed in on a valve replacement." She smiled proudly, hoping to change the subject.

"So I saw. But you didn't answer my question. How'd the appointment go." Derek folded his arms and tilted his head, faking concern.

"It… went …good." Meredith answered simply, her eyes darting up and down the hall for an escape.

"Uh hu." He said nodding his head. "Anything of importance to share."

"Nope, not really." She answered, crossing her arms to match his stance.

"And the no sex thing?" It was taking every ounce of his self control to not start laughing at Meredith's deer in the headlights look.

She quickly recovered, hoping Derek hadn't noticed and answered cooly. "Ya… about that… Addison said she wanted to check things out again in a couple days before giving us the green light."

"Aha!" Derek shouted pointing at her.

"What?!" Meredith called back surprised.

"You liar! Meredith Grey you are such a liar!"

"What are you talking about!?" Meredith started to panic, and gave Cristina an evil glare when she heard her person start chuckling, obviously amused from the show being put on before her.

"I talked to Addison today…"

Meredith's mouth fell open in shock. "Wh..wh..what? What the hell happened to patient doctor confidentiality?! I'm suing! That's malpractice!"

Derek roared back laughing at Meredith's stammering. "I'm sure she hadn't planned on her patient _lying_ to her fiancé! To his face nonetheless."

"I…wel…its just…she …. and… _shit_!"

"Mmm hmmm." Derek nodded mockingly. "I don't know whether to be upset or offended. The mother of my children… I thought I knew you so well…but it turns out you are a world class liar."

"I am not!" Meredith nibbled on her bottom lip, struggling for a plan to get out her predicament.

Derek sighed but didn't say anything, opting to tilt his head and frown sadly.

"You know Mer." He said softly. "If you don't want to have sex with me… all you had to do was tell me."

Meredith's heart sunk and all of the sudden all she wanted to do was kiss the frown off his beautiful face.

"I'm so sorry Der. It's not that... at all… I was just…" She sighed when she saw his shoulders slouch forward a bit. She smiled and pulled his stiff body into her small arms, reaching on her tip toes to place a soft kiss on his turned down lips. "Come on Der…" She whispered seductively in his ear. "Let's go home and follow doctor's orders."

Derek faked one more sigh and wrapped his arms around her. "Okay." He said softly, his voice still sounding broken.

Meredith slipped an arm around his waste and led him down the hall, determined to make it up to him for lying.

As they walked away, Derek turned around one last time and met Cristina's fascinated stare. He winked quickly before sobering up and turning back around, letting his tiny fiancée lead the way.


	43. Chapter 43

**A/N: Hope you guys didn't think I was neglecting you... just a long weekend and couple of days. But things are going to start to get exciting. This chapter is definitely mature... not really "porny" IMO more amusing.. but again.. if you don't like... just skip ahead.**

* * *

"What are you doing?"

Meredith asked curiously as Derek pushed her off of him pressed her gently down on the bed so she was resting on the pillows.

"You have been pleasing me beyond belief for the last few weeks… now it's my turn to please _you_."

Meredith watched him curiously as he slipped his shirt over his head and dropped his pants shortly after that. He crawled over her stretched out legs in his thin red boxers till he was straddling his body over her thighs. He was careful as he pulled the tight elastic of her maternity pants down her large baby bump and slid them off her legs and tossed them on top of his own discarded clothing.

He turned back to Meredith and couldn't help but grin at her panties. He'd heard horror stories of when women got pregnant and switched to granny underwear, but not Meredith. Her tiny pink thong laid low and barely covered anything, making it a complete turn on.

Derek's eyes darkened as he slid his finger on each side of her thong and pulled them slowly down, tossing them over his shoulder and evoking a small giggle from Meredith.

He took his time as he kissed up her leg, moving past his target to her large round belly and moving her shirt up and over her head. His lips met hers again and she opened her mouth to let his tongue dive deep inside. When she was sufficiently breathless, he moved his tongue slowly down her neck, lingering on the enticing curve of her collar bone.

He nibbled and licked the sexy bone as his hand carefully slid up her smooth leg, not stopping as it teased her thigh and moved to her center, finding it already wet. Meredith moaned as he slipped two fingers easily in to explore her. His lips moved further down at the same time his fingers worked their magic.

Meredith grabbed Derek's head, a fistful of dark locks in each hand as she pulled his face to her breasts. Her bra was easily slid away as Derek took a hard nipple in his mouth, teasing and sucking with his lips and tongue. Just when Meredith thought she could take no more, he released her and moved to her other breast, repeating the process.

Derek continued the rhythm with his fingers until Meredith was moving her hips around desperately and pleading with her eyes.

"Der…" She begged, her voice coming out as a low moan.

Enjoying the pleasure Meredith was feeling, he trailed his kisses further down, passing her large belly and situating himself between her legs. He replaced his fingers with his tongue and went to work sucking and plunging his tongue deep inside her, relishing the way her hips met his face in frantic jerks.

Her back arched as she called out as she could take the sensation no longer and her muscles contracted, her delicious warm wetness increasing, causing Derek to moan himself.

When her shuddering stopped, Derek continued to gently kiss and lick, spending time outside and exploring her folds gently with his tongue. He found the swollen target again and with careful soft bites and pressure, sent her into another round of pleasurable gasps and satisfying spasms.

Derek continued, finding new tricks and spots until Meredith thought she'd pass out. Her heart beat rapidly in her chest and her skin glistened from post orgasm sweat. She pulled Derek back up to meet her lips and kissed him long and hard, still out of breath from her last climax.

"Wow Derek... that was… I think it's a new record."

"Definitely." He grinned.

"I can't wait to brag to Cristina. Eleven in a row. Beat that."

"Oh we can try." Derek replied devilishly, moving back down her body to try to out do his own record.

* * *

Meredith hurried down the hall, suddenly stopping as the top of her extended abdomen began to tighten. She held her breath and waited. _Please get stronger, please bring on the cramping, come on water _break she begged with her body. But just as soon as the sensation had come, in was gone and Meredith dishearteningly chalked it up to another minor Braxton hicks.

She sighed defeated. It didn't matter how much sex or how many times she took the stairs instead of the elevator, nothing was happening. Her baby was comfortable in the little womb and stubbornly refused to make its grand entrance. No matter what she said, no matter what she promised. A pony on its fifth birthday. Its own cell phone when he turned twelve. A Mercedes for her sweet sixteen. Anything, as long as her offspring agreed to quit kicking her bladder and heed its exit, as soon as possible.

Glancing at her watch, Meredith realized she had about fifteen minutes before she needed to get back to work. Smiling a determined smile, she pulled her pager out of her pocket and changed directions. Figuring a quickie might be just the thing to turn her Braxton hicks into full blown labor.

* * *

The shrill sound of Derek's pager in his pocket pulled his attention away from the dreary monotonous meeting he currently found himself sitting in. He ignored the annoyed look Richard Webber shot him, realizing he'd forgotten to put the tiny device on silent when the meeting had begun, but finding that he really didn't care.

It took every ounce of self control to keep his expression serious as he glanced at the interrupting page. He stood and nodded apologies to the stuffed shirts sitting around the table before excusing himself and hurrying out of the board room. As soon as the door shut securely behind him, he let himself grin, reading the page for a second time. Meredith had paged him to an on call room, with no more information than a simple **69**.

Her sneaky pages and invitations for 'at work sex' were becoming more and more frequent. She was desperate to have their baby, finding simple tasks of putting on her shoes or drinking water without getting heartburn impossible. Derek had even walked in on her last night doing lunges, sure that if she jerked the baby around enough her water might break and it'd be time to head to the hospital. But she wasn't so lucky and had turned back to Derek, using him instead to bring on labor.

He wasn't complaining though. He was all for the using. More using he said. He knew all too well that as soon as she gave birth, there'd be six weeks of absolutely nothing while her body healed, and who knew how long after that. Having a newborn was tiring, physically and mentally. Added to that the hormonal changes and extra stress of nursing, he knew it could be a very long while before their sex life kicked back in. So now, he was answering every page and call with an eager smile on his face.

* * *

Derek found the specified room and opened the door quietly, letting the door shut slowly behind him and turning the lock with a satisfying click. He had barely taken two steps into the dim room before Meredith was on him, grabbing his dark blue scrub shirt with her tiny hands and pulling him deeper inside.

He watched as she quickly kicked off her rubber crocks and dropped her pants, panties and all, at the same time she pushed him down on the firm mattress of the lower bunk. As her hands worked hurriedly on his scrub pants drawstrings, he reached up and pulled her face gently down to meet his lips, kissing her softy and passionately.

Meredith swatted him away, earning a confused look from her fiancé. "What was that for?"

"No time for kissing… I only have seven minutes before they'll miss me downstairs. I have a long line of patients waiting to be sutured, and I'd really like to have this baby to get out of it."

Derek could only chuckle, finding the determined look on Meredith's face completely adorable. With the drawstring free, she finally was able to pull down the material, bringing his boxers with them and letting them gather at his ankles, knowing there wasn't time to completely undress him.

Meredith forced him back down on the bed and moved herself over him, her eyes darkening as she grabbed his length in both small hands and began to move purposefully, letting her body rock with the movement.

Derek found Meredith's determination and aggressiveness a complete turn on, only taking him a second to meet her demand. He was immediately hard and Meredith took it as her cue to adjust herself over his awaiting member and lower herself on him.

The sensations were immediate as both let out satisfied moans. Meredith remained in control as she began moving herself back and forth and up and down, finding her spot and focusing the friction there. Derek moved his hands up the top of Meredith's scrub top that she hadn't bothered removing and enjoyed the feeling of her soft flesh in his firm hands.

Slipping a hand under her bra, he cupped her breast and let himself be swept away by the sensation of her wetness around him and the fullness of curves. His eyes wondered back up to her face and the picture of her with a small smile, her eyes half closed in pleasure, was enough to send him over.

Sensing his impeding climax, Meredith began rocking with more purpose and before long both of them were gasping and panting, desperately trying to keep their voices down.

When they had both completely finished, Meredith quickly moved off of him and promptly began dressing. Pulling her panties and scrubs back on and slipping her feet back into her crocks, she swiftly tied her waist band string as she moved towards the door.

Remembering something, she retraced her steps and lowered herself in front of Derek, leaving a hard kiss on his surprised mouth before moving back to the door. She turned to make sure Derek had pulled his pants up, and upon seeing he was satisfactorily clothed, turned and blew him a kiss.

"Thank you."

Before Derek had a chance to respond, she was gone, the door closing softly behind her. Derek could only laugh. Again he had been used. But the only feelings it evoked were ones of complete love and amazement. He didn't mind… Meredith was the love of his life… and if she wanted to, she could use him for the rest of it.


	44. Chapter 44

Meredith sat gently on Derek's side of the bed. He must have been extremely tired because she had been up pacing the room and had even taken two hot showers and he hadn't even stirred. She blamed his exhaustion on herself. She hadn't let him go to sleep before midnight in the last two weeks and was constantly hounding him for sex throughout the day. He had been such a good sport, so supportive and loving throughout this crazy pregnancy and now the reward was about to be received.

"Honey." She nudged him softly.

"Sweetie." She tried again, kissing his cheek.

"Baby." She said louder.

"Derek!" She finally called out, placing both hands on his shoulders and shaking him firmly.

"Wh..what?! Hu?! Sorry! Hold on…" Derek didn't even open his eyes as he reached for Meredith and pulled her down next to him, shifting his body as he clumsily began lowering his pants with one hand and Meredith's with the other.

Meredith slapped his hand away from her pants, the cracking of skin finally waking Derek up completely.

"What?!" He asked shaking his hand out as he blinked his tired eyes and tried to assess the situation.

"I'm not waking you up to have sex you moron…" Meredith grumbled, pulling herself back up to a sitting position. "I'm in labor you idiot!"

If Derek wasn't fully awake before, he now was as he sat up with large eyes.

"Wh…what? Labor? Are you sure?!"

Meredith rolled her eyes and gave him a look that he knew better than to mess with.

He was up and out of bed, circling the room twice before he started stammering.

"My pants! Where are my pants?"

"In the closet." She answered calmly.

"Right." He disappeared in the closet for a moment and returned later with a pair of small denims.

Meredith couldn't help rolling her eyes again as Derek struggled with the article of clothing, completely lost as to why he couldn't get them up past his knees. She let him fight with himself for a minute longer before realization hit that they weren't his pants but Meredith's and he returned to the closet for a pair that fit.

He returned zipping up his jeans and began circling the room again.

"Where's my shirt?" He asked as he opened and closed dresser drawers and crouched down to search under the bed for some bizarre reason.

"In the closet." Meredith repeated, keeping her cool.

"Right." He repeated the same action he had earlier, this time reappearing with a t-shirt on.

"Where's my shoes?"

"Derek! I can not dress you you little ass…….oooowwwweeeee!!!" She cried turning her face from Derek as she squeezed her eyes shut, the intense pain washing over her and taking her breath away.

Derek was at her side in a split second, a hand reassuringly on he back, the other grasped in one of hers.

"Its okay, breath, just breath, that's it…" His voice was calm and soothing, causing tears to prick in Meredith's eyes as the contraction released, enabling Meredith to catch her breath.

"Thank you." She whispered, staring into his calm blue eyes.

"We're having a baby." He answered in awe.

"I know. I can't believe it."

"Neither can I. I love you so much Mer. "

"I love you too." She echoed. "But if you ever loose your cool like that again… I will have to hurt you."

"Deal." He chuckled.

* * *

"Are you sure you're okay? Do you think you can make it to the car?"

Derek asked worried, his eyes searching Meredith's face frantically as she breathed through another contraction. They were definitely increasing in intensity and were now only four minutes apart, and Derek had to admit, he was scared to death.

"Derek..." Meredith hissed between gritted teeth, finally letting the breath out she'd been holding. "I said I'm fine…." She panted a minute before continuing. "Did you tell Izzie we're leaving?"

"Ya… she said not to worry about Hanna… she'd be fine."

Meredith only nodded as she breathed through the next pain, slapping Derek's hand away as he tried to rub her back, only to grab him by his t-shirt a second later and demand that he hold her.

Derek's heart was racing and he had to wipe his sweaty palms on his jeans. This was it. The moment he'd been waiting for his whole life really. He had been deprived of witnessing the birth of Hanna and was bound and determined to make up for it now. If he could only just quit shaking.

As the contraction finally let up on her uterus, Meredith nodded to Derek, signaling she was fine and it was time to go. Derek excitedly grabbed the over night bag, packed and sitting ready by the front door as he led Meredith outside, watching her nervously and hovering beside her, as if she might break at any moment.

"Derek… you need to calm down. The contractions are still about four minutes apart… it's going to be a long night and if you don't get your panties out of a wad... your ass is going to be sore."

"Okay… sorry… right."

Derek nodded seriously causing Meredith to giggle. She had never seen him like this. So scared, so unsure, he was like a little boy and she found it almost enduring. A bit annoying, but enduring nonetheless.

After settling Meredith in the passenger seat of his car and buckling her belt carefully around her protruding belly, he tossed the bag in the trunk and hurried to the driver side. He snuck an apprehensive glance at his laboring fiancée as he started the car and cautiously backed the vehicle from the driveway.

He noticed her grip tighten on the leather upholstery, turning her knuckles white as she let out a soft moan, squeezing her eyes shut once again as the next contraction hit. It drove Derek crazy seeing her in such pain and not knowing what to do, not being able to take it all away. He watched with tensed eyes as she breathed in and out quickly, making soft hee hee hoo hoo noises, wishing somehow it was him hurting and not the woman he loved.

Derek turned his eyes back to the road in time to swerve the car, barely avoiding a stray cat, and causing Meredith to jerk in her seat.

"Deerrreeekkk!" She complained, placing a hand on her aching stomach.

He moved his lips in a sheepish gesture and shook his head.

"I'm so sorry Mer… I didn't mean…"

He was cut off by a shrill scream, echoing through the dark car and causing Derek to step on the gas and increase his speed.

"Derek…Derek...I think my water just…. Oh my…!!!!!!!" Meredith screamed out again, causing Derek's heart to quicken its pace even faster and sweat to reach his brow.

"Are you sure Mer? Just hold on… we should be there in ten minutes. It's okay." Derek replied, his voice shaking with panic.

"No! No! It's not okay... oh shit… I have to puuuuusssshhhh!"

"What?! You can't push Mer... whatever you do you can't push!"

"Tell that to my booodddddyyyy!" Meredith screamed again, her calm long forgotten and fear and terror replacing it quickly.

Derek glanced down and noticed Meredith's pants were soaked and her face was full of alarm. They weren't going to make it. He'd have to pull over and do this himself.

As the car pulled to the side of the road and slowed its ascent, Meredith looked up worried with a questioning look on her sweaty face.

"What are you doing?! Why are we stopping?! Owe... owe.. owie… this hurts soo baaaddd!!!!" She continued to scream as Derek parked his car on the side of a deserted dimly lit street and hurried around to her side, his hands shaking out of control and pulse echoing in his ears.

"Mer… you need to lie down in the back seat. Do you think you can move?"

Meredith shook her head as yet another contraction engulfed her. They were right on top of each other and he knew they needed to hurry.

Making up his mind, he reached over her rock hard stomach and undid her safety belt, reaching one arm behind her back, the other securely under her knees. With very little effort, he scooped her from the front seat, and careful not to jar her unnecessarily, laid her gently across the back seat, kneeling in front of her on the damp street as he gently removed her soaked pants and underwear.

He gasped as the sight of a tiny foot met him, causing dreadful chills to run the course of his body.

"What?! What's wrong Derek? What's going on?" Meredith demanded through her sobs.

"Nothing. Everything's okay baby. Everything's going to be just fine. But you're going to have to trust me. Okay… do you trust me baby?"

Meredith nodded through her tears, her panic being checked by Derek's calm voice and composed meaner, a stark contrast to the man of only moments earlier.

"Ya.. " She panted. "I trust you baby."

"Okay, Mer. I love you…I love you so much. You can do this."

"I love you too Derek…but what are you talking about… what's going on?"

"The baby's right foot is presenting babe. Its footling breach. And if we don't get it out now, the cord may get stuck and cut off its oxygen. We need to be careful… but we need to hurry. Now I'm going to tell you what to do… and you're going to need to listen very carefully. Can you do that Mer?"

Meredith nodded. The pain was extreme and the need to push was overpowering, but she could do this. She could do this for her baby. Most importantly… she could do this for Derek.


	45. Chapter 45

**A/N: Sorry for the delay in getting this up.. hope it was worth the wait. On a side note, there's not much left to this story... as if you couldn't tell... but I have a brand new one that will start when this is officially over that I'm excited about and confident you all will like as well. Again, thanks for all the amazing support and reviews.. you're the best.**

* * *

"Listen to me Meredith…I'm going to get my kit…please... do not push… whatever you do…just don't push. Breathe through the urge, just blow it out." Derek instructed as he hurried to the back of his car, retrieving his doctor's supplies he kept in the trunk for emergencies. And nothing ever qualified more as an emergency then this did.

He pushed a speed dial button on his cell phone and cradled the receiver to his ear as he searched through the kit with his hands. A deep sleepy voice on the other end of the phone answered after four rings.

"Hello?"

"Mark! I need to talk to Addison! Mer's having the baby and we're on the side of the road somewhere and the foot's presenting."

"Who's this?" His drowsy friend asked groggily, still apparently half asleep.

"It's Derek you dick head! Give the phone to Addie!"

Derek heard shuffling on the other end as he retrieved a pair of sterile latex gloves, some clean clothes, and other items that he knew he would need.

"Derek?! What's going on?" Addison finally answered, sounding much more awake and alert then her husband.

"Mer's having the baby. We're not going to make it to the hospital. The baby's breach, the right foot is already hanging out… I'm going to have to do this now but I need you to get me an ambulance and call ahead to the hospital to let them know we're coming."

He could tell Addison was flustered, but she answered in her best calm doctor voice. "Okay. No problem Derek… are you sure you know what to do?" Addison couldn't help but worry.

"Yes I'm sure." Derek groaned. "Just do what I told you."

Derek gave quick directions to where his car was located so the ambulance crew could find them and then tossed his phone to the side, directing all his attention on Meredith and their impatient baby trying to make its entrance into the world backwards.

"How you doing babe?" Derek asked concerned, seeing Meredith's face red with pain and sweat dripping off her brow.

"Fine…good…" She answered through painful breaths.

Derek reached his hand up and moved some wet hair out of her face, giving a calm reassuring smile for her benefit.

"Everything's going to be fine Mer. We'll have our little baby out in no time." He leaned over and placed a soft kiss on her damp forehead before pulling back and looking deep into her eyes.

"You ready?"

Meredith only nodded as she arched her back in pain, the excruciating sensations almost causing her to black out.

Derek slipped his gloves on quickly as he positioned himself directly between Meredith's legs. With one hand he gently held on firmly to the tiny purple foot while with the other he slipped two fingers up her, trying to tell as much as possible about the other foots position.

He smiled as he felt the small foot in his hand try to jerk free, reassuring him that for now, the baby was getting enough oxygen and they weren't too late. He was relieved to find the other foot was near her cervix, and with very little effort he was able to pull it gently, enabling it to join its pair outside of its mother.

Two tiny perfect little feet, five toes each, protruded from Meredith and Derek couldn't help to think how beautiful they were. He grasped his child by its tiny ankles in his left hand as his right hand rested flatly on Meredith's stretched skin.

"Okay Mer…I'm going to need you to push. Gently at first, let's see what it does."

Meredith nodded and obeyed, bringing her chin to her chest as she bore down, remembering to push slowly to let the baby adjust to the new sensation.

The legs slid easily out as Derek carefully pulled, meeting the effort of Meredith's push.

"You're doing perfect babe… absolutely perfect Mer…a little harder….that's right….the hips are coming out right now."

Derek's eyes teared as Meredith gasped and bit back a small scream. The rest of the body slid out, up to the infant's armpits and Derek let out a sob of joy.

"It...It's a boy Mer!" Derek cried, tears now streaming freely down his face.

Meredith lifted her head to see but to no avail and sat back, letting her own tears streak her cheeks, the emotion a mixture of pure jubilation and extreme pain.

"Okay Mer… this is going to be the hard part. But you can do it. You're the most amazing woman I have ever met and I have no doubt in my mind that you can do this. Are you ready? Only a few more big pushes and we'll have our baby boy in our arms."

Meredith nodded again and resumed her position. Hands grasping the leather upholstery and chin tucked down ready to push.

Derek forced himself to regain his composure, knowing that this was the scary part. He needed to hurry before the umbilical chord was clamped for too long and he needed to make sure he didn't injure his fragile newborn's neck.

He instructed her to push, a deep long one, counting out loud as he maneuvered his son's shoulders out. First one, then the other.

There was hardly any time and he instructed again, his voice rushed and firm. "Again Mer! You need to push hard… harder! Just like that!"

The small round head was finally pushed free and Derek's tears multiplied. He held in his hands the tiniest most perfect little creature that he'd ever laid eyes on.

Grabbing the clean towels he had ready, he settled the still baby on Meredith's stomach as they both went to work, furiously rubbing and stimulating, trying to get their baby boy to cry.

Fear grasped Derek's chest and panic screamed in his ears. He needed his perfect baby boy to breathe. He needed to hear the priceless sound of a newborn shrill.

"Come on baby! Breathe for mommy! Come on..." Meredith's terrified voice echoed in the alarming silence as Derek aspirated his tiny baby's nose and mouth, his skin a horrifying bluish tint.

Derek didn't know how much time had passed but the dread began to set in. He couldn't do this. He was a doctor. He couldn't loose his own son. He wouldn't.

Derek closed his eyes in desperation for a split second when he heard the most beautiful sound he had ever experienced in his entire life.

His eyes shot open and settled on his son, the blue skin quickly giving way to a comforting pink. His dark eyes were alert and his mouth set open in an angry scream, his tiny nostrils flaring at his rude welcoming.

"I can't believe it... he's so beautiful Derek… I just can't believe it." Meredith sobbed as she held her son close, Derek layering clean dry rags on top of mother and baby.

"He's perfect Mer. Absolutely perfect." Derek's voice cracked but he didn't care.

This was without a doubt the best moment of his life. His heart swelled and lip trembled slightly as he looked down on his beautiful fiancée and the gorgeous baby boy she had given him.

Meredith lifted her gaze from the newborn to meet Derek's stare. His blue eyes were like the ocean, his emotion resembling a stormy sea. The silent night was being shattered by their infants determined screams as a soft drizzle began to fall.

Everything was perfect. The moment. Their baby. Their love. Derek rested a strong hand under their baby, and leaned forward to kiss his son for the first time.

The screaming ceased as the sweet infant gazed up into his fathers eyes. The bond was immediate and Derek wiped at the tears that continued to fall.

"I love you." Meredith whispered, not wanting to disturb the moment.

"I love you too." Derek finally looked away from the tiny face that had captured his attention and met Meredith's shining green eyes. "Thank you Mer. Thank you for two perfect children… for my family. I love you so much."

Derek couldn't speak anymore, the emotion taking hold of his voice. Instead he leaned forward carefully and captured Meredith's lips in his. They pressed their mouths firmly against one another's as their tears fell, mixing together in a cry of joy.

After a moment, Derek finally pulled back and both mother and father basked in the silence, gazing down at the perfect creature they had created together. The sound of sirens in the distance began to grow, signaling the ambulance was almost there. Derek sighed and sat back up, brushing the damp gravel that clung to his soaked jeans as he assessed the situation.

There were still a few things that needed to be done with the umbilical chord and afterbirth, so Derek took a deep breath, switching back into doctor mode as the ambulance pulled up beside him and a couple paramedics jumped out.

He cleared his throat and barked orders, the younger men immediately obeying, seeing that the dark haired man knew what he was doing and accepting the fact that he was now in charge. Derek turned his back to the commotion for a moment and tilted his head to the sky. The soft rain bathed his hot skin in a cool mist and he struggled to keep his emotions in check.

He was a surgeon. He saved lives and worked miracles everyday. But this… this was so much bigger. He had just helped the woman he loved more than life itself bring a tiny little person into the world with his own two hands. This… this was what life was about. This feeling that was consuming him was worth everything that he and Meredith had been put through. He didn't think it was possible, but his love and connection to Meredith strengthened tenfold that quiet night on that dimly lit street; and he knew that as long as they were together, as long as they had each other, they would make it through anything else life decided to throw their way.


	46. Chapter 46

"But boys are icky daddy." Hanna insisted for the umpteenth time that morning.

"I promise Hanna… this boy is definitely not icky…he's your baby brother and you're going to love him." Derek reassured.

"Nu uh... Emdie… my bestest friend in the whole wide world said boys have cuties."

Derek sighed as he held on to Hanna's small hand with one of his and brought the other to his face to release the tension on the bridge of his nose with his thumb and first finger. He was tired, exhausted. Neither he nor Meredith had gotten much sleep the night before.

After reaching the hospital via ambulance, they had been rushed up to the obstetrics floor and both mother and infant were thoroughly examined. Of course they both checked out okay, he had reminded the doctors and nurses repeatedly that he was a brain surgeon after all. He cut brains in half and completed successful stand still operations, how hard could delivering a baby on the side of the road really be.

That had earned numerous eye rolls and death glares from Meredith, who fondly remembered just how panicked he'd been when she woke him and how he couldn't even dress himself properly. He had a feeling he would never live that down and she'd be sure to not let him forget it.

In spite of the fatigue and long night he'd endured, Derek found himself smiling. After finally being left alone in the room with his Meredith and his brand new son, they were able to sit back and reflect on the miraculous event that had just occurred. Their love had made this tiny perfect human being and nothing could ever change that. He had enjoyed watching the pure joy on Meredith's glowing face as she looked down on her son with such love and patience. It was then that she had looked up and frowned at him that this wasn't right. Hanna needed to be there. They needed their daughter for the moment to be complete.

And so Derek had dutifully driven home, borrowing Addison's car as Mark had taken his to the detailers for him, to see what could be salvaged of the upholstery. Hanna was already up and ready, bouncily waiting for him on the front porch when he'd arrived home, eager to meet her new baby.

Derek sighed again remembering how her little face had fallen when he announced she had a new baby _brother_. Her brow furrowed and she pursed her small lips as she explained that she had wanted a baby sister. And the debate had ensued.

He spent the whole car ride over explaining how much fun a brother would be and that not all boys were mean and this baby boy most definitely would not put a frog in her lunch box. Well, at least not for a few more years, he thought with a chuckle.

"Boys do not have cuties princess." Derek replied, stepping off the elevator at their destination, eager to get Meredith's back up. She was much better had talking her strong willed daughter out of things like this.

"Okay Hanna, you're going to have to use your quiet voice in mommy's room okay? Mommy's real tired and so is your baby brother."

"But I wanted a sister." Hanna insisted again, causing Derek to shake his head defeated.

They reached the room quickly and Derek pushed the heavy door open quietly, leading Hanna in beside him. They crossed the dim room to the large bed in the center where Meredith had dozed off, the small bundle still resting peacefully in her arms.

The quiet commotion caused Meredith to stir and she blinked her eyes open, smiling immediately as they settled on her young daughter, her eyes wide in awe.

"Hi Hanna, do you want to meet your new little brother?" She asked softly.

Derek braced himself for Hanna's reaction but was surprised to hear her quiet intimidated reply. "Yes mama."

Derek easily lifted the young girl so she perched carefully on the oversized bed. Her eyes were trained on the dark haired infant, a sweet small smile playing at her lips.

"He's so tiny mama." Hanna whispered.

Both Meredith and Derek smiled, the calm and gentle behaviors such a stark contrast to her usual manner around them.

"You can touch him Hanna." Meredith encouraged. "And talk to him too… he'll remember your voice from when you used to talk to him in my tummy."

Hanna reached a tentative arm out to touch his tiny hand. His small fingers instantly grasped her outstretched finger eliciting a delightful gasp from his big sister.

"He's holding my hand mama!" Her voice rose, more common to the hyper tone they were used to, producing chuckles from her parents.

"What's his name?" Hanna tilted her head and looked back up at her parents.

Derek smiled and nodded to Meredith, letting her know she should make the official introduction.

"I want you to meet Michael Grey Shepherd. Mikey… meet your big sister Hanna."

Hanna giggled and softly moved her finger, delighting in how Mikey didn't loosen his grip one bit.

"Hi Mikey…" Hanna began in a high pitched sing song voice. "I'm your big sissy. I'm going to teach you how to talk and ride a bike and we're going to build a tree house together at daddy's silver house and we're going to be best friends forever and ever and ever…."

Hanna continued sharing with her new brother all the millions of fun things they were going to do together as Derek smiled relieved, his tiredness and exhaustion beginning to settle in. He slipped off his shoes and climbed into the bed, pulling Hanna on his lap as Meredith snuggled in to his side, Mikey sleeping contently in her arms. He was complete. He had his family.

Derek closed his eyes and let himself drift off into a light sleep. It was the first time in his life, that sleep came and he could honestly say he had everything he had ever dreamed of. Everything... and so much more.

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**A/N: There will be one more chapter to follow.. and epilogue... but this is basically the end. Thanks so much for staying with me through this LONG ride... it was definitely longer than I'd ever anticipated.. and I can honestly say that I've met some amazing people through this story.**

**My new one is titled... From the Beginning... so please look for it sometime this week... I promise if you give it a try you just might like it! Thanks again and lots of love.**


	47. Chapter 47

**I am SO SO SO sorry for the delay in this. I know some people thought I abandoned this... or was just being rude and forgetting about it..but definitely not the case. Just a bit of brain freeze trying to come up with the perfect ending. But I'm satisfied that I found this. Thank you all for your patience and support throughout this story. It's been fun. But all good things must come to an ned. So here is the epilogue.. the final chapter... the conclusion. I hope I don't dissapoint.**

**For anyone interested... I'm starting another story... "From the Beginning" I'll add it after this update so it should be easy to find if you want to read. I'm excited about it and hope to see you guys over there! Thanks again.**

* * *

"Dr. Shepherd… here are the scans you asked for."

"Thank you….. yep… there it is… just as I suspected… it's small but it's there. Do you see it pressed against the temporal lobe? We're going to have to operate. Good job Dr. Jones. You and Williams can scrub in and observe. Book the OR and prep the patient."

"Yes Dr. Shepherd. Thank you!" The eager intern hurried out of the office and down the hall, causing Meredith to shake her head.

It seemed like ages ago that she was a young intern, eager to learn, desperate to cut. It was now a fading memory as her days were occupied with balancing the steady stream of out of state consults and international transfers, all eager to be included in the ground breaking research that she and Derek, together with a team of scientist they had collected, were busily undertaking.

The butterflies took flight in her stomach as she thought about the project they had been focusing on the last few years. It was something near and dear to their hearts and they were so close. They only waited on the final test results and analyses from the FDA, do back any day.

Meredith's pager went off interrupting her thoughts and causing her to stand from the large chair she sat lazily in behind her desk. Glancing down at her pager, she smiled and hurried out of her office.

"Have a good after noon Dr. Shepherd." Her secretary greeted, only glancing up from her computer screen briefly before looking back at the busy schedule on the screen she was trying to organize.

Meredith nodded, hurrying down the hall, her nervousness growing as she crossed the corridor to the Chief of Surgeries office. Not bothering to knock, Meredith pushed the door open and stepped inside.

She found Derek behind his desk, his blue eyes fixed on her, his expression unreadable. Twenty years later, she still found him breathtakingly handsome. His salt and pepper hair was just as addictive and the fine lines that sketched his face made him even more attractive.

"Did it come?"

He slowly nodded, still giving nothing away as he stared at her.

Meredith crossed the room and moved behind his desk, settling herself carefully unto his offered lap. Their bodies were definitely anything but young, but the love and intimacy they held for each other was just as youthful and fresh as the first time they had laid eyes on one another.

Derek finally produced a long vanilla envelope. The one they'd painstakingly been waiting for for weeks. Her breath caught in her throat as she turned to face her husband.

"You open it."

Derek nodded, removing a fancy gold letter opener from the top drawer of his desk and carefully sliding it under the sealed end. With shaky hands, not from age but from anticipation, he removed the folded papers, and together their eyes scanned the notes.

Meredith felt her heart begin to race and her eyes glossed over. Was she reading it right?

"Derek." She whispered. "I need you to tell me. I need you to say it."

"Mer." His voice was laced with emotion and she turned to see tears in his own eyes. "We did it."

Now her lip trembled and she could no longer hold in her sob. It couldn't be. Fifteen years of research. Fifteen years of sweat and blood and dedication, their family's lifetime, and it had finally paid off. They held the answer to so many unanswered prayers from all around the world in their hands.

Derek wrapped his arms around his beautiful wife and held her, rocking her back and forth as they cried together. This was big. Huge. But more so for her than anyone else. This was something that hit Meredith close to home and he couldn't believe that they had finally done it.

"Mer." He whispered in her ear, pushing back a strand of her blond hair that had only began to show traces of grey in the last year or so. "We should go tell them."

Meredith nodded, wiping her tears as she stared into the love of her life's eyes. She moved her fingers to his face and traced his soft lines. Her favorites were the ones by his eyes, she knew they were there from the years of smiling encouragement and love down on her; from smiling affectionately down on Hanna, letting her know how special she was to him like just last month when she announced her engagement to a choice young man in med school; from smiling overcome by pride for his son Mikey, after each high school base ball game or mathematician award in college; enjoying every bit of their last twenty years together.

Her thumbs smoothed the wrinkles back, getting a glimpse of the young dark haired man she had fallen in love with all those years ago. She removed her fingers and smiled contently. She loved her husband. Even more than when she had officially said I Do in a large church on their wedding day decades ago. They had grown and aged together and there was not a second of that time that she would change.

Finally regaining control of her emotions she took a breath and nodded, standing slowly from Derek's lap as he followed her to the door.

They walked slowly down the hall, towards their destination. Meredith could hardly contain her excitement as Derek grinned widely, the reality of everything setting in. He reached over and grabbed his wife's small hand in his large weathered one, a rare gesture they hardly ever shared, especially in the halls of the hospital. Meredith squeezed his hand back, feeling young again. Feeling reborn.

They stopped in front of the intended hospital room and, sharing one last look of encouragement, stepped inside. They paused at the door, blinking their eyes to adjust to the dimness of the room before noticing their dear friend sitting in a chair to the side of the bed, a medical journal in hand.

"Well if it isn't the Shepherds?" He greeted cordially, his dark face creased from time and black hair invaded by grey.

"Preston." They both responded, keeping their emotions in check.

All three of them then turned to the sleeping form on the bed. Age hadn't touched her smooth face, her slanted eyes rested in a peaceful sleep. The only indication that their friendship spanned decades was from the hostile way they knew she would greet them when she woke.

As if on cue, her eyes blinked open and immediately settled on the two visitors. A frown crossed her features and Cristina retorted.

"Well if it isn't the dream team. To what do we owe this honor? You want to cut my brain open some more for your research?"

The room chuckled, knowing that Cristina was only half serious. Meredith and Derek exchanged a glance and Cristina and Burke suddenly sobered. He rose from his chair to join her on her bed and clasped her hand, knowing the two doctors bore some news.

"What is it? Just tell me. Rip the bandaid off. I've been dealing with this off and on for fifteen years. Trust me… I can take it." Cristina's eyes were serious and guarded, expecting the worse.

Derek placed a supportive hand on the small of his wife's back, encouraging her to go ahead. This project had been her baby, had been her dream. He had only supported her and helped when she had needed it.

"Cris…" Meredith's voice broke and she had to swallow a few times before being able to continue. "Cris, we got the results back. Just now. Everything checks out. We have the FDA's full backing and support. The drugs were successful. Your brain cancer is gone. And Cris… it's not coming back this time. We did. We found the cure for cancer."

The silence that filled the room was almost tangible. No one wanted to speak, no one could move. Tears filled her dear friend's eyes as Meredith nervously chewed on her bottom lip, a habit she had yet to drop and was sure she'd take with her to the grave. Cristina's thin frail arms moved up and gestured towards Meredith, drawing her close.

Unsure, Meredith carefully perched herself on the opposite side of the bed as Preston, curious to what her best friend would do. Cristina's small arms opened wider and Meredith fell in, wrapping her own arms, much stronger around the delicate body. They held each other, unashamed tears falling as they basked in the unbelievable miracle.

Derek and Preston both blinked fast, unable to control the tears but both too manly to want to cry in front of the other. Soon, Cristina released Meredith and they stared at each other, unsure of what to say next.

"So I bet now you think you're a hot shot doctor… curing cancer and all." Cristina retorted, lightening the mood.

"I'll try not to let it go to my head." Meredith answered, rolling her eyes.

Derek cleared his throat from across the room, gaining both women's attention.

"I hate to break this up… but there are things that need to be done Mer… I have a feeling this is going to get out soon… we're going to need to talk to our representatives about Press conferences and how to handle the media."

Meredith nodded, knowing he was right. Last year when they had been nominated for the Nobel Prize in Physics the hospital had became a circus and their whole family's life had been turned upside down. They had taken precautions this time the closer they got to the cure, and hoped to manage everything a little better. Hoped things would go smoother.

Meredith glanced one more time at her friend, tears still streaming down both of their faces as Cristina nodded, letting Meredith know she should go and deal with everything.

Derek and Meredith crossed the room together and turned at the door watching with large smiles as Preston held his wife in his arms, rocking her back and forth while whispering in her ear. Even more miraculous was the fact that Cristina let him, her own arms wrapped around his, her face stretched in a rare smile.

They quietly exited the room, pulling the door shut behind them. They stood still a moment, still trying to wrap their minds around the magnitude of what they had done, of what they had accomplished.

"So you should call Mike and let him know…I'll call Hanna and warn her. Then we should talk to the men upstairs… they'll of course be thrilled out of their mind… all the publicity the hospital will get for this… and we should call your sisters… they'll want to know…And I should definitely call George and Callie… I think they're back from their trip to Australia…"

"Mer…"

"And then there's the whole press conference deal… I really don't want to be on the news again… I looked so old last time… the lighting was awful and Hanna even called and said that it looked like I had bags under my eyes… so you'll definitely have to take that one… oh and I almost forgot…"

"Mer!"

"What?"

"You are right. We have a million things to do. But first, there's something that I have to do… and it's _really_ important."

"What Derek?! I've covered everything… if you want to tell Mark I'm sure he's downstairs…"

Meredith was finally silenced as Derek's strong lips covered hers. His arms wrapped around her body and he pulled her close, his hands holding her tight in a lover's embrace. Meredith's arms instinctively went around Derek's neck, her hands getting lost in his soft hair. Their deep kiss lasted a few minutes more before they finally pulled away, their need for oxygen too strong to make out with each other like when they were younger.

A few whistles and catcalls echoed through the hall and nurses station as Meredith blushed profusely, discovering they weren't at all alone but smack dab in one of the busiest hallways of the hospital.

"Okay people! Show's over! Back to work! You're going to have to watch me kiss my beautiful wife some other time." Derek ordered, the younger doctor's and nurses jumping into action at the demand of their boss.

Derek then turned to his wife, his smile wide and deep lines creased across his face. "I'm so proud of you Mer. You did it."

"_We _did it. We did it together. I could have never done this with out you Der. And I don't just mean this research. I mean everything. My life. I would probably still be wandering the streets, not even knowing my own name. It's because of you Derek. You are the reason I'm alive today. You are my reason for living. I love you so much."

Tears gathered in the corner of Derek's aged eyes. "I love you too Mer. I still can't believe how lucky I am to have had the amazing life you gave me. Two perfect children… years of happiness and love. I can't express my gratitude to you in words Mer… but just know… _you_ are my life. _You _are my reason to live. And I love you so much."

The two happy doctors stood in the middle of the hall, staring deeply into each others eyes as their hands clasped tightly together. Relishing in their past, relishing in the present, and looking forward to a long future ahead. This was what true happily ever after's were made of.

**THE END**


End file.
